Season 3 as I have it
by Stew Pid
Summary: You may consider the genre deceptive, I didn't know how to label it and I don't know how to summarize it beyond the title. The rating is just to be safe, but I think the content is safe too. You'll just have to take a chance if you want.
1. The Words Dont Come Easily

By Stew Pid Rating: I think everyone could read it. I used the word "ass" but so does the WB. Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything—they're great. Whatever's mine is Stew Pid. 

(Lorelai and Rory walking after Sookie's wedding.)

Rory: Wow.

Lorelai: Yep.

Rory: I'm sorry, mom.

Lorelai: Me too. (Lorelai puts an arm around Rory and kisses her head.)

Rory: Well, I'm going to be a sister.

Lorelai: Yeah, this is going to be way cool. 

Rory: I hope it's a girl. I always wanted a baby sister.

Lorelai: Wouldn't it be cooler if it were a boy, and then whenever he came over to visit we could dress him like a girl and pretend he was your baby sister.

Rory: No not cooler, crueler. We can't be too mean. I'd hate to be the cruel sister no one wants to visit.

Lorelai: Well I didn't say you had to be the cruel one. I'm fully competent for the job myself.

Rory: I'm afraid that I might become jealous of him…her…it. 

Lorelai: Don't worry. After I'm done with him you'll just feel sorry for him.

Rory: Mom, I'm serious now.

Lorelai: Oh, okay, right. Look, I know how you feel. I guess I'm a bit jealous myself. There's nothing wrong with wrong feelings as long as you don't act on them.

(They pass by Luke's and see Luke and Jess cleaning up.)

Lorelai: Hey, Jess is back.

Rory: (uncomfortably) I know. I bumped into him at the wedding.

Lorelai: Is that why you came running at the last minute for the ceremony?

Rory: I came in good time.

Lorelai: So how is he?

Rory: He seemed okay.

Lorelai: You didn't ask? You didn't talk to him?

Rory: Not long. I was running late, remember.

Lorelai: So what did you say?

Rory: I asked him why he came back.

Lorelai: And…

Rory: He said he just wanted to.

Lorelai: Jess wanted to come back here?

Rory: Apparently.

Lorelai: Why?

Rory: I don't know. He didn't say.

Lorelai: You didn't ask him?

Rory: No. 

Lorelai: So what did you ask him?

Rory: I told you.

Lorelai: And that's it.

Rory: That's it.

Lorelai: Why'd you come back? Wanted to. Okay well, bye. Bye. Interesting conversation.

Rory: Well, I wasn't expecting to see him just then. I wasn't very verbal, and he himself said the verbal thing comes and goes with him.

Lorelai: Okay. Okay. I was just wondering. Gee.

Rory: Gee? Gee what?

Lorelai: Gee, talking to you has never been like pulling teeth. Jess must be starting to rub off on you.

Rory: Would you stop that! There's nothing between me and Jess. How many times do I have to tell you that?

Lorelai: Okay. I got it. Let's just get off the subject.

Rory: Yes. Let's.

Lorelai: You need some coffee.

Rory: No, I do not need coffee.

Lorelai: If you're turning down coffee, then yes you need some coffee. 

Rory: What about your problem with Luke?

Lorelai: I don't have a problem with Luke.

Rory: Fine, Luke's problem with you.

Lorelai: He's not going to be able to resist me in this dress.

(They go into Luke's. Luke, Jess, and Rory flinch in discomfort.)

Lorelai: Hello Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore. (He and Luke exchange looks. Jess exhales and drops his head a little) Look. I'm really sorry about Rory's wrist and about the car and about whatever I did to you and Luke. (Luke abruptly looks up. Jess gives him a hard stare.) I'm sorry.

Lorelai: Well, I'll accept that. 

(Jess nods and takes his jacket.)

Jess: I'm done here.

Luke: Where are you going?

Jess: (sighs again under his breath) I don't know, but there aren't really many options here.

Luke: Hey, this time it was your choice.

Jess: I know. I'm not complaining.

Luke: Well good. You're opening up tomorrow morning.

(Jess nods and gives a general wave.)

Lorelai: So you've been talking to Jess about us.

Luke: No. I didn't know there was anything to talk about. I told you I'm fine.

Lorelai: Whatever. 

Rory: May I get some coffee please.

Luke: Coming right up.

Rory: Make that two.

Luke: Okay.

(The silence is deafening as Rory and Lorelai drink their coffee.)

Luke: So how was the wedding?

(Lorelai remains silent looking into her coffee mug as if assuming the question was directed to Rory. Rory looks at her mother warily.)

Luke: Lorelai?

(Lorelai looks up with a fake smile)

Luke: Weren't you the maid of honor?

Lorelai: Yes, I was.

Luke: So how was the wedding?

Lorelai: Great.

Rory: Jackson wore a kilt.

Luke: I'm trying to fight the visual.

Lorelai: It'll come when you've let your guard down and haunt you for the rest of your life. You'll never be able to look at him without laughing.

Rory: She literally laughed at him the whole time. Even in the middle of the ceremony she kept giggling.

Lorelai: Hey, it came at the right time.

Luke: What's that supposed to mean?

Lorelai: Nothing. Well, we better get going. Thanks Luke (she says that with extra meaning).

Luke: Good night. And if you see Jess out there tell him to get back here. I forgot I have some things for him to do.

Lorelai: Okay. You got it.

Luke: Oh and Lorelai…

Lorelai: Yes.

Luke: You look really nice.

Lorelai: Thank you.

Luke: You too, Rory. I mean, it's practically the same dress. And the differences suit you better. Not that I know much about women's dresses and how they match or anything…

Rory: Thanks, Luke.

Luke: Yeah.

(They walk out.)

Lorelai: I told you he wouldn't be able to resist me in this dress. I just might wear it tomorrow.

Rory: Oh boy. Here it goes.

Lorelai: And to your graduation. Is it too much? Maybe I'll wear it to the airport when you go to Washington. I always wanted to pick up a pilot.

Rory: She's going to keep going.

Lorelai: I can wear it to take you for your first day at Harvard. They'd be even more impressed with you if you came with me in this dress. Hey, I can wear it again to your wedding. 

Rory: That might be reason enough for me never to marry.

Lorelai: Hey, I look so hot in this, I just might wear it every day.

Rory: Oh no. This starts a new train.

Lorelai: Of course, it'd start to stink. I'd have to wash it.

Rory: You know what, I don't have to listen to you. I can just tune you out. Nope. I can't hear you anymore.

Lorelai: But if I wash it too many times, it'll start to fade. It'll get thin. One day, I'll be thinking I must look really hot because all these men are staring at me, and then I'll realize the dress has become transparent.

Rory: Some people wouldn't fight that visual.

Lorelai: I'll take that as a compliment.

Rory: Suit yourself.

Lorelai: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Rory: Nothing.

Lorelai: I'll have you know…hey, isn't that Jess over there?

(points towards the bridge)

Rory: Oh yeah.

Lorelai: Well didn't Luke ask us to give him a message?

Rory: We could tell Luke we didn't see him.

Lorelai: Is it just me or are you avoiding him? Did something happen? Did that punk do something to hurt you?

Rory: No, no. I'm not avoiding him. Look, fine. I'll give him the message.

Lorelai: I'll be here.

Rory: Okay.

(Approaching Jess as he is reading.)

Rory: Jess.

Jess: Rory.

Rory: Luke wanted me to tell you that he needs you back at the diner. He has some things he needs you to do.

Jess: Okay. Is that all?

Rory: Look, I know we have to talk, but my mom is waiting for me over there, so now is not the time.

Jess: Okay.

Rory: I just came to give you the message.

Jess: Okay.

Rory: So what are you reading?

Jess: I thought you just came to give me the message.

Rory: Right. I did.

Jess: If you want to talk, then talk.

Rory: I can't now.

Jess: Okay then.

(He gets up and starts to walk away.)

Rory: I didn't mean to do that. It didn't mean anything.

Jess: Those sentences are very different.

Rory: I know… You caught me off guard. I was glad to see you. I had just left my dad. He and my mom were supposed to get back together, although that didn't work out but anyway. It was Sookie's wedding. I was with Dean. I wasn't thinking straight. 

Jess: Okay.

Rory: So it didn't mean anything. I'm still with Dean. I love Dean.

Jess: Right. Okay.

Rory: Would you stop saying that?

Jess: What would you like me to say, Gilmore?

Rory: I don't know, but not just 'okay.' Try, I understand, Rory. Don't worry about it, really. Or then tell me I'm a horrible person, yell at me, inflict horrible physical pain on me. (Jess stares at her, unmoved)…Did it mean anything to you?

Jess: Does it matter?

Rory: You can't answer a question with a question.

Jess: I believe I just did.

Rory: Jess, don't be angry with me.

Jess: I'm not angry. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to carry out your message.

(Rory returns to Lorelai)

Lorelai: What was all that?

Rory: All what? You heard?

Lorelai: No, but I assume it was more than Luke says to get your ass back to the diner because he needs you to do some things.

Rory: We were just talking about Sookie's wedding.

Lorelai: Jess was interested in Sookie's wedding?

Rory: I don't know if he was but I can still talk about it, can't I?

Lorelai: Gee.

Rory: There it goes again. Is that the same Gee?

Lorelai: Yes it is.

Rory: So are we going to drop it again.

Lorelai: You think we should?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Okay. For now.

Rory: For now?

Lorelai: For now.

(Independence Inn)

Michel: If you call one more time, I am going to cut off my hand and have the cook serve it as tonight's surprise entrée. (passes the phone to Lorelai)

Lorelai: Hi Sookie! Why aren't you enjoying your honeymoon?

Sookie: Oh I am, trust me.

Lorelai: Whoa. Don't give any more information. So why are you calling?

Sookie: Don't you guys miss me?

Lorelai: Well, you're not really giving us a chance here, are you?

Sookie: Okay, well is everything okay?

Lorelai: Couldn't be better, unless you were here.

Sookie: Chris still around?

Lorelai: Right, yeah, I'm going to have to talk to you about that one when you get back.

Sookie: Just tell me, it didn't work out?

Lorelai: No.

Sookie: Why?

Lorelai: Sherry's pregnant and now Chris has decided to do the right thing. His morality really has bad timing. 

Sookie: Oh, poor thing. Are you okay?

Lorelai: Actually, yeah. So listen you, get back to your honeymoon. That's an order.

Sookie: Okay sweetie. You're going to be all right?

Lorelai: Of course, but if you call one more time and Michel does cut off his hand and gets on disability, I'm going to be very angry with you, missy.

Sookie: (giggling) Okay well, I'll see you when I get back.

Lorelai: Unless I suddenly become invisible.

Lorelai: Okay, bye.

(cut to Rory and Dean)

Dean: So when do you go to Washington?

Rory: Next week.

Dean: Wow, so soon?

Rory: Well, we still have approximately 5 days and 8 hours to be together, minus sleeping time, and mommy time, and grandma and grandpa time, and Lane time, and coffee time, and Paris time, not that I'm looking forward to that but I know she's going to overreact about this trip so I have to put in the time for it, and reading time, but I think that's about it. So that still leaves you about, what? Maybe 3 hours.

Dean: Gee, thanks.

Rory: What is it with that word?

Dean: What word?

Rory: Never mind.

Dean: Well, it's Taylor time for me right now. I gotta go. Bye. (They kiss)

Rory: That cuts your time now to 2 hours and 54 minutes.

Dean: Couldn't you cut out six minutes of reading time?

Rory: I can't believe you asked that.

Dean: My mistake. Well, this is cutting into Taylor time…

Rory: But decreasing your cut so that you now have 2 hours and 55 minutes.

Dean: Gotta go.

Rory: Okay.

(Dean leaves)

Voice: So no Jess time in Rory's schedule?

(Rory turns to Jess)

Rory: Well, my time is precious.

Jess: No argument there.

Rory: What's that supposed to mean?

Jess: What do you want it to mean?

Rory: There you go again answering a question with a question.

Jess: It's a bad habit, but they don't have any patches or gum for it.

Rory: Jess, why'd you come back?

Jess: Didn't I answer that already? Oops. I did it again.

Rory: Seriously, Jess. Why did you want to come back?

Jess: Well, either way I guess it didn't really matter, except that New York has enough juvenile delinquents and I was Stars Hollow's only one. I felt needed here.

Rory: This is impossible. You're not going to be serious.

Jess: Rory, what do you want to hear?

Rory: Why did you come back?

Jess: Now you answered a question with a question. I guess I'm rubbing off on you after all.

Rory: I love the way you can just leave without telling anyone, come back and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Jess: Well I love the way you can just walk up and kiss a guy and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Rory: (stunned) Jess, I…I…

Jess: I know already. You didn't mean to and it meant nothing. Look, forget it. 

(starts to walk away)

Rory: Jess (he turns back), I'm sorry.

Jess: Are you really?

Rory: (hesitating) _yes_.

Jess: Well then I'm sorry too.

Rory: What's that supposed to mean?

Jess: Nothing.

(Lorelai and Rory)

Lorelai: I think I've settled the me and your dad thing throughout Stars Hollow. I had no idea news traveled so quickly here. (Rory looks at her). Well, I did, but still. Anyway, I think everyone knows now that it didn't work out and your dad is on his way home to pregnant Sherry.

Rory: I hope you don't call her that when you talk to her on the phone.

Lorelai: I don't know. It has a nice ring to it. Hello pregnant Sherry, how are you? 

Rory: Why do I encourage this?

Lorelai: So I guess you're going to be out with Dean all evening since you'll be leaving in a week.

Rory: Nah. I thought this evening would be our evening and next evening would be Dean's evening.

Lorelai: Cool. So, what's on the agenda?

Rory: Well, I was thinking dinner and a movie.

Lorelai: Specifics.

Rory: Well, how about some Chinese and do you still have A Film by Kirk?

Lorelai: I lent my fall on your ass laughing copy to Sookie, but I might have saved my blackmailing copy. 

Rory: Good.

Lorelai: But I don't want Chinese. Let's get some of Luke's burgers.

Rory: I was really in the mood for the Kung Pao.

Lorelai: Okay, so how 'bout we stop first at Luke's so I can get my burger and then I'll order you the Kung Pao. 

Rory: The whole purpose of having dinner together is so that two people eat the same thing at the same time.

Lorelai: I'll get my burger to go. We'll still be eating at the same time. Since when did you become the writer of the rules of society?

Rory: I was authorized to do so at the DAR debutante ball. 

Lorelai: Do you really want to open that can of worms, because you know I never got all those jokes out of my system.

Rory: On second thought…

Lorelai: 'Nuff said.

Rory: Fine, get your burger, but be quick.

Lorelai: Wait, you're not coming in? You know, we still have to talk about what happened between you and Jess. I definitely know something's up.

Rory: Nothing's up.

Lorelai: So prove it.

Rory: Fine. (She opens the door and goes into Luke's. She let's out a silent sigh of relief when she sees only Luke there.)

Luke: What can I get you two?

Lorelai: No, just for me. A burger to go.

Rory: No wait, I'll have a burger too. (Just as she says this, Jess comes down with a bucket, a mop, a drain snake, and a plunger, and she regrets ordering.)

Luke: Jess, we might need that plunger over here to unclog these two's arteries.

Lorelai: I think you're going to need the snake for mine.

Luke: That's just gross.

Rory: Though probably appropriate. Let me cancel that burger.

Lorelai: Oh no you don't. We're in this together now.

Luke: You still want that to go?

Rory: Yes please. (Looks at Lorelai who was looking at her) I can't wait to see that movie.

Luke: What movie?

Lorelai: Kirk's film.

Luke: I'm glad I never saw it.

Lorelai: Oh my God, you have to see it! It is the funniest thing. You have to come over tonight.

Luke: No thanks. 

Lorelai: It's funny enough to make me forget about your Trekkie days. 

Luke: All right. What time?

Lorelai: How 'bout when you're done with the burgers?

Jess: It's okay, Luke. I'll clean up.

Luke: Well you know, Jess hasn't seen it either. I can just close this place up early. Can he come along?

Lorelai: (uneasy) Yeah, sure. (Rory's face sinks.)

Jess: (noticing) Actually, that's okay. I already have plans for this evening.

Luke: With who?

Jess: What do you care? (catches himself) With no one. But if you're going to be leaving I'd like to have some time to myself here to play my music as loud as I want. Maybe I'll walk around in that shirt I know you love, draw chalk outlines all over the diner. I promise I'll have it all cleaned up before you get back. 

Lorelai: Okay, well, suit yourself. So, are those burgers done?

Luke: Don't start rushing me.

(The Gilmore residence)

(Lorelai and Rory are laughing and Luke is getting ready to leave)

Luke: That was the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

Lorelai: Oh come on, I saw you supressing a smile every now and then.

Luke: I'll tell you this much, that was not a smile I was supressing.

Lorelai: Gross.

Rory: Almost as bad as the snake in the arteries.

Lorelai: True.

Luke: Well, thanks for that hopefully forgettable but probably not likely experience.

Lorelai: Well, take the video because I know you're going to want to watch it again.

Luke: No thank you.

Lorelai: Well then you're just going to have to take it for Jess.

Luke: I'm not sure that's appropriate for a young man of his age. The things you expose Rory to. 

Lorelai: Please, she's the president of the Kirk fan club.

Rory: I have the hat in my room. You want to see it?

Luke: Maybe some other time. Good night.

Lorelai and Rory: Good night.

Lorelai: So what are we going to do now?

Rory: I'm guessing going to bed is not an option?

Lorelai: No. Hey, I don't have a lot of time left with you as it is.

Rory: First of all, I'm coming back. Secondly, what do you want to do?

Lorelai: Well, we could talk. We've always been good at that.

Rory: Okay. So how was it at the inn today without Sookie?

Lorelai: Are you kidding me? Without Sookie? She called like every ten minutes.

Rory: She has issues with letting go. Be patient with her.

Lorelia: How very astute of you, Dr. Joyce Brothers!

Rory: Funny.

Lorelai: So, are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Jess?

Rory: (frustrated) I told you already. Nothing happened.

Lorelai: You didn't seem so keen about him coming over. I thought you would have tried encouraging him.

Rory: He seemed to have nice plans for himself. I didn't want to interfere.

Lorelai: Right. Because he wouldn't play his music as loud as he wants to if Luke were there.

Rory: Shouldn't you be glad that I didn't encourage him? I know you don't like him.

Lorelai: Yeah, but up until recently you did. And now I get the impression you don't which leads me to believe he hurt you in some way and if he did I have the right to know so I can clobber him.

Rory: I promise you he didn't hurt me. We're still friends.

Lorelai: Okay. Fine. Well then I guess I'm going to bed. Good night.

Rory: Good night.

(Lorelai leaves and Rory collapses on the table.)

(Above the Diner)

(Jess is sitting in the room in silence, flipping cards.)

Luke: You're here.

Jess: (without looking up) In the flesh.

Luke: What happened to the music, the shirt, the chalk outlines?

Jess: I did that for a while.

Luke: Listen, I think we need to talk.

Jess: Do we?

Luke: Yes.

Jess: Okay.

Luke: Why'd you come back?

Jess: I knew you were missing me.

Luke: Seriously.

Jess: What, you weren't?

Luke: I'm not going to ask you again.

Jess: Then I guess you'll never know.

Luke: Can't you ever give a straight answer?

Jess: No I can't. 

Luke: Why'd you come back?

Jess: I don't know.

Luke: You must have known if you came back.

Jess: No. I was in New York and for whatever reason, I got up and left to come back here. I didn't know why, but it didn't matter. Now I'm back here, and I don't know why I'm here and it matters because I chose it this time. I wasn't forced here. I asked for all of this.

Luke: All of what?

Jess: Nothing.

(An awkward moment of silence and Luke gets up.)

Luke: Well, I'm glad you're back anyway.

Jess: (letting out a slight chuckle in disbelief) All right.

Luke: I'm serious. I'm not just saying that. I got used to having you around. 

Jess: You want to hold hands and skip tomorrow?

Luke: Don't start with that…Listen, that reason you came back that you don't know, could it possibly have anything to do with Rory?

Jess: Actually, I think I figured it out. It was you. I missed these late night chats, the flannel, the holding hands, the skipping.

Luke: Fine, fine. Play it that way. Just remember what I said. She and Dean are good now, so you should really just stay away.

Jess: I'll keep that in mind.

(Rory with Dean)

Rory: I'm going to miss you while Paris is torturing me?

Voice: She just doesn't do it the same as he does, huh?

Dean: Jess, what are you doing here? 

Jess: You missed me?

Dean: (to Rory) I thought he went back to New York.

Rory: He moved back here.

Dean: Why?

Rory: I don't know.

Dean: This is just great.

Jess: And it gets even better.

Dean: What are you talking about?

(Rory gets really nervous)

Jess: Well with Rory in Washington there's no stopping the wrath of Dean, is there? I think I'm going to have fun this week.

Dean: I say for your own good, you should stay away from me.

Jess: I should feel threatened now, shouldn't I?

Dean: Look, you're really pathetic if you came back just to mess with me.

Jess: You're really egocentric if you think I came back just to mess with you.

Dean: Then why did you?

Jess: To mess with you.

Dean: We're leaving now.

Jess: Have fun.

(they leave Jess)

Dean: You knew he was back?

Rory: Yes.

Dean: Why didn't you tell me?

Rory: I figured you must have seen him around already. It's been a while.

Dean: How long has he been back?

Rory: Since Sookie's wedding.

Dean: Wow. He's been quiet up until now.

Rory: Yeah. I think Luke's working him pretty hard.

Dean: Well I haven't been to the Diner much.

Rory: Me neither.

Dean: So it's over between you two?

Rory: What do you mean?

Dean: Your friendship or whatever you want to call it?

Rory: We were always just friends. We still are friends.

Dean: Then why haven't you been in the Diner every day?

Rory: Al's was having a special.

Dean: Okay. Have it your way.

Rory: Hey, let's go visit Lane in the music store.

Dean: Actually, I have to get back to work now. (Rory pouts.)

Rory: I don't have much time left here, you know.

Dean: You're coming back. (she smiles)

Rory: I know. 

Dean: And I'll be here waiting for you.

Rory: You'll stand right here and wait for me.

Dean: Yes.

Rory: You won't move at all. Not to work, not to eat, not to sleep, not to shower.

Dean: Well, I'll have to shower, otherwise it might not be such a nice welcome for you.

Rory: Point taken.

Dean: So let me get going. I'll see you tonight.

Rory: Tonight's Lane night.

Dean: I thought you already had Lane night.

Rory: I had to reschedule because it became Paris night.

Dean: Well, can't I still see you if I promise I won't steal you away from Lane.

Rory: Hmm, I'll have to check with Lane.

Dean: Well anyway, I'll definitely see you tomorrow before you leave.

Rory: Then you'll come and wait right here.

Dean: Yes.

Rory: Until I come back, leaving only for showers.

Dean: Yes.

Rory: Okay.

(They kiss. Dean leaves and Rory goes to the music store.)

Rory: Hey Lane.

Lane: Can't talk now. My mother is fuming.

Rory: uh oh. Are we still on for tonight?

Lane: Of course. I'll come by around seven.

Rory: Is it okay if Dean dropped by? Our time has been cut short these days.

Lane: Sure. That'll be fun. We'll all hang out.

(Lane leaves and Rory's cell phone rings. She takes it outside.)

Rory: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey babe. What are you up to?

Rory: Actually nothing. I feel so unloved.

Lorelai: What's the matter?

Rory: Well I'm leaving tomorrow and no one has time for me.

Lorelai: Aw, poor baby. 

Rory: It's okay. I had my self-pity moment. I feel better.

Lorelai: Well, I'd tell you to come over to the inn but I don't know if I'd be able to give you much time either. It's really crazy here. I'm trying to keep Michel from beating an old lady with the guest book right now as we speak.

Rory: I'm going to miss Stars Hollow. Anyway, it's okay. I'm probably going to hang out in the bookstore for a bit. I need some reading material for the plane.

Lorelai: Remember to save space in your suitcase for some clothes and a toothbrush.

Rory: That's pushing it close, mom.

Lorelai: Uh huh. Bye sweetie.

Rory: Bye mom.

(Rory at the bookstore.)

Jess: Did you know they made Cliff's notes of the Bible?

Rory: I did.

Jess: Isn't that some form of sacrilege?

Rory: All Cliff's notes are sacrilege.

Jess: They should be burned.

Rory: They should.

Jess: Or put behind a curtain with your picture on it.

Rory: Don't remind me. By the way, what did you do?

Jess: About what?

Rory: About the picture.

Jess: What picture?

Rory: My picture.

Jess: I put it up in my locker.

Rory: You're impossible.

Jess: So what's that you got there?

Rory: _To Have and Have Not_

Jess: So you decided to give Ernest a chance after all.

Rory: Well, I figured nothing could be more painful than six weeks stuck with Paris, so Hemingway might not seem so bad then. What do you have there?

Jess: _Martin Eden_

Rory: Jack London. Never read that one.

Jess: Neither have I. I was thinking about it.

(a period of silence)

Jess: So you leave tomorrow.

Rory: Yes.

(Jess nods)

Jess: For six weeks.

Rory: Yes.

(silence again)

Rory: (jokingly) You'll miss me?

Jess: (seriously) Yeah. I will. Nah, I'm not in the mood for London today. I'll pick it up some other time. See ya' around.

Rory: Okay.

(Jess starts to walk away. From the door)

Jess: And Rory…have a nice trip.

Rory: (smiles) Thank you.

(The next day. Lorelai and Rory are packing the car to head for the airport. Dean and Lane are there.)

Lane: I'm going to miss you.

Rory: Me too. I'll see you in six weeks.

Dean: That's way too long.

Rory: (to Dean) I hope you remember the spot.

Lorelai: I hope that's not a sexual innuendo.

Rory: Gross, mom. (Rory's pager goes off)

Lorelai: Who's that?

Rory: Paris.

Lorelai: My God woman. Does she ever stop?

Rory: Apparently not, but I'm still waiting.

Lorelai: Okay, people. Get the good-byes, the hugs, the tears…

Rory: The overreacting…

Lorelai: That too. Get it all out of your system.

Rory and Lane hug. Rory and Dean kiss.

Lorelai: Oh, I forgot the cookies.

Rory: What cookies?

Lorelai: Luke sent you cookies for the plane while you were out with Lane and Dean last night. He doesn't know I'm going to eat them all.

Rory: Luke was here?

Lorelai: No, he sent them with Jess.

Dean: Jess was here?

Lorelai: Just to drop off the cookies. He didn't even ask if Rory was in. So let me get the cookies, and we're off.

(cut to Rory and Lorelai in the car. Rory has the cookies in her lap and is quietly inspecting them as Lorelai rattles on about traffic. She notices a piece of paper at the bottom of the plate underneath the cookies.)

Rory: Hey mom, since we're not moving, you want a cookie? It'll cheer you up.

Lorelai: Yes. A Lukey cookie is exactly what I need. Rip 'er open.

(Rory peels off the wrapping, and offers Lorelai a cookie. Then she grabs one of the bottom ones along with the piece of paper, and slips the paper in her pocket.)

(cut to airport)

Paris: Rory, you're late.

Rory: No I'm not. I'm just not three hours early.

Paris: In my book, that qualifies as late. Do you have everything we prepared?

Rory: Everything. Want a cookie?

Paris: No. Did you make the visual aids?

Rory: Paris, I have it. I did it. Everything's fine.

Lorelai: Well, I can only see you up to this point. Come 'ere, kid.

(Rory and Lorelai hug)

Lorelai: Don't go having affairs with all the politicians.

Rory: Paris just might prostitute me to them if she deems it necessary.

Lorelai: You're gonna be okay?

Rory: Yep.

Lorelai: You're gonna miss me?

Rory: Yep. Seriously, I'm really going to miss you.

Lorelai: I'm going to miss you too.

(Rory and Lorelai look at Paris who has no one to say good-bye to her.)

Lorelai: Bye Paris. (She hugs Paris.) You be safe now, and don't get Rory into any trouble.

Paris: That's very unlikely.

Lorelai: Right.

(Lorelai says bye to Rory one more time and walks away. She turns back to wave. Rory and Paris wave, and Rory watches her go. As she's about to turn forward again, she sees Jess some distance away watching. He waves and turns to leave.)

(on the plane)

(Rory and Paris are seated together and Paris is pouring over Rory's visual aids. Rory pulls out the note that had been in the cookies. It reads, "I'm not sorry.")

The End


	2. To the White House

By Stew Pid,

Rating: Should be okay for anyone.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything. Just the Stew Pid stuff.

(Gilmore residence- Lorelai on the phone)

Lorelai: So you got there okay and everything's fine?…No one mistook Paris for a terrorist?

Rory: (in Washington hotel room) No they all did, but when they saw her terrorizing was limited to me, they settled down and decided not to push their luck. Oh she's coming, change the subject. 

Lorelai: So have you met any people yet?

Rory: A few. None worth mentioning yet, although I think Paris might be in for a summer romance in the nation's capitol.

Paris: If you want to survive these six weeks, don't ever repeat that.

Rory: Okay, bad subject. Change again.

Lorelai: What are your plans for tonight?

Rory: Well, they have this party planned to get to know the other people here. Because, you see, I always find the best way to get to know people is at a party. 

Lorelai: Of course. Is there any other way to have a deep conversation than in the setting of loud music while you and the other person are jumping up and down to stupid boy band beats?

Rory: Well, if we were going for ideal, we might even add those annoying blinking lights that stun your sense of vision. So what are you going to do tonight?

Lorelai: Well, I have big plans for this night. I met this great guy with a Harley who does tattoos and he's going to do me my Mel Brooks tattoo on my butt and then we're going bar hopping, stopping by Kirk's renting zillions of movies, and easing our hangover's with Luke's coffee before we head back home to spend a night with Ben and Jerry on the couch.

Rory: Sounds like a good time… So have you heard from Dad?

Lorelai: No, honey, I'm sorry.

Rory: It's okay. I'm just worried that he's not calling because he thinks I'm angry. 

Lorelai: I'm sure he wouldn't think that. He knows you.

Rory: Yeah, but when we were talking before he found out about Sherry, I told him that we had been waiting for you two to get back together for along time and we take disappointment very hard.

Lorelai: Oh. I get it. Well if he calls I'll make sure to tell him that you are not angry.

Rory: Okay, well, I have to get going now. I have to call Dean and Lane before we have the introductory session here.

Lorelai: Okay, well take care. I miss you already.

Rory: Me too. Say hi to the Harley man for me.

Lorelai: You got it.

(Lorelai hangs up and looks around the empty silent house.)

Lorelai: (to herself) No Rory. No Sookie. What is a girl to do?

(she picks up her keys and heads out the door)

(At Luke's, as Lorelai walks in)

Taylor: Now Luke, because Kirk's proposal took longer than we thought, we were not able to discuss this issue at the town meeting, but it is of great concern to all of us here. You remember what happened the last time he was here. There was theft, property damage, economic devastation, personal injury, must I continue the list?

Luke: You don't even have to continue talking.

Taylor: Now I understand your honorable intentions the first time to help out the family, but in this case, Jess was not sent to you, and you know now the type of character he is. I consider it a betrayal to the community of Stars Hollow that you should proceed to accept him back here. I demand an explanation and if the explanation is not suitable enough, I tell you, you will be losing a lot of loyal patrons here. Why I don't see why anyone here should be loyal to you when you have proven yourself to be the Benedict Arnold of Stars Hollow.

Luke: Are you finished now?

Taylor: Now would be the appropriate time for your explanation.

Luke: Let me explain this. I run a business here. I have customers who have not been attended to. You are still here. You are not a customer. I should not be wasting any more time with you.

(Jess comes down and pours Lorelai her coffee)

Taylor: You! I don't know why you are back here but if your uncle is not going to do anything about you, you can rest assured I am going to be watching you like a hawk.

Lorelai: I thought Miss Patty already had that job covered in Stars Hollow.

Taylor: I've got my eye on you too, missy. Who knows what trouble you'll be getting into without your better half?

Lorelai: That's where we have you fooled, Taylor. Rory is actually the mastermind behind the Gilmore crime duo. 

(Taylor grunts and walks out of Luke's glaring at Jess warningly.)

Luke: So what will it be?

Lorelai: Mm. I think two burgers with French fries and a side of mash should do it.

Jess: I'm taking my break now.

Luke: You can't take it now.

Jess: I haven't had one all day. I'm about to call my union representative.

Luke: You didn't show up this morning, though, remember. Fine, whatever. Be back in ten.

(Jess leaves)

Lorelai: You've been working him awfully hard.

Luke: I have to keep him where I can see him. It's just for a while until Taylor has calmed down and everyone isn't so worried anymore. 

Lorelai: I think everyone except Taylor is already used to him. 

(Dean walks in)

Lorelai: Almost everyone.

Dean: Hey!

Lorelai: Hey, Dean! Did you hear from Rory?

Dean: Yeah, she called. 

Lorelai: Good. So, how are you holding up?

Dean: Okay, I guess. I mean it's the first day. I've been a few days without seeing her before.

Lorelai: Right. Well that's good.

Dean: Rory told me I should check up on you.

Lorelai: Well that's just sad.

Dean: She told Lane to check up on me, so you're not alone.

Lorelai: Who's checking up on Lane?

Dean: I think Mrs. Kim always has that covered.

Lorelai: True. So what are you doing this evening?

Dean: My sister has a recital.

Lorelai: Oh, well tell her I said, 'break a leg.'

Dean: I will. So I better get going now. I'll see you around.

Lorelai: Sure thing.

(Dean leaves)

Luke: So everything's all right with Rory?

Lorelai: Yeah, she got in fine. She's already gotten settled. They're having introductions and a party tonight, so it should be fun. By the way, thanks for the cookies.

Luke: What cookies?

Lorelai: The cookies you sent for the plane ride.

Luke: When did I do that?

Lorelai: Last night, you sent them with …wait, you didn't send any cookies last night, did you? 

Luke: Not that I remember. I would have if I had thought of it, but I didn't. So who did send the cookies?

Lorelai: Um…then I guess they were from her dad.

Luke: So what are your plans for tonight?

Lorelai: Well, that depends. Do you have plans for tonight?

Luke: Yeah. I'm closing up here, catching the end of the ball game, and going to bed early.

Lorelai: How exciting, Grandpa Lucas. Why don't you come over? I'm going to rent zillions of movie and buy tons of candy and you can bring that nasty healthy food you like and we can do each other's hair and tell stories about mean ex-boyfriends and put cream on our faces and wax on our legs. It'll be fun.

Luke: As frightening as that sounds, I think I'm going to stick to my former plans.

Lorelai: Please, pretty please. The house is spooky without Rory. We can throw a party. You can invite Bert. We can…

Luke: All right, all right. I'll go. Jess can close up since he bailed this morning.

Lorelai: What happened to him?

Luke: I don't know. So far I haven't heard of anything stolen or anyone murdered or anything. I'm hoping maybe he decided to go to school early.

Lorelai: How's that going by the way?

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Summer school.

Luke: Oh well, I don't know. I'm not one to call up school's checking on grades and attendance and all. I see him with his books more. He seems to be doing some form of homework.

Lorelai: Well that's good. You might want to try communicating with him more often. That helps to sort out the 'seem's and 'some's so you get something more definitive.

Luke: Look, he's not the great communicator either. We have an understanding. He stays out of trouble and he stays here. The minute I hear he's been up to something, he's out. Now I'm trying to give him a shot, and so I'm not going to look to hear things. But if and when it happens, it happens.

Lorelai: Sounds like a plan.

Luke: So I'll leave you to your meal and I'll see you later.

Lorelai: You bet.

(In Washington- Rory and Paris walk into a large auditorium. Other kids are starting to come in through several doors. A young girl is passing out name tags.)

Girl: Please put your name, year, and high school on the name tags.

Paris: Why not also put a short biography and your favorite hobbies on it too?

Rory: What are you talking about?

Paris: The name tag. I mean it was invented to limit the human capacity for speech, make us more and more like inanimate objects by placing a label on us so that we look like items on supermarket shelves.

Rory: The thing is that even with a name tag, people still ask you what your name is. I think it's purpose is for when you forget because you've spent an entire day finding out hundreds of names and you can no longer match them to faces. It spares you the embarrassment of having to repeatedly ask someone what their name is when they've told you and everybody else a hundred times. You just read it off the tag and pretend you knew it from when they told you the first time.

Guy: Hey, how are you? What's your name?

Rory: I'm Rory. What's your name?

Guy: Pete.

Rory: As it says on your name tag.

Pete: I was thinking about writing Greg to mess with those people who use name tags as an excuse to never have to speak.

Paris: Thank you!

Pete: So what's your real name?

Paris: Well, it really is Paris.

Pete: Didn't have the courage to do it either, huh? Paris is an unusual name. You could have written Frenchie and made a Grease joke of it.

Paris: (pulling Rory away) Yeah. Right. Talk to you later Greg.

Rory: Pete.

Paris: Whatever.

Rory: What is wrong with you? He was trying to talk to you.

Paris: And he used a Grease reference? No, the last thing we need to do is start associating ourselves with the freaks.

Rory: I think I'm a little too late for that.

(Lorelai leaving the video store, sees Jess)

Lorelai: Hey Jess.

Jess: Ah, Miss Gilmore. I'd love to stay and chat but my ten minutes were up ten minutes ago, and…

Lorelai: Don't worry, Luke already has a plan to get you back. Might as well earn it.

Jess: I see. So what's his plan?

Lorelai: You're closing up for him.

Jess: I was expecting worse.

Lorelai: So listen, um, I was wondering. See I asked Luke about your delivery the other day and he didn't know anything about it.

Jess: The poor guy's loosing his mind. 

Lorelai: You expect me to believe that.

Jess: I don't know. My expectations have been off today.

Lorelai: Why did you do it? And why did you lie and say Luke sent it? And don't give me any bull.

Jess: Look, Miss Gilmore. It's no big deal. Rory's been nice to me. I thought I'd return the favor, but I didn't want that kind of stuff in my reputation since I don't plan on making it a habit. You don't have to read any more into it. Now I have to get back so Luke can tell me to close up.

(Gilmore Residence, some days later)

Luke: Are we going to make a habit of these nights?

Lorelai: Just 'til Sookie comes back from her honeymoon. Then I dump you, but Bert can stay. I like Bert.

Luke: Well, I have to say, Jess hasn't been doing much to deserve the punishment anymore, so I don't know.

Lorelai: Make it into a compliment. You can say, _Jess, you've done such a fine job of closing up the diner that I think I'm going to make it your permanent job. How would you like that?_

Luke: I think I know how he would like that. So have you heard from Rory?

Lorelai: She's okay. They're keeping those kids busy. 

Luke: Is she having a good time?

Lorelai: An okay time. Hey, since you've missed the baseball games this whole week, I thought we could watch _For Love of the Game_. That way you get to watch baseball and I get to see Kevin Costner.

Luke: You like Kevin Costner?

Lorelai: Hey, he's got a nice rear end there.

Luke: Did you forget I'm not Sookie?

Lorelai: Actually, you're looking more like her each day. After we do your hair tonight and I give you a manicure, you'll be a great stand-in.

Luke: You keep up with that stuff and I'm leaving and I'm taking Bert with me.

Lorelai: Okay. Okay. I'll stop. 

Luke: Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.

Lorelai: Sure, what's up.

Luke: Well, I need you to ask Rory to do me a favor.

Lorelai: And what would that be?

Luke: Well, I know she's busy and she's in Washington and all, but I was wondering if she could give Jess a call one of these days. She was really his only friend here, and I know he's got to be bored out of his mind since he hasn't been terrorizing the neighborhood. I also kind of think he's been waiting for her to call. I mean, he's been paying a lot of attention to the phone, asking about messages, and I know he's not waiting for his mom to call. So if she has a few spare minutes one of these days and she wouldn't mind giving him a call, just to say how are you or something—

Lorelai: Well, I don't know, Luke. If she hasn't called there might be a reason.

Luke: What kind of reason?

Lorelai: I don't know. Any kind of reason. And if I told her that, then she'd feel pressured to call even when she probably really can't, and it would put her in a tough situation. 

Luke: Yeah. You're right.

Lorelai: I am?

Luke: Yeah. I just thought it would be good for Jess, but if it's not good for Rory, I don't want to pressure her.

(the phone rings)

Lorelai: Hello.

Christopher: Hey Lorelai. Um, how are you?

Lorelai: Okay, how are you?

Christopher: Okay.

Lorelai: And Sherry?

Christopher: She's doing okay too. We're, um, trying to work things out.

Lorelai: That's good.

Christopher: So how's Rory?

Lorelai: She's in Washington. She left you a message.

Christopher: Yeah I know. I just couldn't face her, Lor. I mean, I just didn't know how. She's probably thinking I'm leaving her for the other kid.

Lorelai: Probably. But she's not mad at you. And I think she's hurt you didn't call her before she left.

Christopher: Geez, how am I going to be a good father to this kid when I've screwed up so much with my first?

Lorelai: You didn't screw up, Chris. She loves you.

Christopher: I lover her too. Would you tell her that?

Lorelai: I will for now, but you're going to have to eventually tell her yourself.

Christopher: I will. I love you too, Lorelai. I am so sorry about all of this.

Lorelai: Me too. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have company. So take care of yourself, and Sherry, and I'll talk to you later.

Christopher: Thanks. You take care too.

(hangs up)

Luke: You know, I just remembered that Caesar was leaving early today so Jess is probably going to need my help closing up.

Lorelai: Luke, you don't have to go.

Luke: But I should.

Lorelai: No, you shouldn't. I haven't even started your manicure.

Luke: I'm sorry, Lorelai. 

Lorelai: About what?

Luke: Well I heard what happened with you and Christopher.

Lorelai: Ah. 

Luke: You know, I've been there…I mean, I've never had a woman leave me because another man was carrying her child, but you know about Rachel…I mean, I've been in the place where you are dumped by a person you loved—well , that didn't come out right, but what I'm saying is if you need to talk about it or anything…

Lorelai: Thanks, Luke…So let's start this movie, shall we?

Luke: Sure, why not.

Lorelai: (She goes to put the tape in and stops midway) You know what I worry about?

Luke: The VCR is going to eat your hand when you try to put in the tape?

Lorelai: What? No. I mean, with this whole thing. I mean, Christopher was saying how he's afraid Rory is going to think he's dumping her for this other kid. She herself had told me that she told him before the whole Sherry thing happened that she had been waiting for this for a long time and took disappointment very badly. I mean, when I talked to her, she seemed okay. You know, she's strong. But she did say she worried she might get jealous of the baby and now I'm just thinking, what if underneath it all she's really hurting inside. And then, this is all my fault. I mean, she wouldn't have felt dumped if I hadn't tried to get back with Christopher. I mean, we knew it was crazy. And then I think about Max, and what a disappointment that must have been, not to mention the difficult situation it must have been at school. I mean, all my failed relationships affect her so much. She's had to suffer for all of my mistakes, and through it all she has matured so much and I haven't learned one bit. I keep making these same stupid decisions over and over again.

Luke: You can stop right there. (He sits her down) None of this is your fault. If you would have stopped to listen to yourself, you would have heard something else, that Rory had been waiting for this. If it had all worked out, your decision would have made her happy. It's not your fault it didn't. It's just life. And life is about choices and we have to make them, and to every choice there are good and bad consequences. It's what we make of those choices and how we deal with those consequences that makes us who we are and you have always made the best of your choices, and that is why Rory is so strong. You did a good job.

Lorelai: Wow Luke. I never took you for the Dr. Joyce Brothers type. Thank you. I guess Rory's right. We don't take disappointment well. It's just scary, you know. I mean, I couldn't marry Max because I still love Chris, and I can't marry Chris because he's probably going to marry Sherry. And I mean, Rory is only away for six weeks and I don't know what I'm going to do. What about when she goes to college, grows up and moves out on her own? So I'm staring down at my future and it's just looking very lonely.

Luke: You know, I've been there too. You're not alone.

Lorelai: It seems we've been to a lot of the same places.

Luke: Yeah. I guess we have.

(Lorelai gets up and puts on the movie)

(Another day, some days later)

(Luke is getting ready to leave. He and Lorelai at the door)

Lorelai: So, Sookie comes back tomorrow so I won't be bugging you as much. Thanks for coming over all the time.

Luke: Don't worry, you're gonna owe me.

Lorelai: Oh come on. It wasn't that bad.

Luke: But pretty close.

(Jess approaches)

Jess: What'd you two watch tonight.

Lorelai: _Analyze This._

Jess: Uncle Luke, no more chick flicks?

Lorelai: We never watched chick flicks.

Jess: _For Love of the Game _

Lorelai: That is not a chick flick.

Luke: It is a chick flick. It's a chick flick that tries to lure men with a baseball subplot.

Lorelai: Okay, so it is a chick flick. Boy, you're no Sookie.

Jess: There's so much I could say here, I don't know which to pick.

Luke: What are you doing here? 

Jess: Just passing through. Going for a walk.

Luke: Well, I'm heading back. Don't stay out too long. Good night, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Good night.

(Luke leaves)

Lorelai: Well, good night, Jess.

Jess: Actually, Miss Gilmore, I need a favor.

Lorelai: What's wrong?

Jess: Well, I actually have to do my homework now and I've recently discovered that some assignments need to be typed. Luke's typewriter is about as old as the diner, and we don't have a computer, so I was wondering if I could use yours. I've already written it out. It's just a matter of typing it up, which wouldn't be as long as typing while I was thinking up what I was going to write. I brought coffee and brownies as a substitute for the monetary fee.

Lorelai: Well, we usually charge 300 bucks. How many brownies did you bring?

Jess: Six.

Lorelai: That should cover it. Does Luke know about all this food you're exporting from the diner?

Jess: If your question is whether or not I am stealing this from Luke, no I am not. It's all paid for.

Lorelai: Then I won't feel guilty eating it. So the computer's in Rory's room. You do know how to work a computer?

Jess: I believe this is the 21st century.

Lorelai: Well Luke doesn't know how to work a computer so well.

Jess: That's because Luke is not in the 21st century.

Lorelai: No he is not. So why didn't you tell him?

Jess: About what?

Lorelai: About the favor you needed.

Jess: He would have told me not to bother you so late, that the typewriter was a perfectly good typewriter, and all that. I'll tell him later.

Lorelai: Yeah, he definitely would have given you the value of using a typewriter speech.

Jess: So…may I?

Lorelai: Oh, go right ahead.

(In Washington)

Paris: I can't wait to go to the White House tomorrow. Bring your camera. The first Franklin when we start the new year is going to be about this. The home of our nation's leaders. Men have left these walls in victory and shame. This is a place that has seen our presidents' greatest triumphs and their lowest scandals…

Rory: Paris, we're not writing the article now.

Paris: (teasing) What's wrong, Rory? Missing mommy?

Rory: There's nothing wrong with missing home, Paris.

Paris: That's because your life is perfect.

Rory: No it isn't.

Paris: Please. You and you mother have a great relationship. You have your perfect boyfriend and your perfect best friend. You're smart and funny and everybody likes you. Whereas for me, this is the most liberated I've felt in my entire life. 

Rory: I take it you and Phil are getting along very well.

Paris: (blushing) I wasn't talking about Phil.

Rory: Not solely about him, but he was part of it, wasn't he?

Paris: I don't have to tell you anything about my personal life, and you shouldn't assume that you know anything about it.

Rory: You're right, and you shouldn't assume you know anything about my personal life either, because it's not perfect. 

Paris: Fine.

(Paris goes into the bathroom. Rory picks up the phone)

Lorelai: Hello.

Rory: Hey mom, it's me.

Lorelai: Hi sweetie. How are you?

Rory: Okay. We just got in after a long day. 

Lorelai: So I hear you're going to the White House tomorrow, but you're not excited.

Rory: Funny, I never thought Dean and Lane were part of the Stars Hollow gossip chain.

Lorelai: Well, the three of us have created an All-about-Rory chain. So what's up?

Rory: Nothing. I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. I didn't call you this morning and Dean did not have much information on you yet.

Lorelai: Oh well, the information's pretty much the same as the other nights. Watched movies with Luke. But Sookie's coming back tomorrow so I'll be hanging out with her.

Rory: How did her honeymoon go?

Lorelai: Great. In fact, she was only calling the inn every two hours lately.

Rory: Wow.

Lorelai: Yeah. So, you sound bored.

Rory: I'm just tired.

Lorelai: So you're having a good time? (Jess comes out of Rory's room.)

Jess: Miss Gilmore, mind if I switch the coffee and brownies to your containers because you know how Luke gets when his thermos and bowls are missing, or maybe you don't, but it's really bad, not a pretty sight.

(Lorelai signals an okay. Jess proceeds to put the brownies on a plate and the coffee in a coffee pot.)

Rory: Not as good a time as Paris, but it's going okay. I mean, the people are nice. We go for a lot of workshops and activities, so they keep us busy.

Lorelai: So what's up with Paris?

Jess: Thanks for letting me use your computer. I'll let myself out.

Lorelai: You're welcome. Bye. (Jess waves and leaves) 

Rory: Luke's still there?

Lorelai: No. 

Rory: So who was that you were talking to? Harley man?

Lorelai: No, um, it was Jess.

Rory: Jess was there?

Lorelai: That's what I said.

Rory: Why?

Lorelai: Well, he's going to summer school now and is doing homework. He had something that needed to be typed and needed to use your computer. He bribed me with coffee and brownies, so I said okay. I hope it's okay with you.

Rory: Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn't it be?

Lorelai: Well, I don't know. I just thought maybe you were having problems with Jess that you weren't discussing with me. I mean, you were weird with him before you left and you haven't called him since you've been gone… 

Rory: How do you know I haven't called him?

Lorelai: Well, Luke told me.

Rory: Luke was complaining about me not calling Jess?

Lorelai: No, he wasn't complaining. He knows you're busy. He asked me to ask you to call Jess because he said you're Jess' only friend in Stars Hollow and he's been bored since he hasn't been able to cause trouble around the neighborhood. 

Rory: And why didn't you tell me this?

Lorelai: Well I told him that if you hadn't called just there must be a reason and I didn't want to ask you to because then you'd feel pressured to do so and it might put you in a difficult situation. So he agreed that I should not ask you to call.

Rory: I would have called him. I just…I've been busy…and well…you know…I know Jess is busy too…and I didn't think he'd want me to call…

Lorelai: What about Dean?

Rory: What about Dean?

Lorelai: Is he okay with you calling Jess?

Rory: Well, he's okay with me calling Lane.

Lorelai: But Jess is not Lane.

Rory: They're both friends.

Lorelai: I'm not so sure.

Rory: Mom, I'm not going to get into this with you. I told you I don't have feelings for Jess.

Lorelai: Even if you don't, he has feelings for you.

Rory: How do you figure?

Lorelai: Oh come on Rory, it's obvious. You have to be the only one that doesn't see it. Why would he come back to Stars Hollow? 

Rory: I don't know but how is it a given that I had something to do with it.

Lorelai: Rory, Luke knew nothing about the cookies. They were from Jess. He's been waiting for you to call. He obviously likes you.

Rory: Everything you've said just proves he's a friend.

Lorelai: Rory, if you don't want to see it, fine but don't insult my intelligence.

Rory: (after a moment of silence) Can we just change the subject?

Lorelai: Yeah. So what's up with Paris?

Rory: She's having a good time. Her summer romance is blossoming. She's writing an article about the triumphs and scandals in the White House. She's feeling liberated.

Lorelai: More power to her.

Rory: Yeah. So I called dad.

Lorelai: Good, good. How did it go?

Rory: Well, he wasn't there but I left him a message. I told him I wasn't angry and I loved him, so hopefully he'll call back.

Lorelai: I'm sure he will.

Rory: Yeah. So, I have to get some sleep. We have an early day tomorrow.

Lorelai: Yeah. If you see Bush, ask him how Chad's doing?

Rory: Okay. And tell Sookie I said hi and that I'll swap pictures with her when I get back.

Lorelai: Will do. Bye sweetie.

Rory: Bye mom.

(hangs up)

Paris: I thought we had discussed the whole thing about our personal lives.

Rory: My mom asked how you were doing. I gave her generic facts, that's all.

Paris: You told her my summer romance is blossoming.

Rory: Which is true.

Paris: Phil and I are just friends.

Rory: (the familiarity of the words strikes her) Fine. (She sighs and drops lifelessly onto the bed)

Paris: Look, this girl talk isn't my thing, but something is affecting your competence on this trip and I won't have it ruin our day at the White House, so let's just talk about it so you can get it out of your system and move on.

Rory: I don't know what you're talking about.

Paris: Don't insult my intelligence. Something is bothering you and its keeping you from enjoying this trip, so just spit it out, stop festering, and let's go to the White House in good spirits.

Rory: Okay, I do have a lot of things on my mind, but they're not affecting my competence. I have done everything I was supposed to do, with all the precision and energy I always give to my work. Just because I'm not jumping out of my skin to see the White House does not mean I'm festering. 

Paris: Fine. Have it your way. But let me just say that I have been humble enough to let down my guard in front of you a number of times and allow you to be a friend to me. I just offered you the chance to let me be a friend to you. I guess you don't feel you need or want my friendship, and that's fine, but don't ever again think that I need yours.

Rory: Paris, it's not that I don't need or want your friendship. It's just…I just…I kissed Jess. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I've done anything lately. I missed my mom's graduation because I went to go see him in New York and got stuck on the bus coming back. This isn't me. And I didn't mean to kiss him. I love Dean. So why did I kiss him? And why can't I stop thinking about him? And I have all these feelings inside of me that I'm not supposed to have. I feel jealous of a baby that isn't even born. I feel hurt that my dad is doing the right thing. I should be happy for him and Sherry. (She looks up and sees Paris' confused look). Sherry was my father's girlfriend, but they were having problems and were breaking up and he was going to get back with my mom and we were going to be a family, (she takes a breath) but then he found out that Sherry is pregnant with his baby and he didn't want to run away again from his child, so he was going to go back to her, but he was still running away from one of his children, from me. And it's selfish and I'm not supposed to feel this way. And it was selfish of me to kiss Jess and then tell him that it meant nothing, to forget about it, and then continue a normal relationship with Dean like nothing happened. And it's selfish of me not to call Jess when I'm his only friend in Stars Hollow just because I don't know how to face him any more. And it's selfish of me to talk and laugh with Dean while I'm thinking about Jess. And it was selfish of me to come here to run away from my problems and just bring them along and ruin your time. 

Paris: Well, you haven't ruined my time. Look, I don't really know what to say. I've never been good with giving advice beyond academic advice. But you can't talk about how you should and shouldn't feel. The only way you should feel is the way you do. You're feeling guilty about lying to everyone, but the only reason you're lying to other people is because you're lying to yourself. _To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man_. Feel what you have to feel. Be honest about your feelings to yourself, and you can be honest about them with others. You're lucky enough that your parents love you, and I think if you were honest with them, they would respect your feelings and help you to deal with them. But you have to let these feelings take their course, because they're real, and eventually you'll find yourself feeling the way you think you should feel. And about Dean and Jess, again, be honest with yourself and then you'll know what you have to do. Am I making any sense?

Rory: Perfect sense.

Paris: Well, we have to be up early tomorrow. I'm going to bed.

Rory: Yeah, me too. Thank you, Paris. You're a good friend.

Paris: Let's not do this again, okay? (Rory nods)

(Gilmore Residence)

(Phone Rings)

Lorelai: Hello.

Luke: Hey, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Can't get enough of me, can you?

Luke: Listen, Jess told me the real reason he dropped by. I just wanted to thank you.

Lorelai: Well, you could have thanked me in the morning. 

Luke: Did I wake you?

Lorelai: Nah. I've had so much coffee I won't be able to sleep for a few hours.

Luke: And I'm sure the brownies didn't help.

Lorelai: That's right. I forgot about the brownies. I may not be able to sleep at all tonight. 

Luke: Yeah. So listen, I was thinking. I know you're going to be bugging Sookie now that she's coming back tomorrow, but I was thinking, since she's just married and all, she won't be able to hang out with you every day, so you know, whenever you want, I wouldn't mind covering for Sookie again.

Lorelai: That's very sweet of you, Luke. 

Luke: I'm not saying it's not a sacrifice. I mean the sight of all that garbage you eat alone turns my stomach, but I was thinking about what you said, about the future looking lonely, and I figured if we're both going to be alone, we might as well be alone together. 

Lorelai: Well, it's better than being alone alone. 

Luke: Right. That's what I meant.

Lorelai: Yeah. I got that. 

Luke: Right. So, I'll see you tomorrow.

Lorelai: You're not going to punish me for the coffee and brownies, right? Because it's really Jess' fault.

Luke: Right, but for your own good, I'm not giving you coffee tomorrow.

Lorelai: Fine, but I'm sure Jess will have to use the computer again tomorrow.

Luke: No. I told him it was fine this once, but there's a value to knowing how to use a typewriter—

Lorelai: Okay, you don't have to repeat the speech. I've heard it before.

Luke: Fine. Good night then.

Lorelai: Bye.

(Luke hangs up. Jess comes in.)

Luke: Where have you been?

Jess: About. Any messages?

Luke: No. Are you expecting a call?

Jess: Not really.

Luke: Well you keep asking about messages.

Jess: That doesn't mean I'm expecting any. I could be expecting to hear you say no.

Luke: Are you?

Jess: Am I what?

Luke: Expecting me to say no.

Jess: You already said no.

Luke: Did you expect that?

Jess: Yeah.

Luke: Why?

Jess: Who would call?

Luke: I don't know. Who would call?

Jess: No one.

Luke: Then why do you ask?

Jess: To see if someone might surprise me.

Luke: Who's the someone?

Jess: Anyone. Look, as much as I enjoy these games of 20 questions, I'm tired and I have classes tomorrow, and I'd like to get some sleep.

Luke: Why don't you just say you're expecting Rory to call?

Jess: Because I don't expect Rory to call, just like I don't expect Liz to call, just like I didn't expect you to call.

Luke: But I did call.

Jess: I know.

(Silence)

Jess: Well I'm going to bed.

Luke: Yeah, me too.

(In Washington. Rory and Paris are sleeping. Rory's alarm goes off at two in the morning. She quickly shuts it off and Paris groans. Rory sits up and waits to make sure Paris is asleep. She picks up the phone and dials.

(Jess is asleep, fully clothed with a book on his abdomen, and wakes up to the sound of the phone ringing. He picks up)

Jess: Hello.

Rory: Hey Jess. It's me, Rory.

Jess: Fine time to be calling.

Rory: What are you talking about? It's 4 o' clock in the afternoon here.

Jess: Nice try.

Rory: Well, I wanted to call at a time I was sure you'd be in. Did I wake you?

Jess: No, you're right. I just got in a little while ago. So, how have you been?

Rory: Okay. How about you?

Jess: Okay. How's Hemingway?

Rory: He sends his regards.

Jess: So what are you doing up at this time? Were you at one of those wild intern parties?

Rory: Shh. Don't tell anyone. Once it spreads in Stars Hollow, it'll hit the national news. Actually, I was asleep.

Jess: And you had a nightmare about giant white wigs trying to get on your head so you called the only person who you knew would be up.

Rory: Right. So here we are. 

Jess: Here we are.

Rory: So what are you reading lately?

Jess: Well, I reread _To the Lighthouse _for class to write a paper. I'm rereading it now for myself.

Rory: Ah. Yeah, my mom told me you were at the house using the computer.

Jess: I paid for the service.

Rory: You overpaid. Coffee _and_ brownies.

Jess: Well, your mother is a fierce business woman. I couldn't haggle a better deal.

Rory: So what was your paper about?

Jess: To reach R.

Rory: Ah. Mr. Ramsay.

Jess: It's not just Mr. Ramsay. It's everyone. We all have that R we're trying to reach.

Rory: Sounds interesting.

Jess: It wasn't. So how's Washington?

Rory: Okay, I guess. The people are nice. Lots of things to do. Tomorrow we're going to the White House.

Jess: Sounds like a whole lot of fun.

Rory: It isn't.

Jess: Didn't think so.

Rory: Anything interesting going on in Stars Hollow?

Jess: _The Score_ just hit the video store.

Rory: I didn't see it, but I love Edward Norton.

Jess: Taylor's got a sale on lima beans.

Rory: Better stock up. Lima beans are good for you.

Jess: And I think your boyfriend grew another inch.

Rory: Jess.

Jess: Hey, I got that from the paper. 

Rory: So anyway, are you terribly bored now that you're not stealing gnomes and staging fake murder scenes.

Jess: I've been keeping busy.

Rory: Well, that's good. Listen, I wanted to ask you. What did you mean by the note?

Jess: What note?

Rory: (sighs, exasperated) "I'm not sorry."

Jess: Oh right. Exactly what it says.

Rory: What aren't you sorry about?

Jess: I'm not sorry about anything.

Rory: And you felt the need to say that because…

Jess: Because I seemed to recall telling you I was sorry about something, but I'm not. I didn't do anything.

Rory: Right. So why didn't you just tell me that?

Jess: Well, you haven't seemed to want to talk to me. 

Rory: Jess, um, I'm sorry….I…. I've just been really busy. I had a lot on my mind. 

Jess: Like what?

Rory: Well…like…like my father leaving my mom and me again.

Jess: Been there. You want to talk about it.

Rory: No. Paris actually shared with me some great words of wisdom.

Jess: Paris? The Beat-hater? Wisdom?

Rory: She has her moments.

Jess: Pray, share this wisdom.

Rory: Well, she quoted Shakespeare. _To thine own self be true. _She said I had to be honest with myself first, and allow myself to feel what I'm feeling. 

Jess: The Shakespeare's rather trite.

Rory: Wisdom can't be trite.

Jess: It's a platitude.

Rory: How can you call anything from _Hamlet_ a platitude?

Jess: Polonius said it. 

Rory: Well, that's true. But it's still wise. Well, it's late. I have to get up early tomorrow.

Jess: Yeah, me too.

Rory: Good night.

Jess: You too. And Rory…

Rory: Yeah.

Jess: Thanks for calling.

Rory: Sorry it took so long.

Jess: Enjoy the White House.

Rory: Enjoy the _Lighthouse_.

The End


	3. The Road Less Traveled

By: Stew Pid,

Rating: It's all good.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or anything. Just the Stew Pid stuff.

(Independence Inn. Lorelai is trying to tie a blown balloon.)

Lorelai: Michel, could you tie this for me.

Michel: Do not put that balloon anywhere near me.

Lorelai: Please. For some reason I can't tie it.

Michel: It's too big. It's going to pop and I will have a heart attack and die from the sound of it. Now get it away from me.

Lorelai: As soon as you tie it you will never have to see it again.

Michel: What about you? Will I ever have to see you again?

Lorelai: Not for about another ten minutes.

Michel: Fine. Give me your stupid balloon.

(takes the balloon and tries to tie it. It pops and Michel screams. He recovers and gives Lorelai a nasty look.)

Lorelai: Make that 20 minutes. (She runs off)

(Washington)

Paris: Wake up, Rory! We have to go.

Rory: What time is it?

Paris: It's five-thirty.

Rory: What?

Paris: Yes. Hurry up.

Rory: What happened?

Paris: I went back to sleep after my alarm went off figuring you would be waking me up ten minutes later, but you didn't. You must have slept past your alarm and I got up just fifteen minutes ago, and now we're running late. Hurry up. There's no time for a shower. Throw some clothes on, gargle, and let's go.

Rory: I can't do that. Look, I'll be quick. I need coffee. Can you get me some coffee?

Paris: No, I cannot get you coffee. Hurry up, please.

Rory: Fine.

(Cut to auditorium.)

Woman: Okay. Itineraries are being passed out. We're heading down to breakfast. At seven o' clock we're having our first workshop for today. There's a break at 8 o' clock. At nine o' clock we meet back here. First we're going to visit the Washington monument and the Lincoln memorial, then off to the White House. We'll be meeting some senators today, they will give a talk, you will then ask questions…

Rory: This is why we had to be here at a quarter to six?

Paris: Why are you so tired?

Rory: I'm just tired. Must have been all that walking we did yesterday.

Paris: And that late night phone call to Stars Hollow? Who were you talking to anyway?

Rory: Eavesdropping while pretending to be asleep, that's low.

Paris: I wasn't pretending to be asleep. I was trying to go back to sleep.

Rory: Funny how well you heard my alarm then and how you couldn't here it this morning.

Paris: I don't even think you set your alarm again for this morning.

(Rory thinks about this.)

Rory: You're right. I'm sorry. Wow. That means this was all my fault.

Paris: Mostly. I'm partly responsible for sleeping after my alarm.

Rory: Let's just forget this ever happened.

Paris: Okay. So who did you call?

Rory: A friend.

Paris: At two in the morning? That's a good friend.

(Rory smiles)

(Luke's. Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: Jess, are you going to need to use the computer today?

Jess: Well, that's a fine question, Miss Gilmore. I haven't been to class yet, so I haven't been assigned anything yet, but if I listen to what Miss Cleo told me this morning, I still couldn't answer your question.

Lorelai: Well, in that case, can you give me an advanced payment for whenever you do need it again?

Jess: Payment before service is not good business.

Lorelai: Yes, but you see, Luke is not going to give me coffee and I'm dying here, so if I don't get coffee now I'm going to drop right here and you will never be able to use the computer.

Jess: (He pours her coffee). I'll give you that much of the payment now. The brownies will have to wait until I have made use of the service. 

Lorelai: Fair enough. It's a pleasure doing business with you.

Luke: I'm just going to start paying you in cash now.

Lorelai: I told Jess. Standard fee's 300.

Luke: You got it. 

Lorelai: Wow. With 300 dollars I could buy a lot of coffee.

Luke: Just drink your coffee.

(phone rings)

Jess: I'm off.

Luke: Go straight to school.

Jess: If I went straight I'd end up at the market. Oh but you probably want to see Taylor, right? I'll send him over.

(Jess leaves.)

Luke: Don't even kid about that. This is probably Taylor right now. (picks up the phone) Luke here.

Rory: Hey, Luke, how are you?

Luke: Hey Rory. Not too bad. How's it going? 

Rory: Actually, the coffee here in Washington sucks. I've clicked my heels three times and repeated "There's no place like Luke's, there's no place like Luke's" but nope. Still here with the suckie coffee.

Luke: Maybe it'll help you kick the habit.

Rory: Well, it's not _that_ bad. So Luke, I tried to call my mom at the house but she wasn't there. I'm guessing she's draining the diner of all of that delicious coffee right now as we speak?

Luke: Yeah, she's right here. Hold on. (passes the phone to Lorelai) It's Rory.

Lorelai: Hey sweetie. How are you? What's up?

Rory: Well, I tried to call you at the house, but you weren't there. I'm at breakfast now. We've got another busy day ahead of us. What are you doing at Luke's so early?

Lorelai: I'm taking my break from the inn. I needed coffee.

Rory: You're at the inn already?

Lorelai: Yeah. We're getting ready for Sookie and Jackson's Welcome Back party.

Rory: Oh that's right. Oh, I'm going to miss it.

Lorelai: We'll take plenty of pictures and I'll have a stenographer taking notes of all the dialogue.

Rory: Okay. Dean isn't by any chance around there, is he? 

Lorelai: Nope. He wasn't home?

Rory: No. 

Lorelai: Well, if I see him, I'll tell him you were trying to call him?

Rory: He doesn't even pick up his cell phone.

Lorelai: I repeat. If I see him, I'll tell him you were trying to call him?

Rory: Lane doesn't even know where he is and she's supposed to be checking up on him.

Lorelai: Okay, I'll say it one more time…

Rory: Mom, I'm worried. His mother said she didn't see him leave this morning. He's not at the market. He's not picking up his cell phone. Lane hasn't seen him. Is he even in Stars Hollow? And he didn't tell me yesterday that he was going anywhere.

Lorelai: Calm down, Rory. He's probably just bored without you and decided to go out for an early morning jog or something. 

Rory: Dean doesn't jog.

Lorelai: Maybe he picked it up.

Rory: Okay. Whatever. It's just that I'm probably not going to be able to call him until late tonight so could you please tell him I tried to call him.

Lorelai: I already said I'd do that before you started hyperventilating.

Rory: And I love him.

Lorelai: You're not going to get jealous?

Rory: What?

Lorelai: If I tell Dean I love him.

Rory: Bye mom.

Lorelai: Have fun today. Oh, that's right, today's White House day. Streak in the rose garden for me, will ya.

Rory: I'm hanging up now. Oh, but tell Sookie I said welcome back.

Lorelai: Only if you streak.

Rory: Okay, now I'm really hanging up. Bye.

Lorelai: Bye sweets. (hangs up)

(Taylor bursts in)

Taylor: Luke, I'm glad you've finally come to your senses. We really should talk about this, you know. 

Luke: What are you talking about?

Taylor: I'm talking about the collectible plate business you're joining me on.

Luke: What?

Taylor: Jess just gave me your message. Now I know you wanted to talk about it tonight, but really we should get started on this as quickly as possible. 

Luke: Taylor get out! 

Taylor: But…

Luke: Get out! 

Taylor: I will not be treated this way. The deal is off.

Luke: Out!  
(Taylor leaves. Lorelai giggles over her cup of coffee.)

(Dean is playing on the Basketball court near Stars Hollow High. Lane sees him and goes over.)

Lane: Hey Dean. What happened to you? Rory has been trying to reach you. She was really worried.

Dean: I'm sure she was. She'll get over it. She's got other people on her phone chain.

Lane: What are you talking about? Would you stop throwing that ball? I'm trying to talk to you.

Dean: I'm sorry, Lane. It's just that…I called Rory this morning. 

Lane: No you didn't. She hasn't heard from you.

Dean: I didn't speak to her. I spoke to Paris.

Lane: Why didn't you speak to her?

Dean: She was in the shower. Paris told me there was no time for her to speak to me.

Lane: Well, you know she has a busy schedule. Don't be angry at her for that.

Dean: It wasn't that. Paris said she overslept because she was on the phone with me at 2 o'clock in the morning. I was not on the phone with Rory at two o' clock in the morning. 

Lane: Oh.

Dean: I asked Paris who else it could have been, and she said she didn't know. Come on, who else do you call at two in the morning?

Lane: It was probably her mom.

Dean: No. I know it wasn't her mom. You don't call your mom at two in the morning. You either call a boyfriend or a guy you want as your boyfriend. It had to be Jess.

Lane: Dean, I think you're overreacting. Even if it was Jess, that doesn't mean that Rory wants him for a boyfriend. She loves you. She was really worried about you this morning. Jess is a friend, so of course she's going to call him.

Dean: Does she call you at two in the morning?

Lane: She couldn't even call me at 11 at night, if she wanted to. And Jess is a night owl. Maybe she was having trouble sleeping and figured he'd probably be up.

Dean: She's having trouble sleeping and she thinks to call him instead of me?

Lane: She probably thought you wouldn't be up and didn't want to wake you.

(Dean sees Jess headed for school.)

Dean: You know what? We can settle this right now.

Lane: Dean. This is not a good idea. You're angry now. And he's on his way to school. Come on, Dean. 

Dean: Hey Jess. (Jess looks over)

Jess: Ah. Can I help you?

Dean: Yeah you can. Have you spoken to Rory recently by any chance?

Jess: I might have. It depends on what you consider recently. Why it wasn't too long ago we were all chatting by Doose's market. I recall you telling me I should stay away from you. Looks like you're the one who can't stay away from me. You did miss me, didn't you?

Dean: Let me rephrase my question. Did you speak to Rory at two o' clock this morning?

Jess: Mm. You know, it's funny, I hit my head yesterday and I think I have anterograde amnesia. In case you don't know what that is, that's when you can't remember anything that happens after the injury. 

Dean: That's it. You know, you've had this coming for a long time. (He throws down the basketball and gets in fighting stance. Jess takes off his book bag.)

Lane: Oh come on. Pick up your knuckles off the floor. This is ridiculous. 

Jess: When in Rome, do as the Romans.

(Dean lunges one swing. Jess ducks and gets a fist on Dean's shoulder. Dean uppercuts Jess right in the jaw. Jess jabs him in the chest. A full fledged fight begins. Both are bleeding. The principal comes and breaks the two apart.)

Principal: That's it Mr. Mariano. You're coming to my office. You two also. 

(In the Principal's office.)

Principal: Dean, you're not in summer school. What were you doing here?

Dean: I was just playing basketball.

Principal: But you weren't on the court, were you? Well I'll tell you, if you started this, you've got three week's detention. Otherwise I don't want to see you here until September. Now what happened?

Jess: He hit me with the ball. I thought it was on purpose. So we got at it.

Principal: Did he tell you it was on purpose?

Jess: No.

Principal: Then why did you hit him.

Jess: I didn't believe him.

Principal: I just don't know what to do with you anymore, Mr. Mariano. Dean, Lane, you can go. Mr. Mariano, I'm calling your uncle.

Jess: Tell him to bring chips and some more ice.

(Dean and Lane look at Jess, puzzled. He does not look at them. They both leave.)

Outside

Lane: If he gets in bad trouble this is your fault. He saved you in there.

Dean: Please. He always has an ulterior motive. I wonder what he's up to.

Lane: Dean, this whole thing was your fault. I told you not to talk to him, and I told you not to fight.

Dean: I know, Lane. I'm sorry. But he makes me so mad. And I just know he's up to something. In fact, that's it. He's going to use this to get to Rory. Make himself look like the innocent victim slash hero.

Lane: Dean, I hate to tell you this, but you're going crazy. Come on. Let's go get something to eat.

(Principal's office. Luke comes in. Jess, the principal, and a teacher are there.)

Principal: Mr. Danes.

Luke: What happened?

Principal: Mr. Mariano was in a fight today. 

Luke: Ah geez. Did you start it? (Jess nods) Ah geez. Jess, come on. We had a deal.

(Jess looks down)

Teacher: Mr. Danes, before today Jess had made a vast improvement. He's very bright. He just gave me his paper and it's brilliant. That's what makes it hard for us to figure out what to do here. He has a lot of potential. Normally, after this, we would have to expel him, but we're not sure that's the best thing to do now. Jess has been doing better and he has great things ahead of him if he keeps it up. We'd hate to turn him away now when he was just starting to reach his potential.

Principal: At the same time, Mr. Mariano has been in a lot of fights throughout the year, and that he continues to get into fights even while he's improving is a problem. We can't have him beating up the kids just because he's turning in good papers. We need to get a guarantee that this behavior will stop.

(Luke looks at Jess.)

Luke: That's the problem. There is no guarantee that this behavior will stop. Jess told me he would stay out of trouble. We had a deal. Now he gets into trouble. This isn't going to stop, is it?

(Jess remains with his head down.)

Luke: Look, um, we're going to need some time to talk about this and figure stuff out.

Principal: Well, he'll be under suspension until you get back to us.

Luke: That's fine.

Outside 

Luke: Dammit, Jess. Why'd you have to do it? I could deal with your pranks, sending Taylor over thinking I was getting into business with him. But this. This is the stuff we talked about. This is the deal breaker. I think I'm going to have to send you back.

Jess: Is that what you want?

Luke: No it's not what I want. I wanted you to stay out of trouble, go to school, get good grades, graduate high school, go to college, get a degree, make something of yourself.

Jess: Okay.

Luke: Okay what?

Jess: I'll do that.

Luke: I've heard that before.

Jess: No. I told you I would stay out of trouble. I never said all that.

Luke: Yeah, and you got into trouble. 

Jess: I didn't get into trouble. Trouble just seems to find me.

Luke: What happened?

Jess: It doesn't matter.

Luke: Yes it does. You said you started it.

Jess: That's what I said.

Luke: You know, you're right, I don't wanna know. But I'm telling you, this is your last chance. I mean it. Anything else happens, I don't care how small it is, you're going back.

Jess: Okay.

(Independence Inn)

Lorelai: So Michel, we're all set?

Michel: Yes.

Lorelai: What? No surly, sarcastic remarks?

Michel: After my near death experience today, I have decided I waste too much of my breath entertaining you.

Lorelai: Michel, I'm sorry about the balloon.

Michel: That is why you filled the entire inn with them.

Lorelai: Yes, but these are not going to pop.

(Kirk pops a balloon. Michel screams again.)

Lorelai: I'm leaving again.

Voice: Oh my home sweet home!! Where's my kitchen?

Lorelai: I wonder who that could be?

(Sookie comes in)

Lorelai: Surprise! Welcome back! Where's Jackson?

Sookie: Oh he's coming. Michel! I've missed you guys so much! It's so great to be back!

Michel: Hello, Sookie. (he leaves.)

Sookie: What's the matter with him?

Lorelai: He's had two near death experiences today.

Kirk: Oh hi, Sookie! Welcome back. See those Happy Hanukkah banners. They really say welcome back, okay?

Sookie: Okay. (Pulls Kirk into a hug with Lorelai) Oh I've missed you guys so much!

(Luke comes in carrying trays.)

Luke: Sorry I'm late. Oh Sookie. You're back already. Welcome back.

Sookie: Come on, Luke. Join the group hug.

Luke: Yeah. Um, my hands are full, thank God. Where can I take this?

Lorelai: Bring it all in the kitchen.

(the hug breaks up)

Sookie: What's all this?

Lorelai: Well, it's your Welcome Back party. Since you weren't here, you couldn't cater it, so Luke catered. It was better than your substitute.

Sookie: Oh you guys. Thank you.

(Jackson comes in carrying more trays)

Jackson: I just got back and they're already putting me to work. Where'd Luke go?

Lorelai: Welcome back, Jackson. Kirk, why don't you take that for Jackson?

Kirk: Is it hot?

Jackson: Yeah it's hot.

Kirk: Sorry, I can't take it then.

Lorelai: Oh, I'll take it.

(Jess comes in with trays also.)

Lorelai: Right this way, Jess.

(Jess follows her into the kitchen.)

Lorelai: Shouldn't you be at school.

Jess: I should.

Lorelai: And why aren't you?

Jess: They declared Sookie and Jackson's Welcoming a holiday. 

(he puts down the trays and leaves. Lorelai stops Luke as he is passing by.)

Lorelai: Why isn't Jess in school, and why does he look like Rocky after the fight with Ivan?

Luke: He got in a fight and he's suspended.

Lorelai: What?

Luke: Well, they were going to expel him, but didn't want to since he's been doing so well, so they asked me what I was going to do with him, and I was really going to send him back to New York, but I'm giving him one more chance. He's suspended until I go back to the principal and guarantee that he won't get into any fights again.

Lorelai: Can you do that?

Luke: I hope I can. I really should have sent him back to New York, but he doesn't want to go back, and to be honest, I don't want him to go back either. He goes back their and he's just going to get into trouble again. He can do better here. He's been pretty good up 'til now.

Lorelai: Who'd he fight with?

Luke: I don't know.

Lorelai: You didn't ask.

Luke: It doesn't matter. I don't wanna know anything about it.

Lorelai: Ignoring the problem is not going to make it go away.

Luke: It's not a particular problem. He fights anyone and everyone. But it's going to stop.

Lorelai: Okay. If you say so.

(Washington)

Paris: Where's my film? I can't find my film. Rory, where's my film?

Rory: I don't know. Don't worry about it. I've got mine. We'll use your film for the rest of the trip.

(Rory makes a phone call. She grunts.)

Paris: What's wrong?

Rory: I've been trying to call Dean but he's nowhere to be found and either he doesn't have his cell phone with him or he's ignoring my calls. But why would he do that?

Paris: Um, I may have something to do with that.

Rory: What are you talking about?

Paris: Well, when you were in the shower, he called you. I told him you wouldn't be able to talk to him because you overslept after talking to him since two in the morning and now we were running late. I really thought you were talking to him. Turns out you weren't. He might have been a little upset after that.

Rory: Oh no. Paris, how could you?

Paris: I swear I didn't know. I thought it was him you had talked to and I had to make him feel culpable for our tardiness. But let's remember that we decided you were the culpable one, so I guess now we're even.

Rory: No. We're not even because in the end, we were not late. We weren't early, but we weren't late. But what you did has resulted now in my boyfriend not talking to me. So tell me, how are we even? 

Paris: Look, I'm sorry. It's just a stupid fight with your boyfriend. Forget about it. You'll make up later. We're in Washington now.

Rory: You're right.

Paris: I am?

Rory: It's not your fault. It's mine. _I_ called Jess at two in the morning. _I_ forgot to set my alarm again. _I _overslept, and because of that _I _missed Dean's call.

Paris: Well, why are you worrying about it? You two will just make up. You always do. I don't like this version of myself. Can we get back to panicking about the film?

Rory: Paris, I have the film.

(Stars Hollow. Jess is leaving Independence Inn, heading back for the diner. Dean is going to Doose's Market. They stop within feet of each other.)

Dean: Why'd you do it?

Jess: I didn't do anything.

Dean: Why'd you lie to the principal?

Jess: I figure I'd just speed up the process.

Dean: What?

Jess: Come on. They were going to blame it on me anyway. So why get into the complicated details? Just thought I'd make it short and simple.

Dean: What are you going to tell Rory?

Jess: Oh. I see. You thought I did that so that I could then tell Rory that you beat me up and I took the fall for it, make you look bad and me look like one swell guy. Well that'd also make me a wimp. You tell Rory whatever you want. I'm not telling her anything.

Taylor: Dean. Get in here. You're late already.

(Dean and Jess go their separate ways.)

(Independence Inn. Lorelai is looking at pictures. Sookie comes in.)

Sookie: Oh Lorelai, this is great. Thank you so much.

Lorelai: This place just wasn't the same without you. These are nice pictures.

Sookie: Did you see the one where Jackson…

Lorelai: Oh yeah. I saw that one. And I never want to see it again, but give me a copy for my blackmailing vault.

Sookie: (giggling) He didn't know I got that on camera. So, how are you holding up?

Lorelai: I'm fine.

Sookie: I mean, with Rory gone and that whole thing with Chris. Have you spoken to him since?

Lorelai: Yeah, he called. We're okay. He's trying to work things out with Sherry. Rory's going to the White House. She's going to streak in the rose garden for me otherwise I'm not telling you she said welcome back. Oops.

Sookie: Aw, she's so sweet. Is she having a good time?

Lorelai: Yeah. I mean, an okay time. She was never really looking forward to six weeks with Paris and missing your party and everything else, but I think she's enjoying Washington and all the activities. She likes keeping busy.

Sookie: So how have you been keeping busy?

Lorelai: Torturing Luke. He's had to watch movies every night at my house. I think that's why he agreed to cater this thing. He was so glad you were coming back so that I would stop bothering him.

Sookie: So nothing more happened?

Lorelai: What do you mean?

Sookie: Nothing. I just thought you and Luke might make a nice couple.

Lorelai: Luke?

Sookie: Well he's nicer looking than Kirk.

Kirk: (from under the counter) Hey!

Lorelai: Kirk! What are you doing here?

Kirk: I'm hiding.

Lorelai: From who?

Kirk: From Michel. He's going to kill me.

Lorelai: Why?

Kirk: I popped another balloon.

Lorelai: Ah.

Kirk: Right in his ear.

Lorelai: Ouch. Stay low.

Kirk: Yeah. (he ducks back under the counter.)

(Michel enters.)

Michel: Where is he?

Sookie: Who?

Michel: The man who is trying to kill me. Where is he?

Lorelai: We don't know what you're talking about, Michel. There's no one here but me and Sookie. I mean, if anyone were trying to hide here they'd be hiding under the counter and there's no one under the counter.

Kirk: No. There's no one under the counter.

Michel: Get out from under there. 

(Kirk reaches out for a balloon)

Kirk: I warn you. I'm armed.

Lorelai: It's sad that this is the most exciting Stars Hollow will ever get.

(Later. Lorelai walking from Independence Inn. She sees Dean leaving the market.)

Lorelai: Hey stranger.

Dean: Hi.

(Lorelai notices Dean's face.)

Lorelai: I take it you were the one Jess got into a fight with.

Dean: You heard.

Lorelai: Well it's written all over Jess' face, and yours too for that matter. Luke told me about Jess.

Dean: So how much did you hear?

Lorelai: Just that Jess got in a fight. That's all Luke knew. Care to fill in the details?

Dean: I can tell you I lost it today.

Lorelai: Ah.

Dean: This morning I called Rory.

Lorelai: You did?

Dean: Yeah, but I didn't speak to her. She was in the shower. Paris told me she had overslept after talking to me at two in the morning. But it wasn't me she was talking to and I'm almost certain it was Jess. It angered me. You just don't call a _friend_ at two in the morning. I went to play basketball and I saw Jess going to school. I asked him about it, and he got smart with me. I was just so angry at him. I lost it. We got into a fight. 

Lorelai: So what happened?

Dean: Nothing. Jess told the principal he started it, so he let me go. 

Lorelai: Why would he do that?

Dean: I don't know. I thought he was going to use it to make me look like a monster to Rory and him like a good guy. But he said he wasn't telling Rory anything, that he just did it because they were going to blame it on him anyway so why waste time with the details. I just don't know. Why would she call him at that time? 

Lorelai: Well, I don't know, but I wouldn't have that answer and neither would Jess. The only person who would know that would be Rory. It's not his fault that she called him, and I'm sure she didn't mean anything bad by calling him at that time. You should have allowed her to explain it to you. Avoiding her and starting fights with Jess doesn't solve anything, and she's been worried sick about you. 

Dean: I know. I know I screwed up. This whole thing just drives me crazy sometimes. I mean, Rory. She's changing. And it's him. He's messing with me and he's messing with her and he's going to hurt her.

Lorelai: Dean, I understand how you're feeling, but you need to talk to Rory. You're letting your imagination run wild and it's all for nothing. Rory loves you, you have to know that. She was so worried about you. 

Dean: Yeah, I'm going to give her a call. 

Lorelai: Please do that.

Washington

(Rory and Paris are looking at the White House)

Paris: That was incredible. How were the pictures, you think?

Rory: I caught some really good ones. 

Paris: I don't know. I think this might be the place for me. 

Rory: You mean you want to be the President?

Paris: No. God no. But I would like to be in Washington. Work for a political magazine or something. 

Rory: Sounds like a plan. You asked that senator some tough questions. He nearly gagged.

Paris: But he was most impressed by you. 

Rory: Hello, where are you Paris?

Paris: I realize I don't have to compete with you anymore. 

Rory: Good. Because you are great and you're going to go to Harvard and work for a political magazine or do whatever it is you want to do. Nothing can stop you.

Paris: (shyly) Thanks.

Luke's

(It started to pour outside and Lorelai runs inside. Luke quickly serves her a cup of coffee.)

Lorelai: Thanks. Hey, aren't I supposed to be banned from coffee.

Luke: Well, you're soaked. 

Lorelai: That I am. Thank you.

(Luke starts to clean the tables. Taylor comes in. Luke sighs.)

Taylor: Luke, I'm not sure if you knew it, but I run the market over there. I run a respectable market. I hire nice, clean cut boys and girls that are courteous, respectful, and well bred. One of my workers came in today looking like he just came out of prison. I found out that your rude, disrespectful, hoodlum employee slash nephew got into a fight with him. Now, normally I leave these things for the school to handle, but when one of my workers comes in with a swollen lip and a bump on his face, it hurts my business. People think my market is disreputable, that I'm hiring bullies and hoodlums.

Luke: Taylor, you sell fruit, beans, and cornstarch. How does that become disreputable?

Taylor: Luke. You let that menace back in here. Therefore, I hold you responsible. 

Luke: Taylor, they're boys. Boys fight. It happens. Jess looks pretty bad too. 

Taylor: Oh well then, I feel so much better. Make all the excuses you want, but I never saw a boy walking around with a swollen lip in this town until your nephew came here.

Luke: Look Taylor, I already talked to him about it. It's not going to happen again.

Taylor: It wouldn't have happened the first time if you hadn't taken him back, and the only way to be sure that it won't happen again is if you send him back to New York.

Luke: Taylor, are you done?

Taylor: I've said my part, now when are you going to do yours?

Luke: As soon as you leave.

Taylor: Have it your way, but don't think this is over with that boy.

(Taylor leaves.)

Lorelai: You have to give him credit for his zeal. 

Luke: Well, I'm running out of zeal. I'm tired of this. I never should have let him come back here. 

(Jess, who had been coming down the steps, comes into the diner.)

Jess: I'm going out. (leaving)

Luke: Wait, Jess. Did you hear that? Look, I didn't mean that. Jess, would you wait? Look, it's raining out.

(Jess is out the door) Aw geez. This day just keeps getting better and better.

Lorelai: Just let him cool off. He knows you didn't mean it. Listen Luke, did Jess ever tell you what happened?

Luke: No, and I really don't want to know. I can defend him better when I don't know what he did.

Lorelai: Well, I don't know if this is going to make things better or worse, but Jess didn't start the fight.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: Dean did.

Luke: Dean?

Lorelai: Yeah. He lost it for a minute there and got into a fight with Jess. Jess told the principal he started it because he knew that's what they would believe anyway.

Luke: Are you finished with your coffee?

Lorelai: Uh, yeah. Did you hear what I said?

Luke: I heard you. I'll give you a ride home. It's pouring out there.

Lorelai: Uh, okay. 

(Luke clears up as Lorelai gets her things together.)

(Luke drops off Lorelai. It's still raining.)

Lorelai: Well, thanks for the ride. 

Luke: No problem. See ya tomorrow.

Lorelai: Yeah. So, um, goodnight.

Luke: Good night.

(Luke drives off. He gets to the lake and sees Jess on the bridge.)

(Luke approaches Jess.)

Luke: Can we talk?

(Jess looks at him and looks back at the water.)

Luke: Listen, Jess, I'm sorry about what I said—

Jess: No. I was thinking about it and you're right. I don't belong here. I hate this stupid town and the town hates me. There's no point in me being here. I'm going back to New York tomorrow. 

Luke: Jess, stop it. You don't hate the town, and the town doesn't hate you. Taylor hates you. He'll get over it. He came in today and we got into an argument again about the fight, and I was angry. I said those things out of anger. Your place is here. This is your home now, and Taylor may not like, and Dean may not like it, and I sometimes may not like it, and you may not like it, but it's true. I don't like Taylor, but he's still here, so even if he doesn't like you, you're still going to be here. We're all stuck with each other. Welcome to Stars Hollow.

Jess: (smirks) Are we going to hold hands and skip now? 

Luke: It's raining. Let's just take the car.

Washington

(Rory and Paris come through the door, laughing. The phone rings and Rory goes to pick it up.)

Rory: Hello.

Dean: Hey. 

Rory: Dean! How are you? Where have you been? I've tried to call you so many times. You weren't answering your cell phone. I was worried. And then Paris told me you called this morning and she told me what happened and I was worried you were upset and that I'd never hear from you while I was here in Washington…

Dean: Whoa. Slow down, take a breath. I was upset, Rory, and I did some stupid things. I just need to hear what you have to say now. I'm sorry for not giving you that chance earlier.

Rory: Dean, it was nothing. I called Jess. When I called my mom last night she told me that Luke wanted me to call Jess because he was bored and I've been his only friend in Stars Hollow. He just needed a friend. I tried calling him a little while after I got off the phone with my mom, but there was no answer. I figured he was out doing whatever it is he does when he's out late at night, and I decided I'd call him at a time I knew he'd be in. I was right, too, because when I called he said he had just gotten in a little while ago. We talked for a bit. It was just a friendly conversation. It was no big deal. But you didn't even give me a chance to tell you about it.

Dean: I know. I lost it. He just gets me so mad, and it just didn't seem right to me, that you would be calling him at two in the morning. I'm sorry I wigged. 

Rory: Apology accepted. Now, what were these stupid things that you did?

Dean: (sighs) I guess I should tell you before Lane does.

Rory: What do you mean? What happened?

Dean: I got into a fight with Jess.

Rory: Oh my God! Why? Is he okay? What happened?

Dean: Rory! He's fine. I don't know why. It just happened. He got smart with me again and I couldn't deal with it. Why do you automatically ask if _he's _all right?

Rory: Well, because I'm talking to you, so I know you're not dead, and you are significantly taller than he is, so I would think there's a greater possibility that he was severely hurt than that you were. Why do you read so much into everything I say?

Dean: Look, I'm sorry. I'm still recovering from all the frustration of the day.

Rory: A frustration that you could have avoided.

Dean: Rory, I said I was sorry.

Rory: I know. Look, let's just forget it. You're okay?

Dean: Yes.

Rory: And Jess is okay?

Dean: Yes.

Rory: When did this happen?

Dean: In the morning. 

Rory: Jess wasn't at school?

Dean: He was on his way.

Rory: And where were you?

Dean: At the court.

Rory: So you fought at school?

Dean: Yeah.

Rory: So what happened? Did you get caught?

Dean: Yeah. We had to go to the principal's office. I got off. I don't know what happened to Jess.

Rory: How did you get off?

Dean: Does it matter? Can't we just forget about this and move on?

Rory: Yeah, I guess so.

Dean: How was the White House?

Rory: Better than I expected. It was a busy day, but I had a good time. Paris and I are preparing a great article for the Franklin. 

Dean: That's great. I'm glad to hear that.

Rory: What did you do for the rest of the day?

Dean: Well, I was working today. It's raining here so I pretty much spent the rest of the day in with my family.

Rory: That's nice. I miss spending a day inside. 

Dean: I miss you.

Rory: I miss you too.

Dean: Well, I'm gonna let you go. Clara's bored and she needs some entertainment.

Rory: By all means, go do your entertaining.

Dean: Good night.

Rory: Good night.

Luke's next day

(Lorelai enters. Luke is upstairs. Jess walks over with the coffee.)

Lorelai: Hey Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: So how did it go?

Jess: What?

Lorelai: Are you still suspended.

Jess: No. They decided to give me detention for the rest of the summer instead. I'm still trying to figure out how that's a better trade off.

Lorelai: And you and Luke are okay now?

Jess: There was never a problem.

Lorelai: Fine. Listen Jess, I spoke to Dean yesterday.

Jess: Ah.

Lorelai: Yeah. He sort of told me the details about your row. ..Why'd you really do it. 

Jess: What? 

Lorelai: Lie.

Jess: You seem to question my motives often, Miss Gilmore, and no matter what I say you're going to believe what you want to believe so go right ahead.

Lorelai: I'll be honest with you, Jess. I don't trust you and I'm worried. I'm worried for Rory.

Jess: Well that's an interesting piece of news. Thank you, Miss Gilmore.

(Luke comes downstairs.)

Jess: (to Luke) I'm going to school.

Luke: Go str…Never mind. 

The End


	4. Saturday Night Fever

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay for anyone

Disclaimer: I own none of the GG characters or anything. There are some Stew Pid characters here. Those I own with the other Stew Pid stuff.

(Luke's. Lorelai enters looking frazzled.)

Lorelai: One coffee on the rocks and make it strong.

Luke: What's wrong with you?

Lorelai: I have to go to my parents' house for dinner today.

Luke: You still have to do that even though Rory isn't here?

Lorelai: Well, my mom wanted me to, but I've avoided it all this time. First I used the excuse that Sookie wasn't here, then I used the excuse that she was coming back, then it was that she had just gotten back, and now I've run out of Sookie excuses but I can't think of anything else. I could play dead, but then what would I do when Rory comes back?

Luke: Come on, is it really that bad?

Lorelai: Picture a night alone with Taylor?

Luke: (pours her the coffee) Drink up.

Lorelai: (holding up the mug) Cheers. (She gulps it down like a shot of whiskey. Then slams down the mug.) Okay. I'm going in.

Luke: Have a nice time.

Lorelai: Funny.

(Hartford Gilmore residence)

Emily: Well Lorelai, so nice to see you. It's been a long time, I was almost about to ask you to send me a photo of yourself in the mail so I could remember what you look like.

Lorelai: Mom, I get your point. I've just been very busy lately. The summer's a busy season at the inn, you know.

Emily: Of course. I understand. And with Sookie just being back, I mean I'm sure everything was all of a sudden new to her again.

Lorelai: Okay, maybe I did not explain the situation well the last time. See, Sookie is a wonderful, paranoid, neurotic, obsessive-compulsive person. She does not take to change well. She freaked out and emptied out the kitchen and put everything back in the exact strategic location she had left it, changed the menus a gazillion times, and the rest of us also had to adjust to having her back because we had gotten used to a quieter more lax kitchen environment.

Emily: Lorelai, there is no need for explanation. I understood the first time. So tell me, how is Rory?

Lorelai: She's fine. She's having a great time.

Emily: I'm sure she is. She must be in her element there.

Lorelai: I'm sure she is. So where's dad?

Emily: Oh he should be coming down soon. Why don't we settle down for some tea?

Lorelai: Are there any biscuits?

(Emily walks away. Lorelai frowns, shrugs, and then follows her.)

(At the dinner table. Richard comes.)

Richard: Ah, Lorelai, how nice of you to stop by.

Lorelai: Dad, hey. How are you?

Richard: Not so bad, not so bad. How's Rory?

Lorelai: Great. 

Richard: I'm glad.

Emily: It seems Sookie is all settled in again.

Richard: How wonderful.

Lorelai: So Dad, how's the business going?

Richard: Quite well. Well, we're just starting up so we've had a few bumps here and there, but we've also had some good breaks so things are working out rather nicely.

Lorelai: That's great. 

(Maid enters)

Maid: Sir, there is a call for you, a Mr. Hughes. 

Richard: Ah. Yes. I'll take it in my study. Excuse me for one moment.

(Richard and Maid leave.)

Emily: So how is Christopher?

Lorelai: He's doing well.

Emily: That's good. Is he still is Stars Hollow?

Lorelai: No. He went back to Boston.

Emily: And when is he coming back?

Lorelai: I'm not sure, but probably not for a while.

Emily: But at the wedding you said he'd be visiting more often.

Lorelai: Yes, but as things turn out that's not going to happen. 

Emily: Why, what's wrong?

Lorelai: Nothing's wrong.

Emily: Well something must be wrong to have caused the change in plans.

Lorelai: (sighs) Chris' ex-girlfriend turns out to be pregnant so Chris went back to try to work things out with her so he could be there for the new baby.

Emily: Oh my. How unfortunate.

Lorelai: No mom, it's a good thing. He's doing the right thing.

Emily: Well I'm glad he's doing it for one of his children.

Lorelai: You know, mom, maybe we shouldn't get into this.

Emily: You're right. 

(Silence. Then Richard comes.)

Richard: So what did I miss? (Emily and Lorelai roll their eyes.)

Next day

(Dean sees Lane and catches up with her.)

Dean: Hey.

Lane: Oh hey. How are you?

Dean: Okay. How 'bout you?

Lane: Not too bad I must say.

Dean: Good. So, what do you have planned for today?

Lane: Well, I was supposed to be getting together with some girls from the squad, we were just going to hang out.

Dean: (voice drops) Oh okay. Well, I'll see you later.

Lane: Wait. Hold up. Why? What's wrong?

Dean: Well, Rory's absence is starting to get to me more and more, and I didn't have any plans for today so I thought maybe we could catch a movie or something, but since you have plans…

Lane: Well, why don't you just hang out with me and the girls? There's going to be other guys there too.

Dean: And your mother's okay with this?

Lane: What she doesn't know won't hurt me. She's going to be at the church most of the afternoon and then she's visiting a friend.

Dean: Okay. So where are you meeting?

Lane: In front of the music store at 5.

Dean: Okay, well thanks.

Lane: No problem. See you at 5.

Luke's

(Lorelai enters looking exhausted.)

Luke: So, how did it go last night?

Lorelai: If you want to hear about it, you have to first remove all sharp and dull objects within a thirty feet radius.

Luke: I'll pass. 

Lorelai: Good. So, I here there's this new great movie out.

Luke: The new Pacino? Yeah, I don't know.

Lorelai: No, not the new Pacino.

Luke: Which one are you talking about then?

Lorelai: It's a great uplifting movie with action, adventure, strong political message, delightfully entertaining, heartwarming, funny, and rejuvenating.

Luke: Now I know we're not talking about the new Pacino movie.

Lorelai: I'm talking about Spirit: the Stallion of the Cimarron.

Luke: You want to see a cartoon movie about a horse?

Lorelai: Not just any horse, Spirit.

Luke: Are you serious?

Lorelai: It is an unusual thing for me, but in this case, yes, I am serious.

Luke: So I take it you're going with Sookie to see this?

Lorelai: Well, actually, Sookie is visiting with Jackson's parents.

Luke: So you're going to try to connive me into going with you.

Lorelai: It's no fun seeing a cartoon movie alone, and what happened to that "alone together" speech?

Luke: I was under medication when I said that.

Lorelai: So I'll drug you before we go.

Luke: Can't you just see it tomorrow with Sookie?

Lorelai: I could, but then what would I do today?

Luke: You need to find yourself a hobby.

Lorelai: I have a hobby.

Luke: Besides bugging the heck out of me.

Lorelai: Oh, well, then I promise I'll start working on finding another one if you come with me. Pleeeeease.

(Kirk comes in.)

Lorelai: With carrots on top and asparagus and creamy spinach.

Kirk: What's going on here?

Lorelai: Luke won't come with me to see Spirit.

Kirk: Hey, I wanted to see that movie.

Luke: Great. Kirk you can go with Lorelai today.

Kirk: Hey, that's great. I haven't taken a girl to the movies since…well since my mother came to visit.

Lorelai: Okay, but Kirk, this is not a date.

Kirk: Would it have been a date with Luke?

Lorelai: No.

Kirk: Because if I'm going to be his substitute I should get all the privileges normally extended to him.

Lorelai: Great, then I can bother you mercilessly until you're about to go up the walls?

Luke: Yep, those are my privileges.

Kirk: Well, I'm just the substitute. Substitutes never get treated exactly the same.

Lorelai: So it's a deal.

Kirk: Pick you up at 7? We can get a quick bite and see the 7:45 showing.

Lorelai: Sounds great.

Kirk: Okay. I'm going to call my mother.

(Kirk leaves.)

Lorelai: You owe me.

Luke: You owed me first.

Lorelai: So I guess we're even now. (She shrugs and heads out of the diner)

(Independence Inn)

Lorelai: Sookie, calm down. Everything is going to be fine.

Sookie: You don't understand. Before I met them as Jackson's girlfriend. Now I'm meeting them as Jackson's wife. They're going to notice if he got thinner or not. Oh my God! What if he got thinner?

Lorelai: I'd say, considering the amounts of food you cook, that that's impossible.

Sookie: Oh, don't you see. This is the trial visit to see how good a wife I am. And what if I'm not a good wife? They'll tell Jackson if he hasn't noticed yet and before I know it, some man in a suit will be coming to the inn to hand me divorce papers.

Lorelai: Well, just be sure to get the guy's number and you might have found yourself a new husband.

Sookie: I don't want a new husband. 

Lorelai: And you won't need a new husband. You love Jackson, right?

Sookie: Of course.

Lorelai: And I know he loves you. And if his parents are really looking to see if you're a good wife, that's all they'll have to look for, and they'll see it 'cause it's there. Everyone sees it.

Sookie: Oh. You're so wonderful. (Hugs Lorelai.)

(Michel comes in.)

Michel: Aw, how cute. You know what would be cuter? If I was not the only one working here.

Lorelai: Oh. I think Michel wants a hug.

Michel: Stay away from me.

(Lorelai and Sookie move in an Michel with big smiles on their faces. Michel moves back, but is pinned in a corner.)

Outside the music store

(A bunch of girls are waiting when Lane comes out of the store.)

Girl 1: So we're all ready?

Lane: Actually, I invited another friend to come along if that's okay with you guys.

Girl 1: Oh no, it's no problem. I've got a few other friends waiting at my house anyway.

(Dean walks over.)

Dean: Hey Lane.

Lane: Oh, hey Dean. This is my friend Dean. Dean this is Rachel, Cathy, Annie, and Vy.

Girls: Hi.

Annie: Aren't we in the same History class?

Dean: Yeah, I think so. You sit in third row by the window?

Annie: Yeah, and you sit in the third row between the middle and the door.

Dean: Yeah.

Girl 1 (Rachel): Okay, so we're going to my house first. Some of the guys are there.

Rachel's house.

Rachel: Okay, make yourselves at home. Mi casa es su casa. Oh, Dean, you must know Rick, Jacob, Kevin, and this is my sister Vani, and her boyfriend Ed.

(They all say hello.)

Kevin: So Dean, it's great that you came. Now we're not so outnumbered.

Rick: Four guys to five girls, not so bad.

Vani: Well, Ed and I are leaving now. It was nice to meet you, Dean.

Dean: Yeah, same here.

Vani: Have fun you guys.

Jacob: So Dean, I heard you and Jess got at it the other day.

Dean: Um, yeah. 

Rick: I hope you gave him a good knock in the head for me.

Vy: Well he looked pretty bad the other day when he came back. 

Cathy: Who are you guys talking about?

Rachel: You don't know Jess? He's got quite a reputation for himself around here.

Annie: Well, Cathy doesn't spend a lot of time around here and Jess didn't spend a lot of time at school, so I guess they never really met.

Vy: He's been going to class pretty consistently for summer school, though.

Kevin: So Vy, why are you in summer school anyway?

Vy: I failed chemistry.

Jacob: And…

Vy: Math.

Jacob: And…

Vy: That's it.

Lane: So what are we doing today?

Rachel: We'll just hang out here and get something to eat later. I thought we could see a movie, but there's nothing good playing.

Vy: Spirit is playing.

Rachel: Come on, Vy. A cartoon movie?

Rick: How 'bout the new Pacino movie.

Annie: Ugh. What is it with guys and Pacino movies? They were okay when he was hot but now he's just old.

Cathy: But he doesn't look much different. Hey, I think they're still giving Lord of the Rings here.

Rachel: And we've seen it how many times? 

Cathy: I never get tired of it.

Dean: It's a great movie.

Annie: To see once, after that it's like kill me already.

Cathy: You guys obviously weren't Tolkien addicts in the seventh grade.

Jacob: I was a Simpson's addict in the seventh grade.

Kevin: You still are a Simpson's addict.

Jacob: I never said I stopped being one, did I?

Rick: Hey, I'm hungry already.

Annie: Me too.

Rachel: You guys wanna call for pizza.

Rick: Nah. I'm in the mood for a steak sandwich.

Vy: I've dieted all week. Right now I could go for a nice juicy burger.

Cathy: No, I could just deal with a salad and maybe a baked potato.

Annie: (mischievously) Let's go to Luke's.

Lane: (looking at Dean) You know, I was really in the mood for pizza.

Rachel: Well, let's take a vote. Who votes for pizza? (She, Lane, and Dean opt for pizza.) Now, who says Luke's? Rick, Jacob, Kevin, Vy, and Annie opt for Luke's.

Cathy: It doesn't really matter to me.

Rick: Either way we win. Luke's it is.

Luke's

(The crowd pours into the dinner. They divide themselves amongst the empty tables. Rick, Kevin, Annie, and Rachel sit at one table. Vy, Jacob, Lane, and Dean, sit at another, leaving Cathy to share a table for two on her own. Dean notices this and gets up to sit with Cathy.)

Dean: Hey.

Cathy: Oh. Thanks. I was pretty lonely over here.

(Jess comes down.)

Luke: You were supposed to be down here twenty minutes ago.

Jess: Always good to be fashionably late.

Luke: But not habitually.

Jess: They say you don't get rid of bad habits, you just replace them? Should I go back to smoking?

Luke: There are plenty of customers to attend to.

Jess: Maybe theft again?

Luke: They're waiting.

Jess: Cutting school would be better?

Luke: Jess! Just get to work.

Jess: Whatever you say, Uncle Luke.

(Jess notices the gang. He goes up to Lane's table.)

Jess: Hello. I'll be your waiter this afternoon. Would you like to hear our specials?

Lane: Um, I'll just have the chicken and fries with a Coke.

Jess: Fine choice, ma'am. 

Vy: And I'll have a burger, hold the pickles and a diet Coke.

Jess: An equally fine choice. And the gentleman?

Jacob: I'll have the same with the pickles, regular Coke.

Vy: So, Jess, I see that nasty bump healed up nicely.

Jess: Wow, you must have aced the eye exam. How'd you do on the chem?

Jacob: Ouch, that just might have cost you your tip, man.

Jess: I think I'll survive.

(Jess gives in the order and walks to Dean's table.)

Jess: How do you do today?

Cathy: We're fine, thank you.

Jess: What can I get the missis?

Cathy: I'll have a salad and a baked potato?

Jess: Luke, I think I found your daughter?

Luke: What?

Jess: (Shakes his head and looks to Dean) What'll it be?

Dean: Just a Coke.

Jess: So you're just gonna sit and watch your girlfriend eat?

Dean: You know this is not my girlfriend.

Jess: Fine. I see nothing.

Cathy: No, it's true. We're all together (she gestures to the three tables) and we just fell this way.

Jess: You don't have to explain anything to me.

Dean: No we don't.

Jess: Right. So your order's coming right up.

(Jess goes to the other table)

Cathy: So that's the infamous Jess. 

Dean: Unfortunately.

Cathy: I think I may have had a class with him.

Dean: To which he hardly ever showed.

Cathy: You don't like him.

Dean: Well I'm not much of a fan of his. But I am a big Lord of the Rings fan.

Cathy: Really? How many times have you seen it?

Dean: Not as many times as I could. I've seen it three times.

Cathy: Oh you'll think I'm a dork then.

Dean: No, come on, how many?

Cathy: Seven.

Dean: Wow.

Cathy: And I'd see it again. 

Dean: Yeah, I'd see it again too.

Cathy: We should go.

Dean: What?

Cathy: Today.

Dean: I should tell you I have a girlfriend.

Cathy: Okay. I don't mean as a date. I just mean as two possible friends and fellow Lord of the Rings lovers who haven't seen it nearly as many times as they should. Do you have any plans today after this?

Dean: No.

Cathy: So you wanna?

Dean: I don't know.

Cathy: Oh come on. It gets better with every time you see it.

Dean: All right. 

Cathy: Great

Dean: So how is it that you go to Stars Hollow High and are such a stranger to Stars Hollow?

Cathy: See, I don't live in Stars Hollow. I just go to school here and I just moved to Connecticut this year. I'm from Chicago. 

Dean: Oh, I have family in Chicago. I was there not too long ago.

Cathy: Really? I haven't been back since I came here. I live in the next town. But my mom and Rachel's mom are good friends from college and Rachel's mom told my mom about Stars Hollow High so I came here. I used to just go to class and go straight home so I didn't really get to know a lot of people except Rachel. Then she became a cheerleader and my mom thought I should do the same so I could make more friends in Stars Hollow. 

Dean: Do you like cheerleading?

Cathy: It's okay. I mean, I am athletic. I've just been more of a basketball player. I was in the girl's basketball team in my old school in Chicago, but Stars Hollow doesn't have a girls basketball team, and cheerleading is better than nothing. A lot of people just think its about being peppy and way too hyper, but its very physically demanding. It's a good work out. 

Dean: Yeah, I mean, it looks challenging. It's like gymnastics with pom poms.

Cathy: Exactly.

(Jess comes over with a salad, baked potato, and two Cokes.)

Cathy: Uh, I didn't order a Coke.

Jess: Oh you wanted two straws for the one? (looks at Dean) How cute. (Dean is about to say something when Cathy cuts in.)

Cathy: No. No. Could I get water?

Jess: Okay. One water coming up.

(Jess walks away)

Cathy: So why didn't your girlfriend come?

Dean: She's away in Washington at a leadership conference.

Cathy: Oh I see.

Dean: What about you? Do you have more friends in your town?

Cathy: More than I have here, definitely, but not as many as I had in Chicago. Though you only really know who your friends are when you leave. I had a boyfriend in Chicago and we were planning on trying out a long-distance relationship sort of thing since I moved. About two months ago I found out he was seeing my best friend. I don't speak to either of them any more, but I still keep in touch with my other friends.

Dean: Go easy on your friend. Long-distance relationships have to be hard. I think what probably happened in that situation was that your boyfriend was hanging out with your friend a lot to hold on to a piece of you. Then it just got out of hand.

Cathy: I guess you're right. It was silly of us to think we could do it anyway. Young love is true, but it doesn't last.

Dean: _Sometimes_ it doesn't.

Cathy: Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't referring to you and Rory. There I go putting my foot in my mouth again.

(Jess comes with the water.)

Jess: Try the salad instead. It's more filling.

Cathy: (laughs) Oh yeah. Everything is delicious.

Jess: (to Dean) How 'bout you? Is that Coke okay? Not too much ice? Or do you need some more ice? Is the straw okay?

Dean: (angrily) Everything's fine, Jess.

Jess: Okay. Well, thank you. Come again. (to Luke) I'm taking my break now.

Luke: You're here twenty minutes late and you're taking your break twenty minutes early.

Jess: Smoking, theft, or cutting. Take your pick.

Luke: Just get out of here.

Jess: Why thank you. (Jess sees Mrs. Kim walking toward the diner. He goes over to Lane.)

Jess: (whispering) Duck.

(Lane looks and sees her mother who has already spotted her.)

Lane: Oh no. Look guys, this evening is over for me. I'll see you later hopefully.

Rachel: Do you want me to help you explain?

Lane: No. It wouldn't help.

Washington

Rory: So Paris, what do you want to do for our free night on the town?

Paris: Well, I'm going to dinner and then the Jefferson Memorial.

Rory: By yourself?

Paris: Well, um, no.

Rory: With Phil?

Paris: Yes, with Phil. Is there anything wrong with that?

Rory: (smiling) No. Nothing at all.

Paris: Get that stupid smile off your face okay.

Rory: (smiling) I'm not smiling.

Paris: Look, it's no big deal. You wanna come?

Rory: No. No. I have lots to do. I think I'm going to get a head start on my packing. 

Paris: We still have another week and a half.

Rory: I know. I like to start things early. Packing is a very time consuming procedure for me. See I have this particular strategy where I…

Paris: Spare me. So what are you going to do about eating?

Rory: I'll just go downstairs.

Paris: You want me to bring you back something.

Rory: No. You don't know my taste in food, nor my capacity for it.

Paris: Fine. Suit yourself.

(the phone rings.)

Paris: That's probably Phil. (picks up) Hello…Oh, she's right here. Hold on. It's for you. Mr. Wonderful.

Rory: Hey Dean, how are you?

Dean: Rory, okay. How are you?

Rory: I'm okay. So what are you up to?

Dean: Well, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me going to the movies today with a friend.

Rory: Of course not. Why would I? Do I know this friend?

Dean: I don't think so. I don't know her too well myself. I just met her today.

Rory: Her?

Dean: Yeah. Cathy. She's Lane's friend.

Rory: Oh. Is Lane going too? 

Dean: No, she can't. She's grounded.

Rory: Again.

Dean: Yep. It wasn't pretty.

Rory: So it's just gonna be you and Cathy?

Dean: Yeah. It's just as friends. She knows I have a girlfriend whom I love tremendously.

Rory: The feeling's mutual.

Dean: She's a big Lord of the Rings fan. She's seen it seven times and insisted I see it again.

Rory: So you two are working on getting into the Guinness book of records for seeing Lord of the Rings the most times?

Dean: You don't want me to go?

Rory: No. It's not that. I just find it a little strange.

Dean: What's so strange about it?

Rory: I mean, you two just meet today and already you're seeing movies together just the two of you. 

Dean: Look, Lane invited me to hang out with her and a bunch of her friends. Lane's mother caught us all at Luke's and grounded her. The other guys didn't want to see Lord of the Rings, so it just left me and Cathy.

Rory: I understand that, but I don't see what's the emergency in seeing a movie that you've already seen three times.

Dean: So you're allowed to be friends with Jess, but I'm not allowed to be friends with Cathy.

Rory: You're the one who freaks out if I spend two seconds with Jess in a place considered slightly less than public.

Dean: But you do it anyway. And it's different with you and Jess. I only act that way because I care about you and I don't want you to get hurt, and I just knew Jess would hurt you, and he already has.

Rory: No he hasn't. Look, I don't want to argue with you. I don't care. I really don't. Have fun. Say hello to Cathy for me.

Dean: I will. 

Rory: Bye.

Dean: Good bye.

(Rory slams down the phone. It rings again. She picks up.)

Rory: (angrily) What now?

Phil: Um, I'm sorry. I, I was supposed to call Paris here. Is this Paris?

Rory: (softening) I'm sorry, Phil. It's me Rory. I thought you were someone else.

Phil: I almost thought you were Paris. The attitude was right but the voice was still different. 

Rory: (laughing) Paris is right here. Hold on. (She hands the phone to Paris.)

Paris: Okay. I'll be right down. (hangs up) You sure you don't want to come?

Rory: Yeah, I'm sure.

Paris: Well, I'll see you later. 

Rory: Have fun.

Paris: Bye.

(Rory picks up the phone and dials. After it rings for a while, she hangs up and dials again.)

Luke: Luke here.

Rory: Hey Luke.

Luke: Hey Rory. What's up?

Rory: Nothing much. How are you?

Luke: Not too bad. 

Rory: That's good. I'm sorry I keep doing this, but is my mom there? She wasn't home.

Luke: No, she's not. She went to the movies with Kirk.

Rory: Kirk?

Luke: Well I wasn't going to go with her.

Rory: Let me guess, she wanted to see Spirit.

Luke: The horse, yeah.

Rory: And Sookie was unavailable.

Luke: With the in-laws.

Rory: Ah.

Luke: She'll probably be dropping by here after if I know her.

Rory: She will.

Luke: So I'll tell her you were trying to reach her.

Rory: Thanks. Luke…

Luke: Yeah.

Rory: Is Jess there?

Luke: Yeah. Hold on. (yells out) Jeeesssss! Jeeeessss!! (sighs and goes up the steps. Jess is reading with headphones on blaring. He sees Luke and takes off the headphones.)

Luke: The phone. (Luke leaves. Jess picks up the phone.)

Jess: Hello Rory.

Rory: Hey.

Jess: What's up?

Rory: Nothing much. How 'bout you?

Jess: Nothing really. How'd the White House go?

Rory: Pretty good. Pretty good. So are you feeling okay?

Jess: Well, I'm not dying. Why?

Rory: I heard you got into a fight.

Jess: Ah. The news traveled all the way to Washington. And I thought Stars Hollow was small. Oh wait, I forgot you're the aspiring overseas correspondent. 

Rory: Right. So are you really okay?

Jess: Yeah. You forget I'm the more experienced fighter.

Rory: I should be angry at you.

Jess: But you're not.

Rory: No.

Jess: Why?

Rory: Because it was Dean's fault too, and mine.

Jess: Now how was it your fault?

Rory: I picked a bad time to call.

Jess: I didn't mind.

Rory: But Dean obviously did.

Jess: But you didn't call Dean.

Rory: No.

Jess: Just trying to follow along this line of logic.

Rory: It doesn't matter. It's over.

Jess: You broke up with Dean?

Rory: No. I mean, the fight, the argument, it's over.

Jess: Oh.

Rory: What was the sentence?

Jess: Detention for the summer.

Rory: Ouch. Why did Dean get off?

Jess: He gave them the puppy eyes.

Rory: Seriously.

Jess: I don't know. I guess because they figured he was a first and last time offender. Or maybe they wanted someone to beat me up for the vicarious exhilaration.

Rory: Stop it.

Jess: So what's the Beat-hater up to?

Rory: Paris is on a date with a friend.

Jess: Seems to be the day for that.

Rory: What do you mean?

Jess: It's a Saturday night.

Rory: Oh. Yeah. Right. So what are _you_ doing this Saturday night?

Jess: Spending some time with a friend.

Rory: Oh, I'm sorry. Then I'll let you go.

Jess: If you do then I will officially be doing absolutely nothing on a Saturday night.

Rory: (smiling) Oh. Well then I'll stay.

Jess: Good.

Movie Theater

Dean: (at the ticket booth) Two for Lord of the Rings.

(Lorelai and Kirk come up)

Lorelai: Hey Dean.

Dean: Oh hi. Hey Kirk.

Kirk: Hi.

Lorelai: Who's your friend?

Dean: Oh, this is Cathy. Cathy this is Rory's mother Lorelai and Kirk.

Cathy: Nice to meet you.

Lorelai: Have you spoken to Rory lately?

Dean: Yeah. I told her I'd be going to the movies with Cathy.

Lorelai: Oh you did. Okay, then there's no problem.

Cathy: We're just friends.

Lorelai: Right. Okay. So enjoy the movie.

Dean: Yeah, you too.

After the movie

Kirk: Well. I had a wonderful time tonight.

Lorelai: Yeah. Great movie, wasn't it?

Kirk: Yeah, it was.

Lorelai: We should do this again sometime.

Kirk: Do you really mean that or are you just saying that and then you'll never call, and I'll be sitting in front of the TV eating bon bons watching Animal Planet not even with my mom on the phone this time so that I can leave the line open for your call?

Lorelai: You lead a very lonely life, don't you?

Kirk: You have no idea, so don't toy with me.

Lorelai: You know, these past weeks I've known exactly what you mean. I've leached onto people like Luke and Sookie and now you because I just can't deal with it. I'm in the house and everything is quite and there's no one to talk to and I just wig. I never realized how hard it has to be to live alone.

Kirk: Well, not everyone can do it, definitely. Takes a strong person on a higher intellectual plateau.

Lorelai: (smiles) Well thank you for saving me from the lonely house tonight.

Kirk: Yeah, same here.

Luke's

Lorelai: Hey.

Luke: You survived. How was the movie?

Lorelai: Well, you missed a great one.

Luke: I'll live. So how did you deal with Kirk for longer than 10 minutes?

Lorelai: It wasn't that bad after I tied him up, gagged him, and threw a blanket over him. No, but, actually I had a lot of fun.

Luke: Good. Rory tried calling you.

Lorelai: Yeah. I have to speak to her myself. I should get home. Make that coffee to go.

Luke: I never said I was going to give you any coffee.

Lorelai: Come on, you were spared from having to watch a cartoon movie that would have turned you into a fuzzy, cute animated creature.

Luke: Anyway, I think Rory's still on the phone with Jess. You can speak to her right now. Hold up. Jeeessss!

Jess: (from upstairs) What!

Luke: You still got Rory on the phone?

Jess: Yeah why?

Luke: Lorelai's here and wants to speak to her. Wrap it up.

Lorelai: Hey, I can wait. I'll tell you all about the movie.

Luke: Jeeeessss! Hurry up.

Jess: (coming downstairs) I'm all done. She's still there. I'm going for a walk.

Luke: (picks up the phone) Rory?

Rory: Still here.

Luke: Hold on. Your mom's here.

Rory: We know her well.

(Luke hands the phone to Lorelai)

Lorelai: Hey babe.

Rory: Hey mom. So, how'd your date with Kirk go?

Lorelai: It was not a date. 

Rory: Dinner and a movie. Sounds like a date to me.

Lorelai: First of all, Kirk was practically finished eating before I got here, and secondly, it was a Disney movie. The dinner and movie date concept only works if both parties eat together and have flirtatious conversation and then watch a romantic movie with their arms wrapped around each other. Kirk and I did not even sit in adjacent seats. We used the seat in the middle as a table for our nachos and cheese, gummie bears, and Goobers.

Rory: Which qualifies as dinner. So you did eat together, and then I'm sure there was the hands grazing together over the cheese dip.

Lorelai: Stop it.

Rory: Then I'm sure you said, "Oh Kirk, what strong hands you have."

Lorelai: Who am I? Little Red Riding Hood?

Rory: "Don't you just _love _nachos with cheese."

Lorelai: Okay, I understand this is revenge. Now that's enough.

Rory: "Aren't horses beautiful. I always wanted to ride off on a horse into the sunset with a man with strong hands."

Lorelai: Okay. Did you get it all out of your system?

Rory: I think so. But it might just be dormant and come back later.

Lorelai: So I saw Dean at the theater.

Rory: Yes, he did tell me he was going to the movies with a friend. Cathy I believe her name was.

Lorelai: Yeah. Cathy. So he did tell you, good. And you're okay with it?

Rory: Of course, why wouldn't I be?

Lorelai: Oh I get it. Dean freaks out about you calling Jess at two in the morning, so you act like you're cool with the Cathy thing so that he leaves you alone about Jess, and you can call him whenever you want and stay on the phone with him however long you want.

Rory: No. Why is everything with you two about Jess? Dean told me about Cathy. I expressed my reservations. He didn't see a problem so why should I? I don't have a problem with trust. I trust Dean. 

Lorelai: Fine. I don't want to take up this line any longer. I'll call you when I get home.

Rory: Fine.

(Dean and Cathy walking through Stars Hollow)

Dean: You sure you're going to be okay getting home?

Cathy: Yeah. The bus leaves me right in front of my house. I had a nice time.

Dean: Me too.

Cathy: I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. That's corny right?

Dean: Yeah, but I get it, the use of a cliché to briefly express understood sentiments.

Cathy: Well then I guess you do. That's my bus coming. 

Dean: Okay, so I'll see you around.

Cathy: I hope so. Good night.

Dean: Good night.

Later in Washington

(Phone rings)

Rory: Hello.

Dean: Hey.

Rory: Oh. Hi. 

Dean: Rory, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. 

Rory: Me too.

Dean: I missed you tonight. I realize the movie wasn't as great as watching it with you is. 

Rory: As soon as I get back, if it's still playing, I promise you I'll go see it with you again.

Dean: So listen, I can't stay long. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.

Rory: I love you too.

Dean: Okay. Good night.

Rory: Bye. (She hangs up and falls lifelessly onto the bed, putting a pillow over her head.)

The End 

* * *


	5. Luck Be a Lady

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay for everyone.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or anything. Just the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: First of all, I wanted to thank those of you who have reviewed. I truly appreciate your comments and encouragement. Also, I just wanted to warn readers (and I should have done this earlier) that each chapter is 11 Word document pages long, single-spaced, font 10. See, I've been trying to write this like real episode transcripts (though the actual GG transcripts are 18 pages, but seven is a lucky number and I'm not a professional anyway). So this means this is really long, and so, I warn you. Read it in bits if you want, but don't waste your time or eye health reading it all at once if you don't have the time or eye strength for it. Thanks again. 

(Independence Inn)

Michel: (on the phone) No, we do not have a casino…Not even slot machines…Well, I don't know. I'm sure you could find a bingo game at a local church…Well I'm sorry then…Have fun in New Jersey. Buh-bye. (hangs up)

This job does not pay enough.

Lorelai: Well, if you need extra cash you could try your luck at one of those bingo games.

Michel: If I were lucky, I would not be working here, would I?

Lorelai: You should consider yourself very lucky that on a daily basis you get to work with the finest people anyone could ever meet.

(Sookie and Jackson come in)

Jackson: Sookie, would you please look at this. You don't find apples like this even in Washington.

Sookie: Yes, honey. They're gorgeous apples, but they're red. I needed yellow apples. I use the skins for a garnish, and they need to be yellow.

Jackson: Why does the garnish have to be yellow? You realize what the problem is here, don't you?

Sookie: Yes. The apples are red.

Jackson: No. It's that you're rigid. You're too rigid.

Sookie: Me? Rigid? Jackson, how could you say that? Wait, I know what you're getting at. You're saying that our marriage is not going to work because I'm too rigid, like the tree that doesn't bend can't weather the storms.

Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm talking about the tree that had beautiful red apples that you are too rigid to use because you want a yellow garnish. 

Sookie: I need to be alone right now. (She rushes off)

Jackson: Oh come on, Sookie. Sookie!! (He follows after her.)

Michel: Those are the finest people, and I am the lucky one. The world is a sad, sad place.

(Luke's apartment. Luke is sorting through manuals trying to connect a computer. Jess comes in.)

Luke: Hey. 

Jess: Hey.

Luke: I just bought this used computer. I figured it would save you the money and the trip, and save Lorelai's health. I'm just trying to set it up. There're so many wires and so many instructions and they all say the same thing when they're really saying nothing, and I don't know if there are more sockets than wires or more wires than sockets but something here isn't right. I still can't get it on.

Jess: Okay.

Luke: Okay? So could you give me a hand here?

(Jess looks at the back of the CPU. He picks up the plug and plugs it in. He presses the buttons on the monitor and CPU and they turn on. He looks at Luke.)

Luke: Well. Um. So there you go.

Jess: Yeah. I _am_ going.

Luke: Where? You have work to do.

Jess: I'll be back. I just have to return a book to the bookstore.

Luke: They don't refund books. Sell it to Gypsy.

Jess: Who said anything about a refund? I borrowed a book.

Luke: So don't you mean the library?

Jess: Nah. The library's too far. I borrowed it from the bookstore.

Luke: You mean you stole it.

Jess: No. I borrowed it. If I stole it, then I would take it and sell it to Gypsy.

Luke: Fine, just do me a favor. Never borrow a book from the bookstore again.

Jess: See ya'.

(Jess leaves. Luke looks at the computer.) 

Luke: (to the computer) Don't mock me.

(Independence Inn- kitchen

(Sookie is pealing red apples, with tears still in her eyes. Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: Oh Sookie. You're still upset about the apples?

Sookie: It's not the apples.

Lorelai: Maybe not to you, but it is about apples. Sookie, you made a big fuss over nothing. Jackson didn't mean you were rigid, like rigid in general. He just meant that you're a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to your cooking. No one is more easygoing in general than you. 

Sookie: I know what he meant. It's just that I realize I'm still scared about this marriage working or not working and we're married already. It was okay to have cold feet before the wedding, but we've been married, had our honeymoon, and everything and I'm still worried.

Lorelai: Sookie, I think that's normal. Marriage is a scary thing, especially when you're just starting out. No one knows exactly what makes a marriage work, and its scary when you're trying to figure it out for your own marriage. But it's not your responsibility to make your marriage work. You and Jackson are a team now. Let him help you. When you start worrying and freaking out, let him be there to calm you down. 

Sookie: I was pretty horrible to him, wasn't I?

Lorelai: Well, I think he's used to it by now. This isn't the first time you've freaked out over the garnish.

(Jackson comes in with a barrel of yellow apples.)

Jackson: These aren't as perfect as the red apples, but I figured you could just use the skins. 

Sookie: Oh Jackson! (She hugs him and kisses him profusely.)

Lorelai: Well I better get out of here before I see more of you two than I ever want to.

(Washington- Rory and Paris are taking notes while a lecturer speaks.)

Lecturer: Throughout this weeks, we have looked at leaders, seen examples of leadership, seen the effects of leadership, seen the model of leadership. Now, we are going to take our observations and come up with a definition for leadership. See it, define it, know it, become it. 

Guy: (seated next to Paris, whispers) I bet he has that stitched on his pillow. So what are you two ladies doing today?

Paris: Look Don Giovanni, if you're not going to listen, why don't you just go back to your pillow because you'll have better luck with it than with us.

Guy: You're crazy.

Paris: But sorry for you, not crazy enough.

Rory: Paris, just ignore him. Take your notes. The lecture's almost finishing.

Lecturer: So that is what we'll be doing the rest of your time here. You can all go to lunch now.

Paris: So I take it you're going to make your series of phone calls now?

Rory: No, I'm starved. I'm just going to pick up my money, and then we can get something to eat on our way to Ford's Theater.

Paris: Okay. I'm going to stop and buy some more film. I'll meet you out front.

(Rory in the hotel room. The phone rings)

Rory: Hello.

Christopher: Hey, Rory! How are you?

Rory: Dad! Hey! How are you?

Christopher: Not so bad. So how do you like Washington?

Rory: It's okay. It's a little bigger than Stars Hollow so sightseeing takes a little longer.

Christopher: Just a little bit.

Rory: So how's Sherry?

Christopher: She's doing okay. Everything seems to be normal in the pregnancy right now.

Rory: Good. Good…You know, I wasn't angry with you. Maybe I was a little upset about the situation, but not with you. And now I'm not upset at all. I was just upset for a few moments. Seconds really. Not even worth mentioning. 

Christopher: I know, and I appreciate that. 

Rory: Well, Paris is waiting for me downstairs and if I don't get there soon she'll drain Washington of all its film supply, I kid you not. Um, I guess I'll talk to you later? 

Christopher: Definitely. In fact, since I wasn't there when you left, I plan to be there for when you come back.

Rory: Great, so I'll see you then.

Christopher: You bet.

Rory: I love you, Dad.

Christopher: I love you too. 

(Rory hangs up and stays on the bed musing for a bit. She smiles, picks up her wallet, and leaves.)

(Back in Stars Hollow- Doose's Market. Jess comes in.)

Taylor: (to Dean) I have to go to the bank, but you watch that kid very closely, you hear.

Dean: (sighs) Loud and clear. (walks over to Jess) Can I help you with anything?

Jess: Well I was looking at your cleansers here. What would take a grease spot out of a Persian rug the best?

Dean: You don't have a Persian rug.

Jess: No, but it's a good thing to know anyway. You never know, one day someone with a Persian rug just might…

Dean: Jess, what do you want?

Jess: How was your date the other day?

Dean: It was not a date, and it's none of your business.

Jess: Just trying to start a little friendly conversation here. Well, don't mind me. I'm just doing some shopping. 

Dean: Don't steal anything.

Jess: I wouldn't dream of it.

(Luke's

(Lorelai enters, but Luke is not there and Caesar is cooking. She immediately goes upstairs to the apartment. The door is open as Luke works on installing a big dusty printer.)

Lorelai: Whoa. What's all this?

Luke: What does it look like?

Lorelai: Frankly, like something on the original Starship Enterprise.

Luke: It's a computer for Jess. I'm trying to install this printer now.

Lorelai: Well, where's Jess?

Luke: I don't know. He was supposed to be right back an hour ago.

Lorelai: Well, shouldn't he be setting this up since he probably knows more about it than you do?

Luke: Look, I know what I'm doing here. Or at least I know as much as the manufacturers do. I read all the instructions. I don't think anyone really knows about these things. If they get it to work it's by some streak of luck. This thing was probably inspired by some box heap some kid probably made in his house playing with legos and old parts. 

Lorelai: Where'd you get this stuff from, anyway? Old Joe's Old Junk.

Luke: This is a perfectly fine computer. It's a little old…

Lorelai: Yeah I think this was what they used for the first Starship Enterprise.

Luke: But the guy who sold it to me set it up at the shop and showed me it worked just fine.

Lorelai: And you would know being the computer genius that you are?

Luke: Look, he only needs it to type his papers. It's not like he's going to be using it to work mission control. (Luke flicks the switch on the printer and the light goes on.) There it is.

Lorelai: Test it out. Type something and try to print it.

(Luke punches a few keys and tries to print. The printer vibrates and makes a loud noise. Smoke comes out from the computer and printer, and the computer shuts down. A piece of paper comes out of the printer. Lorelai grabs it.)

Lorelai: (fakes reading the paper) Ha! Ha! Ha! Loser.

Luke: It does not say that.

Lorelai: Fine. (She crumbles the paper up and throws it on the desk.)

Luke: I'll call a repairman. 

Lorelai: Yeah. And I want eggs, bacon, French fries, coffee, and a cheese Danish.

Luke: All right. I'll be right down. (She leaves. Luke takes the paper, opens it out, and reads to check.) 

(Later- Kirk is checking out the computer.)

Kirk: This is an old computer.

Luke: Yeah.

Kirk: I mean, I can fix it, but it's really not worth it. You can't really do anything with it. 

Luke: I just need something that types and prints.

Kirk: You don't want the internet?

Luke: No.

Kirk: There's a lot of things on the internet.

Luke: I don't want the internet.

Kirk: There're girls on the internet.

Luke: Kirk.

Kirk: I don't have it either. But if I did…

Luke: Kirk!

Kirk: It'll cost you 200 dollars.

Luke: What! I paid 150 for it.

Kirk: That's why it's broken now.

Luke: Fine. 

Kirk: SexyMan4u

Luke: What?

Kirk: My screenname if I had the internet.

Luke: Kirk, get out.

(Independence Inn)

(Lorelai is directing delivery-men with new flowers. Sookie comes in, humming, snatches one of the flowers from the bouquet, and smells it, still humming.)

Lorelai: Let me have what you're having.

Sookie: What?

Lorelai: Could you come down cloud nine on your own or do I have to send up a plane for you?

Sookie: (giggles) I just realized that I am the luckiest person on the planet.

Lorelai: Well, don't tell Michel that because I already gave him that title. 

Sookie: So, Rory comes back in a few days, right?

Lorelai: Yeah. God, I can't wait.

Sookie: By the way, what did you do the other day?

Lorelai: What day?

Sookie: When Jackson and I went to visit his parents.

Lorelai: Oh, yeah. Um, let me think. Oh yeah. I went to see Spirit.

Sookie: Oh my God! You saw that already! How was it?

Lorelai: Great. Hey, you wanna see it? I don't mind going again.

Sookie: Oh no, that's okay. I'll see it on my own.

Lorelai: You can't see Spirit on your own. Come on, I'll go with you.

Sookie: Maybe over the weekend. So, who'd you see it with?

Lorelai: Kirk.

Sookie: Kirk?

Lorelai: Yeah, Stars Hollow's very own jack of all trades Kirk. 

Sookie: Yeah, but why Kirk?

Lorelai: Well, I wanted to see it, and he wanted to see it, and you were away…

Sookie: Yeah, but I would have thought you would try to get Luke to see it with you.

Lorelai: Well, I tried, but you know Luke. Anyway, we had fun. 

Sookie: Hmm.

Lorelai: Okay, what's up?

Sookie: Nothing. I was just hoping with Rory and I being away that you would have spent more time with Luke.

Lorelai: Sookie, I see him every day. I couldn't possibly spend _more_ time with him. Why do you want me to spend so much time with him anyway?

Sookie: I don't know. I just thought you two…

Lorelai: Sookie, is the yenta coming out in you?

Sookie: Maybe just a little.

Lorelai: Sookie, I don't need a matchmaker. If I needed one, Miss Patty is already on the job. Luke and I are friends. I like it that way.

Sookie: I know. And this doesn't mean you can't stay friends. Jackson and I are friends.

Lorelai: Sookie.

Sookie: I'm just saying. You said you wanted what I'm having. And I want you to have what I'm having. I just thought maybe you could have it with Luke.

Lorelai: Sookie, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't need a relationship right now, and I definitely never want one beyond friendship with Luke. Okay?

Sookie: Okay.

(Michel comes.)

Michel: The phone was ringing. I was having my lunch. No one was answering so I stopped having my lunch to pick up the phone and do you think it was for me? No, it was for you. So I stopped having _my_ lunch to answer _your_ phone call. 

Lorelai: Thank you, Michel. I really appreciate it. Do you know who it is? (Michel gives her an evil look) I can find out for myself, I'm sure. Never mind.

(She picks up)

Lorelai: Independence Inn. Lorelai speaking. How can I help you?

Christopher: Well I might need a room, but it depends on how you answer this question.

Lorelai: Shoot.

Christopher: Rory's coming back in a few days.

Lorelai: That is correct.

Christopher: I wasn't there when she left.

Lorelai: That's right, now I remember. You weren't.

Christopher: That's right. So I would like to be there when she gets back if that's okay with you.

Lorelai: Yeah. Sure. That's fine.

Christopher: Good, 'cause I already told her I'd be there.

Lorelai: I'm glad to know my consent was so determining. No, but I'm sure she would really like to see you.

Christopher: I'd like to see her too. 

Lorelai: So you worked things out with Sherry already?

Christopher: Well, it's complicated but we're getting there.

Lorelai: I'm glad.

Christopher: No you're not.

Lorelai: Well, I'm not going to therapy because of it.

Christopher: No. You wouldn't be.

Lorelai: What's that supposed to mean?

Christopher: That you don't need me. You never have. You're perfectly fine on your own. I admire you for that.

Lorelai: Right, um. Well, you know Chris. I admire you. You're doing the right thing. You didn't run. It's hard to change, but you did. I gotta give you credit for that. 

Christopher: I'll always regret running the first time. I just hope I won't regret not running this time.

Lorelai: You won't. It's not even about you and Sherry or you and me. It's about you and this new baby that's coming. That's an experience you won't ever regret.

Christopher: I know. I missed it with Rory, and I regret that.

Lorelai: Well, here's your second chance.

Christopher: But it doesn't erase the first time.

Lorelai: No it doesn't. But that's okay.

Christopher: Yeah. Well, I better get going. 

Lorelai: Yeah, they're delivering the flowers now and I don't know how many are going to make it past Sookie.

Christopher: So I'll see you later.

Lorelai: Yeah. Bye, Chris.

(She hangs up)

(Luke's)

(Kirk comes downstairs.)

Kirk: Sorry Luke, I couldn't fix her for you. The old girl just kicked the bucket.

Luke: Well, there's 150 dollars down the drain.

Kirk: Yeah, I'm sorry. (He stands waiting)

Luke: Thanks for your time, Kirk. (Kirk is still waiting)

Luke: Are you going to order something?

Kirk: Yeah, my pay.

Luke: What?

Kirk: Two hundred dollars.

Luke: But you didn't fix the thing.

Kirk: Those were the labor charges. I did put in a lot of labor. It's not my fault you got the Abraham of computers.

Luke: Look, I hired you to fix the thing. You did not fix it. Therefore, I don't have to pay you.

Kirk: You hired me to fix something that could not be fixed. I tried. It can't be fixed. Now I want my pay.

Luke: Get out of my diner right now.

Kirk: Not without my money. 

Luke: I'm not going to pay you for a service you did not provide. As far as I'm concerned, the labor you put into the thing was worthless because you didn't fix it.

Kirk: What about my opportunity costs?

Luke: What opportunity costs?

Kirk: Time is money. If I wasn't here working for you, I could have been making repairs somewhere else, and this conversation alone has cut into my shift at the video store. I'll be twenty minutes late. That's a third of an hour. That's a third of my hourly pay that I'm losing. You owe me my opportunity costs.

Luke: A third of your hourly pay at the video store and the twenty dollars you would have made fixing one of Babette's clocks does not add up to 200 dollars.

Kirk: Fine. I'll take fifty, but that's the lowest I'm going.

Luke: You know what, fine. If fifty dollars is what it's going to take to get you out of my sight, here. Take your fifty dollars.

Kirk: I hope you realize how much you just robbed me. (Kirk is leaving as Lorelai is entering)

Kirk: (to Lorelai) Be careful. This guy's a cheat.

Lorelai: Thanks for the tip. (Kirk nods and leaves.) What's that all about?

Luke: Kirk couldn't fix the stupid thing and he still wanted to charge me two hundred. I finally had to give him fifty to get him out of here. Now I've spent two hundred dollars and still no computer.

Lorelai: Don't worry. Jess can use mine for free the next time. That way you make up the two hundred you lost and make one hundred extra.

Luke: You do know that a coffee and six brownies do not really cost 300 dollars?

Lorelai: I'm just trying to make you feel better. 

Luke: I appreciate the effort.

(Jess comes in)

Luke: Listen Jess, the computer's no good, so you're going to have to use Lorelai's again 'til I can get another one.

Jess: That's okay. I don't need it.

Luke: What?

Jess: Yeah. I handed in the last paper already.

Luke: Why didn't you tell me? You mean I just spent two hundred dollars and a whole lot of aggravation on that thing for nothing?

Jess: Hey, I didn't tell you to buy the thing.

Luke: But …but…Ah geez. (Luke slams the rag on the counter.)

Jess: I'm going upstairs.

Luke: No, you haven't worked here all day.

Jess: I have homework. I'll close up. (Jess goes upstairs.)

Lorelai: Well I guess today isn't your lucky day.

Luke: When is it?

Lorelai: Okay well, I was thinking…

Luke: I think I'm going to regret hearing the rest of this but go ahead.

Lorelai: Well, since Jess already said he'd close up, I was thinking, you know, since Rory is coming back in a few days I won't be pestering you anymore, but how 'bout I pester you today?

Luke: What happened to Sookie?

Lorelai: Well, the way I saw her and Jackson today, I think tonight they'll be working on their first child.

Luke: All right, but no animation movies.

Lorelai: Actually, I was thinking more in terms of dinner.

Luke: You're not cooking, are you?

Lorelai: Well I could if you want, but I'm not eating it. Better yet, I know this place in Hartford that makes a pretty good brisket. And they also have a great chef's salad.

Luke: Okay. Sounds good.

Lorelai: Great. So I'll pick you up at eight.

(Lorelai leaves)

(Washington- Rory and Paris in their room)

Paris: I can't believe we're leaving so soon. I don't have enough pictures to properly illustrate our article for the Franklin.

Rory: Paris, we've taken twelve rolls already. I think that's enough.

Paris: First of all, not all the pictures are pertinent to the article. And second, we have to account for the fact that some of the pictures won't come out well.

Rory: But I think with twelve rolls, probability is on our side.

Paris: Well I hope you're right. 

Rory: Come on, Paris. Be honest. It's not about the pictures. You don't want to go back.

Paris: Maybe, but it's none of your business.

Rory: I didn't say it was.

Paris: There's nothing really for me to go back to. I mean, you'll have someone waiting for you at the airport. You'll have people waiting for you at home. You've had people to call even while you're here.

Rory: I'm sure your family misses you.

Paris: Which explains all the phone calls I received from them.

Rory: (she gives a commiserating half-smile) Can I ask you something, Paris?

Paris: You just did.

Rory: Okay well, I'll ask another then. Are you going to be like this when we get back or are you going to be Chilton Paris again?

Paris: I don't know. Maybe it's just the air out here. 

Rory: Seriously though. I'm just curious.

Paris: It _can't_ be the same over there as it is here. Everything goes back to normal when we go back.

Rory: Well, I'll miss this Paris, but Chilton Paris is okay too.

Paris: Because I was looking for your approbation.

Rory: No. You shouldn't look for my approbation. I just mean that either way you're okay. You're a cool person.

Paris: Really?

Rory: Well…(Paris rolls her eyes.) Yeah. Really.

(the phone rings)

Paris: That's for you.

(Rory picks up)

Rory: Hello.

Dean: Hey.

Rory: Oh, hi. I tried to call you earlier but the line was busy.

Dean: Yeah, um, I was talking to Cathy.

Rory: Ah. So you two have become pretty good friends.

Dean: She was asking me about Lane. Lane can't make or receive phone calls.

Rory: I know. She can receive mine though. I feel special.

Dean: So you talked to Lane? How is she?

Rory: She's okay. Or as okay as she can be. It's not easy being locked in the house on a summer day.

Dean: Yeah.

Rory: She told me about Cathy. Sounds like a nice person. Can't wait to meet her.

Dean: Yeah, I told her a lot about you too. She can't wait to meet you either. 

Rory: We should all hang out, me, you, Lane, Cathy, Paris. I think it'd be a lot of fun.

Dean: Yeah, but Paris?

Rory: Yeah.

Dean: You want to spend time with Paris after being stuck with her for six weeks?

Rory: It's been quite a learning experience, what can I tell you.

Dean: I can't wait 'til you get back.

Rory: Well, I'm not so sure about that.

Dean: Hey, what do you mean by that?

Rory: Weren't you supposed to be waiting for me somewhere?

Dean: (laughs) I'll go there tomorrow and I won't move 'til you come back.

Rory: Well, okay. 

Dean: In fact, I'll go tonight. Right now.

Rory: Right now?

Dean: Yeah, after I watch a video with Clara.

Rory: Ah. Okay. So I'll speak to you tomorrow and I'll see you when I get back.

Dean: Bye.

(hangs up)

(Lorelai and Luke driving to Hartford)

Luke: You should have listened to me and stopped for gas when we saw it. There's no way we're going to make it there and back on that amount of gas.

Lorelai: Relax, Luke. There's another station. I don't remember exactly where it is, but I remember it had this big neon cowboy that Rory and I took pictures in front of.

Luke: You're kidding me, right?

Lorelai: No, we really did. I have the pictures in some box at home, but I don't really remember where it is.

Luke: No, I mean you're kidding me. You're talking about the gas station that I told you to stop at, which you passed because you said there was another better one.

Lorelai: The better one is the one with the neon cowboy. I like that cowboy.

Luke: The one we passed was the one with the neon cowboy.

Lorelai: I think it'd be hard to miss a neon cowboy.

Luke: The lights were off, but there was a cowboy. I can't believe this. Is that the last one you saw when you were coming up here with Rory?

Lorelai: I don't remember. I wasn't looking for gas stations after we got the gas.

Luke: Well then we're going to have to turn back.

Lorelai: We're closer to the restaurant than to that gas station. Let's go to the restaurant and when we're there we'll ask for the nearest gas station. There's got to be one around there. You've got to be a fool not to open a gas station somewhere near a restaurant.

Luke: The one we passed was probably the gas station near the restaurant. You know, it would just be my luck that I'd end this night stranded somewhere in Hartford pushing a car back to a huge neon cowboy.

Lorelai: There's the spirit, now.

Luke: Tell me at least that you have your cell phone.

Lorelai: I do, but I think the battery's dead.

Luke: Great. So you don't put gas in your car, you don't charge the battery on your cell phone…

Lorelai: Look, here it is. Let's eat.

Luke: Your stomach's the only thing you don't forget to fuel.

Lorelai: Luke, take it easy. I was just joking about the cell phone.

Luke: Well, I'm glad you thought it was funny.

(Lorelai exits the car. Luke follows.)

(Inside)

Luke: This is a nice place.

Lorelai: I know. Rory and I found it one day after dinner with my parents. We hadn't eaten a thing because they were having this nasty smelling, slimy thing. So Rory and I would take a fork full and we'd just hold the forks while talking or listening to my mom and dad and when they would look down to their plates, we dumped the food in our purses. We drove around all night looking for a place to eat here because we were starved. We found this place and the food was delicious and when it came time to pay, I forgot about the food in my purse so I pulled out these slimy, smelly bills. The poor waiter didn't know what to do with them and he told us to forget about the tip.

Luke: That could only happen to you.

Lorelai: But we sure had fun.

Luke: You don't have any food in your purse now, do you? 

Lorelai: Well…not unless you count Certs. So what are you going to do about that computer?

Luke: What's left to do with it? I'll have to throw it out.

Lorelai: You should look more. Maybe someone else can fix it for you.

Luke: I've already flushed enough money into that thing. Jess doesn't even need it anymore.

Lorelai: Not now, but if he's going to keep on going to school and doing homework, he is going to need to type things, and then he'll have to compete with Rory for ours, which means he'll probably never get to use it.

Luke: Well, I'll worry about that when the time comes. I'm tired of thinking about it. You know what gets to me the most about the whole thing? That he doesn't care. He comes while I'm trying to set it up. I tell him why I bought it and that I'm having some trouble setting it up, and you'd think he'd say, 'that's great, Luke. Lemme give you a hand.' But do you know what he says? He says 'Okay.' Like if I had just told him I was going to the store to buy wax. It's not that I want him to make me thank-you cards with construction paper and crayons, but just some acknowledgment of the fact that I'm trying. I mean, because otherwise I can't tell what I'm doing, whether I'm doing a good job or not…

Lorelai: Slow down, Luke. You _are _doing a good job. And maybe he is acknowledging the fact that you're trying by trying himself. I mean, I'm still not crazy about the kid but I mean, he's made almost a 90 degree turn around from the kid that first came off the bus. 

Luke: Yeah, but why do you think he's doing it?

Lorelai: Why do you think he's doing it?

Luke: (catches himself) Because he wants to stay here, he wants to get away from Liz, and whatever.

Lorelai: Well if he thought you were completely horrible, I doubt he'd want to be around you either. Face it, Luke. Whether you like it or not, you've turned into a darn good parent.

Luke: You really think so?

Lorelai: I know so.

Luke: Well, coming from you, that means a lot. Thanks.

(The waiter comes over with their food.)

Luke: So why'd you do this?

Lorelai: Do what?

Luke: Drive to Hartford on a weekday for dinner.

Lorelai: I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun, and you looked like you could use the break. One stress free evening without having to make your own food, far away from Jess, Taylor, Kirk, Stars Hollow in general. I guess you forgot but today was the town meeting. I figured I'd save you the frustration.

Luke: Yeah, I completely forgot about that. I guess I can expect Taylor at the diner tomorrow morning.

Lorelai: Hey, you might as well tell him to open up because he'll be there before you are. But don't worry about it today. Look at me, I've got a car out there that doesn't have enough gas to get back on the road. You think I'm worrying about it now?

Luke: I don't know how you do it.

Lorelai: (whispering) The secret elixir. The cure-all.

Luke: What's that?

Lorelai: Coffee.

Luke: And I guess you also don't worry about the fact that your cure-all is someday going to kill you.

Lorelai: Shh. Not while I'm drinking. (She sips from a coffee mug, then makes a face.) I think you need to go back there and show those guys how to make coffee. Now I'm starting to worry about the car.

Luke: Welcome to reality.

Lorelai: Oh wait. False alarm.

(Later. Luke and Lorelai are in the middle of a desolate road in the woods.)

Luke: I told you that guy didn't know what he was talking about. Why would they put a gas station in the middle of the woods? 

Lorelai: To tick off the EPA?

Luke: This is just great. I knew this was going to happen. Now we're going to have to turn this around and push it even further.

Lorelai: Why don't we just call Jess and tell him to bring your car?

Luke: Because he's got his headphones on stabbing his ear drums with that God-awful music. He's not going to hear. 

Lorelai: Well, do you want to push the car all the way back to the cowboy or do you want to take a chance on an easier way?

Luke: Fine. Call him.

(Lorelai pulls out her cell phone and looks at it. She turns up with a fake smile.)

Lorelai: Hey Luke. Remember that joke I made about the battery? Wasn't that funny?

Luke: No.

Lorelai: Well, wouldn't it be funny if it turned out to be true?

Luke: Ah geez, Lorelai. 

Lorelai: You can get in the car. I'll push.

Luke: You can't push the car all the way back there.

Lorelai: Well, neither can you.

Luke: So what are we going to do? 

Lorelai: I can charge my cell phone in the car. It's just going to take a while.

(In the car)

Luke: This has got to be the worst day in the history of worst days.

Lorelai: Uh uh. I think mine can top yours.

Luke: No, there's no possible way your day can top losing two hundred bucks on a broken computer, missing a town meeting in which your nephew is the first matter of business on the agenda and in which you'll be slandered by a man who wears knee socks and cardigans and wants to sell collectible plates, and then, to top it off, ending up stranded in the middle of the woods in car that's out of gas waiting for a cell phone to charge to call a person who probably won't even hear your phone call, or better yet, won't even care. How does your day top that on the worst day scale?

Lorelai: Okay. How about spending the day handling complaints, quelling arguments, and managing everything, thinking you're in control while everyone around you is telling you what you need and don't need, looking at Sookie and feeling more like Michel, missing your daughter terribly and then having her father call saying he's coming down for her return when you really wanted to spend time with her on your own, her father being the first man you had seen in a while in the shortest lasting relationship in the history of relationships, then inviting a friend to dinner trying to help him and then making his day end miserably because your car ran out of gas and your cell phone's battery died and the neon cowboy you were looking for was off, and your whole day just blew up right back in your face. 

(Silence)

Luke: Your day still doesn't top mine.

Lorelai: No, I didn't think so. Look at us. We're competing about who had a worse day. Couple of optimists we are. Gosh, what's happening to me? I've never been this bitter.

Luke: You're not bitter. You're one of the most positive people I know, probably the most positive in Stars Hollow. And you know, this evening wasn't so bad. I mean, it was nice getting away from the diner and the town meeting. 

Lorelai: Yeah. And my day could have gone worse. I could have bumped into my parents.

(They sit in contented silence.)

Lorelai: I think it's charged enough. Here, try calling Jess.

(Luke takes the phone and dials.)

Jess: Hello.

Luke: Jess, listen… 

(Later. Gilmore residence. Lorelai just walks in and goes to the phone.)

Rory: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, kiddo.

Rory: Mom! Where were you? I was so worried. I called so many times and you weren't in, and I left six messages, and I tried your cell phone, but your voice mail kept picking up…

Lorelai: Rory, I'm okay. I had some car trouble.

Rory: What happened?

Lorelai: Well, I went out with Luke for dinner to that place in Hartford that we went to that Friday…

Rory: Where you gave the waiter the gross dollar bills to pay for the bill and as a result we didn't have to give a tip?

Lorelai: That one.

Rory: Yeah, I remember. That was a funny day. They make a good brisket.

Lorelai: Well, you remember as we were driving there we stopped at that gas station with the big neon cowboy?

Rory: Oh yeah. We took pictures with him. You called him Dandy Randy. 

Lorelai: That's right. Wow, I forgot that name. Well, Dandy Randy wasn't so Dandy today. He wasn't lit up so I didn't see him, and so I passed right by him thinking I would find him further down on the road. Of course, I never found him, but we made it to the restaurant and one of the waiters tells us there's a gas station not too far if we keep going straight down the road. We did, and ended up in the woods with no gas. Then my cell phone battery died, so we couldn't call anyone and had to wait for it to charge. Then we called Jess and he came to pick us and the car up.

Rory: Sounds like quite an adventure. Maybe the waiter that told you about the non-existent gas station was the one who got the slimy bills and no tip.

Lorelai: Yes. Holding a secret vendetta all this time waiting for the moment of revenge. You know, it just might have been. Well, what did you do today?

Rory: Nothing much. More conferences, more sightseeing. Dad called.

Lorelai: Yeah, I know. He called me too. 

Rory: Did he tell you he was coming?

Lorelai: Yeah, he did. 

Rory: You don't want him to come.

Lorelai: No, it's not that. I was just looking forward to having you all to myself when you came back. I mean, I don't mind sharing you with Dean and Lane for a bit, but…

Rory: Mom, he's not coming the day I come back. He's coming the day after. That's the day I told him I'd be back so that you got the first day for yourself, and at the same time, he doesn't have to feel bad not being there on the exact day I come back.

Lorelai: Ugh, I love you.

Rory: I love you too, mom.

(Luke's apartment. Jess is reading in his room. Luke comes in.)

Luke: Hey. I just wanted to thank you for tonight. I'm sorry you had to do that.

Jess: Uh huh.

Luke: So I'll throw this thing out tomorrow morning.

Jess: Why? It works now.

Luke: You fixed it?

Jess: No.

Luke: What'd you do?

Jess: Nothing. I just turned it on and it worked.

Luke: No. Kirk said it was broken, that it couldn't be fixed.

Jess: Maybe he fixed it and didn't realize it. Look, I don't know. All I know is that I turned it on, and it worked.

Luke: It worked?

Jess: That's what I've been saying.

Luke: The printer too?

Jess: Yup.

Luke: You tried it out?

Jess: Yup.

Luke: So let me get this straight. It didn't work for me, it didn't work for Kirk, you touch it, and all of a sudden it works.

Jess: Guess it's just my lucky day. (Jess closes the book.) Could you shut off the lights on your way out?

(Luke stays looking at Jess and then at the computer. He shrugs and flicks off the lights.)

The End


	6. Back in Kansas

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: Thanks again to my reviewers and whoever reads this.

(Washington. Rory is folding clothes while balancing the phone against her ear on her shoulder.)

Rory: So we should be back in Connecticut tomorrow by 10:30.

Lorelai: Okay. So I'll be there at 10:30.

Rory: Okay, but make extra time for yourself in case there's bad traffic. It's better to get there before ten thirty than after. 

Lorelai: I don't mind getting there after. 

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: I will be there at 10:30 and not a minute after. How is Paris getting back home?

Rory: Well, she's still trying to figure that out. Her parents are away and her nanny's license is expired. So…

Lorelai: Uh oh.

Rory: Come on, mom. It would be a nice thing.

Lorelai: And we already talked about doing these nice things. I don't like to do them when they are not going to be nice for me.

Rory: It would also be the selfless thing to do.

Lorelai: Hey, survival of the fittest, babe, leaves no room for selflessness.

Rory: I promise you, you will survive a ride to Hartford with Paris.

Lorelai: All right, all right. But couldn't we dress her up like Britney Spears and make her hang out the window singing, "I'm not Girl?" That would be really funny.

Rory: It would, but no.

Lorelai: You're no fun.

Rory: I know.

Lorelai: Party-pooper.

Rory: Sticks and stones…

Lorelai: Emily Gilmore

Rory: I'm not offended.

Lorelai: Paris clone.

Rory: Now that was a low blow. 

(Luke's apartment. Luke comes upstairs carrying a box. Jess is organizing CDs.)

Luke: Listen, um, Rory comes back tomorrow and Miss Patty and Taylor had some kids make a banner and blow up some balloons to put around the diner. You wanna come set this stuff up?

Jess: Not particularly. I'm doing something right now.

Luke: Yeah, I think those CDs will still be here when you come back in fifteen minutes.

Jess: Luke, it's not that complicated. Hang the banner, put up some balloons. I think you can manage.

Luke: I just thought you might want to help.

Jess: Now why would I want to do that?

Luke: It's for Rory.

Jess: So.

Luke: I'm sorry, I thought you were friends.

(Jess ignores the remark and leaves.)

(In Washington, Rory and Paris are still packing.)

Rory: Why is it so much harder to repack? I brought an empty duffel bag, and now it's full too and there still isn't enough space. I know I didn't buy that much stuff. 

Paris: Get rid of your menu collection. It's not like Washington restaurants deliver to Stars Hollow.

Rory: But they're souvenirs of every place where I had Washington coffee. They have sentimental value. I can't get rid of them. 

Paris: Fine. Look, I have problems of my own. I don't know what to do with these notebooks.

Rory: Why did you bring so many notebooks? 

Paris: I bought them here when I ran out. 

Rory: You took that many notes? How?

Paris: I pay close attention to detail. Like the campaign manager who spoke last week, he had three stains on his tie that looked like mustard stains. I pay attention to those kinds of things and jot them down.

Rory: And those things are important because…

Paris: It's the stuff that makes for good rhetoric. "His tie as dirty as the under the table campaign scheming he has been known to pull."

Rory: That doesn't sound New York Times or Wall Street Journal worthy. 

Paris: It's good for an exposé.

Rory: Help me to sit on my suitcase. 

Paris: I am not sitting on your suitcase.

Rory: Come on. You know you're going to need me to sit on yours.

Paris: (defeated) Oh, all right.

(They sit on the suitcase and Rory zippers it up.)

Rory: (picking up a book) Oops. I forgot to put this in there.

Paris: If you open that thing again, I'm not sitting on it.

Rory: Um, I'll just carry it.

(Back at Luke's. Lorelai comes in and looks around.)

Lorelai: Hey, this looks nice. _You _did this for Rory?

Luke: Not really. Miss Patty and Taylor forced some kids into making the banner and blowing the balloons.

Lorelai: Well, don't tell Rory that forced child labor went into this and I won't tell people you made those glittery designs on the banner.

Luke: Deal. 

Lorelai: I can't wait 'til tomorrow.

Luke: I figured that much.

Lorelai: I don't even feel like sleeping tonight. I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Luke: You're pretty much always like a kid.

Lorelai: But I don't know how I'm going to stay up. After a while my eyelids will get heavy.

Luke: Close them.

Lorelai: Then comes the yawn and the stretching.

Luke: Then comes sleep.

Lorelai: Right. But I don't want to sleep. Remember, kid on Christmas Eve.

Luke: Well that is a predicament.

Lorelai: Isn't there something legal and sane that could keep me up?

Luke: I could send Jess over to your house with his radio, but I don't know how legality and sanity would play into that.

Lorelai: Maybe something digestible, what do you think?

Luke: Those energy pills can be dangerous.

Lorelai: No, something more natural.

Luke: I can't think of anything.

Lorelai: Something hot to drink that smells really good, made from fresh beans produced somewhere probably in South America… or New Jersey?

Luke: Sounds vaguely familiar, but I still can't put my finger on it.

Lorelai: Okay, I give up. Could you please get me some coffee?

Luke: Coming right up.

(Miss Patty comes in.)

Miss Patty: Oh honey, I tried calling you at your house but I got no answer so I figured you were here. Luke, she wasn't supposed to see it until tomorrow.

Luke: And how was I supposed to hide it?

Lorelai: See what? I haven't seen anything.

Miss Patty: Why, the banner and the balloons.

Lorelai: What banner? Where are the balloons?

Miss Patty: There're all around here, don't you see them. Are you feeling okay?

Lorelai: Oh. Now I see them. How nice. But Patty, I thought I wasn't supposed to see it 'til tomorrow. Now you've spoiled my surprise.

Miss Patty: (first confused, then catching on) Oh, now, stop it. Anyway, the surprise is for Rory. 

Lorelai: You're not going to throw her a party are you? Because I think you should remember what a terrible dancer she is?

Miss Patty: No, no. We just assumed this would be the first place she'd stop at after home, so we wanted it to look nice for her.

Lorelai: Well that's very sweet. Thank you, Patty. Rory's going to love this.

Miss Patty: She's such a good kid. (Jess comes in, soaking wet.) Unlike some others. Well, I'll see you two tomorrow. I have to get my beauty sleep. (She leaves.)

Lorelai: That sleep would have to last longer than Rip Van Winkle's.

Luke: I was just thinking the same thing. (to Jess) Where were you and why are you wet?

Jess: Well, you should be able to figure out the first question if you thought about the second. I went for a swim.

Luke: Well dry up and come back down. I'm closing up. (Jess heads upstairs.)

Lorelai: Hey, I haven't finished my coffee.

Luke: You can finish that in a few minutes.

Lorelai: Yeah, but not the second cup you're going to give me. Kid on Christmas Eve. Please.

Luke: Finish the first one before you start thinking about seconds.

Lorelai: Grinch. (drinks her coffee.)

(Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is watching a movie eating ice cream when the phone rings.)

Lorelai: Hello.

Lane: Hi! It's me, Lane.

Lorelai: Hey Lane, how are you?

Lane: Okay, I guess. I'm not supposed to be calling anyone, so I had to sneak around. I'm still grounded tomorrow, and my mom said if Rory wants to see me, she has to come by the store and can only see me for five minutes. I understand if she doesn't want to do that, but I left her a Welcome Back present with Dean at the market and if you could please tell her I said welcome back and I'm sorry I can't really see her, I'd really appreciate it.

Lorelai: I'll definitely do that, but do you want me to talk to your mom and see if we can make a better deal. 

Lane: No, don't. She's not going to budge. This should hopefully be over in a few days. (Mrs. Kim shouts out "Lane! Where are you?") Or maybe not. I gotta go. Thank you. Bye. (hangs up)

Lorelai: Bye. (hangs up)

(The next day. Lorelai bursts into Luke's)

Lorelai: Okay, I need six coffees and a dozen assorted brownies.

Luke: Do you intend to feed everyone who gets off the plane?

Lorelai: No, I'm going to need a coffee while I'm going to the ariport, a coffee while I wait, and a coffee coming back. Rory's been so deprived of your coffee that she's going to need two, and I'm driving Paris to Hartford, so I figured I should get her a coffee. If she doesn't want it, it's not like I won't need it. And well, you can never have too many donuts. 

Luke: I'd hate to be a fly on the windshield in that car. You want six individual cups, or put six cups worth of coffee into a thermos and give you the cups with it. 

Lorelai: Well a thermos would be nice. 

Luke: Okay, but you have to bring it back tonight.

Lorelai: What would you do if I didn't bring it back tonight?

Luke: Just bring it back tonight.

(Jess fills a thermos with coffee while Luke gets the donuts.)

Jess: (to Luke) I'm out now. (takes his book-bag and leaves.)

(Outside. Jess is leaving the dinner as Dean walks towards it.)

Jess: Beautiful day today isn't it?

Dean: As a matter of fact, it is. Look, you're not going to be able to annoy me today. Rory's coming back, I got the day off from Taylor, and so I get to spend the whole day with her. You, on the other hand, have summer school, detention, and work. So no matter what you do or say, all I'll do is picture me with Rory and you cleaning desks. You can't touch me.

Jess: You've got quite the romantic day planned I see. I hope it works out. 

Dean: (looking at him suspiciously) What are you up to?

Jess: Oh no. You're right about me. School, detention, and work for me. But if you think you can tear Rory away from Lorelai for more than two minutes her first day back…well, good luck. (Jess walks away smirking and Dean enters the diner.)

(Inside.)

Lorelai: (holding the coffee and donuts.) Hi, Dean.

Dean: Hey. I see you're all packed.

Lorelai: Just the essentials. So what brings you up so early in the morning?

Dean: Actually, I was wondering if I could come with you to pick up Rory. I can't wait to see her.

Lorelai: Oh. Um, yeah. Fine by me. Only I should warn you, we're driving Paris home, and Rory is definitely gonna want to ride shotgun so that leaves you in the back with Paris. Still want to go?

Dean: For Rory, I'll live with it.

Lorelai: That's a good man. 

Dean: I'll take that for you. (He takes the thermos and the box of donuts)

Lorelai: Thanks. I know you mean to be a gentleman, but word of advice. Never take coffee away from a Gilmore.

Dean: Noted. Sorry. (He returns the thermos.)

(In the car)

Dean: So what times does their flight come in?

Lorelai: Should be in by ten thirty.

Dean: A little early aren't we?

Lorelai: A lot early. The place you live in always seems so much more interesting in the airport. I like to window shop for souvenirs, but since we're driving Paris back, I won't be able to do it after they've come in, so I figured I'd do it before. Sorry, I should have warned you about that too.

Dean: No. It's fine by me.

Lorelai: So, how's Cathy?

Dean: She's okay. She's a friend I met through Lane. She's pretty cool. We're all supposed to hang out now that Rory's going to be back. 

Lorelai: We?

Dean: Yeah, me, Rory, Lane, Cathy, and Rory wants to invite Paris also, but I don't know. 

Lorelai: Oh yeah. And definitely not after you've been stuck with her in the back of the car. So, Lane never introduced her to Rory before?

Dean: No. She's a friend from the cheerleading squad. I think Lane felt weird introducing a bunch of cheerleaders to Rory.

Lorelai: Yeah, you have to be careful with Rory and cheerleaders. Nice as Rory is, she can be merciless sometimes.

Dean: Yeah, but she'd like Cathy.

Lorelai: Yeah. As long as Cathy's not wearing her uniform or waving pompoms, she'll be fine with her. Rory likes everyone.

Dean: (slightly under his breath) She sure does.

(Rory and Paris are boarding the plane. They are seated in the middle section. They struggle accommodating their carry-ons.)

Rory: Paris, if you want me to put this up there, then I have to sit at the aisle. My books are in here, so it's either that, or you get up and switch my book when the time comes.

Paris: Why don't you just pick one book and keep it with you?

Rory: What if I get tired of the book I'm reading? You know, I go through these mood swings when sometimes I'm in the mood for some light short stories and then I suddenly feel like reading Hardy, then sometimes I get all of a sudden reflective and I like to sit down with essays, and I can switch through all these moods in under two hours.

Paris: Fine. Take the aisle seat, but you're going to have to grab my medication if I have an allergic reaction to the fabric of the seats.

Rory: Deal. 

(They get everything together and sit down.)

Paris: (looking at the seat next to her.) I wonder who's going to sit here. I hope it's not some yapper who gets constant nosebleeds on airplanes or some loser like that.

Rory: Hey, I spent a whole bus ride sitting next to a guy who spit into a can.

Paris: I don't want to sit next to anyone who is going to release any type of bodily fluids. 

Rory: Or gases.

(A big man dressed in biker clothes chewing tobacco puts his bag above the seat next to Paris.)

Paris: (sighs) Back to Kansas.

(Later. Both Paris and Rory are reading, or trying to. The man next to Paris is asleep, snoring very loudly.)

Paris: (closing her book) I can't do this. I'm going to wake him up.

Rory: You can't do that. He has just as much a right to sleep as you have to read.

Paris: A man's right to swing his arm ends where the other man's nose begins. His sleeping is disturbing my reading.

Rory: Not according to Seneca.

Paris: What?

Rory: Seneca. He said that if external things distract it's only because there are internal distractions. Now what's bothering you?

Paris: Rip Van Winkle over here.

Rory: No. That's just the symptom of a deeper distraction. Come on. 

Paris: I get nervous on planes.

Rory: You were fine when we were leaving to Washington.

Paris: That's because we were leaving.

Rory: Ah. I see. You're nervous about going back home.

Paris: Well give the girl a silver dollar. Look, it's no big deal. I'm fine. (She picks up her book and reads. Rory bends to see what Paris is reading. Now _she_ cannot return to her reading.)

Paris: What's your problem?

Rory: Nothing. I just don't feel like stories now. I think I'll get my essays.

(She gets up and switches the books. She cannot settle down to the essays either.)

Paris: Now what's your internal distraction?

Rory: Nothing. I'm fine. (She buries her head in the book. Paris rolls her eyes.)

(Lorelai and Dean at the airport looking through the shops.)

Lorelai: Look at this. This is where the Hartford Convention took place and the first Amistad trial. Can you believe it? And there's an everything about Harriet Beecher Stowe place, and in this Rare Books and Manuscript library they have one of the original Gutenburg Bibles. Isn't that something?

Dean: Yeah. Amistad was a great movie.

Lorelai: Wasn't it? Look at this, a lighthouse and a castle in Connecticut. Have you ever seen this lighthouse?

Dean: Can't say that I have.

Lorelai: Gosh, have we seen anything? I mean, why even go to Washington when we have all this stuff right here that we've never been to.

Dean: I guess you'll be planning a road trip through Connecticut soon.

Lorelai: Well, I have to see this castle. Rory and I would build castles in the house and Rory would play the wicked stepmother, and I would be the kind and beautiful princess waiting for some Prince Charming to whisk me away. Maybe he went to the wrong castle and has been waiting for me right here (she points to the post card) for twelve years. 

Dean: Could be.

Lorelai: What time is it? 

Dean: (pulls out his cell phone and check.) Uh oh. It's ten thirty-one.

Lorelai: Okay, run.

(At the terminal. Rory and Paris wait with their bags.)

Paris: Maybe they forgot about you. It's happened to _me_ before.

Rory: She didn't forget, Paris. She's just late. My mom is often late. Or maybe she had traffic troubles.

(Lorelai is running to Rory and Dean is running after her.)

Lorelai: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was here early but I was looking through the shops and I lost track of time. (Lorelai hugs Rory tightly.) I missed you so much.

Rory: Until the castle postcards distracted you.

Lorelai: How did you know it was the castle?

Rory: I know you well.

Lorelai: Well I brought coffee and donuts. You forgive me. 

Rory: How many cups?

Lorelai: Two.

Rory: I forgive you. (They hug again.)

(Dean steps forward.)

Dean: Hey, Rory.

Rory: Dean. What are you doing here?

Dean: Well, it's great to see you too, Rory. Why do you think I'm here? (He hugs her, but Rory is still perplexed.) I thought you'd be happy to see me. 

Rory: But I wasn't expecting to see you so soon.

Dean: I couldn't wait.

Rory: Um, yeah.

Paris: Are we going to make this our new home or are we leaving. I could have taken the bus and been half-way home by now.

Lorelai: (forcing a smile) Well thank you for waiting for us, Paris. 

(On the road)

Rory: And then we spent our last day at Arlington, and that was it.

Lorelai: What a way to end the trip.

Rory: The irony did not die on Paris and me either.

Lorelai: Paris, you've been awfully quiet. How did you like Washington?

Paris: (reading) Just fine, thank you.

Rory: See mom, this is Chilton Paris now. You can't ask Chilton Paris about Washington because she wasn't really there.   
Lorelai: What about Roller Blading Paris, was she there?

Paris: I had a very nice time in Washington. It was great. Is that enough for you?

Lorelai: Plenty. Thanks. (Lorelai looks at Rory who shrugs apologetically and Paris returns to her reading.) So whatcha reading there Paris?

Paris: I'm _trying_ to read _Oliver Twist._

Lorelai: Didn't you girls read that already for class?

Rory: Paris reads most books at least three times.

Lorelai: Chilton Paris or Roller Blading Paris?

Rory: Pretty much all the Parises. 

Paris: This is my house right here. (She points out the window.)

Lorelai: All right. (She pulls up and parks the car.)

Rory: I'll help Paris with her stuff.

Dean: No, I got it. (Dean takes Paris' luggage.)

Rory: Well, bye Paris. I'll see you around.

Paris: Yeah. We still have this Franklin thing to work on.

Lorelai: Says Party Paris. (Dean and Paris walk with the luggage to the front door. In the car.)

Lorelai: Why don't you go to the back?

Rory: Why?

Lorelai: Because Dean will get lonely back there by himself.

Rory: But I always ride shotgun. And if someone's going to be in the back seat, someone has to ride shotgun. 

Lorelai: Just put your suitcase here.

Rory: Why? I can talk to Dean from here.

Lorelai: Because Dean came all this way to see you.

Rory: I didn't ask him to. We had a designated spot where he was supposed to wait for me.

Lorelai: But he was excited to see you, and I'm sure you were excited to see him.

Rory: I was, but…all right. I'll go in the back. (She gets her suitcase, puts it in the front seat, and goes in the back.

(Dean returns and smiles when he sees Rory in the back.)

Lorelai: She was misbehaving so I threw her in the back. 

Rory: I missed you so much.

Dean: Me too.

Lorelai: Nothing funny in the back there. I can still see you.

(They arrive in Stars Hollow.)

Lorelai: So what's the game plan for today?

Rory: I haven't had a movie night in six weeks.

Lorelai: And all I've had for six weeks is movie nights.

Rory: Okay, we'll do something else.

Lorelai: No, no, no. It's your day. What's your pick?

Rory: Well, how 'bout a Hogan's Heroes marathon?

Lorelai: Sounds good. Are you in, Dean?

Dean: Sure.

Lorelai: We have to stop by the diner, though.

Rory: Yeah, I want to thank Luke for the coffee and donuts.

Lorelai: And pick up some more.

(Luke's. Rory walks in and is surprised by the banner and balloons.)

Rory: Oh my God, who did this?

Lorelai: Taylor and Miss Patty had them made and Luke set it up.

Luke: Hey Rory. Welcome back.

(Rory gives Luke a hug.)

Rory: Thanks, Luke.

Luke: Did any of that coffee make it to you?

Rory: Well, a cup and a half.

(Miss Patty and Babette come in.)

Babette: Lorelai, we saw your car parked out front. Rory!

Miss Patty: How was it, hon?

Rory: It was great. Thanks. Thanks for all of this. (She gestures to the balloons and banner.)

Miss Patty: Oh it was nothing. (Luke and Lorelai give each other the same knowing look.) You deserve it, hon.

Babette: We missed you so much.

Miss Patty: You'll have to tell us all about the trip.

Rory: As soon as I develop the pictures.

Babette: Oh that's great. I can't wait. We're so glad to have you back.

Miss Patty: Yeah. Well look now, I have to get back to my class. Tango beginners. I have to work that shyness right out of them. 

Lorelai: Well, if anyone can do it, it would be you.

Babette: See you gals later. (Miss Patty and Babette leave.)

Rory: It's so good to be back. 

Luke: So how was Washington?

Rory: I had a good time. Much better than I expected.

Luke: That's great.

Rory: I'll tell you more about it when I have the pictures.

Dean: Oh, Rory, I almost forgot. Lane sent you this. (He hands her a CD from his cargo pocket.)

Rory: Oh Lane. I have to see her. Mom, you mind if I go to Lane's while you get the videos?

Lorelai: No, not at all. Luke, we need more donuts, some brownies, and some raspberry Danishes.

Luke: Sure. 

Lorelai: You don't even know how many.

Luke: I promise I'll be generous. It's on the house.

Rory: Thanks, Luke.

Lorelai: Wow, you should go away and come back more often.

Rory: I think I might.

Lorelai: Please don't.

Rory: Okay. (to Dean) So, do you want to come with me to Lane's? 

Dean: Yeah, I'll come.

Rory: You'll have to wait outside, though, while I'm with Lane. So you're sure?

Dean: I'll come.

Luke: Ah geez. 

Lorelai: What happened?

Luke: Jess was supposed to put this stuff in the oven before he went to school. They've been out too long now. They're no good. (he throws out two trays of unbaked goods.)

Lorelai: Is our stuff still on the house?

Luke: Yeah.

Lorelai: Oh, good. (She pretends to swipe sweat off her brow in relief.)

Rory: So, um, Luke, what time does Jess get back?

Luke: With him you never really know. He's out of detention by 4:30. He's supposed to start here at five. He usually comes in around 5: 30. Leaves for his ten-minute break at 6. Doesn't come back till 7:30. Goes upstairs to do homework supposedly. Doesn't come back down till closing, and I'm sure if I had time to go upstairs some time in between he wouldn't be there.

Lorelai: For not knowing, you sure have quite a schedule there.

Luke: That's just somedays. Somedays he actually does show up and work. Somedays he doesn't show up at all until closing. You really never know.

Rory: Well, just tell him I said hello.

Luke: I will. Here's your cavity fest kit.

Lorelai: Thanks, Luke. 

Rory: Thank you so much, Luke. Great to see you again. (She hugs him again.)

Luke: Okay. Take it easy on the junk, okay?

Rory: We'll try. 

(Outside.)

Lorelai: So you guys are going to Lane's and I'm going to the video store.

Rory: Correct.

Lorelai: We'll meet at the video store?

Rory: The market. Have to pick up the candy.

Dean: I have the candy already. I picked it up yesterday. It's at my house. You two can meet at the video store and I'll go to my house and meet you at yours.

Lorelai: Sounds good. Give us some time, though, so that I can take Rory to the Inn.

Rory: Oh yeah. I want to say hi to Sookie.

Dean: Okay.

Lorelai: So, I'll see you later.

(Dean and Rory walking)

Rory: Why are you so quiet?

Dean: Oh I'm sorry. I guess I just got used to being this way today.

Rory: I'm sorry, but you know, there are other people in this town that know me. And I haven't had a real conversation with my mom in six weeks. Phone conversations are never the same.

Dean: You haven't had a real conversation with me in six weeks either.

Rory: I know, I know. I promise I'll make it up to you. We'll get your favorite flavor ice cream tonight.

Dean: I don't want ice cream. I want to spend time with you.

Rory: Well you are.

Dean: Just you.

Rory: We'll have plenty of time tomorrow. Well, actually, my dad's coming tomorrow, but he goes back to Boston so we'll have the whole evening to ourselves.

Dean: Okay.

Rory: You still don't look all right.

Dean: It just feels like you were happy to see everyone but me.

Rory: I was happy to see you. I was so happy to see you, but I had already planned the way that I would see you, and when plans turn on me like that, I get very disoriented. I get dizzy, my stomach gets queasy, annoying Spice Girls' songs play in my head. It's a disturbing experience. 

Dean: (laughing) All right. All right. Well, we're alone right now.

Rory: Yes we are. (Dean pulls her into a kiss.) Now we have to go to Lane's. Mom's waiting.

Dean: After you…So, were you planning on visiting Jess, too?

Rory: Well, I thought maybe I'd stop by at the diner again when he was there, just to say hi, but since his schedule's so erratic, I guess Luke could tell him. 

Dean: But if his schedule wasn't so erratic and you went to say hi, would your mom be accompanying you?

Rory: I don't know. Maybe. If she was going to Luke's, yeah, I guess. Why are you asking all this?

Dean: It's nothing. It's just that if things worked out how you planned you'd spend more alone time with Jess on your first day back than me.

Rory: What are you talking about? I didn't plan anything. I just wanted to quickly say hello if I saw him in passing. You and I, on the other hand, are alone right now.

Dean: On your way to see, Lane, and I don't think you wanted me to come with you either.

Rory: Why would you think that? Yes, I did want you to come with me.

Dean: You said I'd have to wait outside as if trying to discourage me.

Rory: I wasn't trying to discourage you. I was just telling beforehand so you'd know what to expect. Look Dean, I wanted you to come. I want to spend time alone with you, but I also want to spend time with my mom and with my friends. You have to be okay with that.

Dean: I am. I'm just not okay with you not wanting to be with me.

Rory: But I do.

Dean: I doubted that.

Rory: Don't.

Dean: Okay, I won't. I love you. (He gives her a quick kiss.)

(At Lane's)

Mrs. Kim: Rory, how was your trip? 

Rory: Good, Mrs. Kim. Thank you.

Mrs. Kim: Five minutes.

Rory: Right.

Mrs. Kim: Lane! Rory's here.

Lane's voice: I'm coming.

(Lane comes in. She runs over to Rory and hugs her.)

Lane: Rory! Welcome back. It's so good to see you. It's good to see people, but especially that it's you.

Rory: It's good to see you, too. I missed you so much.

Lane: How was it?

Rory: Good, good.

Lane: Oh come on, details.

Rory: We only have five minutes. I'll tell you everything as soon as I have the pictures.

Lane: Oh, you have pictures! I can't wait to see them.

Rory: So how have you been? Thanks for the CD. I brought you stuff too. (She hands Lane a bag full of stuff.)

Lane: Oh, thank you! (She looks through the bag.) Oh my God, you went to the Hard Rock Café.

Rory: Unfortunately, yes.

Mrs. Kim: Time's up. Rory, you have to go. Welcome back.

Rory: Thanks, Mrs. Kim. I'll see you later, Lane. (Rory and Lane hug again, and Rory leaves.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai, Rory, and Dean are watching Hogan's Heroes.)

Lorelai and Rory: (synchronized with the television) I see nothing.

Lorelai: You gotta love Sergeant Shultz. But I had such a crush on Bob Crane.

Rory: I had a crush on Richard Dawson.

Lorelai: Really? The magician.

Rory: Yeah. I mean, Crane was handsome in a pretty sort of way and Robert Clary was handsome in a cute sort of way, but Dawson was handsome in a rugged sort of way. 

Lorelai: And Klemperer was handsome in a bald sort of way.

Rory: Oh yeah.

Dean: Uh, yeah, I'm gonna get a soda, is that okay?

Lorelai: Sure, help yourself. 

Dean: You guys want anything?

Rory: No, I'm okay. But could you pass me another brownie, mom?

Lorelai: Here you go. I think Dean's a little jealous of our Hogan's Heroes.

Rory: We're going to have to say in what way he's handsome.

Lorelai: In a tall sort of way?

Rory: In a perfect sort of way.

Lorelai: Aw, how cute. So you really had a crush on Richard Dawson?

Rory: What's wrong with that?

Lorelai: The magician?

Rory: He had a nice accent too, and he was funny.

Lorelai: The magician?

Rory: Okay, I'm not defending my infantile crushes to you anymore. (Dean comes back with a soda. Rory hints at her mom.)

Lorelai: Shultz was handsome in a stupid sort of way.

Rory: Yes, and Dean is handsome in a perfect sort of way.

Dean: How long did it take you two to come up with that?

Lorelai: Not long. I proposed tall sort of way, and Rory immediately came up with that one. (Rory gives Dean a quick kiss.)

Lorelai: Oh no!

Rory and Dean: (startled) What?

Lorelai: There're no more donuts.

(Luke's. Jess comes in.)

Luke: I'm not even going to count how many minutes late you are.

Jess: Never did learn how to count past a hundred, did you? I had something to do after school. Took longer than I expected. I'll make the time up tomorrow.

Luke: And how are you going to do that? You don't have four-hour breaks that you can work instead.

Jess: I'll skip detention.

Luke: You can't skip detention.

Jess: Why not? The school is spotless now. I've been cleaning desks that have the smell of Pledge still on them.

Luke: You can't skip detention. 

Jess: Well, I tried. (He picks up a rag and starts cleaning the tables. Without looking up or stopping to wipe...) So, did Rory get back?

Luke: She did. 

Jess: 'She okay?

Luke: Yeah. She's fine. She says hi. 

(Jess nods and scrubs the tables more diligently.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is sleeping, while Dean and Rory snuggle together watching the video.)

Dean: I better get going. It's getting late and you look tired.

Rory: (yawning) I'm not tired, I'm full of energy. (looks to her mom) She fell asleep.

Dean: Yeah. I'll go and you can get your mom up and into her room. You need your sleep too. 

Rory: Oh, all right.

Dean: I'm glad to have you back.

Rory: I'm glad to be back. (They kiss.)

Dean: Save some of that for me tomorrow.

Rory: Good night. (She follows Dean to the door. A hug, a kiss, a wave and he is gone. She turns back and wakes her mother.)

Lorelai: Huh.

Rory: You fell asleep.

Lorelai: Where'd Dean go?

Rory: The spaceship came and took him back.

Lorelai: I knew he wasn't really human.

Rory: Come on. You gotta get to bed. 

(Later. Rory is in her pajamas settling into her bed. She lays down and turns from side to side, trying to get comfortable. She stops, gets up and sneaks out the house.)

(Outside of Luke's, Rory approaches. She looks inside the diner and then steps back, looking for a light on upstairs.)

Voice: (from behind) Hey.

Rory: (turns around startled and sees Jess.) Oh, it's you. Hi.

Jess: Trying to break in to steal some more donuts or something?

Rory: Actually, I was planning on stealing the brownies.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: I just came to see you. I've seen everyone except you and it bothers me when I haven't completed everything on my 'To do' list.

Jess: So you had "see Jess" on your 'To do' list?

Rory: Well, "see everyone."

Jess: Ah, that's right. So, you're quite the world traveler. Let's see, you've been to Boston, New York, now Washington. Not many people in Stars Hollow can say that, I'm sure.

Rory: And don't forget. In New York I was mistaken for a native.

Jess: That's right, you were. Well, you look different. You look worldly.

Rory: In my pajamas?

Jess: Few people could pull that look off outside. You manage it well.

Rory: Thank you. 

Jess: Oh, I have something for you.

Rory: What is it?

Jess: (holding out his two fists) Pick a hand.

Rory: Hmm. This one. (She picks one hand. He opens it, but there is nothing there. He closes his fist again.)

Jess: Pick again. (She picks the other hand, and he opens it, but there's nothing again.)

Rory: There's nothing in either hand.

Jess: You were supposed to pick the same hand. (He opens the hand she picked the first time.)

Rory: Oh, a book light!

Jess: Every traveler needs one.

Rory: Oh, thank you! (hugs Jess, then pulls away.) Sorry about that. I've been in a hugging mood today. I even hugged Kirk at the videostore, which started Taylor's lecture on appropraite customer-employee behavior.

Jess: So I think you can officially mark off "see everyone" on your 'To do' list.

Rory: Yes, I can. So I'll be heading back now. 

Jess: Bye, Rory. 

Rory: Bye. (She turns and walks briskly away.)

Jess: Rory. (She turns around.) Welcome home.

(She smiles and turns again to leave.)
    
    The End


	7. The Tangled Web We Weave

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: Thanks always to my readers and reviewers. I hope you like this chapter. It was a tough one and I'm still now sure about the final product.

(Gilmore Residence. The phone rings. Rory runs into Lorelai's room. Lorelai is still sleeping.)

Rory: Mom, wake up. The phone. Mom, wake up.

Lorelai: Come on, you get it.

Rory: I can't. What if it's dad? I'm not supposed to be here.

Lorelai: But I am supposed to be right here, in bed, sleeping. 

Rory: Mom. Here. (hands her the phone.)

Lorelai: (answers.) Hello.

Christopher: Hey sleepy head. 

Lorelai: Christopher. You're early.

Christopher: Well I wouldn't know that. Listen, I'm on the road. What time is Rory's flight coming in? I'll pick her up.

Lorelai: Where are you? 

Christopher: Well, I'm just out of Boston.

Lorelai: No, you won't have time. She had an early flight. I have to pick her up in an hour.

Christopher: And you were still asleep? 

Lorelai: Which is why I have no time for this conversation to go on any further. We'll meet you at the house.

Christopher: Okay. Give Rory a kiss for me. 

Lorelai: I will.

(Lorelai hangs up and gives Rory a kiss.)

Rory: What was that for? You're supposed to bite my head off for waking you up.

Lorelai: That was from your dad. Now I would bite your head off, but I'm too tired to chew. Good night.

Rory: Good morning.

(Later. Lorelai is up and goes to Rory's room. Rory is packing her suitcase.)

Lorelai: Were these last six weeks all a dream and you're just going to Washington now?

Rory: You unpacked my suitcase.

Lorelai: Well yeah.

Rory: Why did you unpack my suitcase?

Lorelai: Well, because you're home now, and fortunately our home is slightly bigger than a car or a cardboard box so you don't have to live out of a suitcase.

Rory: What about when Dad comes and finds that all my things are unpacked? 

Lorelai: He'll know that you've really come back from Washington to stay.

Rory: Okay, let me try this again. I told Dad I was coming home today. As of this morning he was on his way here. He should be here in a little while. We might just walk around town and he might be surprised that people aren't showering me with welcomes. We can tell him that they've already done that because we went around town as soon as I got back, but then, if he sees that everything is unpacked, he's going to know that all of this is too much to have accomplished in just a couple of hours. Therefore, I have to turn back the clock and make everything seem like yesterday. You need to get dressed. Dad's going to be here any minute and he'll know you didn't pick me up in your pajamas.

Lorelai: You realize how crazy this is.

Rory: Yes. I could never be a criminal. The cover-up is too hard. I'm not a good liar.

Lorelai: So instead of doing all this, why don't you just tell your dad the truth?

Rory: Because sometimes you have to lie so that you don't hurt other people's feelings.

Lorelai: I think he'd understand.

Rory: It meant a lot to him to be here when I got back because he missed my leaving. I wanted to be able to give him that without taking away from our time. I still want to do that. It's hard, but I can pull it off. 

Lorelai: Not unless I get dressed.

Rory: Right. So get dressed. Now. Hurry.

Lorelai: Hmm. Do I have to wear what I wore yesterday, since we're turning back the clock?

Rory: Mom, please. Put anything on. Just get dressed.

Lorelai: Why don't we turn the clock back to the last time your dad was here so that I can wear that dress again, Sherry's pregnancy never happened, you still weren't sure if you were going to Washington…

Rory: Mom. Please.

Lorelai: Okay. I'm going. (Lorelai leaves. Rory sits on her repacked suitcase but cannot get it down enough to close it. She gets down and starts taking things out.)

Rory: Oh what a tangled web we weave…

(Later. Doorbell rings. Rory runs down and opens.)

Rory: Hey dad! (She gives him a strong hug.)

Christopher: Hey there. How was it?

Rory: Pretty good, pretty good. I'm picking up the pictures later on today.

Christopher: You already put them in? You work fast.

Rory: Yeah, well, we're using some of them for the next Franklin and you know Paris. She's probably going to be calling in twenty minutes demanding them already.

Christopher: And we wouldn't want to disappoint the president.

Rory: No we wouldn't.

(Lorelai comes down.)

Lorelai: Hey, Chris. You're here pretty fast.

Christopher: Well, I've been known to pump a lot of speed into a Volvo.

Lorelai: So, what's the game plan for today?

Christopher: Well, I just want you to know, Lorelai, that I had no intention of stealing Rory away from you her first day back. Whatever we do, we do together.

Lorelai: Well, if you two want to go out for a little while on your own, that's fine.

Rory: So, uh, dad, are you hungry?

Christopher: Before we go anywhere, I wanted to give you something. Let me go back to the car. Wait here.

Rory: Okay. (She looks at her mom, and they both shrug. Lorelai sits at the table and notices the book light.)

Lorelai: Hey, where'd this come from? I thought you showed me all your souvenirs and trinkets.

Rory: It was a gift. A welcome back gift.

Lorelai: From who?

Rory: Uh, from Jess.

Lorelai: When did you see Jess?

Rory: Um, he stopped by this morning on his way to school. You were sleeping, still. He didn't come in. He just gave it to me as a welcome back gift. Lane gave me a welcome back gift too so don't read anything into it.

Lorelai: I wasn't.

(Chris comes back in, emptyhanded.)

Lorelai: Chris, what is it?

Christopher: You two can come outside now. (They follow Christopher out. There is a green car outside. Christopher dangles the keys before Rory.)

Rory: Mine?

Christopher: Yours. I know the car Dean made for you was totalled in the accident, and your mom couldn't afford to fix it, so I had it fixed. It's the same car. I know it looks different, but it's what they had to do. It's got a new paint job and everything, but for sentimental purposes, it's the same car.

Rory: Thanks, dad. (She hugs him, but the smile on her face, once out of his view, drops.)

(Later. Independence Inn. Lorelai, Christopher, and Rory walk in.)

Michel: What are you doing back here?

Lorelai: Relax, Michel. I'm not checking up on you. Sookie is making Rory a Welcome Back Lunch here. By the way, were you able to settle…

Michel: Save your breath. I'm ignoring you.

Lorelai: It's that habit that worries me.

(Sookie comes out)

Sookie: Oh, you're here. Great. Come on. I have everything set up already.

(At the lunch. Jackson, Sooki, Lorelai, Christopher, and Rory are seated at a very stacked table.)

Rory: Wow, Sookie. This is great. Thanks.

Sookie: Oh it was no problem. 

Lorelai: You just couldn't rest with the fact that you weren't able to cater your own Welcome Back party.

Sookie: No, no, no. Luke did a great job. 

Jackson: Rory, how's the salad?

Rory: I don't think I've ever tasted more perfect tomatoes.

Jackson: So you noticed. 

Lorelai: Who wouldn't notice the perfection of these tomoatoes?

Jackson: You didn't.

Lorelai: I did too.

Jackson: You did not. 

Rory: Okay, children. It's all right. Now everyone has noticed the tomatoes.

Sookie: So Rory, did you get the pictures yet?

Rory: Um, no. This afternoon.

Lorelai: Sookie, can you come with me to get something?

Sookie: Did I forget something? Is something missing?

Lorelai: No, no. It's not the food. Just something I know Michel is going to forget.

Sookie: Okay.

Jackson: I have to get going myself. Rory, I'll see you later. Nice to meet you again, Chris. 

Christopher: Same here. Great tomatoes by the way.

(Jackson, Lorelai and Sookie leave, going their separate way.)

Christopher: (Bending over to Rory.) Sookie seems to have seen you before now.

Rory: She did. Mom and I went all around Stars Hollow. Everyone has seen me already.

Christopher: So you got off the plane, drove to Stars Hollow, met everyone, dropped off the pictures, and came home in such a short amount of time.

Rory: Stars Hollow isn't that big a town. 

Christopher: You and your mom have been up to something. I can always tell.

Rory: And what do you think that something is?

Christopher: Whatever "something" your mom needed Sookie for?

Rory: I don't know what you're talking about. Whatever "something" mom was talking about has nothing to do with me, and I am not up to any something whatsoever.

Christopher: The overuse of the word "something" alone tells me something's up.

Rory: I repeat, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Christopher: All right. My mistake then. But if there is something going on, believe me, I'll find out. Your mom has never been able to keep a secret up for long.

Rory: Well, I'm sure you won't find out anything because there's nothing to find out.

Christopher: Okay.

(Cut to Lorelai and Sookie.)

Lorelai: So here's the deal. Chris thinks that Rory just came in today. Long story, but it's the story we're keeping. Just pretend like you didn't see Rory before today. You saw her earlier today, but not before. 

Sookie: Okay. Got it.

(Back at the table. Lorelai and Sookie sit down.)

Sookie: So Chris, how is Sherry?

Christopher: She's okay, everything's going normal with the pregnancy.

Sookie: Oh well, that's good. Normal's good…So Rory, we didn't really get to talk about your trip earlier today. Did you really have a good time?

Rory: Definitely. I mean, it wasn't my favorite way to spend the summer, but it turned out much better than I expected.

Sookie: That's great. And you still have a few weeks before school starts again.

Lorelai: For all that wilding you missed.

Rory: Yeah. Right.

Sookie: So what do you have planned for today?

Rory: I don't know. Dad, what do you think?

Christopher: Hey, it's your day.

Rory: In that case, how would you like to catch a ball game?

Lorelai: Okay, who is this and what have you done to my daughter? All of a sudden you want to go home and watch baseball?

Rory: Not home. Dean is playing softball and I haven't seen him play in a while. I think he'd like that.

Christopher: Sounds great. 

Lorelai: 'Cuz you're a man. You enjoy sitting in the hot sun watching guys throw a ball around while you scratch your crotch and spit and make profane gesticulations at the losing team. 

Rory: You enjoy making profane gesticulations at losers too.

Lorelai: That's true. Okay. So ballgame it is.

(Later. Rory, Lorelia, and Christopher sit down on the bleachers. Rory waves to Dean, who winks at her.)

Christopher: I got these hot dogs from the market. You can't watch a baseball game without hot dogs. (He passes down the hot dogs.)

Lorelai: They sell hot dogs at the market?

Christopher: The person that made them had asked the same question.

Rory: That can't be good.

Lorelai: What's so hard about making a hot dog? (She bites into it.) It's not that bad, but I'm not sure that it's a hot dog.

Rory: (bites into it) Definitely not like the ones in New York. Those are good.

Christopher: Hey, you guys went to New York? I never knew.

Lorelai: No. Rory went to New York. She's quite the traveler this one.

Christopher: What brought you to New York?

Rory: Temporary insanity.

Christopher: (to Lorelai) Do I want to hear the details?

Lorelai: I don't think so. It involves blood and guts and, quite frankly, after these hot dogs, I don't think your stomach will be able to manage.

Christopher: 'Nuff said.

Rory: Okay, hush now. Dean is batting.

Lorelai: Should we start a wave?

Rory: Why not?

(The three start the wave, but no one follows. They continue nonetheless.)

(Later. Game is over and Dean runs over.)

Dean: Hey. (He kisses Rory)

Lorelai: Eeww. He's all sweaty.

Rory: That's okay. I love him.

Dean: I'm so glad you came. Hey, how are you? (He extends his hand to Christopher who takes it.)

Christopher: Okay. Nice to see you again. 

Lorelai: He looks different, right? You've seen him in a suit, and in a tux. He looks different when he's dirty and grimy.

Dean: I think I get the point. I'm going home to take a shower.

Voice: Hey, Dean.

Dean: (turns) Cathy. Hi. Um…

Cathy: Hello Lorelai. Hi, Rory. I know you don't know me, but Dean has told me so much about you. 

Rory: Yeah, he's told me a lot about you, too. Nice to meet you.

Cathy: It's nice to meet _you._ How was Washington?

Rory: Uh, good. Thanks. Uh, Cathy, this is my dad.

Cathy: Hello. (She extends her hand and Christopher takes it.)

Christopher: Hello.

Cathy: Well, I'm going home now. Maybe we could all get together sometime.

Rory: Yeah, sure. I already told Dean that we should, so I'm sure we'll do that really soon.

Cathy: I'm looking forward to it. Great game, Dean.

Dean: Thanks for coming. 

Cathy: Rachel and Vy were here too, but they left early. They wanted me to tell you that you looked good out there, though I'm not sure if they were refering to your game. You know those two.

Lorelai: Well they couldn't have meant his looks because he's really dirty.

Rory: Mom.

Cathy: (laughs) Well, I'll see you all around. I'm going to miss my bus if I don't leave now. Bye. 

Dean, Rory, and Lorelai: Bye. (Cathy leaves)

Lorelai: So, um, Chris, why don't we, um, go…

Christopher: Get some autographs.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: Mom, what are you doing?

Lorelai: Hey, you never know when one of these guys is going to be a famous professional ball player.

Rory: Stop it. We're going home now. Dean can meet us there. We'll pick up the pictures, laugh over them, and then we will all go out to dinner.

Lorelai: Don't you want to walk Dean home?

Rory: No. Why would I?

Dean: Rory, why don't you? I think we need to talk.

Rory: (looking at her mother and then at Dean) Fine.

(Rory and Dean walk away)

Christopher: There was a lot of unexplained tension there. Did I miss something?

Lorelai: Youth. What can I say?

Christopher: What's going on?

Lorelai: Nothing, really. Cathy is a friend Dean met through Rory's best friend Lane while Rory was in Washington. I think Rory is jealous of their friendship but she doesn't want to admit it to herself or to Dean.

Christopher: Do you think there's something between Dean and this Cathy girl?

Lorelai: Well, there's no evidence. Dean wouldn't do anything to hurt Rory.

Christopher: I believe that. Does Rory believe that?

Lorelai: Oh yeah.

Christopher: So connect the dots for me here.

Lorelai: It's only natural for Rory to be a little wary about Dean's sudden friendship with a girl while she's been away. The only problem is that she's trying to be so cool about it that they haven't discussed it and maybe if they discuss it she'll actually be cool about it.

Christopher: And why isn't she discussing it?

Lorelai: Because Dean has been jealous of her friendship with Jess. If she can prove that she's not jealous of Cathy, than it leaves him no grounds to be jealous of Jess.

Christopher: Isn't Jess the guy who got Rory in the accident?

Lorelai: Yes he is.

Christopher: Didn't he go back to New York…Ah. Rory went to New York. I'm guessing he had something to do with it.

Lorelai: I would say your guess is wrong, but then I'd be lying.

Christopher: Do you think there's something between Rory and Jess?

Lorelai: I don't know. I know Rory wouldn't do anything to hurt Dean so I know she and Jess haven't actually done anything, but whether or not she wants to do something, I don't know. It's what worries me about Rory and Jess. She doesn't talk to me about him. She insists on telling me that I don't know him and that he's really a good guy, but she won't tell me what makes him a good guy. Whatever she has with him is a secret between the two of them. I'm not comfortable with that. Rory always told me everything. 

Christopher: Well, from what I've heard this Jess character sounds none too pleasing, and I still have a score to settle with him over the accident.

Lorelai: Chris, just let it go. I was ready to kill him and I had to let it go. You just have to do the same.

Christopher: I don't remember relationships being so complicated when I was Rory's age.

Lorelai: Well let's see. When I was Rory's age I was pregnant and you took off.

Christopher: (uncomfortable, but trying to be comical) Oh, that's right. 

Lorelai: I'm sorry. I forgot that's still a sore wound for the new Chris. Understand that that's not you anymore.

Christopher: It isn't? Can I tell you that I'm ready to give up on fixing things with Sherry? I mean, it's so hard and it feels like we're being dragged into this because of the baby, which isn't the best foundation for success in the first place. I actually planned on giving up. I figured, when Sherry has the baby I would just pay child-support and visit, maybe take the kid for some of the year or something. And then I started thinking about you. I mean, Rory's probably going to Harvard pretty soon. Harvard's in Boston. I'm in Boston. Maybe you could be in Boston with me when Rory's finished high school. It's just, with you it's so easy. It's like we can just pick up where we left off, no complications.

Lorelai: So what are you saying, Chris?

Christopher: I don't know. I wanted us to work Lorelai. I still do. And I can't work things out with Sherry when I still want us. And I was just thinking that maybe I don't have to work things out with Sherry. I can still be there for my child without being with her.

Lorelai: That's true, Chris, but you forgot some things. The thing is, we can't just pick up where we left off. I'm not your safety net. I don't want that role. And I'm not going to leave my job and my home when Rory graduates to play that role. Relationships aren't easy, Chris. You have to know which ones are worth working and fighting for and which ones you just have to let go. You've got a lot of beautiful things waiting for you by Sherry that I think are worth fighting for. You just have to let the safety net go. 

Christopher: That's not true, Lorelai. You're not the safety net. I love you.

Lorelai: I love you, too. Now we have to let go.

(Cut to Rory and Dean.)

Dean: Rory, can we please talk about this?

Rory: I don't see why. There's nothing to talk about. Or is there?

Dean: No. I mean, yes. Cathy is just a friend, but I know you're not okay with something. So let's just talk about it.

Rory: Dean, I'm okay. Really. 

Dean: She didn't even come alone. I saw Rachel and Vy.

Rory: I saw them too.

Dean: Okay.

Rory: Right. So there's no problem. I understand you two are friends. 

Dean: Rory, you know I love you, and only you.

Rory: I know that. I love you too. Why do you insist that I have a problem when I'm telling you I don't?

Dean: So you really don't have a problem?

Rory: No. I don't have a problem.

Dean: Then why don't you?

Rory: What?

Dean: Why don't you have a problem?

Rory: Hello. Why do you want me to have a problem?

Dean: Because if you really don't have a problem that means you don't care if I might be seeing someone else. Why don't you care?

Rory: I care. But I know you're not seeing someone else. I trust you.

Dean: Okay, and I appreciate that, but…

Rory: You want me to become some green-eyed monster and watch your every move and do everything in my power to keep you and Cathy away from each other?

Dean: No. It just seems that the normal way this would work is that you would have a little bit of a problem with it and we would talk about it and I would reassure you that there was nothing to worry about and then we would kiss and make up and be happy. 

Rory: (Smiling.)Tell you what, we can skip all that beginning stuff because I already know there's nothing to worry about, so why don't we just go to the kiss and make up and be happy part.

Dean: (Smiling) Sounds good to me. (They kiss.) 

Dean: Wait. I get it.

Rory: Get what? Dean, I thought we finished this. We got to the kissing part. I was one foot into the happy part, and now you're going back to an argument? 

Dean: Rory, I need to know this. Are you just acting this way to show me that I shouldn't worry about your friendship with Jess.

Rory: Now we're back in the Jess argument. No, Dean. Jess has nothing to do with this. He has nothing to do with anything. Why is my trusting you so hard for you to believe when you say that you trust me? I do trust you and I have no reason not to trust Cathy, so I don't have a problem.

Dean: Are you saying there's a reason for me not to trust Jess?

Rory: No. I'm saying that you think there's a reason for you not to trust Jess. I know you don't trust him.

Dean: I don't.

Rory: So that's what I meant. But anyway, this has nothing to do with Jess, and I would really like it if we stopped talking about this already. I don't like to argue with you.

Dean: Neither do I.

Rory: Well you're doing it quite often.

Dean: I'm sorry.

Rory: Me too.

Dean: I love you.

Rory: I love you too. (They kiss) Now you really do need a shower.

Dean: I'm going. (He goes into his house.)

(Later at Luke's. Lorelai, Rory, Christopher, and Dean walk in. Jess is working the diner. He walks over.)

Jess: What do you want?

Lorelai: Hey. I'm fine. How are you? That's good.

Jess: Do I look like Luke?

Lorelai: Well you're getting more like him each day.

Jess: Should I pull back out the flannel and the cap?

Lorelai: I think you might have to.

Jess: (looks to Rory and Dean) Hey.

Rory: Hi. (Dean rolls his eyes.)

(Jess looks at Christopher.)

Rory: Oh, dad, this is my friend Jess. Jess, this is my dad. (Jess nods.)

Christopher: I've heard a lot about you.

Jess: Well my fan club has a good PR committeee.

Lorelai: (tucking her hair behind her ear) So Jess, uh, where's Luke?

(Just as she says this, Luke busts in.)

Jess: Speak of the devil. (to Luke) I'm out. (Luke nods. He puts on his apron and Jess hands him the pad and pen. Luke motions to Lorelai that he'll be right back and goes upstairs.)

Christopher: So that was Jess.

Lorelai: Quite a kid, huh.

Christopher: I don't like him.

Dean: Get in line.

(Luke comes down and over to their table.)

Luke: What do you want?

Lorelai: I see the service here can't get any better. What happened to you?

Luke: My cousin Franny. Remember Petey?

Lorelai: Gorgeous Petey?

Luke: That's the one. He died. She called me last night in hysterics. She wanted to give him a funeral and she figured if I arranged the funeral for my uncle, I shouldn't mind coming to help with Petey's. No one else wanted to do it. I mean, it's crazy. But it meant a lot to her so what was I supposed to do? I left early this morning. We had the wake, funeral service, and burial, and I just got back now.

Lorelai: Wow. Some day. So what did you do about the diner?

Luke: Jess had to handle it today. I figured missing one day of school wouldn't hurt him, and it was important, sort of important, in an unimportant sort of way. So what'll it be? (He notices Christopher and nods.) Hey.

Christopher: Hey. (Christopher extends his hand and Luke takes it.)

Luke: What can I get you?

Christopher: Rory?

Rory: Um, let's see, I'll have the Thursday special.

Lorelai: Ooh, that sounds good. I'll get that too, with extra peppers.

Rory: Mine too.

Dean: I guess I'll have the same.

Christopher: Make that four.

Luke: Okay. (Leaves.)

Christopher: Now this is interesting. I know this is your home away from home. You've been gone for six weeks and you obviously haven't been here all day and yet not a single "welcome back."

Lorelai: Well, you see how they rank here on the politeness scale.

Rory: Luke just came back from a hard day. He probably hasn't realized anything.

Christopher: Do you really want me to go over there right now and ask him or will you just tell me the truth?

Rory: Okay, okay. I really got back yesterday, but I knew mom would have liked for us to spend time just the two of us my first day back. I also knew it meant a lot to you to be here my first day back, so I figured if I had two first days back I could please both of you. 

Lorelai: Take it easy on her. She tried.

Christopher: Rory, it's okay. You should have told me. I would have understood.

Lorelai: (Whispering) I told you so.

Rory: I know, I know. I'm sorry. 

Christopher: Don't worry about it. I appreciate the thought. Now could someone explain the Petey thing?

Lorelai: Petey is Luke's cousin Franny's parrot. 

Christopher: A parrot?

Rory: A parrot.

Christopher: You sure you don't want to go to Boston?

Lorelai: I'm even surer now.

Christopher: So Dean, how'd you like the car?

Dean: It looks good. A little different, but good.

Rory: You knew about the car.

Christopher: Yeah. I ran it by him at Sookie's wedding.

Rory: Mom, did you know about this?

Lorelai: No. And I'm starting to get offended by that.

Christopher: I didn't tell you because, like I told Rory, you can't keep a secret up for long.

Lorelai: Yes I can. 

Christopher: You can't.

Lorelai: Can t—

(Luke comes over with the plates.)

Luke: (handing Rory a roll.) Shove this in her mouth already. 

(Later. Outside Gilmore residence)

Christopher: Well, I have to head back to Boston. 

Rory: Thanks so much for coming.

Christopher: Hey, I wanted to be here. (He gives her a hug.) 

Rory: Oh wait, I have your souvenir inside. (Rory and Dean go into the house.)

Lorelai: So good luck with Sherry.

Christopher: Yeah. Thanks. You sure you don't want to think about what I said.

Lorelai: Oh I'll definitely think about it, but it's not going to happen.

Christopher: Why does this feel like that scene from Casablanca?

Lorelai: (playing along) If Sherry has that baby and you're not with her, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

Christopher: (playing along) What about us?

Lorelai: We'll always have Paris.

Christopher: That crazy girl Rory goes to school with?

Lorelai: Okay, let me try that again. Let's see. Well, we'll always have Rory.

Christopher: (smiles) Yeah. Well, here's looking at you, kid.

Lorelai: Hey, that's my line.

(Rory comes out with a bag.)

Rory: Here it is. And I gave you some of the pictures so you could show Sherry.

Christopher: (hugs Rory again.) Thank you. I love you, you know that right?

Rory: Yes, I do. I love you too, dad. (He shakes Dean's hand, gets into the car, pulls out, waves one last itme, and leaves.)

Rory: (to Lorelai) You okay?

Lorelai: Yeah. I'm fine. So what do you two have planned for tonight?

Rory: Nothing much. Walk around, talk, catch up. Are you going to be all right?

Lorelai: Yeah, I'm just going to return the videos, pick up some new ones, and hopefully fall asleep on the couch again. You two go have fun.

Rory: Okay then. Bye mom.

(Later. Lorelai enters Luke's.)

Luke: Coffee?

Lorelai: Yep.

Luke: 'Chris leave already?

Lorelai: Yeah.

Luke: So where's Rory?

Lorelai: Out with Dean. Luke, what time did you leave this morning?

Luke: Around six o' clock? Why?

Lorelai: And Jess opened the diner?

Luke: Yeah. Why?

Lorelai: He never left?

Luke: No. Why?

Lorelai: Are you sure about that?

Luke: Yeah. Caesar told me. Jess was here the whole time. Are you ever going to tell me why you're asking all this? Did Taylor accuse Jess of something?

Lorelai: No. I was just wondering. That must have been a long day for him.

Luke: Yeah. That's why I let him leave as soon as I came in. (He hands her the coffee.) 

Lorelai: So how was the parrot funeral?

Luke: What you can expect of a parrot funeral.

Lorelai: What was the attendance? Mostly parakeets, cockatoos.

Luke: Well, their owners. Someone actually gave a eulogy. 

Lorelai: And I thought it didn't get any crazier than Stars Hollow. I can't picture you at a funeral for a parrot.

Luke: I'm trying to kill the memory myself. 

Lorelai: Oh come on, you cried, didn't you?

Luke: It was a parrot.

Lorelai: You were just sitting there thinking how you would never again hear "Gorgeous, Petey, gorgeous, Petey."

Luke: Thank God.

Lorelai: Your tear ducts started to swell, eyes started to water… 

Luke: I didn't cry.

Lorelai: Then that eulogy started and you were balling.

Luke: Fine, yes. I cried like a baby. Heck, I'm the one that gave the eulogy. Have it your way.

Lorelai: And the truth comes out. 

(Rory and Dean are walking.)

Dean: Today turned out really well.

Rory: What do you mean?

Dean: It's like things have gone back to the way they were. You're back. You went to one of my softball games again. You've got the car back. We're here alone, talking like we used to. It's perfect.

Rory: It is perfect. Dean, we have to talk.

Dean: We've been talking.

Rory: I mean, I have something to tell you.

Dean: What is it?

Rory: First I want to tell you I love you.

Dean: I love you too.

Rory: And I think we should break up.

Dean: What?!

Rory: It's just, I've been thinking, and you're right. This moment is perfect right now, so it seemed like the time.

Dean: What?!

Rory: You yourself said it, Dean. We haven't had a moment like this in a while. Things have really changed, and I learned today that you really can't turn back the clock. It just blows up in your face, and I don't want this to blow up in my face. I love you.

Dean: Yeah, you said that, and I said I love you too. So explain to me why anything would blow up in your face and why you want to break up.

Rory: Dean, we've been fighting a lot. And in the end we make up and everything is fine. But what about that day when we fight and we can't make up in the end and we break up angry and hating each other. I don't want that to happen to us. 

Dean: Who's to say that day is ever going to happen? You're throwing away a lot on a hypothetical.

Rory: It's not a hypothetical. Some day we will break up and do you want to break up on that day when we argue and end up hating each other or a day like today when everything is perfect and we've both said we love each other. We break up like this and there's always the chance that we find our way back to each other.

Dean: I still don't understand why we have to break up. This is about Jess isn't it?

Rory: This is not about Jess, it's about me. About us. Please don't bring this back to that argument.

Dean: Rory, you're going to have to give me more than 'we're going to break up someday so let's just make it today.'

Rory: It's not just someday. I see it happening already. We're growing apart, Dean. 

Dean: But just now we were…

Rory: Just now we were great, we were totally together, but only for a moment. And maybe it was the time apart that helped create this moment, and maybe some more time apart will help us come back together for longer than a moment.

(Silence)

Dean: (exhales) You're right.

Rory: Really?

Dean: Yeah. We were going apart. I was so afraid I was losing you, like we were slipping out of each other's hands. But maybe letting go is the only way. It's just hard.

Rory: I know. It's hard for me too.

Dean: So what do we do now?

Rory: We hug and we go home. (They hug.)

Dean: I love you, Rory.

Rory: I love you, too.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is watching TV eating icecream. Rory comes in, looking depressed.)

Lorelai: Rory, we need to talk.

Rory: Not now, mom.

Lorelai: Yes now. Why did you lie to me?

Rory: What?

Lorelai: You said Jess dropped by the house this morning on his way to school to give you that (she points to the book light.) That's a lie. Why did you lie, and what really happened?

Rory: Jess gave that to me last night. I went to see him after Dean left and you went to bed. I lied because I didn't want you to make a big deal of the thing. I'm going to my room, now.

Lorelai: I'm not finished. Rory, what has gotten into you? You're lying now? To me? Don't you think sneaking out of the house to see a guy who isn't your boyfriend is a big deal? And if it wasn't then why would you lie about it?

Rory: I don't know. I just wanted to see him. I had seen everyone but him, and he _is_ my friend. I mean, I went through security guards to see Lane, so I felt guilty not making it a point to see him the day I got back. But everytime I mention Jess' name to you and Dean it starts an argument, and I didn't want to argue. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry about everything, now can I just go to my room. (She's about to cry.)

Lorelai: Hon, what's wrong?

Rory: Dean and I broke up.

Lorelai: What happened?

Rory: Nothing. I don't want to talk about it right now. 

(Next day. Luke's.)

Lorelai: Are you going to give me a hard time about wallowing this time?

Rory: No. I'll have strawberry pancakes with the works.

Lorelai: Good. So you're sure it was just a mutual, we're growing apart, let's end as friends thing?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Dean wasn't cheating with Cathy?

Rory: No.

Lorelai: You weren't…where's Luke?

Luke: (turning around from another table.) Right here. Strawberry pancakes with the works, and what about you?

Lorelai: I'll have the same. (looks to Rory) Solidarity. (Rory smiles.)

Luke: So you two broke up?

Rory: Yeah.

Luke: You're okay?

Rory: I guess so.

Lorelai: No fighting necessary. Dean can eat here whenever he wants, though he probably won't for a while. 

Rory: Probably not.

(Lorelai notices that Jess has been not too far away the whole time. He gets up and leaves.)

Lorelai: Um, I'll be right back. I forgot something. Don't drink my coffee.

Rory: I won't but if someone else does, I'm not going to stop them.

Lorelai: No one but you would like coffee the way I like it. Don't touch. (She leaves.)

Lorelai: Jess.

Jess: (turns around.) Ah, Miss Gilmore. 

Lorelai: We need to talk.

Jess: I'm on my way to school. Last day.

Lorelai: You can be a little late.

Jess: I could. 

Lorelai: I take it you heard the news.

Jess: Yeah, it's a shame. All those little kids in that bus. When will there be peace?

Lorelai: Put away that smart act for a second, will you?

Jess: Yeah, Rory and Dean broke up. So what?

Lorelai: I just want you to know that Rory is miserable right now. She doesn't need you messing with her. So just leave here alone. You're lucky to have her as a friend after all you put her through. This is not a window of opportunity, okay? Don't push it.

Jess: I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't done anything. I guess it never did occur to you and Dean that Rory just might have a mind of her own.

Lorelai: Don't play innocent with me. Don't think I haven't noticed what you've been doing. You go around making Rory think you're some sort of oyster who's really good and special on the inside. You do everything in your power to provoke Dean and make him look like some horrible monster in front of Rory and then you take her to bookstores after so she can think you're the good guy. You steal the bracelet Dean made for her, wreck the car he made for her, everything to erase Dean from the picture and move yourself forward. And you've just been waiting for the day when she sinks into your trap and breaks up with Dean. But all you're doing is hurting her. She didn't want any of this and now she's miserable.

Jess: Well that's some plan I had there. I must be a really smart guy. And the apology and the computer thing with the coffee and brownies, I was just doing that to get on your good side because I knew that was the last link to Rory's heart. But hey, who are we kidding? I don't want to get into Rory's heart, just her pants. Isn't that right, Miss Gilmore?

(Lorelai slaps Jess.) 

Jess: (nods) Good day, Miss Gilmore. (He turns and leaves.)

The End


	8. Mommie Dearest

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: Always warmest thanks to my readers and reviewers. Hope you like this one. It was also a hard one.

(Lorelai and Rory are driving to the Hartford Gilmore Residence in silence.)

Rory: Are you ever going to tell me what's up with you today or am I going to have to look for one of those gossiping little birds?

Lorelai: Hey, I'm fine.

Rory: You've never been so quiet in your entire life.

Lorelai: There was a secret year you don't know about when I became a hermit and took a vow of silence. Silence is good. Silence is golden. 

Rory: Silence is unusual for you.

Lorelai: Sometimes, during the day, I like to stop and listen to the sounds of silence. 

Rory: Good song, but it's not working for you here. 

Lorelai: Fine. Okay. Quite frankly the Santa Claus gig isn't going to work for you here either.

Rory: It doesn't have to work. Grandma and Grandpa are already nice to me. Grandma might have been nicer to you if you hadn't avoided them for most of the time I was gone.

Lorelai: I can't face them without you. You're my buffer. My Buffy.

Rory: Grandma and Grandpa aren't vampires. Occasionally, if you walk up to them carefully, you can even touch them…

Lorelai: I tried.

Rory: and they get very happy…

Lorelai: Ha.

Rory: and they lick your hand…

Lorelai: Try, bite it off.

Rory: and wag their tales…

Lorelai: Okay, picturing my parents as dogs is not helping.

Rory: All I'm saying is that they can be very gentle and lovable.

Lorelai: That's because you were picturing a beagle while I was thinking more in terms of a pit bull.

Rory: Just be nice. 

Lorelai: I'm always nice.

Rory: Act like you enjoy coming here.

Lorelai: Who do I look like, Catherine Hepburn?

Rory: Oh, Ms. Hepburn! I'm a big fan! I've seen all your movies. Can I get your autograph?

(Outside the car, walking to the house.)

Maid: Can I help you?

Lorelai: Do you have any sedatives?

Maid: Excuse me?

Rory: Emily Gilmore, please. She's expecting us.

Maid: One moment, please.

(The maid disappears. Lorelai looks at Rory.)

Rory: She seemed nice. I think she might be the one.

Lorelai: Twenty bucks she'll be fired before the end of tonight.

Rory: Deal.

(Maid returns with Emily.)

Emily: Florence, how could you leave my daughter and granddaughter outside like that, as if they were vacuum salesmen. Come in Rory. Lorelai. Really, Florence, this just won't do. You needn't come back tomorrow.

Lorelai: Pay up, kid. (Rory gives Lorelai a twenty.)

Emily: What in God's name are you two doing?

Lorelai: Hello, mom.

Emily: Hello, Lorelai. (She looks at Rory and smiles.) Welcome back. (She hugs Rory.) How was it?

Rory: Great. 

Emily: Well you'll tell us all about it at dinner. (looking to Florence.) I guess I'll have to get Richard myself.

(Emily leaves and the maid breaks into tears and runs off.)

Lorelai: Now I feel guilty making money off of that. Here. (She hands Rory back her twenty.) Still seeing that beagle?

Rory: Well, it's sort of still a beagle, only bigger, ears not so floppy, eyes not so big and cute, meaner. Fine, it's a pit bull, but I promise the beagle will come back.

Lorelai: You want to put twenty bucks on that?

Rory: Uh, no.

(Later.) 

Emily: Oh Rory, everything is lovely. You really shouldn't have. 

Richard: Well, we have something for you too. I'll get it now. (He leaves.)

Emily: These are great pictures. Did you take them all?

Rory: No. My friend Paris took a lot of them.

Emily: How about this one, is it yours?

Rory: That would be mine.

Emily: It's beautiful. (Richard returns with a book.) Richard, look at this picture. Rory took this one.

Richard: Amazing. Are you the photographer for the Franklin?

Rory: Well, I'm debuting with these in the next Franklin, but it'll probably be my last photography gig.

Lorelai: She normally cuts heads off with pictures.

Rory: It's true. I've beheaded more people than the guillotine. 

Emily: Well you're probably more of a landscape photographer. I mean, look at this.

Rory: The whole place was beautiful. It would have been impossible not to take a beautiful picture.

Richard: Well, take a look at the pictures in this.

Lorelai: Finally, a book with pictures. That's my kind of book.

Richard: Lorelai, I was being sarcastic.

Lorelai: Right back at you, dad.

Richard: Ah.

Rory: A critical edition of _Anna Karenina_. Thank you so much! (She hugs Richard, then Emily.)

Richard: I think you'll find Dostoevsky's essay amusing.

Rory: Like putting him and Tolstoy in the same room. Thanks again.

Emily: You must be relieved to have Rory back, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Oh yeah. Especially right now. Rory, did you tell your grandfather about Paris? 

Richard: Ah yes, how is she? Did she enjoy the trip also?

Rory: She really did. It opened up a whole new side of her. She's thinking she might want to make her living there, in some political journal or something.

Richard: The Washington scene is tough, though I don't doubt she could handle it. Still, I would have rather seen her business. She really impressed me with that project and I still think your group should have won.

Rory: The experience was in itself a prize. But I think Paris will eventually do it all. Cancer research, politics, business, who knows, maybe even acting.

Lorelai: Boy would I run to get tickets to a Paris Gellar movie.

Richard: Well I'm glad you both had such a great time.

Emily: How about you, Lorelai? How did you manage? Though I'm sure you didn't even have time to miss Rory, you were so busy.

Lorelia: Mom, I thought we settled this already. I explained, I apologized, you found another subject to torture me with. 

Emily: How am I torturing you? I'm just trying to find out what's going on in your life. Heaven forbid I should want to know. I'm only your mother.

Rory: Grandma, those are beautiful flowers. Are they from the garden?

Emily: Yes. They grew in last week, but I had to make room for the peonies. 

Richard: If you ask me, pretty soon we're going to have more flowers in the house than in the garden. You're always making room for something else. The next week, you'll move the something else in the house to make room for another thing.

Emily: Well, you have your golf and your tennis. I have my gardening. It relaxes me. It's nice to be able to watch your seeds grow and take care of them.

Lorelai: Then cut them up, leave them in water, and throw them out weeks later.

Rory: Excuse me, what room are Tolstoy and Dostoevsky in?

Richard: In my den. Why don't you and I go say hello?

Rory: Right behind you.

Lorelai: Rory, come on. Don't you have more stories to tell? What about Phil?

Rory: I'm not allowed to talk about that. I promised Paris.

Lorelai: You told me about it. 

Rory: She knew I would anyway. Bye mom. (Richard and Rory leave.)

Emily: Well, you certainly know how to empty a room.

Lorelai: Well it's not completely empty.

Emily: I'm leaving.

Lorelai: Mom, no. Wait. I just…what are you getting at?

Emily: I don't know what you're talking about?

Lorelai: The questions, the comments, they're going somewhere. Where?

Emily: I just want to know about your life. You are my daughter and I am concerned. 

Lorelai: Concerned about what?

Emily: Concerned in general. Oh it doesn't matter. Are you finished with that?

Lorelai: Yeah. (Emily takes the dishes and leaves. Rory peeps in and signals to Richard. They both return.)

Rory: Well, that was an exciting room.

Lorelai: Didn't miss any action here. (Emily returns.)

Richard: So Rory, how's that boyfriend of yours?

Rory: He's okay, but he's not my boyfriend anymore.

Richard: Oh, what happened?

Rory: Nothing. We, um, just decided it was time. Mom, don't you want to tell grandma about Sookie?

Emily: Oh I've heard enough about Sookie.

Richard: When did this happen?

Rory: Yesterday. How about that movie you saw, mom?

Lorelai: Wonderful cartoon movie. Hey mom, you want to take a peek at the room Dad and Rory went to? Why should they have all the fun?

Emily: No, Lorelai. I want to hear this too. Are you okay, Rory?

Rory: I'm fine. 

Richard: Did he break up with you or did you break up with him?

Rory: It was sort of mutual.

Richard: Well then. It's just as well. I always said you were too good for him. (Rory drops her head on the table.)

Emily: Richard, not now.

(Later. Luke's.)

Rory: I can't believe you didn't save me from that. You were supposed ot be Catherine Hepburn and you morphed into Joan Crawford.

Lorelai: Did you save me from my mother?

Rory: Vindictiveness is not a good quality in a mother.

Lorelai: Who says? I got it from mine.

Rory: So you admit grandma is a good mother.

Lorelai: I never said she was a bad mother.

Rory: You called her a pit bull.

Lorelai: You called her a beagle. 

Rory: Pit bull mothers pick their children up by their necks with their teeth.

Lorelai: You think beagle mothers don't?

Rory: Their legs are too short.

Lorelai: Now you just said your grandma has short legs.

Rory: It's a metaphor.

(Luke walks over.)

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: Something vaguely in the range of an intellectual debate, wouldn't you say?

Rory: That sounds about right to me.

Luke: Two coffees?

Lorelai: Four. We need the intellectual stimulation.

Rory: No, I'll just have one coffee.

Lorelai: Who said any of them were for you?

Luke: Five coffees?

Lorelai: Four.

Rory: You are a good mother.

Lorelai: Don't speak too soon. I might get you out of here by my teeth.

(Jess comes in.)

Luke: So you finally decided to show up. How'd you do?

Jess: I'm fine, thank you. How do you do?

Luke: Are you getting left back?

Jess: No.

Luke: Do you have that in writing? (Jess sighs, pulls out his grade report and hands it to Luke.) That's good. I mean, that's great. You did good. You should call your mom. She'd be really proud.

Jess: Right.

Rory: Can I see? Can I see? (Luke gives her the paper.) Jess, wow! Congratulations. See, I knew you could do it. 

Mom, look. (Lorelai quickly glances at the paper.)

Lorelai: (without looking at him.) That's, uh, great, Jess. Congratulations. 

Jess: (to Luke) Well, I'm getting out of here before you decide you want to pin that up on the fridge.

Luke: No. You've been out all day doing God knows what. Now you're going to work.

Lorelai: Give him a break, Luke. He just came back with a great report card. Let him live a little.

Luke: All right. But be back in a half-hour for closing.

Lorelai: That's a lot of living. (Jess leaves. Rory is still holding on to his grade report.)

Rory: So that's what it is?

Lorelai: What?

Rory: It's Jess.

Lorelai: What's Jess?

Rory: The reason you've been acting so weird today. What happened?

Lorelai: What are you talking about? I don't have a problem with Jess. Didn't you see how I finessed Luke for him?

Rory: To get him out of here. 

Lorelai: What can I say, I have a knack for emptying a room. I can get Luke out of here right now if you want.

Rory: Fine. Whatever you say. 

(Later. Gilmore Residence. The phone rings. Rory picks up.)

Rory: Hello.

Lane: Rory.

Rory: Hey, Lane. Are you still grounded?

Lane: Yeah. I still have three more days.

Rory: Ugh. That's too bad. What am I going to do for three days?

Lane: You know what you're going to do. Smooch with Dean 'til you both go dry.

Rory: Does the news not make it into your prison walls?

Lane: What do you mean?

Rory: Dean and I broke up.

Lane: What! What happened? 

Rory: Nothing. We just broke up.

Lane: For no reason?

Rory: We were growing apart.

Lane: Are you kidding me? I mean, I know you were away from each other for six weeks but that's because you were in Washington. Otherwise you guys were practically inseparable.

Rory: But we just weren't together. I thought we should break up as friends, without burning any bridges.

Lane: So you broke up with him?

Rory: I sort of initiated the discussion, but I think it was a mutual thing. I mean, he agreed it was for the best.

Lane: Are you okay?

Rory: (Rory fights the urge to cry.) Yeah, I'm fine.

Lane: (hearing the cracking in Rory's voice.) Okay, go get something sweet, come back here, and let it all out.

Mrs. Kim: Lane! Time's up.

Lane: Oh Rory. I'm sorry. 

Rory: It's okay. Go before you're grounded for another week. 

Lane: We'll finish this tomorrow.

Rory: Okay. See you soon, hopefully. (hangs up)

(Next Monday. Independence Inn.) 

Lorelai: (on the phone) That's right…Four boxes…Yes…That'd be perfect…Oh I want to marry you…Thank you so much…That's great. (hangs up)

Young Girl: Hello, I need a room.

Lorelai: Okay.

Young Girl: But I don't have all the money for it right now.

Lorelai: Now that's a bit of a problem.

Young Girl: I know but please hear me out. I'm eighteen and I just had a baby and my boyfriend left me and I have nowhere to go. I don't have much money, and I need to feed my child, but I already got a job at Al's and I will make the money and I will pay you every cent.

Lorelai: I believe you, but don't you have family you can go to?

Young Girl: No.

Lorelai: What about your parents?

Young Girl: (about to cry) I can't.

Lorelai: I understand. (She reaches over and takes the girls shoulders.) Listen to me. I've been there. Right where you're at now. I was sixteen. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always somewhere around here. (She goes over and takes a key.) Room 213, for as long as you need it.

Young Girl: Thank you so much. My name is Ella, by the way.

Lorelai: Lorelai. 

Ella: And this is Sam.

Lorelai: Aw. He's beautiful.

Ella: Thanks. But he needs a diaper change so I'll go to my room. Thanks again, so much.

Lorelai: No problem.

(Rory approaching Dean's house. She knocks on the door. Clara opens.)

Clara: He's not going to get back with you again.

Rory: Well now, that's good to know. Is he around though?

Clara: Hold up. Dean! (Dean comes over.)

Dean: Hey, Rory. Clara, could you give us a second? (Clara leaves.)

Rory: Hey.

Dean: Hi. How are you?

Rory: Good, good. How are you?

Dean: Not so good. It feels weird.

Rory: It does feel weird. I lied before.

Dean: Yeah, it didn't sound like a truthful "good."

Rory: I came to give you back the car.

Dean: What? Why?

Rory: Because it wouldn't be right to keep it. You made it. It's yours. It's too big for me to keep. And here's the bracelet.

Dean: This feels even more weird. I don't want the car or the bracelet back. I made them for you.

Rory: You made them for your girlfriend and I am no longer your girlfriend. I can't keep it. 

Dean: What about your dad? He fixed the car up for you. You can't give it back. Consider it _his_ gift now. And I made the bracelet for you. You can keep it. Anyway, who knows if you might be my girlfriend again? You said time apart might help us come back together.

Rory: Yeah. Maybe. Who knows?

Dean: So what are you doing today?

Rory: I don't know. Lane's grounded for another three days and my mom's working. I'll probably catch up on my reading.

Dean: I know you're not behind in your reading.

Rory: Catch up on my laundry.

Dean: You're terribly behind in your laundry.

Rory: I am. So what are you doing today?

Dean: Well, I'm taking Clara to the park, and I may catch a game of basketball with my friends while I'm there.

Rory: Sounds like fun.

Dean: Not to you. You hate basketballs.

Rory: That's right. I do. They're big and orange and…I'm sorry.

Dean: Me too.

Rory: I have to go now. (She turns and walks quickly away.)

(Independence Inn. The phone rings.)

Michel: Independence Inn. How can I help you?

Emily: Lorelai Gilmore, please.

Michel: One moment. (hands the phone to Lorelai.) Mommie dearest.

Lorelai: Hello, mom. 

Emily: Lorelai, hello. Listen, I was wondering if you were free for lunch today.

Lorelai: Not really. Why?

Emily: I just thought we could catch up. You seemed preoccupied the other night.

Lorelai: I'm fine, mom. I've just been busy.

Emily: That's right. You're very busy. Well, I'll leave you to your work then. Good bye. (hangs up. Lorelai stares at the phone in her hand.)

Lorelai: Bye.

(Gilmore Residence. Rory is putting newly washed clothes into her dresser and closet. Her books are scattered all over the place. The doorbell rings.)

Rory: I'm coming. (She goes and gets money from her wallet. Then she gets the door.) Jess.

Jess: (holding a pizza) Hey.

Rory: You're not the pizza guy.

Jess: I do a little moonlighting. I met him at the door, and I gave him his money. You owe me fifteen dollars. 

Rory: What are you doing here?

Jess: School's over and Luke gave me the day off. I thought I'd see if you were up to anything. 

Rory: I am. Why?

Jess: I'm bored.

Rory: Read a book.

Jess: I get the feeling I'm not welcome here.

Rory: You're not. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come out like that, but Dean and I just broke up and if word leaks that I had you over at my house, it wouldn't be good.

Jess: But you didn't have me over. I'm intruding. No one saw me. Come on. I'll help you.

Rory: Help me what?

Jess: Eat this pizza?

Rory: No. That's all mine, buddy.

Jess: Well I'll help you do whatever it was you were doing before.

Rory: You'll help me watch a movie?

Jess: You were not watching a movie.

Rory: How'd you know?

Jess: You have this industrious look on your face.

Rory: I do not.

Jess: Then you tell me how I knew.

Rory: I have this industrious look on my face?

Jess: That might be it.

Rory: Fine, you can come in, but only for a little bit.

Jess: (coming in and following Rory) Can I get some pizza?

Rory: No.

Jess: One slice.

Rory: No.

Jess: A half a slice.

Rory: No.

Jess: A bite.

Rory: No.

(Later. Luke's. Lorelai busts in.)

Luke: (on the phone.) Hey Liz, it's me. This is my third message. Just give Jess a call. Ask him how summer school went. Congratulate him. It would only take two minutes. (Hangs up. To Lorelai) So what happened?

Lorelai: I don't know. It's just…this girl stopped by the inn today and she was in exactly the same situation I was in when I first came to the inn, a single teen mother running away from her parents. It was so freaky. 

Luke: So what did you do?

Lorelai: What Mia did for me. I gave her a room. She's working at Al's and she'll pay it off eventually and then get on her feet. What?

Luke: Nothing.

Lorelai: No, you look like you want to say something.

Luke: It's none of my business.

Lorelai: I didn't ask if it was.

Luke: Hey, I just nod and serve the coffee. 

Lorelai: So serve the coffee. (Luke nods and serves.)

Luke: I just think a parent has the right to know what's going on with their kid. If they decide they don't care, that's up to them, but they should at least know. 

Lorelai: I thought you just nod and serve.

Luke: That's right. (He nods.) You want another cup.

Lorelai: I will.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory's room)

Jess: You can't organize by literary movement.

Rory: Why not?

Jess: What are you going to do with say Emily Dickinson?

Rory: Hmm. Tough one. Arranging by nationality is too broad. 

Jess: Alphabetically is too boring.

Rory: Why don't we color coordinate them?

Jess: Many-colored covers.

Rory: No. I have colored labels. We put the labels on the books, randomly, and then we make an index. See, let's take this bunch of books. We put green labels on them, and then we write down in the index under green all the titles. 

Jess: Okay, but let's say you lose this precious index and you're looking for your copy of _Walden_ or something but you don't remember which color it's under.

Rory: Then I'd have to search through all these books to find it. But I wouldn't lose the precious index. 

Jess: Maybe not, but you never know when some thief might come along by night and take it.

Rory: I'd guard it with my life. 

Jess: Okay, then. Have it your way. 

Rory: Where is it?

Jess: Where's what?

Rory: The notebook. The index notebook.

Jess: I don't know.

Rory: Look, you've proven your point. I won't do the index plan. Now could you give me back my notebook?

Jess: I don't know where it is. You're going to have to find it.

Rory: Jess! 

Jess: It may be right behind me, but I have this crick in my neck, so I can't really look.

Rory: Jess, give me my notebook.

Jess: You could reach behind me.

Rory: Jess.

Jess: Either that or rub my neck. Then I could move it and check behind me.

Rory: Jess. My notebook. Now.

Jess: It's really funny when you get all worked up.

Rory: I refuse to entertain you. Keep the notebook. 

Jess: What's that on your lap? (Rory looks down and sees the notebook.)

Rory: How do you do that?

Jess: Do what?

Rory: What you just did.

Jess: What did I just do?

Rory: With the notebook.

Jess: What notebook?

Rory: I'm entertaining you again, aren't I?

Jess: Very much.

Rory: The books. How to arrange them?

Jess: I'm afraid we've missed the obvious.

Rory: What?

Jess: By era.

Rory: Isn't chronologically as boring as alphabetically?

Jess: No. Whether the author's last name begins with an A or G has no bearing on the book. Era always matters.

Rory: Should we do era and nationality? Because 19th century England is different from 19th century Russia.

Jess: True.

Rory: Although the problem would arise with contemporary compatriots that do not get along.

Jess: Tolstoy and Dostoevsky should never be on the same shelf.

Rory: I've actually been in the same room with them and it's quite amusing.

Jess: Is this going to be a long story?

Rory: Quite long.

Jess: Save it for next time?

Rory: Next time?

Jess: Well if I'm helping you organize your books you have to help me organize my CDs.

Rory: Hmm. Sounds like fun.

(Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: So there you are? Didn't you…Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: What are you doing here?

Rory: He was helping me to organize my books.

Lorelai: Well if this is your idea of organization never organize my room.

Rory: Well, we haven't done the organizing yet. We're still on the strategizing.

Jess: Yeah, but I have to get going. I have to work.

Rory: I thought Luke gave you the day off.

Jess: I lied.

Rory: Okay. Well, thanks for the strategy. (Jess nods and leaves without looking at Lorelai.)

Lorelai: What was he doing here? Are you going out with Jess now?

Rory: No, I'm not going out with Jess. He was bored so he came over and offered to help me with my books. 

Lorelai: What if Miss Patty or Babette would have seen him? 

Rory: Mom, I know. And I told him that. But he said no one saw him, and what was I supposed to do? Slam the door in his face?

Lorelai: Well…

Rory: Mom, it was nothing. Just friends hanging out. No one saw. Nothing's going to happen.

Lorelai: Rory, you know I love you.

Rory: Yes I do. I love you, too.

Lorelai: And I have always tried to take care of you and protect you.

Rory: And you've been very successful.

Lorelai: At the same time, I have tried to respect your opinion and trust you in everything you do and support every decision you make.

Rory: Yes, all true.

Lorelai: But…

Rory: I figured a but was coming.

Lorelai: But you knew that I did not like Jess. You seem to see something in him no one else sees, especially not me, and I tried to respect that and trust you in that. 

Rory: Sometimes admirably so.

Lorelai: Right. And I have waited for a long time to finally see this thing you see, but I can't see it. Even now when he seems to be changing, I still don't see it. The truth is he hasn't changed. He's the same kid I didn't like, and I've tried to trust you, but now I need you to trust me. Jess is not who you think he is, and I want you to stay away from him.

Rory: What? I can't believe you're saying this.

Lorelai: Rory. I gave you your chance. Now you have to give me my chance. Please, Rory. I'm not trying to be your enemy here. 

Rory: What happened between you two?

Lorelai: Nothing. You just have to trust me on this one.

Rory: But I can't trust you on this one because you don't know Jess. 

Lorelai: If you don't want to trust me, you still have to obey me. Just stay away from him. That's all I'm asking. You don't need him. You have other friends.

Rory: Fine. (Silence) Could you please go now?

Lorelai: Fine. (leaves. Rory picks up the phone.)

Mrs. Kim: Hello.

Rory: Hey, Mrs. Kim. It's me, Rory. Can I speak to Lane?

Mrs. Kim: No. Tomorrow you can see her and talk to her. 

Rory: But could I please talk to her today. Just for a few minutes.

Mrs. Kim: For a few minutes.

Lane: Hello.

Rory: Hey.

Lane: Sorry I couldn't call you. My mom suspended my phone privileges until the day of my release. How are you holding up?

Rory: Not so good.

Lane: What happened?

Rory: My mom flipped out at me.

Lane: Your mom?

Rory: She doesn't do it a lot but when she does it's pretty bad.

Lane: What'd she say?

Rory: She said I couldn't be friends with Jess anymore.

Lane: Oh. How did that come about?

Rory: He was over at the house today, and I don't know but I think something happened between them before that she won't tell me about, but she hates him now and doesn't want me hanging out with him.

Lane: To be honest, Rory, I don't think that's so bad. I mean, I was in class with him when he showed and he's not so great a person.

Rory: You don't know him.

Lane: No I don't. But how are you sure you know him? Your mom is not one to flip out, so if he got her to that point he must have done something pretty bad. 

Rory: Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.

Lane: Could be. The only way you're going to find out is if you talk to one of them.

Rory: (sighs) So what are we doing tomorrow?

(Next day. Independence Inn. Ella is trying to flee unnoticed. Lorelai see her though, and runs up to her.)

Lorelai: Hey. How are you?

Ella: Uh. Okay.

Lorelai: Going out for a morning walk?

Ella: Yeah.

Lorelai: Hmm. Well, why don't you leave some of these bags here? I promise no one will take them.

Ella: Uh, I can't.

Lorelai: Huh. I take it you're splitting.

Ella: Yeah.

Lorelai: Aren't you forgetting something?

Ella: No.

Lorelai: Your baby?

Ella: I can't bring him. I left him in the room with the money I owe you. Someone will take care of him. I can't. I'm no good. He's better off with someone else. I don't mind living on the streets, but I don't want him to.

Lorelai: Ella, hon, you have options. Better ones than leaving your child in a strange town. You don't want to live with the knowledge that you abandoned your child. 

Ella: I don't have a choice. I lost my job. I can't do this. I can't be responsible for raising him. I can't do it on my own.

Lorelai: You don't have to do it on your own.

Woman: Ella!

Ella: Mom. What are you doing here? How did you find me?

Woman: We heard Tim threw you out. I was so worried. I didn't know where you had gone or anything. I just followed wherever people said you headed to. 

Ella: I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry about everything.

Woman: I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come to me. Now, where's my grandson?

Ella: I'll get him. (to Lorelai) Thank you for all your help.

Lorelai: (smiles) You take care of yourself and that kid.

(Later. Lorelai pulls up at the Hartford Gilmore Residence. Her mother is gardening.)

Lorelai: I cleared time in my schedule for lunch.

Emily: How nice. I'll get Florence to prepare something.

Lorelai: Florence is still here?

Emily: I decided to give her a second chance. I suppose everyone deserves a second chance. (Emily leaves to get Florence. Lorelai sits among the flowers in the garden.)

(Lane and Rory in the music store.)

Lane: Early Elton John or Contemporary Elton John?

Rory: That's a tough one. But I'll go with early Elton John.

Lane: Did we ever figure out what Nikita was about?

Rory: I don't think we did, no. 

Lane: Yet I still love that song.

Rory: Interesting, isn't it? 

Lane: So can I keep some of the Washington pictures?

Rory: Yeah, but not yet. I have to meet with Paris so we can decide which ones we'll use for the Franklin. If we choose any of the ones you wanted, I'll just make copies with the negatives.

Lane: What's wrong with you?

Rory: What did I do?

Lane: You're way too serious.

Rory: I'm often serious. Especially on a Tuesday. In fact, after reading _Tuesdays with Morrie_ I'm always serious on Tuesdays. 

Lane: Did you talk to your mom?

Rory: I always talk to my mom. I said "Good morning" to her this morning. I asked her if it was all right for me to hang out with you today since she's monitoring my friends now.

Lane: You're no fun when you're arguing with your mom.

Rory: Arguing with my mom is no fun.

(Lorelai and Emily)

Emily: Well after that I decided that they could handle the DAR cocktail without me, so I came home to put in the peonies.

Lorelai: Good for you. Now what are you going to do when the cocktail flops and they come crawling back to you on hands and knees begging.

Emily: Oh well, I wouldn't force them to beg. 

Lorelai: A little groveling would teach them a lesson.

Emily: I'll think about it. So did anything interesting happen in your day?

Lorelai: Uh, yeah. A girl came to the inn. She was eighteen with a baby and she needed a place to stay but she didn't have the money. 

Emily: What about her parents?

Lorelai: She didn't want to go to them.

Emily: I hope you sent her to her parents.

Lorelai: No I didn't. I gave her a room. 

Emily: Lorelai, you should tell her to call her mother.

Lorelai: I don't have to. Her mother came looking for her. The poor kid was about to leave and abandon her child, she was so afraid she couldn't do it on her own. I thought about what Mia did for me, and I was about to offer my help when in comes her mother. It was…I don't know. 

Emily: Are you insinuating why I didn't come looking for you?

Lorelai: No. It's not that. I just realized that I never gave you the chance. I didn't feel I could come to you.

Emily: I'm sorry you felt that way. 

Lorelai: I'm sorry too.

Emily: It's no easy job raising a daughter. All you want to do is protect her. You don't know that such a thing as overprotecting exists. You try so hard to keep her safe and close, and you just end up pushing her further and further away. Until you lose her.

Lorelai: You haven't lost me, mom.

Emily: But I did. (They both look out at the flowers in the garden.)

(Lorelai and Rory are walking into Luke's)

Rory: So they kept Florence after all.

Lorelai: The beagle returns.

Rory: I'm glad you and grandma made up.

Lorelai: How about us? Are we okay? 

Rory: We're going to have to be. Lane and I decided that arguing with you is no good for me. It ruins my complexion.

Lorelai: And it messes up my hair.

Rory: Are you still upholding what you said? If you still are, I will obey.

Lorelai: Well, you don't have to stay away from him forever, but just give it a while.

Rory: Fair enough.

Luke: (on the phone.) Hey Liz, it's me again. I'm a little tired of talking to your machine…Liz. I've been trying to call you since the weekend. I left I don't know how many messages…Fine, I just called because Jess finished summer school and he did well and I thought you should know. Maybe you want to congratulate him…Liz, wait. He's right upstairs. I can get him down now. Jess! Jess, get down here! (to Liz) Just wait one second…Liz, he's your son. Just wait one… (Jess comes downstairs) second. (Luke hangs up.)

Jess: What is it?

Luke: That was your mom. She called to see how you did in summer school and she wanted to congratulate you. 

Jess: Funny, I didn't hear the phone ring.

Luke: Well it only rang once before I picked it up.

Jess: Right.

Luke: She'll probably call back in a bit to speak to you herself. 

Jess: Tell her I'm out. Be back before closing. (Jess leaves.)

Lorelai: (to Rory) Go.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Your while's up. Go.

Rory: Thanks, mom. (Rory hugs her mom and leaves. Lorelai is pensive for a moment, then smiles a commiserating smile as Luke comes over.)

Lorelai: We try our best. (Luke nods and serves the coffee.) 

The End


	9. Two's Company

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff

A/N: The biggest THANKS in the world to my readers and reviews. Much love!

(Lorelai and Rory at the video store.)

Rory: I can't believe the summer is almost over and next week it's back to Chilton.

Lorelai: I know. We haven't nearly done as much damage as we did last summer.

Rory: Are you going to be off on Monday?

Lorelai: No, honey, I don't think so. Labor Day weekend is a busy one at the Inn. I'm sorry.

Rory: No, it's okay. I have to start preparing for school anyway. Paris and I have to get together to put the final touches on the Franklin article…

Lorelai: Because God forbid the first article isn't ready a month before the first issue.

Rory: Exactly. And I need to buy pens, pencils, miscellaneous supplies…

Lorelai: Don't worry about it. We'll steal them from Grandpa.

Rory: Okay. One less thing to worry about. But I need new bus books. I think I have enough lunch books, but bus books, not at all.

Lorelai: Well how do you know that some of your lunch books aren't really bus books?

Rory: They would have told me. 

Lorelai: Not if they really wanted to be lunch books. It's so much better to be a lunch book than a bus book.

Rory: Being a bus book is more physically demanding, that's true.

Lorelai: Not to mention the benefits of being a lunch book. Getting all that nice food that occasionally drops from the side of your mouth or your chin and falls on the page…

Rory: I have never dropped food on a book.

Lorelai: Hearing the juicy gossip from the girls next to you…

Rory: The stuff inside the books tends to be more interesting.

Lorelai: To you, but the books know that stuff inside and out. They want to hear new stories. Dirty stories…

Rory: In dissipated vernacular.

Lorelai: Precisely.

Rory: Okay. Well I'm going to have to grill my lunch books when I get home, make sure there are no bus books hiding in the mix. 

Lorelai: Good idea. (picking up a video) This one right here is a classic. Let's get it.

Rory: Okay, but how do we know it's a classic and not just some mediocre film disguised as a classic?

Lorelai: Hmm.

(Luke's. Lorelai and Rory enter.)

Lorelai: Luke. Just the person we wanted to see.

Luke: I wonder how you knew to find me here. 

Lorelai: Well, Rory suggested it. (to Rory) I wonder how you did know?

Rory: Elementary, my dear Watson. The name of the man for whom you were searching is Luke. In my research I found that this gentlemen named Luke lives and works in Stars Hollow. Of all the buildings in Stars Hollow, only one has his name on it, and every day that we have come to this building we have found the man named Luke to be here. So by the process of deduction I concluded that the one named Luke must be in the building marked by the same name in which he has always been seen.

Lorelai: Outstanding, Holmes! How do you do it?

Rory: Okay now, Watson, if you didn't here a word I just said, you need to see a doctor.

Lorelai: I am a doctor. 

Rory: Another type of doctor.

Luke: Are you two going to order something?

Lorelai: Actually, we wanted to invite you to our movie night. See, I was thinking that you got to see what a movie night is with me, but you have yet to see the Dynamic Duo in action.

Rory: First we're Holmes and Watson, now we're Batman and Robin. I want to be Batman. At least he wears pants.

Lorelai: But he wears his underwear over his pants. That just means he was too chicken to go out in just his underwear so he put pants under them. Or it could mean he has horrible legs. 

Rory: He could just be modest.

Luke: Hey, Thelma and Louise, are you going to order something?

Lorelai: Um, coffee, I guess, and pie.

Luke: What kind?

Lorelai: Whichever. So are you coming?

Luke: I think I'll have to take a rain check. (He leaves to get their order.)

Rory: I think Luke is in a bad mood.

Lorelai: Ya think, Sherlock.

Rory: I wonder what's wrong?

Lorelai: I don't know. Let me ask him. (She gets up and walks down the counter to where Luke is.) Hey.

Luke: Hey…Look, your coffee's coming. It's not ready yet.

Lorelai: I can wait. So, how're you doing?

Luke: All right, and yourself?

Lorelai: Great. I'm great. 

Luke: Good. I'm glad.

Lorelai: Me too. So, uh, anything interesting happen today?

Luke: Things cease to interest me.

Lorelai: Right. So anything _new_ happen today?

Luke: Well, it is a new day.

Lorelai: It was. By now, I've gotten used to it. Look, I'm running out of sneaky questions to ask you to try to pry out what's wrong so why don't you just tell me.

Luke: Nothing's wrong.

Lorelai: Oh, so you were just doing your impression of Oscar Madison over there. I get it. Just to satisfy my own uninterested curiosity, can we just go through whatever did happen today, even though I know nothing happened and nothing's wrong? We can just swap stories about our days. I'll go first. Today I went to the Inn. We had to call a plumber because someone checked out without notifying us that there was a leak and the whole floor got flooded. That was a mess, but everything got settled rather quickly. Rory and Lane dropped by the inn later and we had lunch together, though it was kind of late, so I don't know if you call it lunch. Dunch? Linner? Whatever. I came home. Rory and I had Egg Fu Yong and chicken in garlic sauce. We went to the video store, picked out more movies than we'll ever be able to watch in the time span allowed, and now we're hear, and I'm talking to you, and you're going to tell me about your day.

Luke: Okay. I got up. Opened up here. Jess came down, worked for 15 minutes and left. Nothing unusual. People came in. I cooked and served. Got the mail. Electric bill, water bill, letter from Rachel. I paid the bills. Cooked and served some more so that I can pay the next bills. Pretty much did that for the rest of the day, and now I'm here pouring you your coffee, (gives her the coffee) which you will accept with your pie (gives her the pie) and then you will leave to catch up on those videos. (fake smile)

Lorelai: Sounds like a good day to me. What did Rachel have to say?

Luke: Oh, it was a short note, just letting me know she's getting married, didn't know if she should send me an invitation, but figured I wouldn't come anyway, she's happy with the guy, et cetera.

Lorelai: Ouch. You okay?

Luke: I'm great. Hey, I'm happy for her. That is, if it works. What are the chances that a marriage really will work, though? The increase in the divorce rates is nothing when you think about all those unhappy marriages where the couple is just staying together so they don't have to argue over who gets to keep the car. But I mean, if that's what she wants, hey, I'm happy for her. 

Lorelai: Oh the joy is emanating all over the place. Luke, it's okay not to be okay with this. You cared for her a lot. It can't be easy to find out she's marrying somebody else.

Luke: No, it is easy. I didn't want to marry her. I'm not a marrying guy. I'm glad she found some guy she could club and drag to the altar, or to club her and drag her to the altar, however they arranged it. 

Lorelai: Well, when you put it that way…

Luke: Lorelai, I'm fine. It's been a busy day. I just want it to end already so I can call it a night and get some sleep.

Lorelai: Okay. Sleep. But tomorrow morning when you wake up and you still feel bummed, it's okay. The girl you cared about, I'd even venture to say "loved" but don't bite my head off, is now going to be off limits. She's never going to walk into the diner with some story of how she suddenly found herself on a plane to Hartford. It hurts. And it's okay. 

Luke: I'm fine. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up to the same thing I do every day.

Lorelai: Try to take over the world?

Luke: Good night, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Good night. (Walks over to Rory and gives her a coffee and piece of pie.)

Rory: Bye, Luke.

(Outside)

Rory: So what's with him?

Lorelai: Rachel's getting married.

Rory: Oh. Wow. That sucks.

Lorelai: Yeah. He'll be okay when he admits that it does.

Rory: Ah. I see. King of Denial (A/N: This doesn't work written out because the key is in the homophonic pun, but whatever. You get it)

Lorelai: That's Luke.

Rory: So it looks like it's just you and me for movie night.

Lorelai: As it normally is.

Rory: It's better this way.

Lorelai: Yeah. Three's a crowd.

Rory: I kind of got used to the crowd idea, though. 

Lorelai: Yeah. And we got crowd movies.

Rory: That we did.

Lorelai: So what should we do?

Rory: Invite a crowd?

Lorelai: Hmm. Who should we invite? Is Lane free?

Rory: Look at the time.

Lorelai: That's right.

Rory: Sookie?

Lorelai: You think we can pull her away from Jackson?

Rory: Or we could pull Jackson along with her.

Lorelai: That's really a crowd.

Rory: Which was our objective.

Lorelai: So Sookie and Jackson it is.

(As they're walking, they see Dean and Cathy talking and laughing. Rory looks in bewildered shock.)

Lorelai: Rory, don't jump to conclusions. They're probably hanging out as friends.

Rory: Yeah. I know. I'm sure that's what it is. Even if it isn't, it doesn't matter. It's been almost two weeks now. I'm okay. (her eyes well up with tears.) Let's go. (She walks up ahead.)

Lorelai: (quietly) And there goes the Queen of Denial.

(Gilmore Residence. Rory comes out of her room. Lorelai is getting the junk food ready.)

Rory: So did you call Sookie and Jackson?

Lorelai: No. I thought maybe this should be a you and me night.

Rory: This isn't because of Dean and Cathy, is it?

Lorelai: No. (Rory gives her doubting look.) Okay, well, maybe.

Rory: I'm fine. Call them. (She gets the phone and gives it to Lorelai. Lorelai takes it and dials.)

Jackson: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, Jackson. How are you?

Jackson: Okay. How's it going?

Lorelai: Okay. So listen, are you and Sookie doing anything right now that I don't want to hear about?

Jackson: No. Unfortunately. Why?

Lorelai: Well, Rory and I are having a movie night and we wanted to know if you two wanted to join us.

Jackson: Okay. We'll be right over.

Lorelai: Great. (hangs up. To Rory.) They're coming over.

Rory: Good. I'm going for a walk, okay? 

Lorelai: You make me call them, and then you leave?

Rory: I'll be back before they get here.

Lorelai: Once they get here I don't need you.

Rory: I love you too, mom. I'll be right back.

(Kim residence. Rory picks up pebbles and throws them at Lane's window.)

Lane: What the—Rory? What are you doing here?

Rory: Can you come down? I need to speak to you.

Lane: Be right there.

(Lanes comes down.)

Lane: No tree climbing this time?

Rory: I wasn't in a tree climbing mood. (Looks at the scratches the pebbles left on Lane's window.) More like a vandalism kind of mood.

Lane: Don't worry about it. So what's up?

Rory: I saw Dean and Cathy today, and I'm not sure if they were just hanging out as friends or if he was going out with her. I mean, if he's going out with her, it's okay. I mean, we broke up. But I would like to know. Do you know anything about it?

Lane: Sorry no. But I'll get right on it.

Rory: Thanks. I'm sorry again about the window.

Lane: Don't worry about it. I was this short of breaking it a couple of weeks ago. So I better go before my mom finds out I'm missing. You sure you're okay?

Rory: Yeah. I'm fine. So I'll see you tomorrow.

Lane: And I'll have some information for you, hopefully.

Rory: Okay. Good night.

Lane: Good night.

(Lane goes back inside and Rory looks around. She sighs, looks down, and meanders through the streets.

In her walking she sees someone by the bridge swimming in the lake. She walks over.)

Rory: How's the water?

Jess: Good. You coming in?

Rory: No, no, thank you. (Jess leans his back against the bridge and lifts himself up to sit on it. Rory sits too.) So is this what you do late at night?

Jess: Sometimes.

Rory: And you normally swim with all your clothes on?

Jess: Well I take off all footwear.

Rory: Ah. I never took you for a modest sort of fellow.

Jess: Modesty has nothing to do with it. 

Rory: Return to past memories?

Jess: No. Though I did learn this from that experience. It's more liberating to swim with your clothes on.

Rory: How so?

Jess: Well, everyone else swims without most of their clothes on.

Rory: So it's yet another act of rebellion.

Jess: Rebellion is liberating.

Rory: (defensively) Rules can be liberating as well.

Jess: I suppose so. So what brings you out and about at this time? Shouldn't you and your mom be in the middle of some film fest?

Rory: We're waiting for Sookie and Jackson, so I decided to take a walk. Hey, you want to come?

Jess: Walk?

Rory: Yes. To my house, for the film festival.

Jess: Nah. You, your mom, Sookie, Jackson. I'd be the fifth wheel.

Rory: No you wouldn't. We were looking to form a crowd. Come on. It'll be fun.

Jess: I'll take a rain check.

Rory: We only give them out to one person per household and we already gave one to Luke.

Jess: Fine. Then I'll just flat out decline and _never_ go to your house for a film festival.

Rory: You can have a rain check. (Jess smirks.) So you don't even bring a towel? You just sit here all wet?

Jess: This is the best part.

Rory: What? 

Jess: Sitting here, air-drying, thinking.

Rory: About what?

Jess: I'm not really a sitting on a bridge over a lake, sharing my thoughts with someone kind of guy.

Rory: Just a sitting on a bridge over a lake, thinking kind of guy.

Jess: Right.

Rory: So what you're saying is you're really not a sharing kind of guy?

Jess: If you want to put it that way.

Rory: So you're telling me to mind my own business.

Jess: Well _I_ wouldn't put it that way, but…

Rory: Okay. But if you ever wanted to share something with me, I just want you to know that you could. I mean, we're friends.

Jess: Who told you we were friends?

Rory: I…well…just…Okay, so we're not friends, then.

Jess: I didn't say that either.

Rory: So what are we?

Jess: You tell me.

Rory: I asked first.

Jess: We're friends.

Rory: Right. 

Jess: So what about you?

Rory: What?

Jess: You're the sharing person. What made you want to go for a walk?

Rory: I don't have to share anything with you if you're not going to share anything with me.

Jess: I didn't say you had to.

Rory: Okay. So I won't.

Jess: Fine. 

Rory: We'll just be friends who don't share.

Jess: Sounds good to me.

Rory: Well, we can still share books.

Jess: And CDs.

Rory: But that's it.

Jess: Just interesting merchandise.

Rory: Right.

Jess: Sounds good.

Rory: I think Dean and Cathy are going out.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: Though I'm not sure. I mean, I saw them together. They seemed pretty happy, but they could've just been hanging out as friends.

Jess: Does it matter?

Rory: What?

Jess: I mean, it's not like there's a rule about it, like how long you have to wait to swim after eating, or how long you have to wait to dance after your husband dies, or how long you have to stay in the house after your father dies.

Rory: There's a rule about that?

Jess: In Lorca's _House of Bernarda Alba._ Eight years.

Rory: Wow. I never read that one.

Jess: I'll lend it to you.

Rory: Thanks…and no it doesn't matter. I mean, I don't care either way. I just want to know. 

Jess: Why don't you ask him?

Rory: Because then he'll think I care.

Jess: Which you don't.

Rory: No…and it would just be awkward.

Jess: Why?

Rory: Ex-girlfriend asking ex-boyfriend about new girlfriend. You don't see how that could be awkward?

Jess: Ah, yes, I see it now. So if he is going out with this girl…

Rory: I don't care. I mean there's not rule about it.

Jess: No, there isn't. 

Rory: But it's not about a rule. How do you just throw out a year's relationship in a week and a half?

Jess: So a rule _should be_ instituted?

Rory: I don't know.

Jess: No, I agree. Rules are liberating. No dating again until the amount of time the previous relationship lasted has elapsed.

Rory: You're trying to show me how foolish I'm behaving.

Jess: No. If you were behaving foolishly I'd pretty much tell you you're cracked.

Rory: Okay. So your turn.

Jess: My turn to what?

Rory: I shared something. Now you share something. (Jess reaches for his bookbag and pulls out a CD.)

Jess: Interesting merchandise?

Rory: (takes the CD) Fine. You sure you don't want to come over?

Jess: I haven't changed my mind yet.

Rory: Well, if you do, you know how to get there. (She gets up and leaves.) 

(Gilmore Residence. Rory comes in.)

Lorelai: You're late. We started without you.

Rory: Hi Sookie! Hi Jackson! Sorry I'm late.

Sookie: Don't worry about it. You didn't miss much.

Lorelai: Sookie, what did I tell you?

Sookie: Oh that's right. You missed a lot. We were having so much fun and you missed it all. 

Rory: I'm sorry, mom. 

Lorelai: Jackson?

Jackson: Sookie even made a…

Lorelai: Ahh.

Jackson: Sookie made seven delicious cakes and we ate them all.

Rory: Drats. Mom, I said I'm sorry.

Lorelai: How sorry?

Rory: So sorry. (Lorelai is unmoved) So, so very sorry. (still unmoved) So sorry that I'll make coffee for everyone. 

Lorelai: Okay. You're forgiven. Now get to it, sister. (Rory goes to the kitchen. Lorelai soon follows.)

Lorelai: So I have forgiven you, but just out of curiosity, why were you late? Where did you go?

Rory: I went to see Lane.

Lorelai: I know her mom didn't let you in.

Rory: No, Lane had to sneak out.

Lorelai: And why did you make her do that?

Rory: I wanted to see if she knew about Dean and Cathy?

Lorelai: Ah. Did she?

Rory: No, but she said she'd find out.

Lorelai: So you really do care.

Rory: No I don't. I just wanted to know. Not knowing is always bad. Once I know, either way, I'll be fine.

Lorelai: Okay. 

(Next day. Rory and Lorelai go at Luke's.)

Rory: Luke, you missed one heck of a night.

Lorelai: You sure did. We had Sookie and Jackson over and we got Jackson on such a sugar high that the drummer in him woke up again.

Luke: It was bad enough seeing it the first time, thank you very much. (he turns to another table.) Lady, you're getting ketchup all over the place. Use a napkin.

Lorelai: I see Oscar has left the building and Felix has come in.

Luke: What can I get you?

Rory: I'll have fried eggs sunnyside on toast.

Lorelai: That's new.

Rory: I saw it on the cooking network.

Lorelai: Didn't I warn you about the dangers of television?

Rory: No. You pretty much just joined me in front of it.

Lorelai: I think I'll have that too.

Luke: Okay.

Lorelai: I wonder how long we're going to have to deal with Grumpy.

Rory: I feel bad for the poor guy.

Lorelai: That's because you can sympathize.

Rory: I'm totally fine about Dean and Cathy, if there is a Dean and Cathy.

Lorelai: Yeah, Luke's fine about Rachel too.

Rory: But I mean it.

Lorelai: Luke means it too.

Rory: This conversation is going nowhere. 

Lorelai: I'm getting somewhere.

Rory: Where?

Lorelai: I'm getting to you, aren't I?

Rory: No. I'm ignoring you right now.

Lorelai: Rory and Luke, sitting in a tree, S-U-L-K-I-N-G…

Rory: I must be going deaf because I can't hear a thing. 

Lorelai: One thinks Dean's in love, the other heard marriage and he's seeing Rachel with a baby carriage

Rory: I'm going to my buddy Luke over there.

Lorelai: S-U-L-K-I-N-G

(Rory walks over to Luke)

Rory: You grab her, I'll gag her

Luke: Deal. So what's up?

Rory: Nothing much. 

Luke: You think Dean's in love?

Rory: You have good ears.

Luke: Unfortunately. And your mom has a big mouth.

Rory: Yeah. Well, I saw him yesterday with a female friend of his. I don't know if they're going out.

Luke: Sorry to hear that.

Rory: I'm okay. I'm sorry about Rachel.

Luke: I'm fine. 

Rory: So why do they call it a sunnyside egg?

Luke: Just when I start to wonder if you're really her daughter…

(Independence Inn.)

Michel: I'm sorry. We're all booked for Monday…No, there is no more room…There are no beds available…The floor is not an option…It is a cold floor, a wooden floor, with splinters sticking out…No, our guests do not get hurt because they don't sleep on the floor…Nobody falls here…We have a rule against bare feet…There is another Inn not far away that has available rooms. Should I give you the number? It's 555-4312…You're welcome. Buh-bye.

Lorelai: What Inn is that?

Michel: There is no other Inn. I made up the number.

Lorelai: Good thinking. (the phone rings again) That's probably them again.

Michel: You pick up. I'm taking a break.

Lorelai: (On the phone) Independence Inn. How can I help you?

Rory: Hey mom.

Lorelai: Rory, thank God. What are you doing?

Rory: Not much. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be meeting Lane to go school shopping.

Lorelai: Okay. Will she be wielding any information?

Rory: Maybe.

Lorelai: Okay. Wear good shoes. Great shoes.

Rory: Why?

Lorelai: Because then, no matter what she tells you, you can just think, I'm wearing great shoes.

Rory: Good point. I'll see you later.

Lorelai: Okay. Bye. (She hangs up. The phone rings again.)

Lorelai: Independence Inn. How can I help you?…Who did you say you spoke to?…A French man?…We have no French men here, ma'am…I'm sure of it. Now how can I help you?…I'm sorry. We're all booked for Monday. Thank you for trying us, though. Bye. (She quickly hangs up.)

(Rory waits for Lane who is approaching.)

Rory: Hey.

Lane: Hey. 

Rory: How are you?

Lane: Okay. How are you?

Rory: I'm fine.

Lane: You sure?

Rory: I shouldn't be?

Lane: No. You can be. 

Rory: Okay.

Lane: So here's what I found out.

Rory: Thank you.

Lane: Nothing official yet.

Rory: Yet?

Lane: Well, there's nothing official now, but it looks like there's something brewing.

Rory: Brewing?

Lane: Maybe. Possibly.

Rory: No, it's okay. Just don't use that word. Never use coffee-associated words when delivering bad news. Not that it's bad news. In fact, I didn't mean to say bad news, I meant to say…

Lane: Rory, it's okay.

Rory: How do you like my shoes?

Lane: They're great.

Rory: I thought so.

Lane: So do you have your list?

Rory: Yes. Do you have yours?

Lane: Yes.

Rory: So let's go.

(Later. Rory and Lane are buying supplies.)

Lane: You're not going to buy notebooks?

Rory: No. I have to wait for classes to start. Some teachers are very particular about the notebooks you use for their class. Are you planning on getting high?

Lane: What?

Rory: That's a lot of white-out.

Lane: I use a lot and I lose a lot.

Rory: I see.

Lane: So, do you want to catch a movie tonight?

Rory: When have I ever turned down the movies?

Lane: When you have to do some Chilton thing.

Rory: Which I don't because school hasn't started yet.

Lane: When you had a date with Dean.

Rory: Which I don't because we broke up.

Lane: You didn't want to see 40 Days.

Rory: That was a particular movie. We did see Ice Age instead.

Lane: Okay. So we're seeing a movie.

Rory: Which one?

Lane: How about the one with Ben Affleck.

Rory: Oh, not another Ben Affleck movie.

(Independence Inn.)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) Yeah, we book fast for Labor Day weekend. I'm sorry. But if you're planning on stopping around again for Thanksgiving, give us a call. I'll be sure to hold a place for you…Okay. Take care. Bye.

(hangs up. The phone rings again.)

Lorelai: Aahh. Word gets around for everything else and no one has spread the fact that we're booked. (She picks up the phone.) Independence Inn. How can I help you?

Paris: I'm outside your house right now and Rory isn't home.

Lorelai: Yeah, sometimes I unlock her room and let her go outside for the oxygen and vitamin D. I don't think she was expecting you. Did you make plans to meet?

Paris: We didn't actually make plans but being that classes start next week she should have expected that I'd be dropping by to take care of our unfinished business.

Lorelai: She should have. What was she thinking leaving the house the week before classes start? I don't know what gets into her sometimes.

Paris: Do you know where she was going?

Lorelai: She was going shopping for school supplies. If you walk around town I'm sure you'll find her. Stars Hollow isn't that big.

Paris: Okay. Well I guess I've gotten all the information I can out of you. Thank you. Bye.

Lorelai: I can actually tell you the weight of the human head. The most popular coffee producing country. The name of the last five or six presidents we've had, but don't ask me about any of the ones before. 

Paris: I'm hanging up now.

Lorelai: Bye Paris.

(Lane and Rory are leaving the store.)

Rory: Can you believe the deal I got on these cool pens?

Lane: And I finally got an electric pencil sharpener. I always wondered what happens when you stick a crayon in here.

Rory: You might get away with crayons. Don't stick a pen in there, though.

Paris: There you are! I've been looking all over for you.

Rory: Paris, what are you doing here?

Paris: Are you aware that classes start again next week?

Rory: Which is why we're buying school supplies.

Paris: And that the first Franklin meeting is the Friday of the first week?

Rory: I'm well aware of that too.

Paris: And you don't think that we should be finishing off this article already?

Rory: Paris, we still have time for that. 

Paris: There's no time like the present.

Rory: I already have plans. 

Paris: Fine. I obviously came here for nothing. I should have known better than to think that I wasn't the only one who cared about the Franklin.

Rory: You're not the only one who cares about the Franklin. Everyone who writes for the Franklin cares about the Franklin. I promise you we'll work on it before classes start.

Paris: Fine. Give me a call or something. (she turns to leave.)

Rory: Paris, wait. (she turns again.) This is my best friend, Lane. Lane, this is my friend Paris.

Lane: Hi. I've heard a lot about you.

Paris: What has she said about me?

Lane: Uh, um, that you go to Chilton.

Paris: That's a lot?

Lane: Considering that she doesn't talk about many other Chilton people, yeah.

Rory: So, uh, Paris, you want to come with us to the movies?

Paris: Is this a pity invite?

Rory: No. But I mean, you're here already. I'm guessing since you were planning on obsessing about the Franklin article originally that you don't have to be back in Hartford soon, so there's really nothing holding you back from joining us. You don't mind, right Lane?

Lane: Not at all.

Paris: You don't think three's a crowd?

Rory: No, it is. But we like crowds. We've often fantasized about forming our own posse, but we didn't have enough people for it. So you wanna go?

Paris: Okay. 

(Later. Lorelai goes to Luke's)

Luke: If you sing that song again, I'm throwing you out.

Lorelai: I wasn't even thinking about it. I don't even remember it. How did it go? I forget. Something with S-U-L…do you remember the rest?

Luke: Nice try. Where's Rory?

Lorelai: That tree's getting pretty lonely, huh? She went to the movies with her friends.

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: I'll get your special.

Luke: Okay.

Lorelai: So, how are you doing?

Luke: I'm great. Never felt better.

Lorelai: I think I know what's wrong with you?

Luke: And you're just going to ignore the fact that I just told you I'm great.

Lorelai: Yes, I'm going to ignore the fact that you just lied. Luke, you have to face how you're feeling. Otherwise, this thing is just going to eat you up inside.

Luke: You don't care that all that junk you eat is going to eat you up inside.

Lorelai: But you don't cease to tell me about it. So I'm going to tell you about what's eating you.

Luke: Because you know.

Lorelai: I think I do.

Luke: All right. This should be funny. Go ahead.

Lorelai: You said Rachel was restless. She kept coming in and out of your life. Now you hear she's getting married, which means she's going to settle down and be stationary and it bugs you that she couldn't settle down with you.

Luke: That's not it.

Lorelai: It's not? Then what is it?

Luke: The last time she came here, I think she was ready to settle down, but I wasn't ready for her to settle down.

Lorelai: The whole milk thing, I remember. Oh, so you think that had you been ready, she would have been marrying you instead and now you're kicking yourself because you obsessed about the milk.

Luke: Do you really want to know what it is or do you just enjoy telling me what you think it is?

Lorelai: Sorry.

Luke: The thing is…welll, see… she told me something before she left…

Lorelai: Okay, now are you going to tell me what it is or do you just enjoy keeping me in suspense?

Luke: It's nothing. She just told me that I shouldn't wait too long and getting her letter makes me realize how long it's been, how long I've waited.

Lorelai: Waited to do what?

Luke: To…to…to get a bigger bed.

Lorelai: I told you that bed was trouble.

Luke: I knew you were going to say that.

(Movie Theater.)

Lane: So what do we want to watch?

Paris: How about the new Ben Affleck one.

Rory: Not this again. Although you know, maybe we should see that.

Lane: I thought you didn't want to see it. 

Rory: I don't. But I also don't want to run into a certain someone and I know this someone would not go to a chick flick.

Lane: Right. So Affleck it is.

(In the theater. Rory, Lane, and Paris are moving down the row juggling their snacks. They settle down into their seats.)

Paris: I hate how they tell you the show's at 8:00 when it really doesn't start until 8:30 so that they can torture you with a half hour of stupid previews.

Lane: I know. It's not like you're not going to see the commercials on television months later. What's the point in hearing about movies that aren't coming out until next summer?

Rory: It's how they get people to go to the movies. See, then when you go to the movies you get this secret knowledge, this special glimpse into the future that you wouldn't get if you didn't go to the movies.

Paris: Hey, isn't that Mr. Wonderful over there. Boy does he move fast.

(Lane shakes her head at Paris, as Rory sees Dean with Cathy.)

Lane: Rory, it doesn't mean anything. They're just at the movies together. They've done it before.

Rory: I know. I'm fine. Really. (She sinks lower into her chair, trying to hide.)

(Later. The movie finishes. Rory, Lane, and Paris rush outside and get away from the theater.)

Paris: Well, I have to get back home.

Rory: I'll call you tomorrow. 

Lane: It was nice meeting you, Paris.

Paris: Likewise. 

Rory: We should do this again. (Paris looks shocked, then smiles and nods and turns to leave.)

Lane: Are you going to be okay?

Rory: Yeah. You have to get home. 

Lane: Yeah. I'm sorry.

Rory: It's okay. I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow.

Lane: Okay.

(Rory walks to Luke's. From outside she sees Lorelai and Luke talking and laughing. She decides not to go in and instead walks, ending up once again at the bridge. She looks at the water for a moment, then takes off her great shoes and jumps in. 

After swimming, she grabs onto the bridge and starts to pull herself up and notices a pair of feet. She looks up.)

Rory: Jess. You scared me.

Jess: I've been known to have that effect on people.

Rory: What are you doing here?

Jess: Hey, this is my territory. I should be asking _you_ that question.

Rory: That's right. I'm sorry. 

Jess: That's all right. I wanted to see you.

Rory: Why? (Jess sits down next to Rory)

Jess: I felt like sharing.

The End.


	10. Nothing Like a Funeral

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

A/N: First and foremost as always **THANKS** to my readers and reviewers. You're the best. This is the countdown to the end. The Season Finale is the 15th chapter (I think). This was another hard one but I hope you like it. I know I've been saying that a lot. I guess it gets harder as you near the end. I can't believe it's 10 chapters already. Once again thanks to my little review group. I couldn't have done it without your support.

(Lorelai and Rory walking to Luke's)

Lorelai: So you have a stalker now.

Rory: I've had her for a while, actually. But now I'm thinking of filing a report.

Lorelai: Get a restraining order.

Rory: It would be hard, though, since we're in the same school.

Lorelai: Maybe they could send you to another school, a boarding school far away where they give you a new name and a bad wig and erase your former identity completely.

Rory: Sounds almost like a college sorority.

Lorelai: So did you at least have fun?

Rory: Yeah. We had a good time. Paris really isn't bad once she loosens up.

Lorelai: Is that physically possible for her?

Rory: Only at brief intervals. So how was it with Luke? Is he okay now?

Lorelai: Yeah, I think he is. Turns out his problem wasn't anything I expected. 

Rory: What was it?

Lorelai: Apparently, it's that Rachel was ready to settle down the last time she was here, but he wasn't ready for her. She told him not to wait too long to settle down with someone and he's just realizing how long it's been. Here Rachel is settling down and getting married and Luke's still alone without even a date for the evening.

Rory: (teasing) Last night looked pretty much like a date to me.

Lorelai: You are not a funny jester. You do not please us. We will send you to the stocks.

(they enter Luke's.)

Luke: What can I get you?

Lorelai: Lots and lots of coffee. A whole barrel.

Luke: You know I'm not going to do that.

Lorelai: You don't understand. Rory's going away to a boarding school to get away from her stalker and she'll never be able to drink coffee again. 

Luke: You should enroll yourself.

Rory: Misery does love company.

Lorelai: (to Luke) You'd miss me too much.

Luke: I'll live.

Lorelai: The whole town would pine away.

Rory: Yep.

Luke: Is this going anywhere?

Lorelai: Coffee.

(Jess comes from out of nowhere and fills up two cups.)

Luke: Where'd you come from?

Jess: I was here.

Luke: How come I didn't see you?

Jess: Guess you weren't paying attention. (He walks to refill other cups, then goes to the register. Rory walks over.)

Rory: Hey.

Jess: Hey.

Rory: So have you told Luke yet?

Jess: No.

Rory: You said you were going to tell Luke.

Jess: No. You said you thought I should tell Luke and I said okay. I was just acknowledging your thought.

Rory: Jess, tell him.

Jess: Look, we're not really in the sharing stage of our relationship yet. In fact, we just recently got out of the scaring stage so it might take a while.

Rory: You have to tell him. 

Jess: I'm not going, so what difference does it make?

Rory: Do you think you should be making that decision on your own?

Jess: It's my life.

Rory: No man is an island.

Jess: I think we should return to being the non-sharing friends.

Rory: Jess, you trusted me enough to share that. Now don't you think you should trust me on this and tell Luke.

Jess: Fine. I'll tell him, but I've made up my mind already.

Rory: But you can change your mind. You've done it before.

Jess: Do you want me to change my mind?

Rory: It's not that. I just think you should explore your options.

Jess: Hmm. And if I explore these options and decide I should take a shot with my father?

Rory: If Luke and your mom think it's a good idea and you want to do it, then that would be grounds to change your mind.

Lorelai: Change your mind about what?

Jess: About the apron. Rory thinks it brings out the color of my eyes. What do you think?

Lorelai: Uh, I think I have to get to work. I'll see you later, hon.

Jess: Okay, sugar. (Lorelai gives Jess a nasty look. Rory smiles uncomfortably.)

Rory: Wait. I'll walk with you, mom. Bye, Jess.

Jess: Yeah.

(Outside.)

Lorelai: What were you two talking about?

Rory: I really can't tell you. It was said in confidence. You'll probably hear about it later though.

Lorelai: If it's about you and Jess, I'd rather here it from you.

Rory: It's not about me and Jess.

Lorelai: I don't like you keeping secrets from me, Rory. This is not supposed to be us. 

Rory: I know, mom. But it's not my secret. It's Jess's and so I can't tell it. But I'm pretty sure it won't be a secret for long.

Lorelai: All right. Whatever. I have to go, but I'll call you. You want to meet me for lunch?

Rory: Sure. Sounds great. Oh wait. I have to meet Paris to finish up the article.

Lorelai: I feel so sorry for you. An afternoon with Paris. An evening with grams and gramps. 

Rory: Hey, I can invite Paris to have lunch with us.

Lorelai: Uh, yeah, you know, I just remembered…

Rory: Uh huh. Sure. I know.

(Luke's. Luke is upstairs looking for something. Jess comes up.)

Jess: What are you doing? 

Luke: Looking for the checkbook. Do you know where it is? Please tell me you don't.

Jess: I don't.

Luke: What are you doing up here?

Jess: I had to tell you something.

Luke: What?

Jess: (pauses) The checkbook's in that drawer there. (He leaves.)

(Independence Inn. Lorelai comes in.)

Sookie: Lorelai! I have some bad and good news for you.

Lorelai: Good news first. I can't take bad news in the morning.

Sookie: I can't say the good news before I say the bad news.

Lorelai: Why not?

Sookie: Because the good news is the result of the bad news.

Lorelai: Then the bad news can't be that bad.

Sookie: It's pretty bad.

Lorelai: Does the good news make up for the bad news or does the bad news overshadow the good?

Michel: Just say it already! 

Sookie: Okay, Fran died.

Lorelai: What?!

Sookie: Yeah. 

Lorelai: Oh my God…(recovers from the shock. Not enthused) And I guess the good news is we can buy the inn.

Sookie: No.

Lorelai: We can't?

Sookie: We don't have to. She left it to us. Apparently she felt her time was coming.

Lorelai: Ugh. She was always the sweetest thing. I can't believe she's dead.

Sookie: I know.

Lorelai: How can we celebrate the good news with this bad news?

Sookie: I don't think we can.

Lorelai: She was just such a part of Stars Hollow. I mean, she lived here since forever. She was like everybody's grandmother.

Sookie: I know. 

Lorelai: She didn't have any family, did she?

Sookie: No.

Lorelai: So what are they doing for her?

Sookie: Taylor's taking up a collection for her funeral. It's supposed to be simple. I'm sure everyone's going to go and there's going to be lots of food, courtesy of yours truly

Lorelai: It just doesn't seem like enough, though, does it?

Sookie: What did you have in mind?

Lorelai: I don't know, but I'll think of something.

(Gilmore Residence. The doorbell rings and Rory goes to answer it.)

Rory: Hey Paris!

Paris: We're going to have to rewrite the article.

Rory: What?

Paris: It's too restricted. It's a "you had to be there to know what we're talking about" article. The purpose of journalism is to try to bring the event as it happens to the reader. 

Rory: Which is virtually impossible.

Paris: It's not impossible. If you think like a teenager, you're going to write like a teenager.

Rory: I don't mean it's impossible for us. It's impossible for anybody. The purpose of journalism is to provide a perspective, an informed perspective. We've done that. That we couldn't quite describe the smell inside Ford's Theater is really not important. 

Paris: Where are the pictures?

Rory: She immediately finds something else to worry about. Must you always obsess about something? 

Paris: Spare me the "smell the roses" speech. We have work to do.

Rory: Fine. Here are the pictures.

Paris: This one definitely won't do.

Rory: Oh, that's not from Washington. My mom took a picture of her foot. Sorry about that. (She takes the picture from the stack.)

(Luke's. Jess walks over as Luke is going over bills.)

Luke: Can you believe all the long distance charges on this phone bill, just to leave a message on your mother's answering machine? I should call her up and tell her she has to pay these.

Jess: Before you do that, I have to talk to you.

Luke: What is it?

Jess: It's nothing, really. It's just that my dad came back to New York and wants me to go over this weekend. He wants me to live with him. I'm not going, though, but I thought you should know, in case Liz brings it up or something.

Luke: What did your mom say about this?

Jess: Not much. She says it's up to me, and I've made my choice.

Luke: Are you sure about this?

Jess: Yeah. What, you think I should go?

Luke: I'm not saying you should live with the guy, but he is your father. You should see him. Who knows? He may have straightened himself out and you may even want to live with him, if your mom is okay with it and all. I mean, she's always just looked for what's best for you. If you go for the weekend and decide you've had enough of it all, you always have your room upstairs, but he is your father. You should see him.

Jess: Yeah, you said that. You know what, you're right. I'm going to start packing.

Luke: Good. Let me know if you need help. (Jess goes upstairs. Luke stares out into space, sighs, and returns to his bills.)

(Rory and Paris, taking a lunch break.)

Rory: So we're pretty much done with the layout, don't you think?

Paris: I don't know. It looks too much like _People_ and not so much like the _Times_.

Rory: Okay, we finally found a way to incorporate all the pictures you wanted in this thing and now you're complaining about there being too many? If we would have dropped some pictures in the first place like I told you…

Paris: All right, all right. It's fine. We need those pictures in there. Anyway, it doesn't matter if there's a lot of photos as long as there's three times as much of an article.

Rory: And we certainly have that.

Paris: So I guess we're done.

Rory: Care for a victory egg roll?

Paris: Why not? (Rory puts the egg roll in the microwave.)

Rory: So have you heard from Phil?

Paris: We talk once in a while. What about you and Jess?

Rory: What about me and Jess?

Paris: Let's see. You kissed Jess, broke up with Dean, the rest is pretty much sequential.

Rory: No. Jess and I are just friends. 

Paris: _To thine own self be true._

Rory: That's it. No more egg roll for you. (She takes Paris' egg roll from the microwave and bites into it herself.)

(Later. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Rory: Don't you think whatever it is should be at the Dragonfly?

Lorelai: Yeah. She did say she considered it her only family. But what would we do and how would we do it?

Rory: Hey. I've got an idea. Everyone knows that she left you the Dragonfly and everyone knows you're looking to open your own inn, so why don't you do a renaming ceremony? Leave the Dragonfly sign up there, but add another sign with the inn's new name—Fran's Inn.

Lorelai: Name the inn after her?

Rory: That way she'll always be a landmark in Stars Hollow. And it also gives you the opportunity to commemorate the good news.

Lorelai: That's a good idea. But two signs?

Rory: Look at the place we're going to.

Lorelai: Point taken. That's a great idea. I'll get right on it.

Rory: Good.

(They go inside the diner. Luke is busy balancing plates and running back and forth. He looks tired and stressed. They wait at a table and watch Luke run back and forth.)

Rory: Luke's totally alone today. I wonder what happened.

Lorelai: Jess must be doing his hair.

(Luke comes over.)

Luke: What can I get you? And make it quick.

Lorelai: Okay, um, chicken and fries with mac and cheese.

Rory: Same for me.

Lorelai: What's going on?

Luke: Caesar had an emergency and Jess is packing. I'll be right back with your order. (leaves)

Lorelai: Packing?

Rory: That was the secret. I guess I can tell you now. Jess' father came to New York and wanted to see him. He wants Jess to live with him. 

Lorelai: So Jess is moving?

Rory: I don't know. He could just be going to visit for the weekend. He wasn't really too happy about it.

Lorelai: Is he ever happy about anything?

(Luke comes over with coffees.)

Lorelai: So is he just going for the weekend or permanently?

Luke: How did you know about it? Oh wait, never mind. Just the weekend. Gotta go. (Luke leaves again.)

Rory: He's pretty fast.

Lorelai: I know. It feels weird this fast pace. 

Rory: Feels like New York.

Lorelai: You have to stop reminding me about that.

Rory: Sorry. So how did you get us out of dinner with grandma?

Lorelai: I told her about Fran, and invited them to the funeral, that way they still get to see you this week.

Rory: Nothing like a funeral to bring people together.

(Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) Isn't it a great idea?…So you think you can get the sign done?…How do you like the name?…So I'll work on a guest list, getting word around, decorations, and what not…Oh, that'd be great…Thanks so much, Sookie…I'll see you tomorrow…Bye. (hangs up.)

Rory: So she liked the idea.

Lorelai: This is Sookie we're talking about. She _loved _it.

Rory: I wonder if we can get a real nice picture of Fran and blow it up and frame it and hang it up in the Dragonfly.

Lorelai: Sookie would really love that. But we haven't prepared the inside and it's too much to do for the weekend. 

Rory: That's true. I just can't believe she's dead. She's just one of those people you think will never die, like Dick Clark.

Lorelai: I know. I feel sort of guilty now even having thought about it when Sookie and I were inquiring about the Dragonfly.

Rory: You only thought about it like that because you didn't really think it would happen.

Lorelai: I guess so. God, everything's going to be different now.

Rory: I know. 

Lorelai: Amazing the effect one person has on this town. 

Rory: I know.

(Luke's. Luke goes upstairs and finds Jess packing.)

Luke: How's it going?

Jess: Okay.

Luke: Don't you think you're packing a little too much for just a weekend.

Jess: Who said I was just going for the weekend?

Luke: You can't afford to stay longer. School starts next week.

Jess: Do I have to spell it out for you?

Luke: You're moving with your father?

Jess: Now you're getting it.

Luke: So you were just going to leave and not tell me?

Jess: I believe I'm telling you now.

Luke: How do you know this is the right move? You haven't even met the guy?

Jess: I've known him for about 15 years of my life.

Luke: Yeah, but he split on you guys and for two years you didn't know where he was and all of a sudden he comes out of the blue, says he wants you to live with him and you're just going to go?

Jess: You didn't seem to have a problem with it before. Might I remind you, you suggested it.

Luke: I just said I thought you should see him and measure him out. Then come back and make your decision.

Jess: Well, I don't need to do all that. This seems as good a decision as any. Neither you nor my mom have to put up with me, I don't have to put up with the two of you, I get out of this stupid town, my dad will probably keep me for only so long before he sends me to some aunt in Tennessee or something. By the end of it all, I'll have probably traveled throughout the US. It's always good to travel. The way I see it, it works out for everybody.

Luke: You know what? Fine. If that's the way you want it.

Jess: Could you sit on my suitcase? (Luke looks angrily at Jess and leaves.)

(Next day. Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: Thank you so much, Patty. I really appreciate it. I'll see you later. Buh bye.

Rory: Who are we going to get to do the eulogy?

Lorelai: Taylor insisted he give the eulogy as the representative of Stars Hollow and its businesses.

Rory: Such a humble offer.

Lorelai: What can I say, the man can surprise you.

(The doorbell rings.)

Rory: I'll get it. (She goes and gets the door.) Hey Sookie. Come in.

Sookie: Hey Rory. Thanks. (Lorelai comes over.)

Lorelai: Sookie. Great. I just spoke to Miss Patty and she's got the word all spread already. I called Mia and she won't be able to make it but she sends all her best. Taylor's giving the eulogy. I've already made all the funeral arrangements, casket and everything. 

Sookie: Okay. Good. I already put in for the sign. The guy worked all night and it's already ready. Jackson's going to pick it up. It doesn't have to be the permanent sign if you don't like it, but it works for the ceremony. All we have to work on is a menu.

Lorelai: Great. So why don't we get some lunch so we can sort out all the tiny details?

Sookie: Sure.

(Sookie, Lorelai, and Rory walk out the door to go to Luke's.)

(At Luke's. Luke is angrily scrubbing the counter.)

Lorelai: What did the counter do to you?

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: Omelets and hash browns and a raspberry donut.

Rory: Ooo, me too.

Sookie: I'll have the same, minus the donut.

Luke: Okay. (goes to prepare their order.)

Rory: You don't think Luke's upset about the Rachel thing again, do you?

Lorelai: I don't know, but I doubt it. Should I put on the Gilmore charm again?

Rory: Obviously the effects don't last that long.

Sookie: Okay, what are we talking about?

Rory: Luke was in a funk a few days ago, but we thought mom snapped him out of it. Now he's back in it.

Sookie: I see. Maybe it's Fran. 

Lorelai: I didn't think it would hit him that hard. But come to think of it, it might be. I mean, he was just worried about the tiny bed, ending up alone. He and his sister aren't on the best terms. Fran died alone with no children or siblings. She too was in the culinary business. 

Sookie: Oh my God, and if we make the Dragonfly into the two sign thing like Luke's, that will just remind him of the comparison. What if this isn't a good idea?

Lorelai: No, Sookie. It is a good idea. We're not just going to start reworking our plans because Luke is in a funk. We don't even know if it has to do with Fran. (Luke comes over.)

Luke: So how's it going with Fran's funeral?

Lorelai: It's going. Did you hear about the Dragonfly?

Luke: Yeah. I think it's a great idea.

Sookie: (exhales in relief) Oh, thank God. Thank you, Luke. (Luke looks at Sookie, puzzled.) 

Lorelai: So what's bugging you?

Luke: It's nothing. I've just been busy with the diner and I've been helping Jess pack his stuff. He leaves tonight.

Lorelai: So I guess he's going to miss the funeral, not that I think he cared.

Luke: He's going to miss everything that happens from tonight on. He's staying with his father.

Lorelai and Rory: What?!

Luke: Yeah. (Jess comes downstairs.) Jess, your bus leaves at eight. Let your dad know so he can pick you up.

Jess: Okay. (about to leave.)

Luke: Where are you going?

Jess: To pick up some more tape. I'm coming back. 

Luke: You're coming back to work.

Jess: Right. (leaves.)

Rory: Excuse me, mom, Sookie.

Lorelai: Where are you going?

Rory: I have to talk to Jess for a second. (Rory leaves.)

(Outside.)

Rory: Hey.

Jess: What?

Rory: You're leaving?

Jess: To get some tape.

Rory: With your father?

Jess: No. By myself. He's in New York. I'm just going around the corner. 

Rory: Stop it, Jess. Why?

Jess: Why not? 

Rory: Luke said you should do this?

Jess: He said what everybody else said. If so and so thinks it's okay, it's up to you.

Rory: So you're choosing this?

Jess: Well I'm not being forced.

Rory: Why? I thought you didn't want to go.

Jess: I changed my mind. I've done it before.

Rory: So what made you change your mind?

Jess: I'm tired of this stupid town. Any place is better than here.

Rory: You know…you…(angrily) if this town is so stupid and you hate it so much, why did you come back here?

Jess: I don't owe you any explanations.

Rory: Well if you leave this time, make sure it's for good.

Jess: Don't worry. It will be. (he turns and leaves. Rory looks on after him, angry and hurt. She busts back into the diner.)

Lorelai: (not noticing Rory's energetic return.) Well, nothing too big because we're not setting up tables or anything. Something people can balance on a plate standing up or sitting down on a folding chair.

Sookie: (equally oblivious.) So you're talking more like appetizer-type stuff.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: (calmed down) So what have we decided?

Lorelai: That Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger should never tour together.

Rory: Uh huh. And how did they end up in a discussion about a menu?

Sookie: We were trying to decide the effect we wanted the hors d'oeuvres to have.

Lorelai: Yeah. Because you see, you want to first visualize the outcome and then figure out how to get there.

Sookie: Right. So we started thinking about mouths watering, licking of lips, and all that.

Lorelai: Then we thought of lips that didn't look so attractive watery…

Rory: 'Nuff said. I think I can figure out the rest.

Sookie: I just thought of something. We're going to need a speech.

Lorelai: No. Taylor's doing the eulogy. Didn't I tell you?

Sookie: No, no. For the unveiling of the sign. One of us is going to have to say a speech. Please say the speech. I'm not a good public speaker. I stutter and I ramble.

Lorelai: Sookie, we don't have to say anything. We'll just get Taylor to introduce the whole thing in his eulogy. Then all we have to do is unveil the sign and stand like Vanna White. 

Rory: No. I think you have to say something. I mean, she left the Inn to you, you're naming it after her. You should say something.

Lorelai: Your two cents are not accepted here. (She pretends as though she has change in her fingers and is handing it back to Rory.)

(Jess comes back into the diner. Rory shifts uncomfortably and lowers her head. Jess looks at her, then proceeds upstairs. Lorelai notices this.)

(Later. Gilmore residence.)

Lorelai: (holding two black dresses.) So which one do you think? 

Rory: How are you going to do your hair?

Lorelai: Up I think.

Rory: Well, that one looks too "night on the town" –ish. The other one looks too Goody Gilmore –ish. Why don't you just wear what you wore to Louie's funeral.

Lorelai: Because this is Stars Hollow we're talking about. You don't think everyone still remembers what I wore to Louie's funeral and won't notice I'm wearing the same thing to Fran's? Next thing you know they'll be running a clothing drive for me. What are you wearing?

Rory: I don't know yet, but I'm not the one who has to make a speech.

Lorelai: No, you're making the speech. I'm just reading it.

Rory: Hey, that's not fair.

Lorelai: Come on. You write all those great Franklin articles. You can't write me one brief speech? Otherwise I'm going to look like some idiot orphan Annie up there who always wears the same clothes to every funeral and talks too fast and rambles too much and... 

Rory: I'll get the violin.

Lorelai: And the cello, would you please?

Rory: No problem.

Lorelai: Seriously, Rory. What Fran did for me and Sookie was just the most amazing thing, and Stars Hollow was such a part of her and she was such a part of Stars Hollow. She deserves to go out with a bang. Everyone is going to be expecting a bang. 

Rory: You're very good at banging. Mom, whatever you write, even if just two sentences, is going to be perfect. If Fran could trust you that much to leave you her family, that should be a base of assurance for you to trust yourself.

Lorelai: That's the kind of speechmaking skills this occasion needs.

Rory: Mom, you're doing it on your own.

Lorelai: Fine. One more question.

Rory: Shoot.

Lorelai: What happened with Jess today?

Rory: Nothing. It's just…well…anyway, what does it matter? He's leaving. He's probably gone already.

Lorelai: Did he do something to you?

Rory: No. We just got into an argument.

Lorelai: About what?

Rory: About him leaving.

Lorelai: You wanted him to stay?

Rory: No…well…it's not that. I was just questioning him and then he said he was leaving because he hated Stars Hollow.

Lorelai: Then why'd he come back?

Rory: My same question. And then he said he didn't owe me any explanations. It's just that I thought we were friends and he just wasn't acting very friendly…friendlike…friendish.

Lorelai: So how did it end?

Rory: (sighs.) I told him if he left to make sure it was for good this time. 

Lorelai: Ouch.

Rory: I know, I know. I feel terrible about it and I don't know why I said it…

Lorelai: No, hey. I'm proud of you.

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: (inhales deeply) Okay. What did you tell him when he first told you about the whole dad thing?

Rory: I told him he should tell Luke.

Lorelai: Good. Anything else?

Rory: Well, he said it didn't matter because he wasn't going so I told him that he should explore his options.

Lorelai: Uh huh…

Rory: And if he liked the moving in with dad option, then he might change his mind.

Lorelai: Huh.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Well, I'm going out on a limb here but I think I know what's going on. 

Rory: Is this going to be one of those ridiculous accusations that leads to an argument?

Lorelai: This is a truthful observation that may or may not lead to an argument. Look Rory, let's say that you and Jess are just friends.

Rory: We are just friends.

Lorelai: No, I mean that both of you want to be just friends.

Rory: Both of us do want to be just friends.

Lorelai: Fine, whatever. Jess has always hated this town and he made it very clear. The only one he has liked is you, so I think it's safe to assume that his coming back had something to do with you…

Rory: You know what they say about assuming.

Lorelai: Just friendship with you. That's all I'm saying. Now, he finds out this whole thing about his dad and maybe he's thinking about it. Maybe he's thinking, I don't belong in this town, my presence here doesn't mean anything to anyone, until then he thinks of you and he wonders if maybe his presence means something to you. So he decides to test his waters with you, tell you what happened and see whether or not you would discourage him. In typical Rory fashion however, you take the cool-headed rational approach to giving advice, and you give him sound advice separate from any of your feelings for him, feelings of friendship I mean. He's thinking you don't care if he leaves or not, so he decides there's no point in staying. The next day you find out by word of mouth that he's leaving and now your emotions start to rise. You're thinking the same thing he was the night before, that you mean nothing to him, and you feel hurt because you thought you were his friend. Hurt leads to anger and you both say things you don't mean. Basically what I'm saying, as much as I hate to say it, is that this whole argument wasn't because one or the other didn't care but because you both care so much. 

Rory: (moment of silence) So what do I do now?

Lorelai: Let's go to Luke's.

Rory: Jess left already.

Lorelai: I know. But I'm hungry. 

Rory: Luke's is closed. Remember, he was closing early to take Jess to the bus. 

Lorelai: Yeah but he should be back by now. We'll force him to give us coffee and donuts.

Rory: I'd rather not, mom. I have to find something to wear for tomorrow.

Lorelai: Fine. Do you want me to bring you back some coffee?

Rory: Should it even be a question?

Lorelai: Gotcha.

(Lorelai walks to Luke's to find it open and functioning.)

Lorelai: Now I know you don't like to lose out on business, but I never would have expected this.

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: Uh, one coffee and brown sugar donut to stay and one to go.

Luke: (pours the coffee and picks the donut) Here you go.

Lorelai: So you're going to play the tough Mr. Backwards Baseball cap who doesn't miss his nephew at all.

Luke: What's there to miss?

Lorelai: Well, that's true, but I figured he lived with you. That's got to count for something.

Luke: No. I mean there's nothing to miss. He didn't leave.

Lorelai: What? What happened?

Luke: His father skipped off again. Didn't wait for him. 

Lorelai: Wow. That's rough. So where is he?

Luke: I don't know. Around. 

Lorelai: Shouldn't you be with him, talking to him?

Luke: I tried that. He didn't want to talk. The kid just needs his space.

Lorelai: I guess so. You're relieved aren't you?

Luke: Now I am, of course. Imagine him living with a guy who'd just skip off like that. 

Lorelai: (rolls her eyes.) Okay. Fine. 

Luke: How's it going with Fran's funeral?

Lorelai: Everything is settled but my speech…and my clothes.

Luke: You're making a speech? 

Lorelai: If I can figure out what to say. It's for the unveiling of the sign.

Luke: What's so hard about that? Just say, this is the Dragonfly. Fran owned it. Now she's dead. Let's call it Fran's Inn.

Lorelai: I can imagine the standing ovation for that one.

Luke: Look, I've lived in this town my entire life. I know these people. They already know everything that's going on. You don't have to talk too much. If they like you, whatever you say is going to be great to them. Babette will even start crying. And I don't know how proud you want to be about this, but everybody likes you. So I wouldn't worry about it too much. Say what you have to say however you want to say it, and let the town do the rest.

Lorelai: Thanks. I think I needed that.

(Outside. Lorelai is leaving as Jess is returning to the diner.)

Lorelai: Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: Can we talk?

Jess: We can, unless you want to go straight to the smack down.

Lorelai: Why don't we start with talking and see where that goes?

Jess: Okay. What do you want?

Lorelai: I heard about your dad. I know it's tough.

Jess: Are you looking to have one of those moments where we share our feelings and cry and hug each other, eat chocolate for five hours and become best friends, because I'm really not interested. But if you feel it your Christian duty to ask, I'm fine. 

Lorelai: Okay. I know you want to play your cool-tough-as-a-rock-nothing-gets-to-me-I'm-still-a-smart-ass act, but I want you to just hear me out for a second. What happened sucks. I've dreamed about a lot of ways to hurt you but even you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. 

Jess: I told you, it's all right. It's no big deal.

Lorelai: Fine. Whatever. I just want you to know, before you go on some self-pity trip where it's all about _this whole town hates me and my mom doesn't care about me and my father ditched me,_ that there are people who care about you and are hurting with you because they care about you, and it wouldn't hurt if you just gave them a chance. 

Jess: By people you mean Luke.

Lorelai: Well, yeah.

Jess: Look…okay.

Lorelai: Okay what?

Jess: I don't know. I just want to get this over with it. Are we done now?

Lorelai: You know, when I hear about you from other people, sometimes I feel sorry for you and I want to understand and like you, or at least be able to tolerate you without the nausea. But then I talk to you face to face and I just can't deal. Short and light conversations maybe, but then, the more I know first hand the more I don't like you.

Jess: Well I really don't want your pity, so you can save it. Just because I'm back in LeaveItToBeaverville doesn't mean we have to sing the Barney song to each other. So are we done now?

Lorelai: Yeah. I'm done. I'm done with you. Luke may have to put up with you, but I don't. 

Jess: No you don't.

Lorelai: So I won't. (starts to leave, but turns back) And stay away from Rory. (She turns and leaves briskly and angrily.)

(The next day. The entire town is gathered outside the Dragonfly after the funeral. Lorelai and Rory are drinking punch. Rory is looking over Lorelai's shoulder.)

Rory: Grandma and Grandpa are coming.

Lorelai: Oh God. Why hasn't anyone spiked this punch yet?

Rory: I guess they thought it wasn't appropriate considering the circumstances.

Lorelai: Now why would anyone think that?

Rory: It's a crazy world we live in.

Emily: Lorelai, finally. You ran out after the funeral like there was a fire.

Lorelai: Hi mom, dad. I had to set up some last minute things before everyone showed up. 

Rory: Mom's making a speech.

Emily: Dear God, not another speech. That eulogy nearly put Richard and me to sleep.

Richard: And I thought there was nothing more boring than Floyd's board meetings. 

Lorelai: Well thanks for the encouragement. I feel so much better about having to do this now.

Emily: Oh stop it, Lorelai. It's nothing personal. I'm sure your speech is great. 

Lorelai: Well it's brief.

Richard: Then it is great.

Sookie: Hey, Emily. Hi, Richard. Is everything okay?

Emily: Everything looks wonderful.

Sookie: Oh, thank you. Excuse me but I have to pull Lorelai away. It's show time.

Lorelai: (sighs and hands Rory her glass of punch.) Find some liquor and be generous.

Rory: I'm right on it. (Lorelai leaves. Rory turns around and sees Luke and Jess in the crowd. She stares at him in shock until he looks up at her. Both turn their heads quickly away.)

(Lorelai at the podium.)

Lorelai: Well, thank you all for being here. There's really not much to say after Taylor's lovely eulogy (Taylor beams with pride), except to say that Fran loved this place, and by place I mean both the Dragonfly and the town, so she gave them to each other. Now, with every visitor who comes to Stars Hollow, Fran will always be there to greet them. Sookie. (Sookie pulls the cloth off of the sign, a beautifully engraved wooden sign that reads "Fran's Inn. Welcome to Stars Hollow." Everyone claps. Babette cries. Lorelai looks at all the townspeople and sees Luke. They share a knowing smile. She sees Jess next to Luke, then looks to Rory who is smiling and clapping with Emily and Richard.)

(Lorelai goes over to Rory, Emily, and Richard.)

Lorelai: (to Rory) So what did you think?

Rory: Great speech. 

Lorelai: Literally two sentences. (Rory hugs her mom.)

Richard: Wonderful, Lorelai. Everything was just wonderful. I only wish I had known this Fran.

Emily: They're selling her biography at the newsstand.

(Luke and Jess walk over.)

Luke: Great job.

Lorelai: I got great tips from some friends. 

(Rory and Jess stand in front of each other looking at the same spot on the ground.) 

Rory: Jess, can we talk?

Jess: Go ahead.

Rory: Um, not here. Let's go around the inn.

Jess: Okay. (Jess follows Rory, still with his head down, walking limply.)

(Once in private, they stop.)

Rory: What are you doing here? I thought you left with your dad.

Jess: Nothing like a funeral to bring people together. I didn't break our agreement. I never left. My dad bailed before I even got to the bus station.

Rory: I'm sorry.

Jess: I'm not. 

Rory: Well, I'm glad you're still here. I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I was just angry with you for leaving because I didn't want you to go.

Jess: So that whole "explore your options, you might change your mind" thing was just reverse psychology?

Rory: No. I was just trying to give you good unbiased advice. But I really wanted you to stay.

Jess: Why?

Rory: Because you're my friend.

Jess: I'm sure we could have arranged to do the whole pen pal thing like Henry James and Robert Louis Stevenson.

Rory: I guess so. But I like it better this way.

Jess: Yeah, I guess this is okay.

Rory: Well, don't sound too happy about it. (Jess kisses her. Lorelai comes looking for Rory.)

Lorelai: Rory, are you back…(sees them) here.

(Rory lightly pushes Jess away and lowers her head. Jess looks squarely at Lorelai refusing to be embarrassed.)

Rory: Is it time for the hanging?

Jess: The what?

Rory: Hanging the sign.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: Okay. (to Jess) I have to go. (Jess nods and takes a few steps backs. Rory walks with Lorelai, head still down. Lorelai looks back at Jess angrily. After they've left, Jess kicks some pebbles that were on the ground, turns and leaves the other way.)

The End


	11. If She Knew What She Wants

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: THANKS as always to my readers and reviewers. Another tough one, but I hope it's a good one. Only four more to go.

(Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is in the kitchen while Rory is in her room. Lorelai gets up and walks to Rory's door. She's about to knock, but then stops and returns to her seat in the kitchen. Rory is reading. She puts down her book and walks to the door. She hesitates in front of the door, but then takes the knob and opens. She walks to her mother.)

Rory: Mom, can we talk about this now?

Lorelai: (sighs) I want to be calm when we talk about this. I don't know if I can be right now.

(Rory sighs and turns to go back to her room.)

Lorelai: How long have you been seeing him? (Rory turns back.)

Rory: I haven't been seeing him.

Lorelai: Rory, if this talk is going to work I need you to stop lying to me.

Rory: I'm not lying. I haven't been seeing him. Not like that.

Lorelai: So what did I just see today?

Rory: I asked to see Jess some place private so we could resolve our argument. I wanted to apologize. I explained why I got angry and apologized, told him I was glad he was staying, and I don't even remember when it happened but all of sudden he kissed me. And that's what you walked in on. 

Lorelai: Well, I hate to say I told you so…

Rory: But you're going to do it anyway.

Lorelai: I think I've earned the right to. Honey, it's not that I don't trust your judgment, but you have to understand that I'm older, maybe not by as much as the norm but still older, and I've seen much more of life than you have. I know the type of guy Jess is and what he's after. He's after a challenge. He sees this beautiful, smart, wonderful, innocent girl who has everything going for her and because his life is so messed up and he's so bitter, he's just looking to ruin it. 

Rory: Mom, that's not him. 

Lorelai: I can't believe you're still defending him after what he did to you.

Rory: Mom, _I_ kissed Jess.

Lorelai: You just said he kissed you. So you _are_ lying?

Rory: No. He _did _kiss me today. But the day of Sookie's wedding _I_ kissed him.

Lorelai: What? So you've been lying to me all this time?

Rory: No. Okay, maybe I was withholding information, but I wasn't lying. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to read anything into it.

Lorelai: Now really Rory why would I read anything into you kissing another guy? You go around all the time kissing other guys and I never question it.

Rory: Mom. Please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kiss him, and it didn't mean anything and I told him that. There was just a lot of excitement in the day. Paris had just called to say we were going to win the election. I had just been with dad talking about the two of you getting back together. It was Sookie's wedding and I was with Dean. Then I see Jess and I was glad to see him because he's my friend, and I don't know what came over me. It just happened. But he agreed he wouldn't tell anyone, we talked about it, I apologized and we were just going to stay friends. 

Lorelai: And you've been just friends all this time?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Okay.

Rory: Okay?

Lorelai: Yeah. So what about now? Are you still going to be just friends?

Rory: Yes.

Lorelai: Do you really think that's possible?

Rory: What do you mean? 

Lorelai: It's obvious that neither of you wants to be just friends.

Rory: I want to be just friends.

Lorelai: Rory, come on. You have to admit that you have feelings for Jess. You went all the way to New York to see him, you kissed him, you called him at two in the morning, you sneaked out in the middle of the night to see him. You've fallen for him. Why can't you admit it?

Rory: I don't want to have feelings for him.

Lorelai: Why? You're not with Dean anymore.

Rory: Because of this. Everything with Jess makes us argue. You don't like him. It can't be with him the way it was with Dean in terms of us. And I care more about my relationship with you than any relationship with Jess. 

(Lorelai looks at Rory, touched beyond words. She pulls Rory into a hug.)

(Next day. Luke's. Upstairs. Jess is in his room sleeping. Luke busts in.)

Luke: Hey. Get up. Get dressed.

(Jess looks at his clock. It's five thirty.)

Jess: You're crazy. (He falls back on his pillow.)

Luke: Get up. It's the last day of summer vacation. You're not working today.

Jess: (sits up) But I have to get up earlier than I do when I have to work? Just let me work then.

Luke: Well, you can't because I've closed the diner. We're going fishing.

Jess: What?

Luke: That's right. Now get dressed.

Jess: I don't wanna go fishing. 

Luke: Well you're going, and you're going to have fun.

Jess: Obviously.

Luke: Look, it'd give us a chance to get away from everything here, talk, relax, meditate. Whatever you want.

Jess: I want to not go, how does that sound?

Luke: You're going. Be downstairs in an hour. I have to do a couple of things before we leave. (Luke heads downstairs. Jess shakes his head, shrugs, and gets up.)

(Later. Lorelai and Rory are going to Luke's.)

Lorelai: So you're going to talk to him.

Rory: Right.

Lorelai: And whatever you decide I will try to support you on. 

Rory: Thank you.

Lorelai: But if he does anything to hurt you, Stars Hollow is going to have another funeral and I'm not going to be planning it.

Rory: Not going to happen.

Lorelai: But if it does.

Rory: Okay.

(They arrive at Luke's. They see the sign that reads "Closed for the day.")

Rory: What?

Lorelai: It's a sign.

Rory: Pun noted and ignored.

(Lorelai walks to the door and peeps in through the window.)

Lorelai: Why is it closed? What about my coffee, oh, and my Danish?

Rory: Luke should let us know these things beforehand so that we can make the proper provisions. 

Lorelai: I agree. I think we should take it up with Taylor. 

Rory: Luke will kill you.

Lorelai: I guess that's another funeral I won't be planning.

(Luke and Jess in the car. Jess has his headphones on. Luke keeps looking over at him.)

Luke: Jess. (Jess doesn't hear.) Jess. (Still doesn't hear.) Jess! (Still doesn't. Luke slaps the left headphone off Jess' ear.) 

Jess: Hey! What's your problem?

Luke: Take those things off.

Jess: Why?

Luke: Because it makes it easier for me to pretend we're in the same world.

(Jess rolls his eyes and puts away the headphones.)

Luke: So are you excited about the new school year?

Jess: Sure. Small talk. Why not?

Luke: Hey. If you don't want to talk then we'll just stay quiet 'til we get to the lake.

Jess: No. Talking's fine. Say Uncle Luke, where do you buy your flannel?

Luke: Put your headphones back on. (Jess happily complies.)

(Independence Inn)

Lorelai: (on the phone) Well, do you think we can meet next week and look it over?…That'd be great…That'd be even better…Thanks so much…Buh bye. (to Sookie) I just spoke to some contractors. We're going to have to start talking about how we want the place to look.

Sookie: Great. I'll start thinking about that. I can't believe this is actually happening. I mean, I know we've talked about it for a long time but this isn't just talking. We're actually doing it. We're going to be leaving here, starting our own inn. I'm going to miss this place.

Lorelai: Me too. You have no idea. 

Sookie: Oh I know this place has very special memories for you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up now. 

Lorelai: No, no. It's okay. Part of moving on is letting go.

Michel: Yes, and while you two are moving on I'm going to be the one they let go. But never mind that, I feel so sorry for you.

Sookie: Oh come on, Michel. You know you'll always have a job at Fran's Inn when Mia sells this place.

Michel: Why thank you. Working in a place where both of you would be my bosses. Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and shoot myself.

Lorelai: Not in my bathroom, mister. Take it outside. I'm going to love this boss thing. 

(Rory waits outside Luke's. Lane comes over.)

Lane: Hey, what's going on here?

Rory: Luke's is closed. I tried calling you to change our meeting place but your mom said you had already left. Are you hungry?

Lane: Starved.

Rory: Pizza? 

Lane: It's early, but okay. It's the last day of summer vacation. We have to suck the marrow out of life, squeeze every last ounce of juice out of it.

Rory: Where did you get your coffee from?

Lane: I haven't had coffee. I've just got that last day of vacation high. You usually have it, too. What's wrong with you?

Rory: My highs are always at least partially dependent on Luke's coffee.

(Luke pulls up at a lakeside. He and Jess get out the car. Luke loads Jess up with fishing gear.)

Luke: Wait here. I'm gonna rent the boat. (Luke leaves and Jess lets all the fishing gear drop forcefully on the ground.)

(Independence Inn)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) Hey, Mia. It's me, Lorelai. I'm just calling to let you know that Sookie and I got the property for our Inn…Thank you. I appreciate that…We could definitely use your help…Yeah, that was the other reason why I was calling….Okay, so you can start sending them over to check the place out, and I'd love to help in any way possible…Thanks again…Okay. I'll talk to you soon…Bye. (to Sookie.) So it's official. Mia's going to start sending some prospective buyers over. This is really going to happen. (Sookie looks as uncomfortable as Lorelai does.) Hey, what's the matter with you? You're supposed to make up for my momentary lapses from enthusiasm.

Sookie: Well, I was just thinking. We always talked about how if the whole thing failed after two years it would be the best two years of our lives. But now I'm thinking, you know, I'm married now. And what if I'm pregnant in two years, or better yet what if I already have a kid in two years? If this fails, where would I go? We can't come back here, and this isn't just my move, but Jackson's move too. What if we fail and Jackson and I don't have enough money and have to give up our house and end up destitute having to work as migrant farmers, our child bouncing from school to school and never learning how to read?

Lorelai: Sookie, we're not going to fail. You're not going to be migrant farmers and your child will read. Trust me. We're going to do this and we're going to be good at it because we've had a pretty good track record so far. Don't worry.

Sookie: You're right. I'm excited again.

Lorelai: Good. So you and Jackson are already thinking about kids?

Sookie: Well, we haven't really discussed it or anything yet, but I really want one. I want a family already.

Lorelai: Do you think Jackson wants one already?

Sookie: I don't know. And he's so practical, you know.

Lorelai: No, I don't know. He sings to his fruit.

Sookie: But he can also be practical. And with this whole inn thing now, he's probably not going to think it's the time for it.

Lorelai: Well, he may be right.

Sookie: I know. It's crazy to try to have a kid in the middle of a career move.

Lorelai: Or he may be crazy.

Sookie: (singing.) But it just may be a lunatic [I'm] looking for. 

Lorelai: He sings to his fruit. I think you have one. Talk to him.

(Luke and Jess on the boat.)

Luke: So what you want to do to bait the hook is…(Jess baits his hook.) You've been fishing before?

Jess: Yep.

Luke: In New York?

Jess: Yep.

Luke: With your father?

Jess: Nope.

Luke: Well, my dad and I used to go out fishing together. I didn't really enjoy it much at first, and I never understood why he used to drag me out here. After a while I was able to tolerate it. I mean, it gave my dad and me some time to ourselves, to talk about things or just sit in the quiet we never got at the hardware store. Then when my father died I used to come out here in his memory, whenever I needed to talk to him or just figure stuff out. That's when I came to really enjoy it, you know.

Jess: So what's the moral of this story? When you die, I'm going to enjoy this?

Luke: Hey, it's not one of Aesop's fables. I'm just trying to talk here. (Jess rolls his eyes and Luke resigns to silence.)

Jess: So have you ever caught anything here?

Luke: (looks at Jess in surprise for a moment, then shakes it off.) Yeah. I've caught some. What about you? Did you ever catch anything?

Jess: Yeah. Not many fish though. (Luke nods his head and smiles. They resign once again to contented silence.)

(Lane and Rory at the video store.)

Lane: Let's get a whole bunch of concert videos and Beatles documentaries.

Rory: Ooo, I love it when they get to the "Yoko years."

Lane: Oh, look at this. The Doors movie. Do you know that Val Kilmer does his own singing?

Rory: Really? He sounds exactly like Jim Morrison.

Lane: I know. I thought they dubbed it, but it turns out, no. Do you want to get it?

Rory: No. That's one of those movies for which four times is enough.

Lane: We have to get this one.

Rory: Pink Floyd in Concert. Sounds good.

Lane: So what happened yesterday?

Rory: What?

Lane: Your mom was looking for you and when she found you she seemed pretty upset and you seemed pretty repentant.

Rory: Long story.

Lane: I'm all ears.

(Outside. Lane and Rory leave the video store.)

Lane: Wow. So what are you going to do now?

Rory: I don't know. I'm going to have to talk to him. 

Lane: Was it a good kiss? (Rory says nothing and tries to repress a smile. Lane smiles and they both walk off to watch their videos.)

(Independence Inn.)

Jackson: So I have your eggplant, your artichokes, your cranberries, and your carrots.

Sookie: Thank you, sweetie.

Jackson: So what's that you're making?

Sookie: Ginger rolls. It's new. 

Jackson: They look like cinnamon buns, only they smell spicier.

Sookie: They do look like cinnamon buns. Could you put these in the oven?

Jackson: Sure. (he takes the platter and puts it in the oven.)

Sookie: So how do you like that?

Jackson: Well I haven't tasted them but I'm sure they're delicious.

Sookie: (pointing to the oven.) But how does it look to you?

Jackson: Well they're still not cooked yet, but they look good.

Sookie: Do you think it's a good idea?

Jackson: Sure, why not? People love ginger. You know there was a time in my life when I didn't really care for cinnamon but I always liked ginger.

Sookie: So you like the idea?

Jackson: Yeah, I love it.

Sookie: Great! I love you so much! (She hugs Jackson. Jackson hugs her but is puzzled.)

(Luke and Jess. They still sit in quiet when Jess gets a bite. He sits up and wheels in his catch. He pulls up a foot and a quarter long fish. He unhooks it and looks around on the boat.)

Luke: You have to throw it back in.

Jess: Why? I thought I'd take it home, mount it on the wall, start a collection. What's next? Deer hunting?

Luke: Just throw it back. (Jess shrugs and throws it back in.)

Jess: Now I feel so much better after sending a hook up its mouth. (They retreat to silence again.)

Luke: So have you thought about college?

Jess: I'm going. Wasn't that the agreement?

Luke: Yeah, but have you given any thought to which?

Jess: Preferably one with walls.

Luke: Shouldn't you start thinking about where you want to go? I mean, I don't know much about it, but Rory has known she wanted to go to Harvard since grade school.

Jess: Well at least I already know the Ivies are out of my league.

Luke: I just don't get you. You're a bright kid, and had you applied yourself for more than these past couple of months you could have gone wherever you wanted to.

Jess: How does it look out there over the rainbow?

Luke: Look, forget it. (Silence again.)…Anyway, I'm proud of you. You really cleaned up your act these months. Grades were good, you occasionally worked, Taylor hasn't come with any complaints in a while, nothing's been stolen (hesitating)…and Rory and Dean have been apart for a while already and you haven't tried anything. That really says…

Jess: I kissed her.

Luke: What?!

Jess: You heard me.

Luke: When was this?

Jess: Yesterday. The funeral. We were talking and I kissed her.

Luke: Aw geez, Lorelai's going to hear about this now and…

Jess: Oh she knows. She walked in on it.

Luke: What?! This is it. She's going to kill me. No, she's going to kill you first, then kill me. That at least gives me some time.

Jess: (slightly laughing) What are you getting worked up for? It's me she has a problem with.

Luke: But I brought you here so according to her, I'm partly responsible. (Jess shrugs.) Do you care about her?

Jess: What?

Luke: You heard me. Rory is very special to Lorelai, the town, and to me. So if you're going to try anything with her I need to know that it's because you care about her and it's not just for kicks.

Jess: (not looking at Luke) Doesn't matter either way. It's not going to happen. (Luke looks at Jess and softens.)

Luke: So you do care about her. (Jess rolls his eye.) I'll give you some advice someone gave me, that I didn't take. Don't wait too long to tell her. She doesn't know what a kiss like that out of nowhere means. You have to tell her.

Jess: Because I need relationship advice from _you_. (They resume fishing in silence.)

(Independence Inn. Sookie is crying over the ginger rolls. Jackson comes in with melons and sees her.)

Jackson: What's wrong?

Sookie: The ginger rolls. They're ruined. I must have messed up with the measurements. I was trying to do everything at the same time. But I never mess up on measurements. I must be losing it. Oh my God, I can't do this.

Jackson: What are you talking about? You're the best chef this state has ever seen. Let me try them. (He takes a bite of the ginger rolls.) Hmm. They're delicious.

Sookie: Oh, you're just saying that because I made them.

Jackson: Maybe, but I still like them. And I'll get more ginger so you can make another batch _you'll_ be happy with.

Sookie: You mean make more?

Jackson: Well, there are people to serve. We're going to need a lot more.

Sookie: A lot?

Jackson: What's the matter with you?

Sookie: Nothing. I want a lot too.

Jackson: Good. So why don't you get started? (Sookie pounces on Jackson and kissed him really hard.)

(Lorelai walks in.)

Lorelai: Hey, do I need to get a hose for you two?

Sookie: Jackson and I are going to have a lot of babies! (Jackson looks shocked.)

Jackson: What?!

Lorelai: Not here, right?

Jackson: What are you talking about? Babies?

Sookie: Oops. You really thought we were talking about ginger rolls?

Lorelai: I think you two have a lot of talking to do. Start with the difference between a baby and a ginger roll.

(Lorelai leaves. Jackson looks at Sookie, still shocked. Sookie smiles shyly at him.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence.)

Lane: It holds both ways.

Rory: Not true. Actors who then decide to become singers tend not to have successful singing careers, but singers who become actors have occasionally managed to pull it off.

Lane: Not outside of musicals.

Rory: Yes outside of musicals. 

Lane: Name one.

Rory: To start with classics, Dean Martin.

Lane: But he sang in all his movies.

Rory: Fine. Jon Bon Jovi.

Lane: You consider him a good actor?

Rory: True. Whitney Houston.

Lane: She was a singer in The Bodyguard.

Rory: But not in Waiting to Exhale.

Lane: I wouldn't call two movies a successful acting career.

Rory: Cher was in quite a few movies and she had a TV show, and then there's Madonna.

Lane: I'll hold on Cher, but I'll give you Madonna. And one exception only validates the rule.

Rory: You should write that little aphorism down. Jennifer Lopez.

Lane: Ugh, are you going to pull out Britney Spears now?

Rory: I've given a sizable list despite your objections, but you can't name me one actor who has had a sucessful singing career.

Lane: Bruce Willis had a hit in the 80s.

Rory: Darn those one-hit wonders.

Lane: Kevin Bacon came out with two albums. 

Rory: That each sold two copies.

Lane: David Cassidy.

Rory: His acting career was based on singing.

Lane: Bing Crosby.

Rory: Ibid.

(Lorelai comes in.)

Lorelai: Lucy, I'm home.

Rory: Hey mom.

Lane: What do you think, actors who become singers are more or less successful than singers who become actors?

Lorelai: Equally unsuccessful.

Lane: Thank you.

Rory: You're talking to the person who draws "other" bubbles in questionnaires. She just doesn't like to pick the conventional options. 

Lorelai: That's true.

Lane: But she could have said equally successful.

Rory: She's a cynic.

Lorelai: Am not. 

(the phone rings. Rory picks up.)

Rory: Hello.

Paris: (voice suspiciously pleasant) Hello Rory, how are you?

Rory: Okay. And you?

Paris: Not too bad. So, what are you doing?

Rory: Having an intellectually stimulating debate with Lane.

Paris: (voice finally sincere.) Really? What about?

Rory: The success rate of crossovers between singing and acting.

Paris: (voice deflated) How stimulating. Would you like to know what I'm doing?

Rory: I'm not dying of curiosity, but go ahead.

Paris: I'm preparing an address to the class for tomorrow. As the new President and Vice President, don't you think it's wise that we address the class in homeroom? Or do these things not occur to you?

Rory: I can't believe they occur to you. No one wants to hear long speeches during homeroom the first day back at school. The headmaster's address is long enough. If we want people to like us, I say we take it easy on them the first day back.

Paris: The wanting-people-to-like-us-part is over. We're in already. Now we've got work to do and we don't have a lot of time.

Rory: That's right. So you should get back to that speech. I won't keep you any longer. Bye, Paris. (hangs up. Lorelai and Lane look at her sympathetically)

Lane: I guess it's going to be a long day tomorrow?

Rory: It's going to be a long year.

(Later. Lorelai, Rory, and Lane are walking outside.)

Lane: Well. I have to get home now. Thanks for dinner.

Lorelai: Our pleasure.

Rory: Good luck with your first day.

Lane: You too. Bye.

Rory: See you tomorrow. (Lane leaves.)

Lorelai: So are you ready for school tomorrow?

Rory: Definitely. This summer was exhausting. I think the school year will prove more restful and relaxing.

(They see Luke and Jess in front of the diner unpacking the car.)

Lorelai: They're back. Finally. I'm getting my coffee and Danish. (Rory bites her lip and follows her mother.) Luke! Coffee. Danish. Now.

Luke: (dryly) I'm glad you missed me.

Rory: (to Jess) So did you have a nice time fishing?

Jess: (looking at Luke.) I could tolerate it. (Luke smiles and heads into the diner. Lorelai follows him in, giving Rory an uncomfortable but supporting look.)

Rory: Jess, we need to talk.

Jess: Oh that's right. (He puts down the things he was carrying and looks at Rory, waiting.)

Rory: (looks down, hesitating under the pressure, then meets his stare.) Why did you do it?

Jess: I don't know…I was glad to see you. My dad had just bailed on me. It was that Fran's funeral. I was with Luke. I wasn't thinking straight.

Rory: You're mocking me.

Jess: Mildly.

Rory: So you did it to get back at me?

Jess: You could put it that way. So since you're here, you mind helping me bring this stuff in? (Rory takes the cooler while Jess brings the rest of the stuff in.)

(Inside.)

Lorelai: So we've decided that the next time you want to leave and close the diner on us like that, you should leave two cups of coffee and two Danishes at our house. You know how to get in.

(Rory and Jess walk in. Luke and Lorelai look at them, trying to read their faces.)

Luke: Jess, why don't we take this stuff upstairs. (Jess shrugs and follows Luke up.)

Lorelai: So?

Rory: You can breathe easy.

Lorelai: What happened?

Rory: It was nothing. It was just a revenge thing. He thought a funeral setting would be a proper balance to the wedding.

Lorelai: And you bought that?

Rory: He was pretty convincing.

Lorelai: And you're okay with that?

Rory: Of course. Why wouldn't I be?

Lorelai: Fine. So the kissing war is over?

Rory: Yes. 

Lorelai: I _will_ breathe easy then. (She lets out an audible breath.)

(Upstairs.)

Luke: So did you talk to her?

Jess: No. We just stood outside staring at our shoes.

Luke: What did you say?

Jess: It's really none of your business.

Luke: Jess, drop it already. 

Jess: I told her it didn't mean anything.

Luke: Why?

Jess: It's what she wanted to hear.

Luke: (sighs) Just don't wait too long, Jess. 

Jess: You're probably more wanted downstairs. (Luke nods and leaves.)

(Downstairs.)

Lorelai: Rory hasn't gotten her coffee and Danish yet?

Rory: What is going on with the service here?

Lorelai: I just don't know. (Luke places a coffee and Danish in front of Rory and gives them both a stone look.)

Rory: (mock shyly) Thank you, Luke.

Lorelai: So what was the occasion? Did the diner run out of fish sticks?

Luke: I just figured it was the last day of summer vacation and he hasn't really done much. 

Lorelai: And you thought the male-bonding fishing trip would be a good time to talk about the dad thing.

Luke: We didn't really talk about that. 

Lorelai: Did you talk at all? I can imagine the two of you, the world's least talkative people, sitting on a boat on a quiet lake. The silence must have been deafening.

Luke: Silence is nice. You should try it sometime.

Rory: He doesn't know about the secret year where you became a hermit and took a vow of silence?

Lorelai: Well now I guess it's not a secret anymore. (Luke looks at them, confused. Jess comes downstairs.)

Jess: I'm out.

Luke: Where are you going?

Jess: I need school supplies and Stars Hollow shuts down in five minutes. 

Lorelai: (looks at her watch) He's right.

Rory: (to Jess) Better hurry.

Jess: You need anything?

Rory: No, thanks. I got my supplies last week.

Jess: I'm sorry. I forgot who I was talking to. (leaves.)

Luke: So how is it going with the new Inn?

Lorelai: Well Sookie and I still have to plan some things. I already spoke to some contractors and Mia is sending over possible buyers for the Independence Inn so it's all getting very real now.

(Her cell phone rings.)

Luke: Take it outside.

Lorelai: I might not even take it. Hold on. (on the phone.) Hello.

Paris: Is Rory with you?

Lorelai: (smiles.) She's right here. (hands the phone to Rory still smiling.)

Rory: (on the phone.) Hello.

Paris: Where are you?

Rory: (voice deflates) Paris.

Luke: Take it outside. (Rory nods and leaves.) So isn't that a good thing?

Lorelai: A call from Paris is never a good thing.

Luke: I mean it getting real. Isn't that what you wanted?

Lorelai: It is, but it's also scary. It was a lot easier, a lot less risky playing with ideas. Now everything's going to change.

Luke: You're going to do fine. You know that.

Lorelai: Keep telling me that from time to time. Even Sookie sometimes wanes in confidence now.

(Outside.)

Rory: (on the phone.) Paris, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Good bye. (She hangs up and sees Jess sitting on a bench reading. She looks in the diner. Lorelai and Luke are thoroughly engaged in a conversation. She decides to walk over.)

Rory: I thought you had to get school supplies.

Jess: I did that last week.

Rory: So you're not as apathetic about school as you like to appear.

Jess: I'm, in fact, so apathetic I don't even care that you think I'm not.

Rory: Fine. So what are you reading?

Jess: _Anna Karenina_.

Rory: Oh, that's one of my favorites.

Jess: One of the several hundred?

Rory: (peeks at the book crammed with marginalia.) I take it this is not the first time you've read it.

Jess: No. This is homework now. It was on the summer reading list. I'm just freshening up on the material. 

Rory: Read to me.

Jess: What?

Rory: You heard me.

Jess: Out loud?

Rory: No. In your head and I'll read your mind. Come on, I love this book. 

Jess: Then go home and read your own copy.

Rory: Please. I'm going to annoy you until you do. I'll sing happy songs about sunny days and cats.

Jess: (sighs) All right. (reading) '"we have a past…not of love but of sins…are suddenly brought close to a pure innocent creature! It is loathsome, and that is why one can't help feeling oneself unworthy.'"

Rory: Wait. Where are you?

Jess: Levin and Oblonsky are having dinner together. 

Rory: Oh that's right. I love this scene. Come on, read it from the beginning.

Jess: I'm not going all the way back there to read again what I just read.

Rory: Then at least read from the top of the page so I can get a feel of where we're at in the scene.

Jess: Fine. (reading again)'"You know' he said, 'it's not love. I have been in love, but this is not the same thing."

Rory: (Interrupting again.) I can't remember. Is this Levin or Oblonsky?

Jess: Levin. 

Rory: He's talking about Kitty right?

Jess: Was he in love with another woman?

Rory: (purposely provoking his irritation) But he just said it wasn't love.

Jess: If you interrupt me again I'm not reading to you.

Rory: (mocking childlike timidity and offense.) You're mean.

Jess: (smirks and returns to reading) "It is not my feeling, but a sort of force outside myself that has taken possession of me. I went away, you see, because I made up my mind that it could never be—that such happiness does not exist on earth, do you understand? But I have struggled with myself and realize that there's no living without it. And it must be settled…"

(Jess closes the book and looks at Rory. She looks back at him and as they lock gazes, they move closer to each other. They kiss, a mutually initiated kiss. They pull apart. Jess continues to look at Rory expectantly. Nervously, she snatches the book from Jess and opens it reading from an arbitrary point in the same Levin and Oblonsky scene.)

Rory: (Reading) "However, perhaps, you are right. You may very likely be…But I don't know, I really don't know." (She looks up at Jess who snatches the book back from her and continues where she left off.)

Jess: (reading) '"There, you see,' said Oblonsky, 'you're very much all of a piece. It's both your strong point and your failing. You are all of a piece and you want the whole of life to be consistent too—but it never is. You scorn public service because you want the reality to correspond all the time to the aim—and that's not how it is. You want man's work, too, to have a definite purpose, and love and family life to be indivisible. But that does not happen either. All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life are made up of light and shade."' (A/N: And if I were shooting this scene and were good with those light and shade tricks like in _Twelve Angry Men_ with Henry Fonda, I would have a street light near the bench that stretches light up to Rory, but leaves Jess in the shade.)

(Sookie and Jackson's house.)

Jackson: Do you think we're in any possible condition for kids now? You're starting a new inn. Lorelai needs you. You can't afford to be pregnant now.

Sookie: I know.

Jackson: And not that I'm saying it will, but did you even think about what might happen if it fails?

Sookie: I know.

Jackson: I mean, it's not going to fail. I know it won't, but when you have kids you have to take all possible precautions. Take nothing for granted.

Sookie: I know.

Jackson: And even if you're able to give all your attention to the inn, you have to pay attention to yourself when you're pregnant. Take it easy. Take care of yourself. Otherwise the baby could be born with all sorts of problems. I mean…well, I don't know anything about kids. And that's another problem.

Sookie: I know.

Jackson: There are going to be so many changes already. And to add to that the change of parenthood.

Sookie: I know.

Jackson: I mean, is there any _good_ reason why we should have a kid right now?

Sookie: No.

Jackson: Right.

Sookie: But I still want to.

Jackson: Me too.

Sookie: Really?

Jackson: Well, I didn't know I did. I hadn't really thought about it. I mean, I knew eventually we would have them, but I didn't think now. And then you mentioned it and it scared me because, number one, I thought we were still talking about ginger rolls, and, number two, it's just such a big move and we're already going through a big move. But then I kept thinking about it, having a little Jackson running around the house, someone calling me daddy, and I fell in love with the idea of having a family, with you. 

Sookie: Oh Jackson! (She hugs him.) So we're going to try?

Jackson: Sure. Let's make ginger rolls. (They hug again.)

(Rory and Jess on the bench.)

Rory: This isn't going to be easy.

Jess: Huh.

Rory: I mean for you.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: This town can be very protective. And you're not really a favorite here.

Jess: Really? I hadn't noticed.

Rory: And then there's my mom, which is a problem I've never had before. 

Jess: Yup.

Rory: And Dean is going to blow when he finds out.

Jess: You still care about what Dean thinks?

Rory: No…I don't know. I still don't want to hurt him.

Jess: Huh. Okay, so we know what the town is going to think, what your mom is going to think, what Frankenstein is going to think. Now, what does Rory Gilmore think?

Rory: (looks down and sighs. Then she looks up and puts her hand in his) I'm thinking I don't want to think right now. (She leans in to kiss him when the cell phone rings. She pecks him on the lips quickly and picks up.)

Rory: Hello.

Sookie: Rory?

Rory: Hi Sookie.

Sookie: Hey, Rory. How are you?

Rory: (looks at Jess) Good. And you?

Sookie: Good, good. Is your mom around?

Rory: Yeah. I'm sorry. I used her cell phone and forgot to give it back to her. I'll get her right now.

Sookie: Thanks.

Rory: (to Jess.) I have to go back to the diner.

Jess: Yeah, me too.

(They walk back together in silence, each content until they reach the diner. Jess goes in, holding the door open for Rory, but she stays at the doorway. Neither Luke nor Lorelai notice Jess enter and go upstairs. Rory calls from the doorway.)

Rory: Mom. You have a phone call. It's Sookie.

Lorelai: (to Luke) Well, I guess I better get going.

Luke: Yeah. Let me know if you need help with the place.

Lorelai: I will thanks.

(She walks to Rory and takes the phone.)

Lorelai: Hey Sookie. What's up?

Sookie: We're going to do it.

Lorelai: That's the spirit. I just got a bout of confidence myself.

Sookie: I'm talking about me and Jackson. We're going to try to get pregnant.

Lorelai: Oh that's great, Sookie. Congratulations. Now we're talking babies, right? Not ginger rolls.

Sookie: (giggles) Yeah. Babies. I'm so happy.

Lorelai: Well I'm happy for you.   
Sookie: Thanks. You're going to be the aunt, you know.

Lorelai: Really? Wow. Thanks.

Sookie: And Rory, too.

Lorelai: Well, that's going to be one confused kid but Rory's going to be happy about that.

Sookie: (giggles) Well, I gotta let you go.

Lorelai: Go make those babies.

Sookie: (giggles) Silly.

(Lorelai hangs up.)

Lorelai: Sookie and Jackson are going to try to have a baby and we're going to be the aunts.

Rory: Oh! That's so nice!

Lorelai: I know. You're a lucky one, aren't you? You're going to have a little brother or sister and a little niece or nephew. Oh, and what if one of them has twins?

Rory: (not so excited anymore) Yeah.

Lorelai: Bad time to bring up your father's kid?

Rory: No, it's not that. I have something to tell you.

Lorelai: What is it?

Rory: You won't be able to breathe easy. 

The End


	12. The Odd Couple

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: **_THANKS!!!_** always to my readers and reviewers. This chapter is the result of trying to do too much in eleven pages. You might not like it until I get to the next chapters or you might not like it at all. In any event, my apologies. I try my best.

(Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's. All the townspeople stare and look down and shake their heads or make sad and mournful expressions.)

Lorelai: Did somebody die around here?

Rory: Why is everyone staring at me like that?

Lorelai: Okay. I think you're being a little paranoid now. You don't know that they're staring at you. 

Rory: Mom, Miss Patty just pointed at me to that guy over there and they both looked at me like I had smallpox. 

Lorelai: You see a guy over there? Okay, get me Dr. Rosen on the phone.

Rory: That's not a guy?

Lorelai: Oh no, sweetie. That's Mrs. Friedsam. I guess she ran outside today without her wig.

Rory: Mrs. Friedsam wore a wig? It looked so real.

Lorelai: Okay, you don't need a head doctor. You need an eye doctor.

Rory: Digression over. Why is everybody looking at me?

Lorelai: Maybe they know.

Rory: You think they know?

Lorelai: I'm thinking they wouldn't look like they know unless they did.

Rory: They do look like they know. How would they know?

Lorelai: This is Stars Hollow, babe. They know everything.

Rory: What's the big deal anyway?

Lorelai: Excuse me. Didn't you see the headlines? Sweet Innocent Local Girl to be Corrupted by Evil, Delinquent New Yorker. Details on page 3.

Rory: This is crazy.

Lorelai: You know Stars Hollow is crazy. That's why we like it.

Rory: But this is not likable crazy. 

Lorelai: Hey, you knew what you were getting into.

Rory: I know. I just don't like them staring at me like I'm walking to the electric chair.

Lorelai: Do you want me to cause a scene so that they all start staring at me?

Rory: No. We're standing too close to each other. They'd still be staring at me.

Lorelai: Let's just go to Luke's and get coffee as fast as we can. 

Rory: Okay. 

(They start speed walking to Luke's and enter hurriedly.)

Lorelai: Luke, pull the curtains. Close the blinds. We're hiding.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: The town is weird today.

Luke: This might be a rare normal day for you so you probably hadn't noticed, but the town is weird every day. What's going on?

Lorelai: If you want the juice it's gonna cost you the coffee. 

Luke: It's not worth it.

Rory: Please, Luke. I need coffee. It's the first day of classes and Paris is going to make a speech during homeroom and since I didn't want to make a speech we came to a compromise that I would have to stand up next to her while she gave hers. And this is senior year now, which means it's the beginning of college applications and endless essays and I'm going to hear about all that today from the headmaster, and he's going to give the "outstanding tradition of Chilton, make Chilton proud" speech and I'm going to sit there wondering what if I don't, what if I don't get into any college, let alone Harvard. And this is just the first frustrating day of a frustrating year and it's already started off on a bad foot and the only way I'm going to survive anything is with coffee. Please.

Lorelai: Wow.

Luke: Yeah. (He pours her coffee.) It's on the house.

Rory: Thank you. Now I'm off to school.

Lorelai: To start the first frustrating day of a frustrating year.

Rory: Yep. 

Lorelai: Have a nice day.

Rory: (all smiles) You too. Bye mom. Bye Luke. And thanks again. (leaves.)

Lorelai: So what about me?

Luke: I don't think so.

Lorelai: Please, Luke. I need coffee. It's the first day of the work week and Michel is going to…

Luke: Okay. Here. (pours the cofee.) Just take it.

Lorelai: (smiles.) Thank you. Wow. That really works.

Luke: So are you going to tell me what's up?

Lorelai: Ah. Did Jess tell you anything?

Luke: What kind of anything?

Lorelai: Anything at all.

Luke: No. But if you're referring to him and Rory, I heard. Not from Jess, but I heard.

Lorelai: Okay. Well let's just say everyone is making their disapproval of the situation very obvious.

Luke: Geez, I really wish they would cut him some slack already.

Lorelai: Well, what can you do?

Luke: What about you? You're okay with it, right?

Lorelai: Can I be honest without Mr. Freeze returning?

Luke: Go ahead.

Lorelai: I'm worried.

Luke: I understand.

Lorelai: But I trust Rory.

Luke: You should.

Lorelai: And I have an ax and a shovel if she gets hurt in any way.

Luke: If Jess survives me first. 

(Taylor busts in.)

Taylor: Lorelai! I just heard. Are you aware of the recent developments regarding your daughter.

Lorelai: Fully aware, Taylor. 

Taylor: And you're allowing this?

Lorelai: Yep.

Taylor: You do remember that this was the young man who stole the bridge money, Babette's gnome, staged a phony murder scene, and what's worst, broke Rory's arm?

Lorelai: I do remember, and he technically fractured her wrist.

Taylor: And you think this boy is an appropriate companion for your daughter?

Lorelai: No, Taylor, I don't. But I happen to know that playing dictator over Roryland wouldn't work. Rory is a great kid, and you know it.

Taylor: Which is precisely why the entire town is worried.

Lorelai: Don't be. 

(Jess comes downstairs. Taylor squints his eyes at him in anger and storms out the diner.)

Jess: I think that guy is finally starting to like me.

Lorelai: Oh the town is just radiating with love for you today. Be careful out there. They might attack you with hugs, or clubs, but what's the difference?

Jess: Miss, Gilmore. I didn't know you cared.

Luke: Aren't you late for school?

Jess: No. 

Luke: But don't you want to get to school early, this being your first day and all?

Jess: No.

Luke: But don't you want to leave before I go over there and throttle you?

Jess: Hmm…

Luke: Jess, go!

Jess: Okay. Bye, Uncle Luke.

Lorelai: Ever the charming young lad. I can tell what Rory sees in him.

Luke: The smart act, it's his defense mechanism. He knows everyone is going to be hounding him today…

Lorelai: So he's going to be extra charming.

Luke: Exactly.

Lorelai: Huh. (Lorelai sits pensively watching Jess through the window as he waves at the gawking townspeople.)

(Chilton. Paris is speaking before an unenthusiastic crowd. Some girls file their nails while the boy play with the girls' hair. Some read books or magazines. The teacher grades papers. Rory stands wearily next to Paris. )

Paris: This is a year of decisions, deciding which colleges to apply to, and, when acceptances come in, which to go to, deciding what to do with the rest of your lives. Decisions can be daunting. Still you can be confident in yourselves that your first decision, electing Gellar and Gilmore, was the right one, and we would like to assure you that together this will be Chilton's best year. Together we will decide the Chilton we want to see this year and together we will make it happen. Thank you.

Teacher: Thank you, Paris. (The bell rings and everyone files out. In the hall Paris stops Rory.)

Paris: How do you think it went?

Rory: (sarcastically) Splendidly.

Paris: Really?

Rory: No. I told you, Paris, that no one was going to want to hear a speech at homeroom. (Paris stops Madeline and Louise.)

Paris: What did you two think of that speech?

Louise: I know. What is wrong with that girl, going on and on like that? She's president of the class, not of the US. You really should have won that election, Paris.

Paris: I did.

Louise: Oh. That's right. I keep forgetting. Well, congratulations. I'll see you later. (Madeline and Louise run off.)

Rory: (sympathetically) It was a great speech, Paris. Maybe just not the appropriate time.

(Paris looks at her angrily and leaves.)

(Independence Inn.)

(Lorelai is at the front desk. A man walks up.)

Man: Hey. I'm going out for a bit and I was wondering if I could give in my room key and pick it up when I get back. I'm a little careless and I tend to lose these things.

Lorelai: Oh, sure. 

Man: Thanks. And uh, could you write the room number down for me in case I forget. I'm very forgetful.

Lorelai: Careless and forgetful. I hope you're not a valet parking attendant.

Man: (laughs) No. Your car is safe from me.

Lorelai: (smiles.) Good. So here you go.

Man: I'm sorry to keep bothering you but do you mind putting your number on this. (sliding her back the paper.)

Lorelai: Ah. I have to say, that was original.

Man: I was going to ask you your sign, but I don't even remember mine, so I decided to try something different.

Lorelai: Good thinking.

Man: Is it working?

Lorelai: Mm, I don't think so this time, but don't give up on it.

Man: I don't think I'll ever find myself in this position again. I usually find little bald men with silly hats or bad accents at the front desks of inns. (Michel comes out.)

Michel: (to Lorelai) Thank you for covering for me. Family emergency over. I'm taking my break now. (leaves. Man and Lorelai laugh.)

Man: So since I'm probably going to find him here when I get back, can I get one more shot at dazzling you with my amazing wit and charm.

Lorelai: (smiling) Look…

Man: Are you married?

Lorelai: No.

Man: Any kids?

Lorelai: Yes, as a matter of fact. A daughter.

Man: Ah. I have a little boy. Five years old going on six. He lives in England with his mother. How old is yours?

Lorelai: Seventeen.

Man: Wow. That must be rough.

Lorelai: It's great.

Man: Oh no, I'm sure it is. I just meant the teen years, you know. Raging hormones and all that stuff. And you hear all the time of these girls getting pregnant at sixteen, seventeen.

Lorelai: Yeah. I was one of them.

Man: Since my foot is too far in my mouth right now, is there any chance that these floors open up and swallow people?

Lorelai: (laughs) It's happened on a few occasions, but we like to keep that quiet. It's bad for business. Really, it's all right. 

Man: Yeah, I know I'm looking pretty good to you right now after I accused your daughter of raging hormones and…well, you know.

Lorelai: It's all right. Maybe you can make up for it all tonight. 

Man: You mean a date?

Lorelai: No. After that, mister, you're coming over and cleaning my house, and believe me, it's messy.

Man: (laughs) All right.

Lorelai: I meant a date.

Man: Right. I knew that. Thank you.

Lorelai: Tip for the next time you try to pick up a little bald man at a front desk—don't thank him for agreeing to go out with you. 

Man: I'll keep that in mind. So do you have a name?

Lorelai: Mitsy.

Man: Mitsy? Okay. Mitsy, then. I'll see you tonight. Should I pick you up here?

Lorelai: How about my house, eight o' clock. (She writes on the paper and hands it back to him.)

Man: Okay.

Lorelai: And the name is Lorelai.

Man: Lorelai. That's nice. I'm Bill.

Lorelai: Well, Bill then, I'll see you tonight.

(Stars Hollow High. In the hallway, Dean is at his locker. Jess walks towards him.)

Dean: What? Are you here to gloat?

Jess: (points to the locker next to Dean's.) This is my locker.

Dean: You're kidding me.

Jess: Looks like we're neighbors. (Jess opens his locker and pulls out a textbook.) 

Dean: No. This can't be happening. (He sees Lane walking down the hall and grabs her arm.) Lane, where's your locker?

Lane: Ugh. With the freshmen. I'm the only senior whose locker is with the freshmen.

Dean: Can we switch?

Lane: Really?

Dean: Yeah.

Lane: Okay. Thank you.

Dean: Believe me. Thank you. We'll switch next period.

Lane: Okay. (Dean runs off. Lane looks confused and sees Jess.)

Jess: Howdy, neighbor. (It clicks and she nods her head.)

(Chilton)

(Paris, Louise, Madeline, and Rory are all seated at the lunch table.)

Paris: The suggestions boxes are already filling up. We're going to have to meet after school and go over them.

Louise: Today?

Paris: Yes, today. There's no time like the present.

Madeline: But why do today what we can put off for tomorrow?

Paris: Listen ladies, this is our last year, our last chance. This is the kind of dedication colleges look for. Today, after school, in the library.

Louise: But…

Paris: Let's remember what you said to me today. You owe me.

Louise: Fine.

Madeline: Okay.

Rory: I can't do it today, Paris.

Paris: What? But you're the Vice President. You have to be there.

Rory: I already have plans for today.

Paris: But this is important.

Rory: How do you know my plans aren't important?

Paris: What are they?

Rory: I don't have to tell you.

Paris: Then how am I supposed to know whether or not they're important.

Madeline: Paris, can't you tell? She has a date.

Louise: With a hot guy.

Paris and Rory: What are you talking about?

Louise: We know the look well. She has it.

Paris: You mean you're giving up Harvard for a date?

Rory: I'm not giving up Harvard. Paris, we can do this another day. The suggestions boxes just went up today. They can't be that full.

Paris: I already counted one with fifteen.

Rory: Fine. I'll stay.

Madeline: Now can we talk about more important matters. 

Paris: Yes. The college fair.

Madeline: No, I'm talking about Rory. Who's the guy?

(Rory and Paris both rest their foreheads on their hands and shake their heads.)

(Later. Rory is at a payphone in the school. She phones Luke's.)

Luke: Hello.

Rory: Hey, Luke.

Luke: Hey Rory, how are you?

Rory: Okay, and you?

Luke: Not too bad. How was the first day?

Rory: The coffee was much needed and much appreciated.

Luke: Ah. So you want to speak to Jess?

Rory: Yes, please. Is he there?

Luke: Yeah, hold on a sec. (Luke hands Jess the phone.)

Jess: Yup.

Rory: Hey, Jess. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to meet later today, like two hours later. Do you mind?

Jess: Nope.

Rory: Don't you want to know why?

Jess: Not really, but I guess you want to tell me.

Rory: Only if you really want to know.

Jess: I could care less.

Rory: Right. So fine. But for all you know I could be postponing our date to go out with a rich kid with a Jaguar.

Jess: Don't forget to buckle your seat belt.

Rory: You're funny.

Jess: I like to think so. But all right. (fake stern) Why are you postponing our date? And it better be good.

Rory: Well, if you must know, Paris wants to go over the suggestions boxes. We're meeting in ten minutes.

Jess: I would have preferred the rich kid and the Jaguar excuse but okay. 

Rory: So you don't mind?

Jess: No, but could you put a suggestion in the box for me?

Rory: You don't even go to Chilton.

Jess: But I'm always concerned about the plight of educational institutions.

Rory: In which you play a great part. But okay, what's your suggestion?

Jess: Elect a new president.

Rory: I think that one's already in there. A few times in fact.

Jess: You know if Paris gets assassinated, you would be president.

Rory: That is my purpose as class vice president, it's true. Are you planning to stage a phony assassination?

Jess: I don't know anything, but I'd check with the class CIA if I were you.

Rory: I'm right on it. So I'll see you later. Meet me at my house.

Jess: Do you think that's a good idea?

Rory: Why not?

Jess: Is your mom going to get all Andy Sipowicz on me?

Rory: Yeah.

Jess: (smiles) Okay.

Rory: Okay. So bye.

Jess: Bye.

(Independence Inn.)

Sookie: So Lorelai, I'm making chocolate mousse today. Do you and Rory want to come over?

Lorelai: I'd love to, but I can't. I have a date tonight.

Sookie: Oh! That's so great!

Lorelai: (voice deflated) Yeah.

Sookie: You don't sound happy about it.

Lorelai: I really don't want to go. The only reason I agreed was because he was so sweet and he tried so hard and he made such an idiot of himself that I felt sorry for him.

Sookie: A lot of marriages are founded on pity.

Lorelai: And end in divorce.

Sookie: You've been hanging around Luke too long.

Lorelai: Say, why don't you and Jackson come along. We could double date.

Sookie: But Jackson and I aren't dating. We're married. And you might send out the wrong signal double dating with a married couple.

Lorelai: True. 

Sookie: Lorelai, just relax. I'm sure you're going to have a great time. At least you know it won't be like the time with Rune. This guy likes you.

Lorelai: You're right. It's just one date, and then I'll let him down easy.

Sookie: Or you might want to go out with him again.

Lorelai: I'm trying to think positively here.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory is in her room looking through little boxes. She yells out to Lorelai.)

Rory: Mom, do you know where my blue necklace is?

Lorelai: (yells back from the kitchen) The one with the moons?

Rory: That's the one.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: Where is it?

Lorelai: On my neck.

(Rory goes to the kitchen.)

Rory: Whoa. You look beautiful, mom.

Lorelai: Oh no. 

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Beautiful is not what I'm going for. 

Rory: Oh. Well in that case you look horrible. Wicked Witch of the West horrible.

Lorelai: Thanks, hon.

Rory: Who are you going out with?

Lorelai: Bill.

Rory: Clinton?

Lorelai: Wickman.

Rory: Wickman?

Lorelai: William Wickman.

Rory: I don't know William Wickman.

Lorelai: No you don't. I don't even know William Wickman. I just met him today at the Inn. 

Rory: And he held you up at gun point and forced you to go out with him? Because that's how you're acting.

Lorelai: I felt sorry for him so I said yes.

Rory: A pity date. I understand. You can keep the necklace.

Lorelai: You're going out with Jess today, right?

Rory: Yep.

Lorelai: Say, I have a brilliant idea. 

Rory: What?

Lorelai: How about we double date?

Rory: That is the worst brilliant idea I have ever heard.

Lorelai: Come on. That way I get to keep an eye on you two. 

Rory: Mom.

Lorelai: Please. Don't leave me alone with William Wickman. 

Rory: Bill.

Lorelai: Him either. 

Rory: Mom, you're going to be fine.

(The doorbell rings. Lorelai goes over and opens. Bill is standing holding Jess with his arms behind his back while Jess struggles.)

Jess: Get the heck off of me.

Bill: (to Lorelai) I found this kid lurking around your house.

Lorelai: It's okay, Bill. He's here for my hormone raging daughter. (Rory comes over, sees Bill with Jess and laughs.) Bill, this is my daughter Rory. The abducted is Jess.

Jess: Could you let go of me already?

(Bill immediately lets Jess go.)

Bill: I'm so sorry, Jess. Hello, Rory.

Rory: Nice to meet you, Mr. Wickman.

Bill: How did you know my last name?

Lorelai: I looked it up in the guest book.

Bill: Ah. Well Bill is fine, Rory.

Rory: Well then, it's nice to meet you, Bill.

Bill: A pleasure, Rory. You're as beautiful as your mother. (Jess rolls his eyes. Rory smiles at this.)

Rory: Why thank you. Well, I have to finish getting ready so I'll be right back. (leaves)

Bill: Oh, Lorelai, I left something in the car for you. I'll run over and get it. (leaves)

Lorelai: So, Jess. No flowers, no chocolates?

Jess: No thanks. I'm cutting down on the sweets and I'm not really into flowers.

Lorelai: You're not making this easy.

Jess: I think we're a little too late for that.

(Bill returns with flowers and chocolates.)

Lorelai: Thank you, Bill. 

Bill: So are we ready to go?

Lorelai: One second. (calls out) Rory, I'm leaving. (Rory comes out and gives her mother a kiss.)

Lorelai: (to Jess.) I guess we're not going to be able to have the talk. 

Jess: Aw shucks.

Lorelai: (dismissing Jess, she looks to Rory) Be back by ten.

Rory: Mom. 

Lorelai: Fine, eleven.

Rory: Thank you. 

Lorelai: Bye.

Rory: Have fun. (Lorelai and Bill leave.) So where are we going?

Jess: I don't know. Where do you want to go?

Rory: Not really into planning ahead are you?

Jess: Nah. I'm more of a spur of the moment, blow with the wind kind of guy. You look nice.

Rory: Thanks. So, uh, should we get blowing?

Jess: Guess so. (They leave.)

(Lorelai and Bill enter Luke's) 

Bill: So this is the famous coffee place.

Lorelai: Right here. And this is the famous coffee maker. 

Bill: (extending his hand) Nice to meet you, Luke.

Luke: (takes his hand) Who are you?

Lorelai: Luke, this is Bill. Bill this is Mr. Congeniality. We'll have two coffees please.

Luke: Okay.

(Miss Patty comes into the diner.)

Miss Patty: Lorelai, I just wanted to let you know that we've got people at every corner of the town watching out for Rory, so don't worry. Taylor has an open line with the police on speed dial. Everything is taken care of. 

Lorelai: Patty, you're kidding me. 

Miss Patty: We organized Operation Rescue Rory last night as soon as we heard.

Lorelai: What?! Patty, I appreciate your concern, but call it off. You don't have to watch Rory. She's a good kid and she's going to be okay. 

Miss Patty: We know Rory's a good kid, but that Jess.

Bill: You mean the kid I caught lurking at the house? I knew something was up with him.

Lorelai: Bill, trust me. You don't want to listen to any of this conversation.

Miss Patty: Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt your date, dear. I just wanted to let you know that everything is under control.

Lorelai: Yes, Patty. _I_ have everything under control. I don't need your help. I don't want anyone watching Rory anymore. Call it off.

Miss Patty: But…

Luke: (comes over with the coffees.) That's right, Patty. Just leave the kids alone. 

Miss Patty: We're only doing this because we care.

Lorelai: I know, Patty. Now call it off.

(Rory and Jess are walking around Stars Hollow.)

Rory: Gosh, we can't go anywhere without being watched. 

Jess: Not here we can't.

Rory: Are you suggesting that we leave Stars Hollow?

Jess: You said it, not me.

Rory: Hmm. Where would we go?

Jess: Don't know.

Rory: I'm not leaving this town without a sense of direction.

Jess: I've never seen your school before.

Rory: You want to see Chilton?

Jess: It's better than having the Gestapo here on our tail.

Rory: I was there all day today and I'm going to be there all day tomorrow.

Jess: Fine. Do you want to go back to your house?

Rory: We can't.

Jess: Your mom doesn't want you alone with me in the house.

(Rory's silence assures him he's right.)

Jess: All right. So do you want to go back to Luke's? We could go upstairs and take a crack at my CDs.

Rory: I did say I would.

Jess: You did.

Rory: But…

Jess: Your mom doesn't want you and me alone within any vicinity of a bed.

Rory: Don't say it like that. Look, my mom is great. She's my best friend and I love her and respect her, and if this thing with us is going to work, you two are going to have to come to some form of understanding because I refuse to be torn between you two. If you choose to put up with me, you have to put up with my mom and you have to put up with this town. I know it's a lot and you're probably thinking it's not worth it… 

Jess: I didn't say that.

Rory: But you're thinking it.

Jess: Nope. I'm thinking about where we could go now.

Rory: See why planning ahead is necessary.

Jess: I've learned my lesson. So what do you want to do?

Rory: Let's go to Chilton.

Jess: I wonder why I didn't think of that.

(Lorelai and Bill in a restaurant.)

Lorelai: So that's pretty much my story.

Bill: Wow. What a story. 

Lorelai: Yeah.

Bill: No wonder you're such an amazing woman. 

Lorelai: (smiles uncomfortably) So what's your story, Wickman?

Bill: Well pretty ordinary. My dad died when I was young. My mom and my older sister basically raised me and my five brothers. I went to North Carolina U on a football scholarship. Played for two years and I gave up on football. I went to a local community college, joined the police force, did that for three years and then I went back to school to become a teacher. Now I teach here in Connecticut. What I really am though is a writer. It's what brought me to your inn. I live with two of my brothers and it just gets too noisy. I can't write. So I take a room in the inn, lock myself up for a few days, write, and when I've gone dry I search for a Muse I haven't found yet…maybe until now.

Lorelai: I bet you tell that to all the girls.

Bill: You're not really enjoying this, are you?

Lorelai: No, I am. I'm sorry. I've just been out of practice with this stuff. 

Bill: Same here. To be honest, the whole fancy restaurant gig was never my thing. An ice cream parlor. That's what I call a real date.

Lorelai: Bill, I think you're on to something.

(Rory and Jess pull up near Chilton.)

Rory: So that's Chilton. Describe it in one word.

Jess: Formidable.

Rory: Good one. Okay, you see, this wasn't a good idea.

Jess: Why?

Rory: I'm hungry now.

Jess: Pop open the trunk.

Rory: What?

Jess: Just do it. (Rory reaches and presses the button. She follows Jess out the car. He goes to the trunk and pulls out a thermos bag.)

Rory: I thought you weren't one to plan ahead.

Jess: Blow with the wind, but always bring food.

Rory: So that's what you were doing?

Jess: What are you talking about?

Rory: The lurking. You broke into my trunk.

Jess: Sue me.

Rory: You had this whole thing planned, didn't you?

Jess: I don't know what you're talking about.

Rory: Why would you put food in my car if you didn't plan on leaving Stars Hollow?

Jess: Are we going to play 20 questions or are we going to eat?

Rory: Hmm. Let's eat.

(They grab the food and sit on the grass.)

Rory: I have to admit, it was nice to get away from Stars Hollow.

Jess: What? I thought you were Stars Hollow's poster girl.

Rory: I don't hate Stars Hollow. I'm just saying that today it's nice to get away from it all. Chilton actually looks peaceful at night. When I was here that night with the Puffs I was blindfolded so I really didn't get to see what it looked like.

Jess: Whoa. Who? What? When?

Rory: Long story, but here goes. My guidance counselor said that she and the headmaster felt I needed more social interaction so I sat with these girls at lunch and it turned out they were this secret Chilton sorority called the Puffs. It's existed for generations. They decided they were going to make me, Paris, and some other girls members so they surprised us at night, blindfolded us, and brought us here and into the headmaster's office where we had to do this stupid oath and ring a bell, but the headmaster caught us. That was one interesting evening.

Jess: Wow. Rory Gilmore taking a walk on the wild side. I can count quite a few felonies there.

Rory: You would know, wouldn't you?

Jess: So what happened? 

Rory: To me, nothing. I explained to the headmaster that I was only following his orders, so he let me off the hook and they never bothered me about social interaction again.

Jess: Hmm. I'm going to have to try that some time. But I have to agree with that headmaster. 

Rory: What?

Jess: (smirks) You definitely need more social interaction.

Rory: (smiles) What did you have in mind?

(They lean towards each other and kiss.)

(Lorelai and Bill eating ice cream.)

Bill: I think I'm going to lose my ten bucks here. I can't fit anymore.

Lorelai: Ha! I won.

Bill: Now just wait a second, let me think about this. 

Lorelai: You're turning a very interesting shade of green already and barfing wouldn't be the best way to end a date.

Bill: You've backed me into a corner. Sneaky one, aren't you?

Lorelai: Did I forget to tell you my middle name?

(Babette comes in.)

Babette: Lorelai honey, there's a bit of a problem.

Lorelai: Is it Rory?

Babette: She's nowhere to be found. Taylor's sent out the search party but they still haven't found her or Jess and they've checked all over.

Lorelai: Did they check with Luke?

Babette: He doesn't know anything.

Lorelai: The gazebo, the bridge?

Babette: Nowhere.

Lorelai: (gets up.) They better not be at the house.

Babette: No, dear. They're not there either. We've had people stationed there all night, as soon as you left. They never returned. 

Lorelai: Bill, I'm sorry. I had a great time, but I'm going to have to call this evening off. I have to find my daughter. 

Bill: I'll go with you.

Lorelai: No. It's okay. This is a personal family affair.

Babette: Family and residents.

Lorelai: (looks at Babette.) Family.

(Rory and Jess, still sitting on the grass.)

Rory: I just can't respect Jack London too much. I mean, you're talking about a man who followed Marx and ran for governor on the socialist platform, claiming he hated capitalism, and at the same time was one of the highest paid authors at the time, claiming he wrote only for money, and did grape juice commercials. 

Jess: "Foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."

Rory: Ah. Emerson. Good one.

Jess: Well then. I guess you won't like this. (Tosses her a book.)

Rory: _ Martin Eden_.

Jess: It's the only thing I know you haven't read.

Rory: I may not respect London, but I still love his writing. Thanks.

(Lorelai's car screeches as it comes to a stop by Rory's. She storms out.)

Lorelai: Rory, get in the car.

Rory: Mom, what's wrong?

Lorelai: What's wrong? Do you know how worried you had me? You didn't tell me you were leaving Stars Hollow. I hear from Babette that you're nowhere to be found. I page you and you don't respond. I'm driving in the middle of the night, not even knowing where I'm going, my mind is racing in a million different directions…

Rory: Mom, I'm sorry. I forgot my pager at home. We weren't planning on leaving Stars Hollow, and it's not after eleven yet, is it?

Lorelai: It's 10:53, so unless your dad had a flux capacitor installed in that car, you would also have been late.

Rory: I guess we lost track of time. I'm sorry, mom.

Lorelai: Don't apologize. Just get in the car. _My _car. Jess can drive yours back.

(Later. Lorelai and Rory pull up at the house. Jess follows in Rory's car. They get out of the car.)

Rory: Mom, I'm really sorry.

Lorelai: I know.

Rory: It won't happen again.

Lorelai: I know. Now go inside.

(Rory looks apologetically at Jess. He waves and mouths good night. Rory nods and goes inside.)

Jess: (handing Lorelai the keys.) Here you go, Miss Gilmore. Good night.

Lorelai: Not so fast.

Jess: What? Did you want to speak with me?

Lorelai: You have done nothing to deserve my trust but tonight I trusted you with the most precious I have, and you spit my trust back in my face…

Jess: You didn't trust me, and I didn't do anything. If you ask me, your racing mind did most of the damage here. If no one told you she was gone and if you hadn't freaked out, all she would have been was late. But because this town doesn't trust me and was keeping tabs on our every move, you did find out, and because you don't trust me at all, you freaked out. Me, I didn't do anything.

Lorelai: Who's idea was it to leave Stars Hollow?

Jess: It was mutual.

Lorelai: I'll bet. I don't know what this power is you have over Rory that suddenly when she's with you, she's a completely different person. Rory is responsible, she's punctual to the point of obsession…

Jess: Look…(He looks up and sees Rory's outline at the window. Sighs.) I'm sorry.

Lorelai: What?

Jess: You heard me.

Lorelai: I want to hear it again. Louder and with feeling, mister.

Jess: I'm sorry.

Lorelai: And what are you sorry for?

Jess: For this town being stupid. (Lorelai is not impressed.)…And for taking Rory from here without checking with you and for being late. How's that?

Lorelai: Fair enough.

Jess: So we're done here?

Lorelai: Yeah, you better go. Luke might be worried.

Jess: Okay. (turns to leave.)

Lorelai: Jess. (he turns back again wearily.) I'll tell Rory you said good night.

(He nods.)

(Next day. Luke's.)

Rory: So are you going out with him again?

Lorelai: I have to. I felt bad for just leaving like that yesterday so I told him we'd do it again.

Rory: Yet another pity date. I think this guy has finally found how to keep you. 

Lorelai: I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm usually so merciless.

Rory: It's true. Maybe it's not pity. Maybe you are attracted to this guy, even against your wishes. He seemed nice to me.

Lorelai: He's nice, but not he's not really my kind of guy. 

Rory: Who is your kind of guy? (Luke comes over with the coffees, places them on the table, and turns to the next table.)

Lorelai: Harley man.

Rory: Who does not exist.

Lorelai: Hey, don't say that. You'll hurt his feelings. (She looks to her side.) It's all right Harley man. 

Rory: Try giving your imaginary friends real names.

Lorelai: That is his real name. Harley Mann. M-A-N-N.

Rory: Well, I have to get to school. Bye mom. Bye, Mr. Mann.

(Jess comes downstairs. Rory waits for him.)

Jess: (to Luke) I'm going to school. (Luke nods.)

(Lorelai watches as Rory and Jess leave talking and laughing.)

The End.


	13. Heroes and Friends

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: **_THE BIGGEST THANKS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!_** to my readers and reviewers. I hope the _caritas_ that you have shown me can extend to this chapter. You guys are the **_BEST!!!!!_**

(Luke's. Rory and Jess are sitting at a table each with a book. Rory is thoroughly engrossed. Jess flips through the pages lazily frequently glancing up at Rory. Sensing eyes on her she looks up and meets his eyes. He quickly returns to the book.)

Rory: Jess.

Jess: What?

Rory: What have you learned so far?

Jess: That I don't care for 'How to' books.

Rory: This is important, Jess. The college essay is crucial in gaining admission.

Jess: I already wrote my college essay.

Rory: Really?

Jess: Yeah. It's right here. (He hands her a sheet of paper.)

Rory: It's two sentences.

Jess: It says right here (points in the book) that your essay should be explicit and concise. (gestures towards his essay) That sums it all up.

Rory: Okay. So in response to the question "Why would you like to attend this institution and what do you think you could contribute to our community?" you wrote: (reading) My college attendance is compulsory and I really don't care which school I attend. I would contribute extra matter and extra tuition to your community, and the latter is really what you want anyway, isn't it? (She puts down the paper.) The acceptance letters will be rolling in. 

Jess: I only need one.

Rory: Jess, come on. This isn't a joke. You have to go to college now whether you like it or not, so you're going to have to take it seriously.

Jess: You mean you didn't like the essay?

Rory: That's it. Give me back my book. I'm moving to another table.

Jess: All right, all right. I'll stop. I'll write another essay. Five hundred words. I'll use words with more than three syllables, like "latitudinarian."

Rory: Not to describe yourself I hope.

Jess: Are you doing anything tonight?

Rory: Still haven't mastered segue, I see.

Jess: It's Friday. It's not like you have anything to hand in tomorrow, unless you plan on staying home obsessing about college applications.

Rory: As much as I would like to do just that, I have dinner with my grandparents today.

Jess: That's right. I forgot.

Rory: What did you have in mind?

Jess: Does it matter?

Rory: No.

Jess: Well then.

(Lorelai walks in the diner.)

Lorelai: Hey, babe.

Rory: Hi, mom.

Lorelai: Jess.

Jess: Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: So Jess, how was school?

Jess: Nearly educational.

Lorelai: That's good.

Jess: Yeah. Okay. (He gets up and leaves.)

Rory: You two really have to figure something out.

Lorelai: We have. We exchange over three words, under ten, then we split ways. We get along pretty well with minimal talking and ample distance.

Rory: (sarcastically) Well in that case… (she returns to her reading)

Lorelai: So what's all this?

Rory: Preparation for the college application process. 

Lorelai: Oh boy. Would you like another coffee to go with that ulcer?

Rory: Jess will be by in about ten seconds with more.

(Jess comes over, refills Rory's cup, hands a cup full to Lorelai, and leaves.)

Lorelai: The benefits of dating a diner boy.

Rory: That's why I do. 

Lorelai: So…how was your day?

Rory: Okay, I guess.

Lorelai: You've survived the second week.

Rory: Mm hm. (She has not raised her head from the book.)

Lorelai: Well, since you're so chatty today I think I'm going to go bother Luke.

Rory: I'm sorry, mom…it's just…

Lorelai: No, I understand. Believe me. I'll let you do what you have to do. No hard feelings.

Rory: (smiles.) Thank you.

Lorelai: No problem. (She walks over to Luke who is equally engaged in his accounts book.) Books are stealing my friends today.

Luke: What are you talking about?

Lorelai: Nothing.

Luke: What a surprise. (He closes the accounts book.) Well you have your coffee already so what do you want?

Lorelai: A yacht and my own chocolate factory, but I'll settle for friendly conversation.

Luke: How are you?

Lorelai: Good, good. How are you?

Luke: Well, I've got my health.

Lorelai: That's right. You do. (Gesture's at the accounts book.) So how's the diner doing?

Luke: It's standing. How's it going with the new inn?

Lorelai: Slowly but surely.

Luke: That's usually how it goes.

Lorelai: Well that's good to know. 

Luke: So how are things with you and the ice cream man?

Lorelai: Bill. They're going okay.

Luke: So it's getting serious?

Lorelai: Well we're not picking china patterns together.

(Jess walks over and hands Luke his order pad.)

Jess: I'm out.

(Luke nods. Jess walks behind Rory and flips her hair. When she turns around, he waves good bye. She smiles and he leaves.)

Luke: So you're okay with them now?

Lorelai: Well, I'm dealing with it. 

(Luke nods. Lane rushes into the diner and over to Rory.)

Lane: He finally left. I've been waiting to speak to you for an hour now.

Rory: Why didn't you just come in?

Lane: Did I not explain to you the situation? It's bad enough that my locker is next to his. You don't know how hard it is to be the friend in between. I'm your friend. I'm always your friend, but I'm also Dean's friend, and the only way that I can remain a friend to both of you is if I have as little contact as possible with Jess.

Rory: This is going to catch up with you. 

Lane: Hopefully after a while Dean will get over it.

Rory: I don't know. The hatred goes back a long way. How is Dean?

Lane: He's okay. Of course, he's not okay with you and Jess, but he's okay. I mean, he's healthy.

Rory: Well that's good. I was wondering if I should go and talk to him about us, me and Jess, that is.

Lane: Not a good idea. Just leave it be. I'm sure he'll get over it.

Rory: So what did you want to talk to me about?

Lane: Okay, here's the deal. This Sunday is the Homecoming game and I've made my way to the top of the pyramid…

Rory: I'll be there.

Lane: Thank you! Well, I have to go now. I'll call you tonight.

Rory: Okay.

(Lane is leaving as Jess is coming in. She mumbles incoherently to him and quickly leaves.)

(Later. Lorelai and Rory are approaching the Hartford Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: Gosh, I hope they made something good today. I'm starving.

Rory: You ate four donuts at Luke's and two Pop-Tarts when we got home. You can't be that hungry.

Lorelai: Oh come on. You should know me better than that.

Rory: I know you well enough to know your propensity to exaggerate.

Lorelai: Okay, I'm four donuts and two Pop-Tarts away from starving.

Rory: That's better. (They arrive at the door and ring the bell.)

Maid: Mr. and Mrs. Gilmore have asked me to direct you to the dining room.

Lorelai: Great, because I keep forgetting where it is.

(They arrive at the dining room. Richard and Emily are talking. When they see Lorelai and Rory, they smile brightly at them. Lorelai and Rory smile brightly, though uncomfortably, in return.)

Lorelai: (through her teeth while smiling, to Rory) Is it just me or do they seem strange to you? (Rory nods.)

Emily: Well don't just stand there. Come, sit.

(Lorelai and Rory nervously sit down as Richard and Emily continue to smile at them.)

Emily: Well, how are you two?

Lorelai: I'm fine.

Rory: Me too.

Emily: Well that's nice.

Rory: And how are you, grandma?

Emily: I'm well.

Rory: Good. And you, grandpa?

Richard: Very well, thank you.

Lorelai: Can someone tell me what's going on?

Emily: (the smile breaks for a second and then returns.) Well, we were trying to save the news for after dinner, but I guess we were so happy we gave ourselves away.

Lorelai: Oh great. So it's good news.

Emily: Wonderful news.

Rory: Great. What is it?

Emily: Richard.

Richard: Well, an old college friend of mine phoned me the other day to advise us that he's having a charity ball tomorrow.

Lorelai: Okay, uh, that's nice. 

Rory: That's great news, grandpa. 

Emily: Oh, wait. Richard's just dragging for the dramatic effect. That's not all.

Richard: My friend maintains a strong connection with our alma mater. He happens to be on the board of Admissions. I was telling him about you and he would love to meet you. And so, you, Rory, and you, Lorelai, are also invited.

Lorelai: (voice deflated.) Gee, dad, that's great.

Emily: I thought you'd be happy about this. 

Lorelai: Okay, I know you're trying to do a nice thing here, but if you're trying to coerce Rory to go to Yale, that's not happening. She wants to go to Harvard.

Richard: I understand that, Lorelai, but there's nothing wrong with having options. This is a great opportunity for Rory and meeting an Admissions director will help Rory with the college application process in general.

Rory: (enthusiastic) He's right, mom. This is great. Thank you, Grandpa.

Richard: You're quite welcome, Rory. 

Emily: And that's not all. 

Lorelai: (still unenthusiastic and sarcastic) You mean there's more?

Emily: There's something for you, Lorelai.

Lorelai: You really shouldn't have. Really.

Emily: Well you do not go to a charity ball unaccompanied, so I've managed to come up with quite a list of eligible gentlemen who are already interested.

Lorelai: What?!

Emily: Oh, Lorelai, now stop it. It's perfectly harmless. I'm not asking you to marry any of them. It's just for one night. I have pictures and profiles for you.

Lorelai: Fingerprints, credit histories…

Emily: This is not funny, Lorelai. 

Lorelai: Well as much as I don't appreciate it, I don't need your list anyway. I'm already seeing someone. Casually. Nothing serious.

Emily: Oh. Well, that's nice. Who is he?

Lorelai: Uh, Bill Wickman. He's a professor at a state university, and a writer. 

Emily: (smiles) Well good. I can't wait to meet him. 

Lorelai: Yeah. Good.

(Later. Gilmore Residence.)

Rory: So I guess this officially makes you and Bill a serious couple.

Lorelai: What are you talking about?

Rory: Taking him to meet the parents.

Lorelai: Only because it was either that or end up with Ted from Daniels, Daniels, & Ted.

Rory: I don't know. In the movie, between Bill and Ted, Ted ended up being the nicer looking.

Lorelai: But Ted from Daniels, Daniels, & Ted is no Keanu.

Rory: All I'm saying is that what started off as a pity date has progressed rather quickly. Even Max didn't meet grandma and grandpa until you two were about to be married.

Lorelai: That's because I really liked Max.

Rory: And you don't like Bill. You're just seeing him for the free ice cream.

Lorelai: That, and I gotta say, I warmed up to him when I opened the door that first day and found him apprehending Jess. 

Rory: Now that is not funny. (Lorelai looks at her incisively) Okay, it was a little funny, but that's not the point.

Lorelai: Is there a point at all to this?

Rory: I think there was one, but I've forgotten it.

Lorelai: Good.

Rory: Oh wait. Now I remember. (The phone rings. Lorelai immediately picks up.)

Lorelai: (on the phone) Hello.

Bill: Hey.

Lorelai: Ah. Saved by the Bill?

Bill: What's going on?

Lorelai: My daughter is making inane accusations.

Bill: What?

Lorelai: She thinks I like you.

Bill: What's wrong with her?

Lorelai: I don't know. It might be those hormones talking.

Bill: I'm never going to live that down, am I?

Lorelai: No one ever lives anything down with me.

Bill: I'll try to remember that and be more careful. Listen, I have some news to tell you.

Lorelai: I have to tell you something too.

Bill: Okay. You first.

Lorelai: No. You started. You go first.

Bill: Okay. I'm going to New York this weekend. They want to publish one of my essays.

Lorelai: Wow. That's great. Congratulations.

Bill: Thanks. So what did you want to tell me? 

Lorelai: Uh, I finally found a place that sells coconut ice cream.

Bill: Great. We'll have to go there when I get back.

Lorelai: Yeah.

Bill: What am I? Thirty bucks in debt now? But I can win with coconut.

Lorelai: Well see about that.

Bill: So I better get packing.

Lorelai: Yeah. Congratulations again.

Bill: Thanks. I'll call you.

Lorelai: Okay. Bye. (Hangs up.)

Rory: What happened? You didn't tell him?

Lorelai: He's going to New York this weekend.

Rory: Oh…(smiles mischievously) Well then, I guess it's Ted tomorrow. 

Lorelai: Ugh. No. I refuse to be set up by my mother. Come to think of it, there's no reason why I have to go. 

Rory: Don't even think about it. You're going. If not with Ted, pick someone else from grandma's profiles.

Lorelai: Daniels #1 is married and Daniels #2 is gay.

Rory: Then go with #2 and you don't have to worry about bringing pepper spray.

Lorelai: No. There's got to be someone else. Let me think…Ah. (She picks up the phone and dials.)

Jess: Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, Jess.

Jess: Hold on. (hands the phone to Luke.)

Luke: Hello.

Lorelai: Jess, your voice changed. It sounds like Luke's.

Luke: Lorelai, what do you want?

Lorelai: Okay. Here's the thing. One of my dad's friends, who happens to be on the board of Admissions at Yale, is having this charity ball and my Dad has arranged for him to meet Rory there so we both have to go. As an adult female in a backwards society I am not allowed to go unaccompanied.

Luke: So you want to drag me in on this.

Lorelai: Well, basically, yes.

Luke: What happened to the ice cream man?

Lorelai: Why is Bill such a hard name for you to remember? He's going away this weekend.

Luke: How convenient. 

Lorelai: Uh, you know what, forget it. I'll go with Mr. Daniels # 2.

Luke: Who?

Lorelai: Forget it. Good bye.

Luke: Lorelai, wait. If you need me to go, I'll go.

Lorelai: (still with an attitude) Well thank you. I would appreciate that.

Luke: So do I have to wear a tux or something to this?

Lorelai: It's not prom. A suit would be fine.

Luke: What time?

Lorelai: We have to leave here at 6.

Luke: Ah geez.

Lorelai: I can call Mr. Daniels #2.

Luke: Six is fine.

Lorelai: Thank you.

Luke: You're welcome.

(The next day. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Rory: So do you have any idea what you're going to wear?

Lorelai: The problem is that I have too many ideas. What about you?

Rory: I've narrowed it down to three, but one I don't have shoes for.

Lorelai: Shoes are everything, babe.

Rory: I know. I'm so nervous.

Lorelai: You'll be fine. And if the Yale guy doesn't like you, even though he will, you just have to think "what do I care? I'm going to Harvard."

Rory: But if the guy from Yale doesn't like me, what makes you think the people from Harvard will.

Lorelai: He'll like you. They'll like you. Everybody likes you. Why are you worrying?

Rory: I haven't had my coffee yet.

Lorelai: Ah.

(They arrive at Luke's.)

Luke: Coffee and blueberry muffins today, right?

Lorelai: (to Rory) He's learning.

Rory: That makes us predictable though, doesn't it?

Lorelai: Yeah, it does. I now feel compelled to ask for apple pie.

Rory: Me too.

Lorelai: (to Luke) I'm sorry. It's actually apple pie day.

Luke: Are you sure?

Lorelai: I think I would be.

Luke: But yesterday you had the…Never mind. Coming right up.

(Jess comes over and pours their coffee.)

Lorelai: Jess. Thank you. (Jess nods.)

Rory: So did you finish with the book?

Jess: Yup.

Rory: And you now know everything to write the perfect college essay?

Jess: I know everything that's in the book.

Rory: Good enough. 

Lorelai: So Jess, do you know which colleges you're applying to?

Jess: I figured I'd just take the book of state schools, close my eyes and point.

Lorelai: So, I guess you've really thought this out.

Jess: (ignores her and turns to Rory) So I hear you're meeting some suit from Yale.

Rory: Board of Admissions member, yeah.

Jess: I thought you wanted to go to Harvard.

Rory: I do.

Jess: Looking to make them jealous?

Rory: Yes, that is the idea.

(Luke comes over with the apple pies.)

Lorelai: Yes! Thank you.

Jess: Is that apple pie?

Rory: That's what it looks like.

Jess: I thought today was blueberry muffins.

Rory: Nope. It's apple pie day. Isn't that right, mom?

Lorelai: (mimicking Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man) It's apple pie day. Definitely apple pie day. Of course, I don't have my coffee. I always have coffee with apple pie. Definitely need coffee with apple pie. (Jess refills the cup.)

Rory: Would you like some toothpicks with that?

Lorelai: Two hundred forty six toothpicks.

Luke: How am I going to survive the day with my sanity?

Lorelai: Trust me. I'm not the one you have to worry about.

(Emily and Richard enter the diner.)

Luke: Don't look now, but…(Lorelai turns around.)

Lorelai: Mom, Dad. What are you doing here?

Emily: Do we need a reason to come visit?

Lorelai: No, but you usually have one.

Emily: Well, I have a dress for Rory and your father wanted to go over some things with her for when she met Mr. Stevens.

Lorelai: (to Rory) No pressure, though.

Emily: It's not pressure.

Richard: It's preparation. Rory loves preparation.

(Jess gives Rory a knowing look. She smiles and he walks away.)

Lorelai: So, uh, are you hungry?

Emily: No, but some tea would be nice.

Rory: Let's get a table. (The four move to a table and sit.)

Emily: Now Rory, I picked up this dress for you to wear tonight, and some shoes. You'll have to try it on at home and make sure it fits. Looking at you now, it might be a little big, but we can take it in.

Rory: Thanks grandma. (She takes the bag nervously and looks at the dress.)

Emily: Do you like it?

Richard: I told you that you should have let her choose her own dress.

Emily: She hasn't said she didn't like it.

Rory: Uh…it's very nice, but…I think it's a little…uh, a little too elegant for me.

Emily: Too elegant?

(Jess walks over and peeks at the dress over Rory's shoulder.)

Jess: You could pull it off.

Emily: She most certainly can. And who are you?

Rory: Uh, Grandma, Grandpa, this is Jess.

Emily: Jess? 

Jess: That's me.

Lorelai: It's a common name in some countries.

Emily: The same Jess from the accident?

Rory: It wasn't his fault.

Jess: I _was_ the one driving though.

(Rory gives Jess a biting look.)

Emily: (to Lorelai) I thought he moved away.

Lorelai: He came back.

Emily: (to Lorelai) And I thought you said he was trouble.

Jess: Wow, my reputation has reached all the way to Hartford. I have to give my PR committee a raise. 

Lorelai: Come on, mom. Since when do you listen to anything I say?

Richard: And you, young man, have the audacity to continue to consort with my granddaughter. I'm sorry, but this won't do. You're lucky we didn't sue after what happened to Rory. I don't want you anywhere near my granddaughter, you understand.

Rory: Grandpa, we're friends. The accident really wasn't his fault.

Richard: (to Lorelai) And you're allowing this?

Lorelai: Because if I locked her in the house and monitored her every move and who she hangs out with, then she couldn't possibly run off and get pregnant or anything.

Richard: This is not about that Lorelai. This is about Rory's well being and safety.

Jess: Well I haven't been branded with a federal warning label just yet.

Rory: Jess, don't you have tables to wipe or something?

Jess: No, but it is just about time for my break. Later. (he nods to Rory and Lorelai and bows to Emily and Richard.)

Richard: The impudence.

Emily: Rory, I'm surprised at you. I know you're friendly to everyone but some people just don't deserve it. I would have thought the accident had taught you that already.

Rory: It…

Lorelai: So Dad, what do you have for Rory?

Richard: Well, I've outlined some little-known facts about Yale that she should know. There are also some anecdotes he will undoubtedly share about our time in college. He means them to be humorous, but he's wanting in wit. Anyway, I've written them down. I know you will study them and come up with some gracious and clever response.

Rory: Uh, thanks, Grandpa.

(She looks nervously out the window, watching Jess retreat into the distance.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is running around the house checking under furnitute.)

Lorelai: (calling out) Rory, have you seen my shoes?

Rory: (from her room) Which ones?

Lorelai: The ones that go with this dress and nothing else.

Rory: They're probably in the closet.

(Lorelai goes to Rory's room.)

Lorelai: Please don't tell me they're in the closet…You look incredible.

Rory: I feel like an idiot.

Lorelai: An incredible idiot.

Rory: Gee, thanks. And I'm pretty sure they're in the closet.

Lorelai: Why would I put them in the closet?

Rory: Because you hardly wear them because they only match that dress which you hardly wear, and did I mention you hardly wear them?

Lorelai: It'll take me forever to find them in the closet. I have a Mt. Fuji of shoes in that closet.

Rory: Well, we don't have a lot of time. Start looking. (Rory returns to the mirror, but she seems to be staring beyond it.)

Lorelai: Hey. What's wrong?

Rory: I haven't seen Jess since that whole thing with Grandma and Grandpa. I looked all over for him. I think he's upset with me. I wasn't very nice.

Lorelai: Well, neither was he.

Rory: Two wrongs don't make a right.

Lorelai: Who listens to those proverbs anyway?

(The doorbell rings.)

Rory: Maybe that's him. (She quickly gets up and runs to open the door.) Luke.

Luke: Hey. You look great.

Rory: Thanks. So do you.

Luke: I feel like an idiot.

Rory: So do I. You're fifteen minutes early.

Luke: Yeah. I like to be early.

Rory: Come in. Mom's just looking for her shoes. (Luke looks at Rory's bare feet.) Yeah, I know where mine are. I just haven't put them on yet. (Lorelai walks to the living room.)

Lorelai: Ah. Luke. Great. I need you to find my shoes.

Luke: What?

Rory: Luke, is Jess at the diner?

Luke: He had better be.

Rory: He was there when you left?

Luke: Yeah.

Rory: Okay. I'll be right back. (She slips on her sneakers and leaves.)

(Luke's. The diner is empty. Jess is refilling the salt and pepper shakers. Rory comes in. Jess looks at her for a moment amazed, and then shakes it off.)

Jess: (looking at her sneakers.) You didn't leave your glass slippers here.

Rory: Darn. And I've looked everywhere for them. Where were you?

Jess: Here.

Rory: But earlier I had asked Luke and he said you were out.

Jess: He never saw me come back in.

Rory: Are you angry with me?

Jess: No. Why should I be?

Rory: I don't know. I thought you were avoiding me.

Jess: Now why would I avoid my _friend_?

Rory: (sighs.) I'm sorry, Jess, but I couldn't tell my grandparents. You saw how they reacted when they found out who you were, and all they knew at that point was that you spoke one sentence to me. And you didn't make it any easier.

Jess: This wasn't going to be easy. 

Rory: I know, but you could have been…

Jess: Dean?

Rory: No. You could have been you. The you that you become when no one else is around. Why don't you show anyone else that Jess?

Jess: (sarcastically) And then everyone would like me.

Rory: Well…yes. I'm sure they would.

Jess: I really don't care if anyone else likes me. (He looks at the clock.) It's six o' clock. Shouldn't you be going?

Rory: I'm sorry, Jess. But I couldn't tell them just then. I will tell them eventually.

Jess: Honestly, I don't care what you tell them.

Rory: And I'm sorry for dismissing you like that.

Jess: Okay.

Rory: I do have to go.

Jess: Have fun.

Rory: Thanks. (She's about to go out the door.)

Jess: Rory. (She looks back.) You look nice. (She walks back, reaches over the counter and kisses him, knocking the refilled salt and pepper shakers.)

Rory: (looking down at the spilt salt grains.) Sorry about that.

Jess: (smirks.) Well you should be. (She smiles and leaves.)

(At the charity ball.)

Luke: I am not dancing with you. That's where I draw the line.

Lorelai: You really don't draw well, though. You have to dance at least once at these things. Otherwise…

Rory: Can we not talk about dancing? I can't even walk in these shoes, and every time my feet hear anything about dancing they scream at me.

Lorelai: Oh, I thought that was Luke.

Luke: I contributed to the revolt. 

(Emily spots them from the other side of the room and calls them over.)

Emily: Lorelai, I was beginning to think you weren't going to show.

Lorelai: We're fifteen minutes late, mom.

Emily: Never mind. Rory, this is your grandfather's friend Mr. Stevens. 

Rory: Hello, Mr. Stevens. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Mr. Stevens: Your grandparents have told me a lot about you. 

Rory: Likewise here.

Mr. Stevens: So I assume your grandfather's told you what a class clown I was.

Rory: I never get enough of hearing those stories. My favorite was the one about your oral presentation on Flaubert.

Mr. Stevens: (laughs) Yes, that was a classic.

Emily: Well, we'll leave you two to get acquainted. (Emily pulls Lorelai away.) Hello. Luke, is it?

Luke: Yes, Mrs. Gilmore. It's nice to see you again.

Emily: Yes, yes. (to Lorelai.) So what happened to Bill Wickman? Does he even exist?

Lorelai: Yes, mom. He exists. He was going to New York this weekend.

Emily: Oh. So you are not with Luke?

Lorelai: I'm physically present with Luke today, but I am not seeing Luke, no. We're just friends.

Emily: Very well then. There are some hors d'oeuvres over there. In the next room are the items for auction. Be sure to make your bids. (leaves.)

Luke: You didn't tell me I was going to have to spend any money.

Lorelai: You don't. Learn the secret of bidding. You go into the room. You pick the nice thing that everybody wants and you bid five hundred dollars. The guy who wins it is going to put a couple thousand on the thing. Five hundred is enough not to seem cheap but too little to have any chance at winning.

Luke: I take it you've been to a lot of these.

Lorelai: More than I ever care to remember.

(Later.)

Lorelai: Ugh. I need a bloody pilgrim on the rocks. (The bartender prepares the drink and gives it to her.) Thank you, Frank.

Frank: No problem, Lor.

Luke: I've been sitting here all night and I'm not on a first name basis with the bartender.

Lorelai: That's because you're not as friendly as I am, or as tipsy. What are you having?

Luke: Just celery. You're holding up okay.

Lorelai: Thanks to Frank, here.

Woman: Lorelai? Is that you?

Lorelai: Hey, I haven't seen you since…

Woman: Since Rory's birthday party.

Lorelai: That's right. How are you?

Woman: Never been better.

Lorelai: How's that husband of yours?

Woman: Oh, we divorced.

Lorelai: Really? That's a shame. You two were together for how long?

Woman: Almost two years.

Lorelai: Wow. That long.

Woman: I know. When I think of all the time I wasted on him. So, who's your friend?

Lorelai: Oh. This is Luke. Luke this is…

Woman: Sandra Newland.

Luke: Nice to meet you, Ms. Newland.

Sandra: Oh, my friends call me Sandra, but you can call me Sandy.

Luke: Okay, Ms. Newland.

Lorelai: So Luke, are you ever going to give me that dance you promised me. (to Sandra) You know how it is. Try to get a man away from the bar. 

Sandra: That was the problem with my husband. I couldn't. 

Lorelai: Ah. Drinking problem.

Sandra: Please. He couldn't even hold a Shirley Temple. He ran off with the bartender.

Lorelai: Well good thing Frank here is a man.

Sandra: Gary was too.

Lorelai: Oh. Well. Sorry. Luke?

Luke: Yeah. Dancing sounds good right about now.

(Luke and Lorelai are dancing.)

Lorelai: You're a pretty good dancer. I had no idea. 

Luke: I don't know any turns and I still have to count the beats.

Lorelai: But you don't count them out loud. That's good enough for me.

Luke: I think Rory hit it off with the Yale guy.

Lorelai: Oh yeah. She's the only one who understands his jokes. She studied them well. How have you been surviving?

Luke: Well, let's see. I'm probably going to be out five hundred dollars because no one has gone over my bid. I've had two married women and one man ask me out.

Lorelai: The guy was Mr. Daniels #2. I'll take care of the bid.

Luke: How about you?

Lorelai: It's no easy task being Richard and Emily Gilmore's daughter.

Luke: I can imagine. It's hard to believe you grew up around all of this.

Lorelai: And turned out so normal, right?

Luke: Well, I don't know if normal is the word, but…

(the song is over and they stop dancing.)

Lorelai: What do you say we go raid the desserts? (Luke looks at her.) Okay, what do you say I go raid the desserts and you can watch?

Luke: Should be more entertaining than this.

(Luke and Lorelai are at a table on the balcony. The table is stacked with pastries.)

Lorelai: So we're thinking of expanding the kitchen a little more and adding a few extra rooms upstairs.

Luke: Sounds like a plan.

Lorelai: Yeah. It's moving along…Okay, let's play a game.

Luke: Let's not.

Lorelai: Oh come on. You've got nothing better to do. Sandy's inside waiting for you if you go back. Come on. I ask a question and you answer.

Luke: Hard rules.

Lorelai: Let's see. Okay. If you were ever to kill someone, who would it be?

Luke: Taylor.

Lorelai: I'd have to say him too.

Luke: Really? I would have thought you'd say…someone else.

Lorelai: Okay. So if you could be anyone else, who would it be?

Luke: Anyone anyone or anyone in Stars Hollow?

Lorelai: Hmm. Anyone in Stars Hollow is more interesting.

Luke: I guess the troubadour.

Lorelai: Really?

Luke: Yeah. I mean, he doesn't really work. No one bothers him. And I used to want to be a musician.

Lorelai: Wow. I didn't know that. He sings and he dances.

Luke: I don't sing…So who would you be?

Lorelai: I'd be you and I'd make you eat chocolate and drink lots of coffee. 

Luke: The whole point in being someone else is that you're someone else. It's not to make someone else into you.

Lorelai: Hey, my game, my rules. Okay, if you could be anywhere else tonight, where would you be?

Luke: (pauses.) I'd still be here.

Lorelai: What? Why?

Luke: Where else would I be? At home watching Gilligan's Island reruns? Doing laundry? This at least was different, and it's always good to help out a friend.

Lorelai: I really appreciate it. You saved me tonight. (fakes damsel voice) You're my hero.

Luke: Keep Sandra away from me for the rest of the evening and we'll call it even.

(Next day. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Rory: I don't know, mom. I'm thinking Yale is becoming more and more of an option.

Lorelai: So Mr. Stevens has cured you of the Harvard psychosis.

Rory: Not just yet. His sense of humor scares me. So how did you manage?

Lorelai: Between the bar and the pastries I managed just fine.

(Lane runs up to them.)

Lane: Good. I got you before you went into the diner. Did you remember about today?

Rory: Since you told me about it Friday, reminded me yesterday morning, and left a message for me last night, yeah, I think I remember.

Lane: It's just that my mom isn't coming and I wanted to make sure that if I fall, someone will come with me to the hospital.

Lorelai: There's the spirit you cheerleaders are famous for.

(Rory and Lorelai are about to go in the diner.)

Lane: Okay. So I have to go. See you later.

Rory: Okay.

(Inside. Lorelai walks to the counter and Rory goes over to a table where Jess is seated, eating.)

Rory: Oo, blueberry muffin how I've missed you! Can I get a bite?

Jess: Only if you admit I was right yesterday and it wasn't apple pie day.

Rory: Never.

Jess: Fine. But this one's right out of the oven. And Luke put extra blueberries in. 

Rory: Okay, okay. You were right. It was blueberry muffin day.

Jess: Here you go. (gives her the muffin) You're really easy to crack.

Rory: Never trust me with classified information.

Jess: I'll try to remember that. So, _Bartleby the Scrivener_ is playing at the movies today.

Rory: Yeah, but I can't today. The Homecoming game is today and Lane made it to the top of the pyramid.

Jess: Ah.

Rory: Why don't you come with me?

Jess: I would prefer not to. (A/N: famous line from Melville's _Bartleby._)

Rory: Funny. Come on. We can make fun of the jocks. We'll break the waves that other people start.

Jess: Dean's gonna be there?

Rory: Probably.

Jess: I doubt he'd be exactly thrilled to see me.

Rory: No he wouldn't.

Jess: Neither would Lane.

Rory: I guess not…but…

Jess: (smirks.) I would prefer not to. (He gets up, pours her some coffee, and leaves.)

(At the game. The players have taken the field and the cheerleaders try to work up the crowd. Rory waves at Lane who waves back at her smiling. She sees Cathy waving to Dean who is sitting with a bunch of guys. She looks at the empty seats on either side of her and sighs.)

Jess: Anyone sitting here?

Rory: Well, someone was supposed to, but he's not coming.

Jess: Well I guess I'll just sit here, then. (sits next to Rory)

Rory: So what brings you around these parts?

Jess: Someone told me I could make fun of some jocks. Couldn't pass up the opportunity. 

(They smile and watch the game.)

The End


	14. Eternal Flame

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: **_!!!!ZILLIONS of THANKS!!!!_** to my readers and reviewers. I'm not too fond of the title of this chapter, especially since I already used a Bangles song title for another chapter, but anyway, hope you like it despite the lack of a better title.

(Gilmore Residence.)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) No, that's fine…Tomorrow it is then…I'll see you later…Bye. (hangs up. She stays looking pensively at the phone.)

Rory: What's wrong?

Lorelai: (returns from her reverie.) Oh. Nothing. Good news.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: We can have a movie night tonight.

Rory: I thought you were going out with Bill tonight.

Lorelai: I thought so, too, but he had to cancel. We're going out tomorrow.

Rory: Huh. I'm sorry mom, but since I thought you were going out with Bill I made plans with Jess. (Lorelai pouts.) I'm sorry…Say, I have an idea.

Lorelai: If you're thinking of inviting Jess to movie night, no way.

Rory: Why not? Come on, mom. You had Dean here for movie nights. 

Lorelai: I could survive being in the same room with Dean for more than five minutes. Besides, I was able to get menial labor out of Dean.

Rory: Jess did a good job with our gutters.

Lorelai: Jess cannot reach the top shelf of our cupboards.

Rory: He can use a stepladder.

Lorelai: I can use a stepladder.

Rory: But you don't.

Lorelai: How do you know he would?

Rory: I'd ask him to.

Lorelai: He does listen to you, doesn't he? 

Rory: I have my ways.

Lorelai: He wouldn't listen to me.

Rory: Maybe he would.

Lorelai: But probably not.

Rory: Probably.

Lorelai: So if I don't get to do the bossing around, what's in it for me?

Rory: You get whatever's on the top shelf.

Lorelai: I can get it for myself. 

Rory: But you don't.

Lorelai: Fine. But there is to be no smooching in my presence.

Rory: Deal. So what happened to Bill?

Lorelai: I don't know. He didn't really say. He's been acting really weird since he came back from New York. I wonder what happened.

Rory: Why don't you ask him?

Lorelai: Because it's his business. If I were to pry into his business it would insinuate that I want to be part of his business.

Rory: You mean you still want to parade in the illusion that this is never going to be a serious relationship.

Lorelai: Well never is a strong word but it fits.

Rory: Never say never.

Lorelai: I can never get that phrase. What kind of credibility does it have?

Rory: About as much as you do.

(Luke's. Lorelai and Rory enter. Luke is carrying plates to tables. Jess is attending to a woman.)

Woman: Excuse me, but not only is this coffee too hot, but it's too strong.

Jess: Huh.

Woman: (sliding the mug towards him.) Could you do something about that? (Jess takes a glass of ice water and dumps it in the mug.) (woman gasps) Excuse me, but I'd like to speak to the manager. (Luke runs over.)

Luke: I'm sorry, ma'am. (He wipes the table.) I'll get you another coffee right away on the house.

Woman: And fire this little twerp, would you?

Jess: (to Luke.) Yes, would you, please?

Luke: Get away from me right now. (Jess sees Rory.)

Jess: That shouldn't be a problem. I'm out. (walks over to Rory)

Rory: Not so fast.

Jess: What?

Rory: We have a proposition for you.

Jess: Huh.

Rory: Coffee first.

Lorelai: Hot and strong. Hold the ice water.

(They sit down and Jess returns with the coffee.)

Rory: (sips the coffee.) Very good. 

Lorelai: I don't know what that lady was talking about.

Rory: That lady is still here.

Jess: So what's going on?

Rory: We would like to extend to you a very special invitation to one of our movie nights.

Jess: Huh.

Rory: Today.

Jess: Ah. (to Lorelai.) Lonely, aren't we?

Lorelai: (rolls her eyes) Invitation withdrawn.

Rory: Okay, both of you, stop it.

Jess: I'm going to take another rain check. See you tomorrow.

Rory: Jess, come on.

Lorelai: _Another_ rain check? 

Rory: (ignores Lorelai's comment) You both need to stop acting like children. I'm not asking you to be friends. All I'm asking is for peaceful coexistence.

(Jess and Lorelai both look away. Finally, Jess sighs and turns to Rory.)

Jess: What time?

Rory: (smiles.) Well, we're not done yet. Luke. (Luke walks over.)

Luke: What can I get you?

Lorelai: Ask not what you can get for us. Ask what we can get for you.

Luke: I can use an aspirin. Got any of those?

Lorelai: No. But I'll tell you what we can get you. A life. Look at yourself. You wake up in the morning, wash up, throw on a flannel shirt, hide your messy hair under a backwards baseball cap and then you come down here to work all day. You don't go out. You don't take breaks. And at the end of the day you go upstairs to a tiny bed. And what have you got to show for it? Nothing. We, my friend, can offer you entertainment, a taste of the finer things of life, a walk on the yellow brick road. We, dear Lucas, can offer you a seat on our couch for our movie night.

Jess: (to Rory) She's good.

Rory: She just gave Taylor a run for his money with that one.

Lorelai: So what do you say?

Luke: In a word, no.

Lorelai: Come on, Luke. It's time to cash in those rain checks. This is your chance to see Rory and me at what we do best.

Luke: You seem to have forgotten Kirk's film.

Lorelai: That one doesn't count. We just laugh through that one. We didn't get to show you our cool tricks.

Jess: (to Rory) You do tricks?

Rory: (smiles) Oh, you're not the only one. 

Jess: This I gotta see.

Luke: Well, if Jess is going, I can't go. Someone's gotta look after the diner. 

Lorelai: There's only one person left in here and if you send Jess back to her I'm sure she won't be here long.

Luke: And she won't be here ever again.

Rory: Why don't we just wait for her to go and then you can close up?

Luke: And if someone comes after her?

Lorelai: You send Jess to them.

Rory: You can just put the closed sign up now. That way no one comes in.

Luke: Have you ever met Taylor?

Lorelai: Hello. Does no one else want to use the Jess attack?

Jess: (to Rory) Should I be flattered or offended?

Rory: You couldn't be offended if you wanted to so might as well take it as a compliment.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Luke and Jess sit on either side of the couch. Rory sits on the floor in between Jess's knees and Lorelai sits on the floor next to Rory. They are watching Forest Gump.)

Lorelai and Rory: (synchronized with the movie.) Jenny! (They both take a gulp of coffee. Rory pinches Jess' leg, and he smacks her on the shoulder with his knee.)

Jess: Why do you keep doing that?

Rory: Did you not hear the rules of the game? Whenever he says Jenny you have to drink your soda.

Lorelai: (to Luke) And your glass of water is still full.

Luke: I'm water logged.

Jess: This is a stupid game.

Lorelai and Rory: Jenny! (They take another gulp and Rory pinches Jess again.)

Jess: Hey, if you give me a beer maybe I'd be able to play along.

Rory: Not funny.

Lorelai: (looks warningly at Jess) Seriously not funny.

Luke: (gets up) At the rate you two are going, you're going to need more coffee. Jess, why don't you come help me?

Jess: I don't think it's a two-man job.

Luke: Why don't you just come anyway?

Rory: And get me a Pop-Tart.

(Jess sighs and gets up. Rory leans forward to let him by.)

(In the kitchen)

Luke: (putting coffee in the filter and into the machine) Why?

Jess: The eternal question.

Luke: Why can't you act like a halfway decent human being in front of Lorelai?

Jess: I'm not that good an actor, maybe?

Luke: You think this is funny but think of the situation you're putting Rory in.   
Jess: Look, what do you want me to do?

Luke: If you don't have anything good to say, keep your damn mouth shut. How's that?

Jess: Fine. (He opens up the cupboards one by one.) Where the hell do they keep the Pop-Tarts?

Luke: Most definitely somewhere completely irrational. (Luke leaves as Rory enters.)

Rory: I forgot to tell you where the Pop-Tarts are.

Jess: You did.

Rory: They're on top of this cupboard. (Taps the cupboard.) 

Jess: Interesting place to keep something you eat every twenty minutes.

Rory: We just put it there today. We wanted you to have to use the stepladder.

Jess: Huh. This wouldn't have anything to do with a height comparison with a certain ex-boyfriend, would it?

Rory: No…

Jess: Don't. You're not a very good liar. (He climbs up the stepladder and hands her the Pop-Tarts.) Here you go.

Rory: Hey. You said you would make it.

Jess: You're here. You've got the Pop-Tarts. The toaster's right there. Make it yourself.

Rory: I asked you to get me a Pop-Tart.

Jess: And I got it.

Rory: It's not a Pop-Tart until it pops. Up. From the toaster. Warm.

Jess: Fine. (He takes a packet, unwraps it, puts it in the toaster, and turns back to Rory.) Now what do I get for the service?

Rory: A smile.

Jess: Hey. I had to climb a stepladder. I think it costs a little more than that. (He moves closer to her and puts his hands on her waist.)

Rory: Jess, we can't. Not here.

Jess: Let me think about this. I come here to watch you and your mom, who might I remind you hates me, yap incessantly through a movie and play stupid games with it, and all I get in return is pain in my legs for not filling myself with gaseous fluids and to perform menial tasks for your entertainment. Now remind me again why I'm here.

Rory: You just said it. Very eloquently, I might add.

Jess: Well, just wanted to make sure we were on the same page here.

Rory: You're not having a good time?

Jess: No, your impersonation of Bubba was actually funny.

Rory: (smiles proudly) Pretty good aren't I?

Jess: It was a terrible impersonation, but it was funny.

(Rory pouts and looks away from Jess, pretending hurt feelings. The Pop-tarts pop up. Jess grabs them and offers them to Rory, falsely apologetic.)

Rory: (smiles again.) Forgiven. (She peeks into the living room and returns to Jess, smiling mischievously.) We have about three minutes until the next Jenny. 

Jess: (sarcastically, not getting her intention) Wouldn't want to miss that now, would we? (She shakes her head at him and pulls him out the back door.)

(Later. Luke and Rory are asleep.)

Lorelai: (to Rory.) Our favorite part, kid. Get ready. (She looks over and sees Rory's head collapsed on Jess' knee.) How long has she been asleep?

Jess: Twenty minutes now, I think.

Lorelai: I can't believe she fell asleep on _The Producers_.

Jess: I can't believe she fell asleep after all that coffee.

Lorelai: We've become immune.

Jess: Ah. Makes sense.

Lorelai: (looks at Luke) I guess movie night is officially over.

Jess: Why? The movie's not.

Lorelai: You want to see the rest?

Jess: I've come this far.

Lorelai: Okay. (They remain watching.)

Jess and Lorelai: (synchronized with the video) "Ze Fuhrer has never said "baby."

Lorelai: (turns up to Jess) You've seen this before.

Jess: Many times. 

Lorelai: If I had known that we could have played Zero in on Zero.

Jess: I'm afraid to ask. (Lorelai turns back away from Jess, looks at Rory for a moment, and returns to the movie.)

(Next day. Gilmore Residence.)

Rory: I'm really sorry I fell asleep.

Lorelai: Well you should be.

Rory: Was it really that terrible?

Lorelai: Actually, no. After the movie finished, I got to recite most of it explaining to Jess how to play Zero in on Zero. He's going to have to play the next time.

Rory: The next time? You mean you wouldn't mind having him over again?

Lorelai: Well, not any time soon. I mean, I have to check myself into a sanitarium, burn all my clothes, and hose the house down with Clorox, but once I'm out and the fumes have all cleared out and I've bought myself an entire new wardrobe, yeah, I'm sure we could have him over again.

Rory: (smiles) Good.

Lorelai: Okay, honest moment.

Rory: What is it?

Lorelai: Explain to me the first mysterious rain check.

Rory: Ah. It was nothing, mom. You remember the day we had Sookie and Jackson over for movie night because we wanted a crowd?

Lorelai: Uh huh…

Rory: And I went to see Lane because we saw Dean and Cathy together?

Lorelai: Hmm…

Rory: Well, on my way back, I bumped into Jess and invited him to the movie night since we were looking for a crowd.

Lorelai: Right. So why didn't you tell me you bumped into Jess? I remember you told me about Lane, but you didn't tell me about Jess.

Rory: It wasn't a big deal. He declined the invitation anyway. And that was during the time when Jess' name set off your freak out alarm. And it was movie night and Sookie and Jackson were over. I wanted to preserve the jovial atmosphere.

Lorelai: Jovial. Right. Okay.

Rory: You don't believe me?

Lorelai: No, I do.

Rory: Good. So can honest moment continue?

Lorelai: You've got about another six seconds.

Rory: Okay. Bill. You like him, don't you?

Lorelai: Well, he's no Harley Mann, but he's pretty great.

Rory: She admits it!

Lorelai: What do you think of him?

Rory: I think he's very great. You have such a good time with him. You have so much in common, and his capacity for ice cream is starting to rival yours.

Lorelai: Hey, not so quick with that one.

Rory: I think you've found a keeper.

Lorelai: Are we still in honest moment?

Rory: Two seconds.

Lorelai: I think so too, and it worries me.

Rory: It shouldn't. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow. You have plenty of time. The relationship's still new.

Lorelai: I know. And that's why it worries me. I shouldn't be thinking these things already, and what if Bill isn't thinking these things. I mean, he wouldn't be thinking these things. We've only been going out for a month.

Rory: Or maybe he is thinking them. I mean, he stood on that long line at The Soup Kitchen in New York just to get you soup from the Soup Nazi, and then went on the line again without deciding his order beforehand just to hear the "No soup for you!" and be able to tell you about it. That's gotta mean something.

Lorelai: You're right. He's not all there, but I still like him.

Rory: You're impossible.

(Later. Luke's. Lorelai walks in.)

Lorelai: Hey Sleepy.

Luke: What are you having?

Lorelai: Two burger platters.

Luke: Where's Rory?

Lorelai: She went out with Lane.

Luke: So who's the other one for?

Lorelai: They're both for me.

Luke: I should have figured. 

Lorelai: Where's Jess?

Luke: In the storeroom. I have him taking inventory.

Lorelai: So you've moved him up to middle management. Send him my sympathies.

Luke: If you were a normal person I would assume that after last night you wouldn't want any coffee, but then again, if you were a normal person, last night wouldn't have happened so I'm assuming you want coffee.

Lorelai: In this case, your assumption would be correct.

(Luke fills her a cup of coffee.) 

Lorelai: (lifting the cup) To abnormal people.

Luke: Cheers

(Taylor walks into the diner and over to Luke.)

Taylor: Luke, you are well aware that part of Stars Hollow's annual Fall Festival is the pie-eating contest. Now Fran usually hosted it for us, but as you know she is no longer with us. (He looks upward angelically, then returns to look at Luke) We're going to need a new place and yours was on top of our list.

Luke: I don't think so.

Taylor: Oh come on, Luke. Might I remind you that last night's unannounced early closing did not escape my notice.

Luke: What's your point, Taylor?

Taylor: My point is that it clearly states in the SHBC manual that all early operation shut downs must be announced up to two hours before said shut down. Your closing was never announced.

Luke: So sue me.

Taylor: I have a better idea. Host the pie-eating contest and I won't bring last night up at the town meeting.

Luke: Never.

Taylor: Oh, come now. Never say never.

Luke: And that's another thing. What's with that saying? You lose all credibility with that. I for one am a man of my word. I refuse to close my diner to paying customers for some stupid, free grubbing, town obesity contest, and I'm sticking to that.

Taylor: What did this town ever do to you? (leaves)

Lorelai: I'm in the mood for some pie now.

(Rory and Lane walking through Stars Hollow, eating pizzas.)

Lane: So I've reached my goal, made it to the top. I'm thinking of turning in my pompoms and calling it quits. I was thinking of joining the band instead. I'm getting so much better at the drums.

Rory: Sounds good, but why? I thought you liked being a cheerleader.

Lane: I did, but I'm ready to move on.

Rory: So can we go back to mocking them?

Lane: I don't know. It was still a significant part of my teenage years.

Rory: I don't think you're fully over them. The grieving process is going to take a while.

Lane: Guess so. 

Rory: Or you don't have to leave them at all. Why can't you do both?

Lane: Because…well, because…

Rory: I get a feeling there's more to this story than you're telling me.

Lane: It's just the whole friend in the middle deal. Cathy and Dean are…you know, and Cathy is on the squad and it's only fair if I'm not speaking to Jess not to speak to Cathy.

Rory: But Cathy was your friend before all of this.

Lane: She wasn't that close a friend…

Rory: Lane, you don't have to do this. Stay on the squad, talk to Cathy, don't worry about it.

Lane: Are you sure?

Rory: Completely.

Lane: Good because I didn't want to quit.

Rory: No. You're not a quitter. 

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai dials on the phone.)

Sookie: (lacking the usual pep.) Hello.

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie. It's me. 

Sookie: Oh, hi. How are you?

Lorelai: I'm in a bit of a predicament.

Sookie: What is it?

Lorelai: See, I'm seeing Bill tonight, but he's been acting very weird since he came back from New York and he calls me today and he says he has something important to tell me and he's taking me to some restaurant in Hartford. Now you know what I always say about when you're about to hear important and possibly bad news.

Sookie: Wear great shoes.

Lorelai: Right. And I'm looking at my shoes and I don't know whether to pick the leather strappy ones with the funky heel or the satin ones with the cool design.

Sookie: The one with the funky heel. That way, if you need to hurt him, you can do that, too.

Lorelai: Whoa. That wasn't very Sookie of you.

Sookie: Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know. I guess I'm just a little down right now.

Lorelai: What happened?

Sookie: Nothing.

Lorelai: Are you bipolar?

Sookie: No. But that's just it. Nothing has happened. I've been trying to get pregnant for a while now and still nothing. The doctor thinks Jackson should get checked but he doesn't want to go, and now I'm never going to get pregnant and there's never going to be a little Jackson running around the house.

Lorelai: Are you sure you need another one?

Sookie: I want one.

Lorelai: Sookie, just take it easy. You know, these things take time…sometimes. 

Sookie: That's what Jackson said because he doesn't want to get checked, and we got into an argument and now we're not speaking to each other.

Lorelai: So if you're not speaking to each other, I take it you're not…

Sookie: No.

Lorelai: See, that's going to make it a little harder to get pregnant. Talk to Jackson. Give him more time. Keep trying. If you've tried a while longer and still nothing happens, then he should agree to get checked.

Sookie: You give such good advice.

Lorelai: The normal Sookie does, too. Has she returned?

Sookie: (peppy again) I'm back.

Lorelai: Good. So now, funky heel or funky design.

Sookie: I still have to go with the funky heel.

Lorelai: Not for armed purposes, now?

Sookie: No. I really like those shoes.

Lorelai: Okay. Thanks.

(Kim's Antiques. Lane's room.)

Lane: So I was thinking in terms of Northwestern, Dartmouth, NYU.

Rory: Oh, cool.

Lane: But my mom doesn't want me to go away. She's thinking more like U-Conn, University of Hartford, Wesleyan, Fairfield, and she actually thinks I can get into Yale.

Rory: You can get into Yale.

Lane: Did you drink any of her tea?

Rory: Seriously. I can get my grandfather to write you a letter of recommendation.

Lane: I still won't get in, but thanks.

Rory: You will get in, and no problem. 

Lane: But I really wanted to go away.

Rory: Staying close can be nice, though.

Lane: How is it going to be nice? You're going to be away, as will probably most of my other friends. Stars Hollow is going to be so boring.

Rory: But think of all the great things that will still be here. Luke's coffee, town meetings, Taylor always ranting about something, Kirk's antics, town festivals, my mom's quips…ugh, I'm going to miss this place if I go.

Lane: What do you mean _if_?

Rory: There's no guarantee I'm getting into Harvard.

Lane: You're getting into Harvard.

Rory: I'm just saying there's a lot to miss. I know there's a bigger world out there than Stars Hollow, but I don't think there's a better one.

Lane: We're going to miss you, too.

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory walks in.)

Lorelai: (putting on earrings.) Hey, babe. How was your day?

Rory: Good, good. You look great. Great shoes.

Lorelai: So these were the ones.

Rory: Oh, wait. You're wearing the great shoes. What's wrong?

Lorelai: I don't know, but Bill said he had something important to tell me and he's taking me out to a fancy restaurant which he hasn't done since our first date, and since he's been acting so weird, I think this is going to be big.

Rory: You think it's bad, do you?

Lorelai: I don't know. But no matter what it is…

Rory: You have great shoes.

Lorelai: Thank you. So what are you having for dinner?

Rory: I'll probably stop by Luke's.

Lorelai: Pick me up some brownies while you're there. In case the shoes don't work.

Rory: You don't know that it's going to be bad important news. It could be good important news.

Lorelai: You're right. Power of positive thinking.

Rory: That's right. (The doorbell rings.) I'll get that. (She opens.)

Bill: Hey, Rory. How are you?

Rory: Pretty good. How are you?

Bill: Okay. 

Rory: Come on in. My mom will be ready in just a second.

Bill: Thanks. So, uh, I got a copy of my first published work, the essay. I thought you might want one. I signed it. That way if I ever become famous you might become rich.

Rory: Thanks. I could pay off my college loans.

Bill: That's right. Maybe even buy a house, a condo, a time-share.

Rory: A country.

Bill: I doubt I'll ever be that famous.

Rory: Don't underestimate the power of positive thinking.

(Lorelai comes over.)

Lorelai: Hey there.

Bill: All ready?

Lorelai: Yep.

Bill: Great. We've got under a half-hour to make our reservations.

Lorelai: So there's no hurry.

Bill: Nope. See you later, Rory.

Rory: Okay. Have fun.

Lorelai: Bye, hun.

(Rory is walking to Luke's. Dean approaches her.)

Dean: Rory.

Rory: Uh, Dean. Hi.

Dean: Hi. Could I talk to you for a second?

Rory: Um, sure.

Dean: I saw you at the Homecoming game.

Rory: Yeah. I saw you, too.

Dean: I mean, I knew before. I had heard. But I didn't see exactly until then.

Rory: Ah. Look…

Dean: Rory, I just need to know one thing.

Rory: What?

Dean: Did you break up with me for him? Was it really a growing apart thing or were you just trying to get me out of the picture so you could be with Jess?

Rory: No. It wasn't about Jess. I meant what I said that day, Dean. I meant everything. I didn't want to have feelings for Jess. I really didn't. And I had no intention of seeing him or anyone after I broke up with you. I just needed to be by myself and figure things out. The whole thing with Jess just happened. I didn't want it to happen and I really tried to fight it but then I just couldn't and it did.

Dean: You said that night that time apart would bring us back together. Did you mean that?

Rory: I meant it then.

Dean: And now?

(Rory looks into the diner and sees Jess at the counter reading while Luke talks to him energetically about something.)

Rory: I don't think so. (Dean looks down, hurt.) But you and Cathy are doing well, right?

Dean: Yeah. Cathy's great. That's why I needed to talk to you. We haven't really been serious, just passing the time. But now…well I just had to settle how things with us stood, or don't stand.

Rory: I see.

Dean: I still love you, Rory.

Rory: I'll always love you, but I guess always isn't always forever.

(Dean nods and walks away. Rory watches him go and stares out pensively. With a sigh, she turns around and goes into the diner. Jess has not looked up from his book. Luke is still talking.)

Luke: (to Jess) So then he goes and pulls out some other clause from this stupid SHBC manual, which I am so damn sure he wrote, that stipulates that all business owners have to make at least three contributions to the town in the year. I guess it's not enough of a contribution that I feed these people, that I haven't killed Taylor yet, or maybe that would be a good contribution. But anyway, to make a long story short (Jess raises his eyebrows at this), I'm now stuck with hosting this stupid pie-eating contest. (Looks at Jess who is still reading) And you don't care.

Jess: (finally looks at Luke) That depends. Do I have to do anything for this thing?

Luke: You have to either be a counter or the timer.

Jess: This town is cracked.

Luke: My sentiments exactly.

Rory: What are you two talking about? This is great. Luke's pies for the pie-eating contest. Maybe now either my mom or I can win.

Jess: You mean to tell me _you_ two haven't won before?

Luke: Unbelievable, isn't it?

Rory: You'd be surprised at Morey's capacity for pie. My mom always rings in the silver medal, though. 

Jess: So are you a bronze medalist?

Rory: There is no bronze medal because the gold medal is actually bronze. Taylor says it's how you keep winners humble.

Jess: Ah.

Luke: And runner-ups forever gloating.

Rory: It's true. My mom always makes fun of the winner. Sometimes I think she purposely comes in second so she can say she has the better medal.

Luke: I wouldn't put it past her. So what are you having?

Rory: I'll have the steak platter.

Luke: Coming right up. (leaves.)

Rory: So what are you reading?

Jess: The dictionary.

Rory: Really? 

Jess: Well I need more words over three syllables for my college essay.

Rory: Huh. Good.

Jess: (smirks.) It's Bierce's _Devil's Dictionary._

Rory: Ah. I knew it was too good to be true. That would be your kind of dictionary.

Jess: Indeed it is. There's a lot of truth in this book. 

Rory: Where are you up to?

Jess: L. 

Rory: Let me see. (reading) Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. (She looks up at Jess who smirks at her. She skims down.) Lighthouse. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician. Limb. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman. (She skims down.) Loss. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election"; and of that eminent man, the poet Gilder, that he has "lost his mind." (Rory and Jess laugh and continue to peruse the witty definitions together.) 

(Restaurant. Lorelai and Bill are seated, both nervous.)

Lorelai: The food is great.

Bill: Oh yeah. It is. 

Lorelai: It's been a while since we've been to one of these.

Bill: Yeah. This one has a great dessert menu, though.

Lorelai: Oh, great. So, uh, you said you had something important to tell me.

Bill: Uh, yeah. Wow. This is hard.

Lorelai: Oh boy.

Bill: See, Lorelai, the thing is…

Lorelai: Mm hm…

Bill: I really like you.

Lorelai: Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.

Bill: Well, let me finish. See, I know we've only been going out for a month, but I really like you. I mean, when I picture the future, I see you in it.

Lorelai: Are we talking like a half hour in the future or…

Bill: I'm talking some years into the future.

Lorelai: Ah.

Bill: Yeah. Have I scared you yet?

Lorelai: Well, you're like Twilight Zone scary, which isn't really scary, just sort of spooky. Now if you get to Exorcist scary I'm running out.

Bill: Okay. I'll try to keep it at Halloween scary, how's that?

Lorelai: That depends. Which one?

Bill: The third one.

Lorelai: Oh okay. That wasn't so scary.

Bill: Okay. So I'm seeing you in my future, but recently other things have come up in my future.

Lorelai: I see.

Bill: Yeah. I got an offer to write for the _New Yorker_. It would mean I'd have to relocate.

Lorelai: Wow. Congratulations. Writing's your dream.

Bill: It is. But I have other dreams, you know. Now this one's very real. I need to know how realistic my other dreams are.

Lorelai: What are you talking about, Bill?

Bill: Lorelai, if you can tell me that you also see me in your future and that this dream of mine is very probable, then I won't take the job. I know it's a lot to put on you because we've only been going out for a month, but I already know what I want more, and if you want it to then I don't have to go to New York. But if you don't feel the same way and there's no chance that that dream is ever going to happen, then I _will_ go to New York.

Lorelai: That _is_ a lot to put on me. Let me just think here for a moment.

Bill: I understand. (She finishes her glass of wine and motions for Bill to pour more. He does and she downs it as well. A moment's silence, and then she clears her throat.)

Lorelai: Okay. Bill, I like you a lot, and this month has been a lot of fun. But…and please don't feel offended…

Bill: I won't.

Lorelai: I really don't see that future. You've got a dream happening that you already know is real, and I want you to be happy, so I think you should go to New York.

(Another moment of silence.)

Bill: Well then, there it is…(awkwardly) How about we look at those desserts?

Lorelai: Yeah.

(Gilmore Residence. Lorelai is sitting on the front steps. She has been crying. She hears Rory and Jess' voices.)

Jess: So that's why I think that had they been contemporaries, Austen and Bukowski would have really gotten along.

Rory: That's a good argument. I'll have to share that one with Paris.

Jess: Don't waste your breath with her.

Rory: Mom!

Lorelai: (smiles) You're late.

Rory: (looks at her watch.) No. You're early. Jess was just walking me home. (Lorelai nods.) (to Jess) I'll see you tomorrow.

Jess: Yup. (nods to Lorelai) Miss Gilmore.

Lorelai: Good night, Jess.

(Jess leaves and Rory sits next to Lorelai.)

Rory: What happened?

Lorelai: (sighs) Nothing really. Bill's going to New York.

Rory: Again?

Lorelai: For good. He got a job there. 

Rory: Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

Lorelai: It's okay.

Rory: No, really. I'm sorry. Just today I kept prodding you to say that you liked him, and now this.

Lorelai: Rory, it's okay. It's not your fault. I'm okay. Really. If I wanted him to stay, he would have. 

Rory: But you wouldn't have let him stay even if you wanted him to.

(Lorelai smiles faintly)

Rory: Maybe he'll come back.

Lorelai: Just because your guy did doesn't mean they all do. No, mine pretty much always go.

Rory: Hey, don't say th…I brought the brownies.

Lorelai: Oh, good. Thanks.

(They open up the brownies and eat, looking up at the sky.)

(Later. Lorelai walks to Luke's. He's closing up, putting up the chairs. She knocks on the door. He goes over to open.)

Luke: I've already dumped the coffee and cleaned the machine. I'm not making more.

Lorelai: How could you dump the coffee? That's a high crime in my book.

Luke: Please no more rule books.

Lorelai: Ah. Yeah. Rory told me.

Luke: I figured she did. 

Lorelai: So where's my coffee?

Luke: I already told you, I'm not making more.

Lorelai: You also told Taylor you weren't going to host the pie-eating contest. You said you were a man of your word. And yet, here you are, the host of this year's Fall Festival stupid, free grubbing, town obesity contest. I want coffee.

Luke: I should have seen that one coming. Fine. I'll make more coffee.

Lorelai: Thank you, Lukey. Now about this pie-eating contest, what flavors are you making?

Luke: I'm trying not to think about it.

Lorelai: Cherry?

Luke: I don't know.

Lorelai: Boston Crème?

Luke: I don't know.

Lorelai: Apple?

Luke: For the last time, I don't know.

Lorelai: Pumpkin pie goes with the whole Fall Festival theme, but I don't know if you're moving too much into Thanksgiving territory with that one.

Luke: Did you not hear me say I don't want to talk about this?

Lorelai: How about a Boston Crème, cherry, pumpkin, apple pie?

Luke: You know what, that sounds great. I think I'll do that.

Lorelai: Great. Glad I could help.

(Luke and Lorelai remain talking and laughing in the diner.)

The End

A/N: Next chapter… SEASON FINALE!!


	15. Season Finale--For the Longest Time

By Stew Pid

Rating: Should be okay.

Disclaimer: I only own the Stew Pid stuff.

A/N: The Season Finale is here!! I'm writing this before I've written the story so I can't warn you if it's absolutely horrible. There's going to be another A/N at the end of this to explain why chapter 15 was the season finale (there's a method to my madness) since some of you have asked, and to extend my apologies if this was the worst chapter ever (it might be. Endings are always hard.) But as always **_!!THANKS A GAZILLION!! _**to my readers and reviewers. It's been a blast.

(Chilton. Rory and Paris are walking down the halls. Paris is carrying a notepad and pen.)

Paris: Go in.

Rory: What?

Paris: Go in.

Rory: That's the boy's bathroom.

Paris: We have to respond to the environmental needs of the opposite sex as well. Just go in, check if there's soap in the soap dispenser, see that everything is clean, that there's enough TP and run out.

Rory: Paris, I cannot and will not go into the boy's bathroom.

Paris: You're a useless vice president. (She grabs a small, puny young man walking down the hall.) You, go in there and tell me if there's enough soap and toilet paper and if everything is clean.

(The young man, once released, runs into the bathroom and quickly runs out.)

Young Man: Everything is good.

Paris: Did you check the soap?

(He shows her the glob of soap on his hand.)

Paris: Very good. Now get to class.

Young Man: Um, classes are over now, but can I go back in and rinse my hand?

Paris: You may, but be quick.

(The young man runs in, runs out, bows to Paris, and runs down the hall.)

Rory: I think they're more afraid of you than Headmaster Charleston.

Paris: It is better to be feared than revered.

Rory: I think all the famous dictators at one point quoted that.

(Luke's. Rory drags herself in and collapses on a chair at a table. Luke immediately brings her coffee.)

Luke: Rough day?

Rory: Has it only been a day? It felt more like a rough week. Please tell me it's Friday.

Luke: Only four more days to go.

Rory: Ack. Has my mom come in yet?

Luke: Not yet.

Rory: And Jess?

Luke: He's upstairs. He's got those headphones on, so could you go up and tell him to get down here.

Rory: (hesitantly.) Uh, sure.

(Upstairs. Rory walks carefully. Jess' room door is open slightly. She knocks, uselessly, before she opens the door. Jess sees her and immediately pulls off his headphones.)

Jess: What are _you_ doing up here?

Rory: Luke asked me to come up here and tell you to get downstairs.

Jess: Okay. You can come in, you know.

Rory: You're supposed to be downstairs.

Jess: I'll be down in a minute. (Rory walks in. Jess sits up on his bed and swings his feet over the side. Rory hesitantly sits down next to him.)

Jess: How was your day?

Rory: Good.

Jess: Really?

Rory: (she remembers) Actually, no. It was very bad. Paris made me walk all around the school noting improvements to be made. She even wanted me to go into the boy's bathroom.

Jess: Whoa.

Rory: I didn't do it, and then she called me "useless."

Jess: Those Chilton people aren't a good influence. 

Rory: No they aren't, but then again, I'm not easily influenced.

Jess: You know, that's true. 

Rory: So what were you doing besides killing your eardrums?

Jess: Filling out college applications.

Rory: So you've picked the ones you're applying to?

Jess: State schools. 

Rory: You're really pushing yourself as little as possible, aren't you?

Jess: Hey, you can't undo three years in one. So I guess you've filled out your Harvard application already.

Rory: Yep.

Jess: You'll come back here with one of those Boston accents. You'll ask for caffee instead of coffee.

Rory: (angrily) Stop that.

Jess: Geez, sorry. What's wrong with you?

Rory: Nothing. I shouldn't be here. I have to go.

Jess: Hold up. I'm coming down too. (He grabs his sneakers and puts them on slowly.)

Rory: Hurry up. I'm not supposed to be here.

Jess: Luke sent you.

Rory: I know. But I shouldn't have come in.

Jess: Then why did you?

Rory: You asked me to. 

Jess: Paris asked you to go into the boy's bathroom. You didn't go.

Rory: Are you done, already?

Jess: Yeah.

Rory: Good. (She rushes downstairs. Jess follows slowly.)

(Downstairs. Lorelai walks in just as Rory gets downstairs.)

Rory: (to Luke) He's coming. (Luke nods. Rory walks over and sits at the table with Lorelai.) So how was your day?

Lorelai: Bluh. Yours?

Rory: Same.

Lorelai: Was it Paris again?

Rory: It's always Paris.

Lorelai: Just keep thinking, it's just one more year.

Rory: (voice deflated.) Yeah.

(Jess finally makes it downstairs. He walks over and brings Lorelai coffee.)

Lorelai: Ugh. The ultimate panacea.

Rory: You've been reading the dictionary, have you?

Lorelai: Hey, I strongly encourage reading the dictionary. (Jess smirks at Rory, and she is forced to smile. He leaves their table) Me, however, I haven't read it. I read Bill's essay. He used that word three times.

(Rory gives a commiserating smile. Her pager goes off.)

Rory: Arrgh. 

Lorelai: Paris?

Rory: Yeah.

Lorelai: Ignore it.

Rory: I can't. Can I borrow your cell phone?

Lorelai: Only if you disinfect it after. I don't want any flesh-eating Paris bacteria on that.

Rory: Will do.

(Lorelai gives her the phone and Rory leaves the diner. Lorelai walks to the counter.)

Lorelai: (to Luke) Hey.

Luke: Hey.

(Lorelai stays waiting, whistling.)

Luke: Do you want something?

Lorelai: A fudge brownie sundae would be nice.

Luke: Don't you have enough of that stuff with the ice cream man?

Lorelai: Actually, we broke up. He got a job offer in New York.

Luke: Oh…Well at least you two weren't serious.

Lorelai: Well, I don't know about that.

Luke: What?

Lorelai: I was having thoughts.

Luke: What kind of thoughts?

Lorelai: Future thoughts.

Luke: You only knew him for a month.

Lorelai: Hence, _future_ thoughts.

Luke: How could you have future thoughts about a man you only knew for a month?

Lorelai: Uh, gee, I don't know. Maybe because I'm not like you. I didn't live alone most of my life in a one-man apartment and I actually like other people. I mean, I can talk to myself for about twenty minutes but after that it's just not as much fun anymore. I like talking to some other life form, preferably a human being who speaks the same language I do. My best friend in the world is going to be leaving pretty soon, and I don't intend to live the rest of my life alone. I'm a grown woman and last time I checked, I wasn't getting any younger, so when I enter a relationship, yes I am considering the future. I think I have the right to. 

Luke: Were you considering the future when you went out with Kirk? Because at least you know him better than the ice cream man. 

Lorelai: First of all, I did not _go_ _out _with Kirk. And secondly, his name is Bill.

Luke: And if you want to consider the future, you should consider it more carefully. 

Lorelai: What are you talking about?

Luke: I mean, you knew he was a writer. Writers, journalists, all of them, they're notoriously flaky. 

Lorelai: And you would know.

Luke: Yes, as a matter of fact, I would know.

Lorelai: Oh, that's right. I get it. It doesn't work out for you with Rachel so now you're the Grim Reaper of relationships. What is it? Every time you hear two people hooked up you run and put pins in little dolls and cut off Cupid's wings on Valentine's Day cards. 

Luke: I couldn't care less about your relationships.

Lorelai: Well for someone who couldn't care less you sure have a lot to say about it.

Luke: I'm not saying anything. Just don't come to me with your sob stories because in case you haven't noticed, my sole purpose on this earth isn't to cheer you up.

Lorelai: Ugh. I want Jess to get my sundae. Right now even he's looking better than you.

(Jess comes over.)

Jess: What are you two bickering about?

Luke: Get her a fudge brownie sundae. To go. (leaves)

(Rory comes in and walks up to where Lorelai is. She hands her back the phone.)

Rory: Lesson to be learned. Choose your friends wisely.

Lorelai: What? Oh, you mean Paris?

Rory: Yeah. Who did you think I meant?

Lorelai: No one. Let's go. 

(Rory looks quizzically at Jess. He just shrugs, and Lorelai and Rory leave.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory is in her room, looking at her Harvard application. The application itself is all filled out. Lorelai walks into her room.)

Lorelai: Hey, what do you want to eat tonight? I was thinking Moo Goo Gai Pan from Al's.

Rory: Sounds good. 

Lorelai: Great.

Rory: Wait. Isn't this Buffalo Wings night at Luke's?

Lorelai: Uh, no. That's next Monday.

Rory: No, it's today. 

Lorelai: But I don't feel like going out. I'd like the food to come to me.

Rory: Did something happen today at Luke's?

Lorelai: No. I just had a tiring day. My feet hurt.

Rory: Hmm.

Lorelai: And I have a headache.

Rory: Uh huh.

Lorelai: A migraine.

Rory: Right.

Lorelai: And an ear ache.

Rory: Those suck.

Lorelai: Yeah. And my back hurts. 

Rory: A pity.

Lorelai: And I think I have a tumor.

Rory: Wow.

Lorelai: Malignant.

Rory: Hmm.

Lorelai: And if I leave this house, I'm pretty sure I'll die.

Rory: And we wouldn't want that happening.

Lorelai: I should hope not.

Rory: So I guess it's Al's.

Lorelai: Great.

Rory: Tonight. But tomorrow, I'm not missing Danish Day.

Lorelai: Right. (leaves.)

(Next day. Lorelai and Rory are walking to Luke's.)

Lorelai: You know what, I have to make a phone call and then I have to go straight to the Inn. Michel's coming in late today. So while I'm on the phone, why don't you get me my coffee and Danish?

Rory: (smirks) Who do you have to call?

Lorelai: Uh…uh…the contractors for the new inn. That's right. I need the estimate before I go to the old Inn so I can tell Sookie.

Rory: I'm so not buying that. Why don't you tell me what's wrong?

Lorelai: Nothing's wrong. I just need to make this phone call. Please.

Rory: All right.

(She goes inside. Lorelai paces in front of the window pretending to talk on the phone. She shakes her hands dramatically as though raving in disbelief at the fake estimate.)

Jess: What's wrong with her?

Rory: She's having an argument with the imaginary contractors.

Jess: Ah. 

Rory: So I need two coffees and two Danishes to go.

Jess: As you wish, madam. (Rory looks back at her mom, smiling, and Jess returns with her order.)

Rory: Can I use your phone?

Jess: (smirks, knowing her intention) Of course.

(Rory dials. Lorelai, outside, is startled by the ringing phone. She picks up.)

Lorelai: Hello.

Rory: Hey, mom. How's that estimate?

Lorelai: Ugh. You wouldn't believe these cheats.

Rory: I didn't believe them in the first place. Good bye. (She hangs up, gives Jess a peck on the lips, and goes outside, handing her mother her coffee and Danish.)

Lorelai: Thank you.

Rory: Uh huh. But when I get home you are going to have to tell me what happened. Bye.

Lorelai: Yeah. Bye.

(Independence Inn. Lorelai goes into the kitchen. Sookie is fussing, looking frustrating.)

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, a lot of people have been asking about those ginger rolls. You think you can make them again today.

Sookie: (curtly) No. I can't make ginger rolls.

Lorelai: Okay. Is this about the ginger rolls or about the babies again, because you really have to get that straightened out? Still no luck?

Sookie: Nothing.

Lorelai: Did you and Jackson get into another argument?

Sookie: No, no. We settled everything and I want to give him time.

Lorelai: Good.

Sookie: But I thought I was a patient person, and really, I'm not. I want a baby already. It's bad enough I have to wait nine months once I'm pregnant but I can't even get pregnant.

Lorelai: Sookie, sweetie, don't rush it. Trust me, once you're pregnant and you have that kid, time flies, and you'll wish for the days when nothing seemed to come soon enough.

Sookie: Yeah, I guess so. Oh, how did it go with Bill?

Lorelai: Oh, he wanted to tell me he got a job offer, writing.

Sookie: Oh, that's great.

Lorelai: Yeah. So he's moving to New York.

Sookie: Oh, that's not so great.

Lorelai: No, it's still great. I'm happy for him.

Sookie: But what about you?

Lorelai: I'm sure I can find another guy to pity.

Sookie: Oh. I'm so sorry.

Lorelai: I'm okay. Really.

Sookie: You don't look okay.

Lorelai: Oh, it's something else.

Sookie: What happened?

Lorelai: It's just these contractors. I can't seem to get a decent estimate out of them.

Sookie: What are they saying?

Lorelai: That's the problem. They're not saying anything. I'll give them a call again.

Sookie: Don't worry. It's going to turn out okay.

Lorelai: Yeah. I know it will.

(Chilton cafeteria. Paris, Madeline, Louise, and Rory are sitting at a table. Paris and Rory are pouring over papers. Madeline and Louise flip carelessly through them.)

Paris: Okay. Here's what I think should be our first course of action. The lockers. In one day I counted twenty three incidents of a locker jam. That means twenty three times loud banging was heard in our halls. That's unprofessional. We need to ask for new doors to be installed. (looks at Madeline and Louise who are nodding their heads but obviously not listening.) And I think we need to change the uniforms to plaid miniskirts and halter tops with collars. (Madeline and Louise nod.)

Rory: What?

Paris: Dumb and Dumber here aren't listening.

Madeline: What happened?

Louise: Look, Paris, you've taken our lunch hours and kept us back here every day since school has started either to talk about the college fair, to go over the suggestions boxes, to prepare the next Franklin, or to compare notes on the bathrooms. We're tired. We have lives, friends, homes.

Paris: Lives. Friends. Homes. What about college? Once you go to college you're leaving all of that behind. So I suggest you worry more about the future that is quickly becoming the present than a present that is quickly becoming the past. (Rory purses her lips and thinks about Paris' words.)

(Luke's. Kirk goes over to Jess who is at the register, with a ham and cheese sandwich.)

Kirk: (to Jess) I need to know what kind of ham this is.

Jess: What?

Kirk: Is it real ham?

Jess: What is real?

Kirk: I mean, natural.

Jess: What is natural?

Kirk: Do you know what ham is?

Jess: Not that ham.

Kirk: I think I'll have eggs instead.

Jess: With sausage?

Kirk: Sure, why not?

(Jess smirks and walks away. A woman walks up to the counter.)

Kirk: (to the woman) Whatever you do, don't get the ham.

(Rory walks in and goes to the counter.)

Kirk: Stay away from the ham.

Rory: I can't. He's my boyfriend.

Jess: (comes over with a platter of egg and sausage.) I heard that. (Rory lifts her head defiantly, smiling. Kirk takes his plate and walks away.)

Rory: So how was your day?

Jess: Won't complain. Not that I can't. I just won't.

Rory: Got it.

Jess: So how 'bout we make this coffee to go and I take my break now?

Rory: I haven't even asked for coffee.

Jess: Like you weren't going to.

Rory: I wasn't.

Jess: So what do you want?

Rory: (smiles) Ham.

(Later. Jess and Rory are walking through the town, watching the preparations being made for the Fall Festival.)

Jess: I have a feeling this is going to be the stupidest event this town has pulled yet.

Rory: No. Fall Festival is a whole lot of fun. There're rides and games. Taylor's market has the biggest sale ever. You'll get to see the pie-eating contest up close…

Jess: Unfortunately.

Rory: There's basket weaving. 

Jess: (sarcastically) Now, that sounds like fun.

Rory: It really is. My mom and I don't actually make baskets. Last year I made a wicker William Burroughs and my mom did Howard Cosell.

Jess: Wicker sculptures, a lost art form.

Rory: Indeed. I promise you, if you don't love your first Fall Festival, I won't drag you to the turkey-calling contest next month.

Jess: Okay.

Rory: Wow. I just thought of something. This might be my last Fall Festival until another four years.

Jess: Yeah. (They fall into silence and continue walking)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Rory walks in.)

Lorelai: Hey, what took you so long?

Rory: Why didn't you go to the diner?

Lorelai: Uh…uh…the house was on fire. I had to run straight here so I could put out the fire and repaint the walls before you got home.

Rory: (looks around.) You did a good job. Looks exactly how it did before the fire.

Lorelai: I try.

Rory: Okay, spit it.

Lorelai: (faking Southern belle voice) Why, what ever do you mean? A lady doesn't spit.

Rory: You and Luke are in a fight.

Lorelai: Really? My manager never told me about that. Get me Mr. King on the phone. (pretends to be holding a phone.) Hello, Don… 

Rory: What happened?

Lorelai: Nothing. Luke is just a bitter old man and I'm afraid if I'm around him any longer I'm going to grow wrinkles and curse out loud children.

Rory: What?

Lorelai: It was nothing. Luke was just being Luke and I wasn't in the mood for his "I'm so wise, I have life all figured out and that's why I'm alone and grumpy" attitude. 

Rory: You call that an explanation?

Lorelai: It was really nothing. I just think we needed some space.

Rory: Okay. Fine. But I don't want Al's tonight.

Lorelai: Pizza?

Rory: With pepperoni.

Lorelai: Got it.

(Days later. Lorelai and Rory are at the mailbox. Rory is holding an envelope over it, but she hasn't dropped it in yet.)

Lorelai: Oh. This is so exciting.

Rory: More like nerve wracking.

Lorelai: Come on, sweetie. Just drop it in.

Rory: What if my essay isn't good enough?

Lorelai: Your essay is great.

Rory: Do you know how many essays they must read? And how many people wrote really incredible essays?

Lorelai: Your essay is really incredible. Now let it go.

Rory: Maybe I should hold onto it one more night and go over it. Edit it once more. I might have to write the whole thing over again.

Lorelai: Rory, stop and breathe. (She stops and breathes.) Now, do you think you can write a better essay?

Rory: No.

Lorelai: Good. Now let it go.

Rory: But what if that's the thing. If this essay is my best and still it's not good enough, maybe I'm not cut out for Harvard. 

Lorelai: You know that's not true. Remember when we went to Harvard?

Rory: Of course I remember when we went to Harvard. I don't have amnesia or Alzheimer's or anything.

Lorelai: Okay. Now, think about when you were sitting in that class. You fit right in.

Rory: So you're saying I should let this go.

Lorelai: I've been saying that for a half hour already.

Rory: Okay. I'm going to do it. One…Two…Three. (She quickly drops it in.)

Lorelai: Congratulations! Next stop, letter in the mail. "Dear Rory, Congratulations!"

Rory: Let's not get ahead of ourselves now.

Lorelai: And after that, Rory in Cambridge.

Rory: Okay, that's enough. (She drops another envelope in the mailbox.)

Lorelai: What was that?

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Are you applying to Harvard twice?

Rory: I figured it increase my chances of getting in. No, that was my Yale application.

Lorelai: How could you sully this mailbox that has just received the beloved Harvard application with the dreadful Yale application.

Rory: Yale is far from dreadful.

Lorelai: But it has some dreadful affiliations.

Rory: You really don't give Grandpa enough credit.

Lorelai: It's a mutual thing between us.

(Later. Outside Luke's.)

Rory: So I guess I'm going to have to get coffee for you again.

Lorelai: Yes, and a donut. Sprinkles.

Rory: Okay. (She goes in. Jess is at the counter.)

Rory: Hey.

Jess: (coldly) Hey.

Rory: How ya doing? I haven't seen you much all week.

Jess: I've been busy.

Rory: Yeah. Me too.

Jess: Okay. Two coffees?

Rory: Uh, yeah. And one sprinkled donut.

Jess: Okay. (he pours two cups of coffee and brings the donut.)

Rory: Looking forward to the Fall Festival tomorrow?

Jess: Nope. 

Rory: Huh…So I mailed my Harvard application today.

Jess: (voice deflated) Whoopee.

Rory: Hey, what's the matter with you?

Jess: I'm fine. I have to get to school.

Rory: But it's still early for you.

Jess: Yeah well, I'm trying to see if I can get the perfect punctuality award this year.

Rory: Jess.

Jess: Later. (He leaves, giving Lorelai her cup of coffee. Rory hears Lorelai outside.)

Lorelai: What about my donut?

Jess: Rory has it. (walks away. Inside, Luke comes out of the kitchen.)

Luke: Where'd Jess go?

Rory: He went to school. Uh, here you go. (she pays Luke and leaves.)

(Outside.)

Lorelai: Hey, are you trying to steal my donut?

Rory: Huh? Oh, no. Here. I have to go. Bye. (She quickly hands over the donut, hugs Lorelai, and hurries off. Lorelai looks on in puzzlement. Luke comes out of the diner.)

Luke: Lorelai.

Lorelai: Hmm?

Luke: Listen, I'm sorry about the other day. I was a real jerk.

Lorelai: You were.

Luke: Yeah. Well, again, I'm sorry.

Lorelai: It's okay. We've had worse arguments. We always get through it. 

Luke: Yeah. So, how are you holding up?

Lorelai: About ice cream man?

Luke: Bill. Yeah.

Lorelai: I'm okay. Do you know what's up with those two, though? (She points to Jess and Rory who are walking opposite distances.)

Luke: No. Something's up?

Lorelai: I don't know. Seems that way. I think we're setting a bad example.

Luke: That would mean Jess actually follows my example. I don't think so.

Lorelai: Guess not. Well, I have to get heading to work. 

Luke: Yeah. I have to make all those pies for tomorrow.

Lorelai: Mmm. I can't wait. I'll see you later.

Luke: Yeah. (He walks back in the diner and Lorelai heads off.)

(Independence Inn.)

(The phone rings.)

Lorelai: (on the phone.) Independence Inn. How can I help you?

Emily: Hello, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Mom, hey. How are you?

Emily: Fine, thank you. And you?

Lorelai: Can't complain.

Emily: So when does the new Inn open?

Lorelai: Probably not for a while. There's some work to be done, and I actually haven't even gotten back to the contractors yet for the estimate.

Emily: Lorelai, stop procrastinating. You…

Lorelai: Mom, I'm not procrastinating. Things are just busy. I have a lot to do. I've already scheduled when I'm calling the contractors. This afternoon.

Emily: Well anyway, let me cut to the chase.

Lorelai: Please do.

Emily: I'd like Bill to join us tonight for dinner.

Lorelai: Uh, mom, the thing is, we sort of broke up.

Emily: What?

Lorelai: He's going to New York.

Emily: That's what you said the last time.

Lorelai: I mean for good.

Emily: Quite frankly I don't think there ever was a Bill Wickman. 

Lorelai: Mom, there was a Bill Wickman.

Emily: Has anyone besides you ever seen him?

Lorelai: Yes. Everyone in Stars Hollow has seen him.

Emily: So he's just a mystery to _me_. Were you too ashamed of me to allow him to meet us?

Lorelai: No, mom. It was just an unfortunate string of coincidences.

Emily: I think you just made him up so that you wouldn't have to pick one of the gentlemen I had for you.

Lorelai: You know, I give. You're right. I made him up.

Emily: Lorelai, you're getting older...

Lorelai: You mean my sink isn't really connected to the fountain of youth?

Emily: You need to start getting serious about things. Time isn't always going to be on your side. You need to start preparing for when Rory leaves. 

Lorelai: Well I think it's a little too early to start packing her things. She still needs them.

Emily: Fine. Everything is a joke to you. But don't you think I worry about you, what you're going to do when Rory leaves and you're alone?

Lorelai: I promise I won't throw keg parties in the house.

Emily: That's not what I mean, Lorelai. I worry about you being alone and miserable. You could never stand being alone when you were younger. 

Lorelai: I'll be fine.

Emily: All right. Well, I'm having some friends over for tea. I better get ready. Good bye, Lorelai.

Lorelai: Bye, mom. (hangs up and remains staring at the phone)

(Later. Rory walks hurriedly into the diner. She walks up to Luke.)

Rory: Is Jess here?

Luke: He was, but then he left. Why?

Rory: Nothing. Uh, can I get a coffee to go?

Luke: Yeah. (Gives her the coffee. She slides the money on the counter.)

Rory: Thanks. (leaves quickly.)

(At the bridge. Jess is sitting, reading.)

Rory: Hey.

Jess: Hey. How was school?

Rory: Uh, okay, I guess…No, it wasn't okay. I kept thinking about this morning and wracking my brains trying to figure out what I did to you to make you angry with me and…

Jess: I'm not angry with you.

Rory: Then what was that this morning?

Jess: What?

Rory: The surly, sarcastic, cold shoulder attitude.

Jess: I'm like that with everyone.

Rory: Well…but not with me.

Jess: I guess I've decided to be a little more consistent. (he looks and sees the hurt in her eyes and sighs.) Look, I'm sorry if I made you think I was angry with you. I'm not. (He returns to his reading.)

Rory: Well, I have dinner with my grandparents tonight so I guess I'll see you tomorrow at the festival.

Jess: Okay. (She hesitates, then gets up and leaves.)

(Later. Gilmore Residence. Lorelai's face and shirt are wet.)

Lorelai: (calls out) Rory, do you need to use the sink in the bathroom?

Rory: (from her room) Yeah.

Lorelai: Well you can't. 

Rory: What?

Lorelai: Use the kitchen sink.

Rory: (walks out of her room and shakes her head at Lorelai) I won't even ask. (she goes to the kitchen.)

Lorelai: (calls out) Rory.

Rory: (from kitchen now) Yeah.

Lorelai: Do you have blue shirt I could wear?

(Later.)

Rory: You have to get that sink fixed. There's no way I'm brushing my teeth in the kitchen.

Lorelai: I'll get right on it. (she picks up the phone and dials.)

Luke: Yeah, it's Luke.

Lorelai: Hey. Can I speak to Bert?

Luke: What happened?

Lorelai: Well you see, I was in the bathroom…

Luke: I don't need the details.

Lorelai: I broke the handle off the sink faucet and water was squirting out of it and I couldn't shut it off so I had to turn off the key, but now we can't use the bathroom sink. I'm going to my parents' house for dinner, but I was wondering if you could come over and fix it so that Rory and I don't have to brush our teeth in the kitchen sink. There's no mirror there and I…

Luke: I'm making more pies than I ever want to see in my life right now. I'll send Jess over to fix it and I'll come by later to check how he did.

Lorelai: I want Bert to fix it.

Luke: Good bye now.

Lorelai: Bye. (hangs up. To Rory) Jess is coming over to fix it.

Rory: (sarcastically) Great.

Lorelai: What's up with you two?

Rory: I wish I knew. I'll wait for you in the car.

Lorelai: Okay.

(Later. Lorelai and Rory are walking back home.)

Lorelai: I can't believe she didn't even take your word for it.

Rory: I know. I thought I had an honest face.

Lorelai: I told you we should have brought the essay.

Rory: We'll bring it next week.

Lorelai: No. If we bring it next week she'll just look at it and say, (imitating Emily)"Oh, are you still carrying on about that. I had already forgotten his name."

Rory: I gotta say, that Emily Gilmore impersonation is getting better and better. (smiling) Almost too good.

Lorelai: Don't even joke about that.

(They see Jess sitting on the front steps.)

Lorelai: Bert, you're still here.

Jess: Who?

Lorelai: You spend the evening with the guy and you still don't know his name? (She pets the toolbox.) It's okay, Bert. (to Jess) So is it okay?

Jess: _I_ think so. Luke is going to come around to stamp his seal of approval.

Lorelai: Right. Well, thanks. I'm going inside. (leaves.)

Jess: Hi.

Rory: Hi.

Jess: Can we walk around or something?

Rory: Okay.

(Jess and Rory are walking around Stars Hollow in silence looking at the Fall Festival decorations.)

Rory: Okay. What are we doing? Why did you bring me here?

Jess: I thought you liked it here?

Rory: I do, but…forget it. (She looks around at the decorations.) They really did outdo themselves this year.

Jess: Maybe because it's your last, at least for four years.

Rory: (sighs) Yeah. Maybe. I'm going to miss it here, if I go, that is. I might not get into Harvard.

Jess: I wouldn't worry about that.

Rory: It's so funny how everything you once thought can turn on you like that. I mean, Harvard was always my dream. 

Jess: It's not anymore?

Rory: No. It still is. I think it still is. It's just going to be harder than I thought. It's going to be hard to leave. But anyway, you wouldn't understand. You don't feel the same about this town as I do.

Jess: But I understand. It's going to be as hard for you to leave as it is for me to stay…once you're gone.

Rory: (rolls her eyes) No one's forcing you to stay.

Jess: I know. 

Rory: So why are you, if it's going to be so hard?

Jess: Remember what I said about not being able to undo three years in one?

Rory: Other states have state schools. New York has state schools.

Jess: That's not what I'm talking about. I was going to say I was wrong. _You _can.

Rory: What are you talking about?

Jess: (he looks down, desperately avoiding eye contact) It wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I wasn't supposed to be here still, I wasn't supposed to go to college, I wasn't supposed to be like this…I wasn't supposed to love somebody. And then you came along and messed everything up, and now I'm stuck here because I'm afraid if I go I might not see you again. I mean, it's my own fault. I shouldn't have let you do this, but…

Rory: Jess. (she waits for him to look at her.) I love you, too.

(She kisses him and he kisses back, and they kiss strongly and lengthily in the middle of a Stars Hollow street.)

(Gilmore Residence. The doorbell rings. Lorelai opens.)

Lorelai: Hey.

Luke: Hey. Bathroom faucet, you said?

Lorelai: Yeah. (the phone rings. Luke proceeds to the bathroom. Lorelai answers.) Hello.

Sookie: Hi.

Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, how are you?

Sookie: Pregnant!

Lorelai: What?

Sookie: Yep. We're having a baby!

Lorelai: Oh my God, that's great! I'm so happy for you!

Sookie: Thank you so much for everything. Oh, I can't believe I'm going to be a mommie!

Lorelai: Forget about you. I'm going to be an aunt!

Sookie: (giggles) This is going to be so great!

Lorelai: I know. Wow. I'm going to start digging up Rory's things right now. You'll have them by the baby's fifth birthday.

Sookie: (laughs.) Thank you. Oh, I wanted to tell you in person but I was just going to burst if I didn't tell you tonight. What do you say I make you a celebratory breakfast tomorrow?

Lorelai: I'd say I should be making you breakfast, but then that's the end of the party.

Sookie: So I'll see you tomorrow.

Lorelai: Definitely. Congratulations again.

Sookie: Thanks. 

(Lorelai hangs up. Luke returns.)

Luke: Looks all right to me. 

Lorelai: Sookie's pregnant.

Luke: Oh. Um, great.

Lorelai: Isn't it? Oh, I'm so excited. I get to be the aunt.

Luke: The poor kid.

Lorelai: Hey. That's it, buddy. Out of my house until you learn some manners. See, I'm practicing. (Luke and Lorelai walk outside and stand together on the steps.)

Luke: So how was dinner?

Lorelai: Ugh. I spent the entire night trying to convince my mother that Bill existed.

Luke: Ah. You sure you're okay with the whole thing now?

Lorelai: I guess so. I mean, it's not about Bill in particular so much. It's just that no one sticks, you know what I mean? Sometimes I see myself a seventy-year-old spinster walking to the diner, ordering coffee and telling you, the other Mr. Perpetual Bachelor, about another one that got away. 

Luke: That's comforting. 

Lorelai: Oh, I know you don't want to hear about this…

Luke: No, I know what you mean.

Lorelai: You do?

Luke: Yeah. I mean, what Rachel said before she left…

Lorelai: Oh, that's right. 

Luke: I didn't really tell you exactly what she said.

Lorelai: What do you mean? You told me she said not to wait too long to…

Luke: She told me not to wait too long to tell you how I felt about you. (Lorelai looks shocked and Luke is just as shocked at his own words.) Lorelai, I…I…(She kisses him, then pulls away, even more shocked, to the point of horrified, walks back in the house and slams the door.)

(Later. Rory returns home. Lorelai is looking through the closet. Rory walks over to her.)

Rory: Mom, I'm not so sure if I want to go to Harvard. (Lorelai looks at her stupefied. Rory looks down for a moment and goes to her room.)

The End

A/N: AAH!! This was no good. I tried. I really tried. It seemed good in theory. Season 2 ended with an unexpected kiss, a pregnancy, a decision about going away, and the dawn of a possibly upcoming relationship. Season 3, I figured, could end with an unexpected kiss, a pregnancy, a decision about not going away, and the dawn of an upcoming relationship. The theory, I think was good. I didn't take into account my lack of skill. I thought I could pull it off. I've led you this far only to bring you to this disappointment and now you hate me and I'm sorry. 

To explain why it ended at chapter 15 for those of you who asked, it's all due to my devotion to pattern and consistency. My chapters were 7 (lucky number) pages short of the actual episode transcripts of Season 2. So I thought I should make the season 7 episodes shorter than Season 2, in keeping with the pattern. Well, I've spared you seven more episodes to plod through only to end in this disappointment. I'M GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH, though. You've been so GREAT to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

Well, this is Stew Pid signing off…(for now, possibly) 


End file.
